Helpless Sins Ch. 03

"No! I meant... David I meant that I just miss you. You know? In a 'mom' way? I wasn't trying to force anything. I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I didn't want..." She rambled with terror in her tone.

"You did it!" She chided herself. "You pushed too fast and you've freaked him out! You freaked him out and nothing's going to ever be the same!" Charlene ranted internally as she folded her knees up to bounce her forehead off of.

"Mom! Give me a second ok? I'm just not in the best place to... just hold on a second, ok?" David replied with exasperation.

"Yeah." She whispered as a tear ran down her cheek. She listened in the phone at the scuffle of changing sounds and background noise for nearly an eternal minute before her son returned.

"You still there?" David asked. The air around him had grown nearly silent.

"Yes." She answered; her voice still unable to rise above a whisper, though she realized that he had relocated because it was he who could not talk without ears all around to hear him.

"I was going to say I miss you too..." David began again. "But it wasn't the right word." He finished, motivating Charlene to lift her head from its drooped resting place against her knees. "Mom I literally haven't had a second to myself since I left where you weren't on my mind." He concluded. The panic that had so quickly consumed Charlene fled, replaced by the flutter of a butterfly with A.D.D. in her stomach. "And I've gone in and out of being so hot for you that I've nearly bailed on Phil a hundred times, to staring at myself in the mirror, wondering what the hell we've done." He finished. Like a weight lifted, Charlene lay back on her sofa smiling widely at the relieved burden of believing she was the only one who felt so lost. Despite any motherly desire that her son was away, enjoying himself apart from the cares of life, there was a selfish happiness in that perhaps, she was not the only one teetering on the brink of madness.

"David I'm a wreck." She confessed. "Part of me wants to tell you how sorry I am for this. Another part..." She paused trying to decide whether to finish the thought. "... Wants you home so I can tear your clothes off." She admitted, deciding that she would probably communicate more effectively if she abandoned the pretenses under which she had called. The truth felt better.

"Hang on a second Mom." David replied. The sudden silence on his end was replaced with a flurry of muttered voices that Charlene couldn't distinguish despite how intently she listened. Each moment they weren't talking felt like a tap of water between her eyes that was steadily robbing her of her sanity.

"Mom the resort is closing down completely on account of the storm cause the weatherman said this isn't gonna let up for a couple of days. Phil and I just agreed that the fun's over. I'm coming home." David sighed.

"Really?!" Charlene gasped, before realizing that she probably sounded too enthused about her son's misfortune. "And when you get home we'll... we'll talk right?" She added hopefully.

"In this weather I might not be able to get home till late." David answered. Charlene grew suddenly worried, hoping that his words were more a statement of fact and not an effort to postpone the inevitable.

"I want to talk. We need to talk David. I have no problem staying up as late as it takes." She answered, pleased at how resolute she seemed to sound.

"Then we'll talk." He affirmed back to her. "Listen Mom, Phil and I need to get our stuff loaded up in the cars and get out of here fast. We're not the only one's leaving and the road is gonna be bad enough without a hundred people trying to get out of here."

"Go sweetie." Charlene replied. "I promise I'll still be up when you get in and for the love of God, drive carefully."

"Love you." David replied, and the line clicked dead leaving Charlene feeling vacant in the hole his absence left behind.

"I love you too David, so much." Charlene whispered as she pulled the phone from her ear and stared outside again. The snowflakes had grown noticeably larger and tapped against the window pane like little white pieces of cork. Across the street and barely visible through a static of white, neighbors were already scrambling out of their warm homes all bundled up in thick coats and knit caps to shovel driveways and brush off cars in the futile hope that it would make a difference. Charlene had lived in the north country too long not to know better and pulled the quilt she kept over the back of her sofa down over her body and snuggled herself more deeply against a throw pillow with little intention of moving until necessity demanded it.

She felt more at ease now, having bared her thoughts, if only in part, to her son and felt more hopeful about her approach to their impending conversation. She laid still and warm, staring at the television without much regard to the passing of commercials and the clockwork return of the increasingly negative weather report. Slowly, Charlene's eyes began to close as the heavy sleep converged on her thoughts and ultimately silenced them.

Charlene lay on her bed, adorned in her favorite sheer nightgown as David's body sank down upon hers gently. His mouth took control of hers with the soothing of all of a kiss's intended passion. She could feel the heat of his erection against her thigh before she parted her legs for him, expressing without words what she desired most. His lips never left hers as he entered her saturated depths, the fullness of his cock expanding her inner walls to entrench itself inside her. Gently he began to take her, the thrusts of his hips deep and powerful. Charlene gave in; gave herself to David without thought or care. Desiring only to have him stay inside her forever, she wrapped her thighs around his waist, locking her ankles behind him. She flexed her legs, tugging him into her as he pressed forward. Her groans of pleasure filled his mouth as her tongue moved past his lips in search of its mate. In that perfect moment, Charlene was a lover to her son, careless of all inhibition. Lustfully, she raked her fingernails down his back until digging them into his young muscular bottom. He took her at her unspoken word and began to penetrate her harder. His lips broke from hers, gasping desperate moans of pleasure and she became aware of the pulsing swell inside her womanhood indicating that he was to fill her with his steaming warmth. She wanted to cry out to him; to tell him to climax and how much she craved the feel of his orgasm, but a strange ringing began to pull her attention away. She looked around her bedroom, frantic to find its source. It grew louder and more intrusive. David seemed to notice it to and pulled away from her. Charlene reached out to him but his presence had left her room and the ringing only grew louder.

Charlene woke with a start, wincing at the abrupt intrusion of light against her alert eyes. Her surroundings were as she had left them. The television was showing a car commercial and outside the living room window, the heavy snowfall had not ceased as the reports had promised. The only break in the normalcy of her settings was her cell phone, buzzing and ringing where she had left it on the arm of the sofa. She snatched it up, suddenly full of dread that it was David calling; that he had been in an accident or worse.

To a mixture of relief and annoyance, the touch screen glowed with Samantha's name as the incoming call. Charlene tapped it reluctantly.

"Hey Sam." She said, still half asleep and as politely as she could, given the reluctance to abandon what she had awoken from.

"Char, great! I need a favor." Samantha replied, forgetting the social grace of a greeting of her own.

"What's up?" Charlene replied, sitting up and grasping the TV remote to mute the weatherman's faithful and continuous update.

"The power over here has been flickering on and off a lot recently and I'm really concerned for all the food I have in my freezer if we lose power for good. Do you have room in that spare icebox in your basement?" Samantha enquired with an overly applied sweetness in her voice that she only wore when she needed something really badly.

"Yeah that's no problem, if you actually feel brave enough to drive over in this in your car." Charlene answered.

"Normally I wouldn't be caught dead trying." Samantha replied. "I'm really not worried about the normal stuff in the fridge. That's easy enough to replace, but if all this meat I have in the freezer dies I'm out a few hundred bucks." She explained with obvious concern in her voice.

"Well send me a text then when you're on your way and I'll come out and give you a hand." Charlene answered as she pulled the quilt of her body less than willingly, with the intention of getting off the couch.

"No need; the cars already packed up and I'm heading out the door now. Give me five minutes. Char, you're the best!" The line clicked dead. Charlene shook her head in amusement. Of all the things she could rely upon in life, death and taxes paled in comparison to Samantha's uncanny ability to rope Charlene into a plan with the assumption of her agreement. Less than willingly, she peeled her lethargic body from its entrenched place on her sofa, draped her warm quilt back over the rear of the couch and rose to her feet on sleepy legs. They carried her faithfully to her hall closet where she stepped her feet into a pair of unlaced fur lined boots and donned one of David's winter coats that he had left behind without bothering to pull her hair out of the collar. She caught a glimpse of herself in the foyer mirror. The jacket looked like she had stolen it from a man twice her size and it wrapped more like a thick Gortex cocoon around her body and hung around her shoulders like it was on a clothing hanger three sizes too small. Charlene tucked her face into one of its lapels; it smelled like her son's musky cologne. The beast within again grumbled as it lay in her depths, dreaming and waiting to be reawakened.

Much to Charlene's relief, before any further dwelling on her part occurred; her attention was redirected to the pane of glass beside her front door where up the street, a slowly moving and almost entirely snow covered red car was trudging through the deep white winter wasteland towards her house through what could no longer be recognized as a neighborhood. As she opened the front door, a blustery arctic gale struck Charlene square in the face, immediately sapping away more warmth than her body could replenish. Stepping out off her front step she sank almost to her hips and began making her way through the frozen swamp that her yard had become to the street where Samantha was pulling up. Her car crunched to a halt and the engine died off as though relieved to be through an ordeal.

"I made it!" Samantha sprang from the driver's side, her hands held aloft her head triumphantly and she began to dance in the heavy snow like a victorious boxer after a grueling match. "You're a life saver Char!" She chimed, pointing at Charlene like she was a savior as she rounded her vehicle in heavy high steps until she came at last to the shallow side of her trunk where the snow was worn down by the force of her car. "It's really not that much I promise!" She added as she clicked her key fob, popping the truck open to reveal four rather heavy looking brown paper bags packed to the brim with sealed freezer bags.

"It's fine Sam; I'm happy to help." Charlene assured her as she labored to make her own way to the trunk where Samantha thankfully loaded both her arms with one bag each before attempting to underarm two of her own and coaxing the trunk shut with her elbow after several tries. The walk back felt treacherous as the pair tried to use the deep foot prints Charlene had made on the way out. After freezing nearly to death in several failed attempts to work her front door open, she and Sam sighed in mutual appreciation for the house's warmth. Their shoes squeaked against Charlene's polished hardwood foyer floor leaving wet dragging footprints as they wound around the kitchen towards the basement.

"So... How are ya holding up?" Sam asked as they descended the creaky wooden steps into the dark damp smelling lower floor. Without warning, excitement swelled out of Charlene's lips.

"David called me not too long ago!" She chimed back, realizing that the answer sounded more elated than she would have liked. "The storm forced the ski lodge to close and he's on his way home!"

"In this?!" Samantha stammered, her voice cracking under the strain of the load of paper bags she was hauling in her weakening arms. "That's insane! It'll take him hours to get that car through the storm. He'd be better off finding a motel for the night." She grunted in relief as her feet found the steadier cool concrete floor at the base of the stairs.

"I know. I'm worried about it too." Charlene admitted despite her enthusiasm. "But at least when he gets here we can talk and..." She huffed as she set her load on the floor and panted away her racing heart beat. "...we can talk and get a handle on this." She concluded with one last heavy breath before pulling open the lid of the storage cooler. Samantha plopped the remaining bags down beside Charlene's set and accounted her friend cautiously.

"Char..." She began nervously, clearly uncertain as how to approach her next question. "Say the two of you talk, and you convince each other that continuing this... relationship if that's what you want to call it, isn't in either of your best interests. What then?" Charlene began to pull meat from the bags and set it into the freezer quietly contemplating her friend's question. "Do you really think it will all just go back to the way it was?" Samantha probed harder as she began to empty items into the fridge as well.

"Part of me wishes it all would." Charlene sighed. "I don't have to tell you what a mess this has all made of me." She added as she crushed an empty paper bag down and started in on the next one.

"But if you could rewind and go back; change things... would you?" Sam asked.

"In my right mind I would say yes, absolutely!" Charlene replied flatly. "But that's the problem. Whenever I think of David now I know I'm not in my right mind."

"Someone else is doing the thinking huh?" Sam asked, staring down at Charlene's waist with a click of her tongue. Her friend rolled her eyes at the crude remark.

"Something like that." Charlene replied and then stopped her work to stand up and stare forward silently. "Or nothing like that." She added in confusion. "When I think about David now, yes obviously it's arousing." She tried to explain. Samantha grinned and nodded in agreement. "But the more I let it affect me the more I start to think it's something else too."

"Meaning?" Samantha huffed as she lifted a rather large piece of freeze dried meat into the freezer.

"I get... warm." Charlene began as she placed her hand over her stomach. "I feel light and tingly. My heart starts pounding and..." Charlene went on absentmindedly putting words to her unresolved feelings before Samantha stood and placed a hand on her arm.

"Char? Are you in love with David?" She asked with a tone of concern.

"What?!" Charlene spat in a raised voice. "Of course not!"

"Um, it sounds to me like you are. I mean it's been a while for me and all but last I checked, that's what you feel like when you're falling in love." Samantha countered. Charlene stared back at her in disbelief. The mere idea was nonsensical.

"Sam, seriously. He's my son!" Charlene countered.

"Last I checked, that excuse hasn't gotten in your way a whole lot." Samantha shrugged. Charlene watched in dumbfounded silence as her friend nonchalantly continued to empty meat into her freezer.

"Alright this conversation is over!" She demanded angrily. "I have no idea what I actually feel and I don't appreciate your label for it." Charlene stated menacingly. Samantha backed up with her hands raised in surrender.

"Char, I'm sorry. Look I'm not trying to tell you what you feel. I call it how I see it. My aim was off, that's all." She apologized. Charlene's enflamed countenance faded slightly back to its normal appearance. Samantha looked terrified and ashamed. Charlene wondered if she had involuntarily come across sterner than she had intended. Her best friend looked like a child that had just realized she had crossed a line with a parent.

"No, I'm sorry." Charlene dissolved into shame. "Sam, I really have no idea what I feel that's all." She tried in vain to explain. As she stood there a moment staring at her friend hopelessly, a frightening sort of sense evolved out of Samantha's accusation. Charlene shrugged it off forcefully, not wishing to give the idea any more substance. "Do you want some coffee?" She finally asked, elated when Samantha nodded appreciatively, hoping that the subject was closed. The pair ascended the steps sluggishly, taking the folded paper bags back up with them.

"What's on TV?" Samantha asked tilting her head towards the living room as she followed Charlene into the kitchen.

"Nothing. I was just watching the weather this morning; keeping track of the storm." Charlene explained as she fished through the cupboard for a pair of clean mugs. "If you haven't got anywhere to be for a while you can always skim through the channels and find something for us to watch. That is of course if you don't mind unearthing your car later and I haven't completely scared you away yet."

"Char I'm fine. It was my fault. Anyhow I doubt there's much to watch. I was trying to find something on while I was home and I couldn't, but what the Hell. I'll see to the television; you get the coffee." Sam schemed, seeming a bit lighter in her speech now that the last embers of her friends anger were quenched. Charlene simply nodded in agreement as she added creamer to her own mug while her friend turned on her heals towards the living room kicking off her heavy boots in the end of the foyer as she went.

"In love with David indeed..." Charlene suddenly thought as the notion came flooding back into her mind. She stopped what she was doing with a heavy sigh and stared forward at the cabinet door before her as though it would answer any of the volumes of questions that were surfacing in her head. The possibility that she was even less in control of her emotions than she was of her body made her feel impossibly weak. All of David's life she had loved him, but with a mother's love; the love that nurtured him, protected and guided him into adulthood to the best of her ability. The notion that it was at all possible that her love for him had changed so drastically, all because of what Charlene wanted to attribute to a poorly aimed sexual vulnerability, seemed utterly ridiculous. Yet as Charlene tried to shrug off the sensitivity she felt inside when David came to mind, Samantha's accusation seemed to support more weight. She felt as hopelessly juvenile as a teenager, falling madly in love with the first boy she believed would give her his heart in exchange for her body. It wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. After finishing up both heated concoctions, she slipped her frozen feet out of her own wet boots and left them in the kitchen.

Samantha was dutifully channel surfing as Charlene entered the living room with the two hot coffee mugs that would ward off the chill in their bones. She sat beside her friend and silently stared forward at the screen, oblivious to what was on it as her brain tackled what it clearly considered more important questions. Samantha grabbed Charlene's trusty quilt and tossed it over the both of them before snuggling herself into a cozy place.

"Could I be in love? Is it possible? What's wrong with me?!" She thought. Her mind grappled with the questions one after the other, each seeming to lead back into the next in an endless loop of brain numbing repetition.