tagHumor & SatireHenry, the Magic Penis Ch. 1

Henry, the Magic Penis Ch. 1


(The following story is a companion piece to a story called "My Life, So Far." They're both semi-autobiographical... This one is just sillier...!)

* * * * *

I have a magic penis.

He starts out very small. 1"x 1". But when he gets fully excited, he grows to a raging 7" long x 2" thick!

His name is "Henry."

Henry has been known to take up to a full hour before he lets loose his magical crème sauce. Henry has been on a special diet of chocolate-chip cookies and skim milk for 11 years & as a result, some say that his magic sauce tastes like ice cream or "Hursheez" syrup. There was once a girl for whom Henry stayed hard for 8 straight hours! The nymph was very sore at the end of their night together, but she felt very glad that she had endured the pain/pleasure for all that time. The poor, little thing was never the same, again! And she walked funny for a week after their encounter!

Henry had been alone for a very long time… the only thing that kept him going was the memory of his first, true love…

Her name was "Julie." And what a beautiful maiden she was, too. 34-24-34! 5' 4" tall, with sandy-blond, shoulder length hair. And she held other secrets, which would be revealed to Henry over time. But, we're getting ahead of ourselves at this early part of our tale, here.

Julie was a "Cumpyooter" program writer by day. But after the sun set, she'd turn into a "Sex-starved-Fuck-Whore!!!" And Henry loved her for it!

The two had met at a dark time in Henry's life. Henry had lost his best friend to the ravages of old age: His old "familiar," Ferguson, had finally died at the tender young age of 108! Henry was feeling really bummed out about this when "she" walked into his life.

The lovely Julie had complained to her friend, "Mike, theBahr-10-der," of a sore neck so Henry being the chivalrous fellow that he was, offered to massage it out for her. Henry had very skilled hands; he'd trained for years to be a "massoose" in the land of "Meeleewoky," but had never gotten his certificate. "I'm just not hung up on the whole 'completion, thing,'" he always joked when asked about it, a line he'd heard from one of his favorite movies.

He cracked a joke from an old "Jorj Brrnz" routine that he'd heard the night before. The lovely Julie laughed & laughed and began to relax, as she felt the tensions of the day melt away into the ether. All the tension that was leaving her was, transferring into Henry, himself, causing him to stir.

As Julie moaned her acceptance of Henry's therapeutic gift, Henry became very rigid and felt himself growing with a confidence he'd always hoped he'd have, if the occasion ever arose! Henry, all of a sudden, became cramped in his tight surroundings. With each moan and groan emitted from the lovely Julie's delicate throat, Henry grew, until he pressed, uncomfortably, against the rough zipper of the slacks that protected him from the elements!!! Just then, Julie suggested that they find a booth to sit in, and talk a while. Henry was soaring with excitement. A beautiful, young woman was actually interested in sharing some time with Henry.

Well, they talked & talked & talked some more. It felt wonderful to unburden his weary soul to another human being, but it was getting pretty late and they realized it was closing time. Henry walked Julie out to her carriage. Before saying goodnight, Julie asked if Henry would like to come over to her castle for dinner the very next night. Duh! "Of course," Henry said. "Yes!"

All the way home, Henry flew. Not once did the wheels on his magic "byke" touch the ground. Henry rode his byke everywhere. It was the only way that he could get around his large village and still claim to feel the land, which to all magic penises, was the only thing that kept them going and feeling truly alive & free!

The very next night Henry showed up at the lovely Julie's castle a half hour early. (Henry vowed never to do this again, as it pissed her off!) Julie answered the door wearing a big, fluffy, white, terry-cloth robe and her hair bunched up in a towel. She'd just come out of the shower. She said, "hi," in a really sweet, but he could tell, slightly, perturbed voice. After they kissed, he offered to fix the meal. Julie said that if he didn't mind, then, great. Henry made a real effort NOT to look at his lovely hostess while she got dressed, for their date, in the other room. A truly, monumental task, considering how breathtaking Julie looked & smelled. But, Henry didn't want his lovely dinner companion to think he was a pervert. At least, not yet…

"Dinners ready," Henry called out. He had prepared a sumptuous feast: Shrimp, scallops, broccoli, mushrooms, all simmered in white wine, to perfection, and mixed into a white crème sauce, then, poured over some sea-shell pasta. A crushed clove of garlic was added for taste and spice. Henry served up two platters and poured two glasses of some really good white wine and waited for the lovely Julie to enter the dining hall.

"Here I am," Julie sang, as she entered the room. "How do I look?"

All poor Henry could do was mumble, as he tried to catch his breath, again. She smelled of citrus and flowers and if he thought she looked great in her bathrobe, she looked positively stunning in her dinner gown. It was a very sheer, white, almost see-thru gown! Henry could tell; she wore no bra. Her pink nipples pointed at him, beckoningly, saying, "Lick me. Taste me. Suck me, hard!" But Henry pretended not to listen to those little nubs of temptation. All that would come in time.

Henry's eyes never once left her limpid, blue eyes during the meal. They listened to each other's tales with total affection. Julie later recalled to Henry, that she knew he was right for her, for he didn't stare at her breasts, once, which only made them ache to be touched, all that much more.

Dinner was superb! Henry had outdone himself and Julie was grateful for Henry's kindness, and his cooking skills.

Julie looked at Henry with either lust in her eyes, or a really bad case of indigestion, and said that it was time for dessert.

She then stood up and let her long, flowing, diaphanous dress slink down her lithe form, to the floor. Stepping out and away from her crumpled dress, she held her arms straight up in the air and asked, "Well? What do you think?"

Henry took his time looking over every inch, every curve of the lovely Julie's bare skin. When his eyes came upon her pubic region his eyes stopped. Then they bulged out, like those old cartoons! There was something different about her. Something was missing. She had no pubic fur!

Julie saw what he was looking at and asked him not to laugh, saying it was a genetic defect that her "twin sister" didn't have. And she really did have no hair on her body, at all! She had eyebrows & lashes, and the hair hanging down onto her shoulders was real, but no body hair grew below her neck.

Henry was still a Virgin at this time and told Julie so. Julie and Henry both laughed aloud then, as Henry professed his love for Julie's lovely body, and for Julie, herself, and carried her in to her bedroom. Laying Julie down on her bed, he asked her to spread her legs, wide. He bent down to taste his first taste of a woman's sex. It was a deliciously different taste. It was slightly bitter, slightly sweet. And spicy, too! Julie told Henry that she rubbed a dash of cinnamon on her vulva. It kept her last boyfriend coming back for more. "I can see why," Henry thought to himself.

Henry just loved eating, licking, sucking, drinking the lovely Julie's mystical juices. And Julie, being the "sex starved, fuck monster" that she was, adored what Henry was doing to her! Henry just backed off for a moment when Julie, his warm, sweet, loving, giving hostess, had her first series of orgasms that night! Henry had read lots of books on how to please a sorceress. He put all his knowledge to work and improvised some, too. It seemed to work as Julie flooded his mouth with her own magical fluids!

Henry was, by now, straining to be free. Julie could tell, being the sensitively attuned sorceress that she was, Henry needed relief. Quickly, she reached out to set him free and smiled when she saw his one eye, wink at her! She took a magic latex sheathe, put it in her mouth, and promptly sucked Henry in her mouth, thus encasing Henry in a bumpy, rubbery blanket. Henry had never felt this warm and loved in his entire life. Julie started moaning and humming a lovely tune from the radio, playing jazz music, above her bed, which caused Henry to jump and jerk. Julie sensed that Henry was ready for his ultimate destiny, at that point. She crawled up and pointed Henry toward her dark tunnel of moist tenderness.

Julie loved Henry for letting her set the pace of their love. Henry loved Julie for showing him how heavenly another warm body could be. And for showing him the ways of a sorceress!

Julie's warm hole kept massaging Henry. It would not let him cum, though! He was glad. He wanted this sensation to last forever.

But, like all good things, this one, too, had to end.

The lovely Julie began to glow… a heavenly blue-pink-purplish hue. Then she got real rigid, and gave out a long, low gurgle, that seemed to come from somewhere below her very soul. She came, in a rush of fluid, all over Henry and the bed! Henry guessed, correctly, that he'd hit her sweet spot, which accounted for the amount of liquids now soaking him to the core.

Now it was Henry's turn… It was his turn to release all the tension and frustration that had been building up inside of him for all his 33 years! The lovely Julie came again, as she felt Henry's semen spatter the walls of her womb!!!

They lay there, gasping and panting, trying to catch their breath. Henry thought he'd like to drain Julie's magic cunt of their combined magic juices and stuck his finger deep into her wet hole drawing out a long strand of their mixed fluids. He put it to her lips and she sucked on it. "Mmmmm," she said, "you try." Henry lapped at her vagina, again, when he realized something. The condom! Where was it?

"Oh, no," Henry said. "We have a problem!"

Julie said not to worry. She was on the Pill.

"Whew!" was all that went through Henry's mind. Then he decided to relax and taste of her hidden treasures, once again, bringing the lovely Julie to yet, another series of orgasms! (Henry later found the rubber stuck to Julie's thigh and used it, over his fingers, to bring her off, again.)

Julie sucked Henry off once more, making sure that she felt him in the back of her throat, and they both drifted off to sleep!


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