Her

Her hands on my face, my hands around her waist, and her cool lips pressed to mine.

It felt like a dream.

Let me start by saying that things like this do not happen to me. I hear and read stories about people getting ridiculously lucky, having their wildest fantasies fulfilled. It just doesn't happen to me though. I love my boyfriend and our relationship. He is my best friend and I'd do nearly anything to make him happy (within reason), but there is a split part of my mind that doesn't stay true to him. Half of me is all for dick and getting banged until I scream. The other half wanders into the other gender, delving into thoughts that were planted years ago with a girlfriend I regret to this day. I've subdued those thoughts since then, but periodically they creep back up on me.

I first noticed her in my junior year, but then she was just some girl on the other side of the classroom who the teacher liked to pick on. It wasn't until senior year that I got to know her. Not only were we sat next to each other, but we were also placed together for the first project of the year.

I don't know when the attraction established itself. Maybe it was during the two week project where we spent endless hours together breaking down Hamlet, or maybe it was just a build-up throughout the entire year. In the plainest of terms it seems as if I just looked up one day and realized how much I liked her boobs. How to describe them I am not entirely sure, but the words that came to my mind were soft, creamy, and plump. It's not like I don't have enough boobs to share with 3 other people, but hers contrasted mine in ways I found mesmerizing. Not to mention she showcased them blatantly on a daily basis. Dresses or shirts, you name it! Her tits were all up and in everyone's face. I'm not very tall and that made it that much harder not to look.

The attraction to her face came later. Her complexion was similar to condensed milk. An off-white color I, again, can't describe as anything other than creamy. Now I can't blame her for choosing only certain days to give notable energy towards looking her best -I mean, there was no one to impress- but on the days that she took a careful hand to her make-up my stomach did flips. I knew I had a thing for red lipstick, but combined with eye liner and mascara on her canvas of a face? Not to mention her hair. There were days when it all lined up with an outfit that forced eyes to look, and those were the days I had the most trouble.

I contained these thoughts to the best of my ability. During this time I was actually in the process of dating my current boyfriend. It was a balance I could manage. The entire year went by and not a single word slipped my mouth revealing my secret. In fact I kept my mouth so tight that it took an extensive amount of liquor and cannabis to get me to finally slip.

We were at a kickback after graduation. About ten of us got together to celebrate and we knew exactly how to do it. Jello vodka shots, Redd's Apple Ale, Heineken, special cookies, and Girls Scouts Cookies (not a cookie at all). I decided to let go and enjoy the night since I wasn't driving. Going home wasn't an option however so I decided to spend the night at her house. We stumble in right before midnight attempting to keep ourselves as quiet and calm as possible despite our immense intoxication. We spoke briefly to her father and slipped into her room. Clothes were shed, pajamas were donned, and since she had just moved in to her new apartment and hadn't get purchased a bed, we laid out blankets and crashed on the floor. Then the talking began.

My filter already diminishes when I'm under any influence- I was under three influences at this time (I'm high, and drunk and deprived of sleep)- so at 1am, despite the fact that I was tired and ready to collapse, it was virtually impossible to ignore the something was bothering me to a point of insomnia. I kept her awake with random questions as I worked up the balls to strike up the topic. I wasn't sure where I was heading with it, but sleep just wasn't an option.

"There's someone in our close group of friends who I have a... lust crush on."

I needed her to know.

"Well why haven't you acted upon it?"

"I don't have permission."

"What do you mean?"

"I respect her too much to just attack her. I don't know if that's what she wants."

I told her how I couldn't control it and I told her how it drove me insane. She guessed people off the top of her head and never thought it to be herself. Eventually she says to me, "Wow, I'd kill someone if they were torturing me that way."

I go out on a limb. "For you that'd be suicide."

And then the dam broke.

Shock flew across her face. I told her how long it had been with me and that it was entirely lacking in feelings. I simply lusted for her in the most emotionless of ways.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh yeah. Hey I know we just became friends recently but I kinda have a crush on you just not an emotional one so basically I just want you physically even though I'm dating a guy I really like... Sure that wouldn't have been awkward."

I expected her to either keep her distance from me or blow over it in a laugh, but as usual, she surprises me. She climbs aboard my waist, straddling me. My mind goes blank and I can't think of what to do.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm giving you what you want. It's driving you nuts and you need to get it out of your system."

I deny her, my hands clenched behind me, because I know that if I loosen them even a little bit, not a force in the world will stop me.

"No one has ever asked me for permission, most people just take and I go along with it."

I do everything not to see the way the moon strikes her skin, the way her lips draw me in, the way her voice sends shivers down my spine. I can hardly hold on before she gives up and removes herself.

My brain is in commotion once again. Why did she move? Why was she on top of me? Does she actually want this? Why won't I let it happen?

We talk some more, and somehow the conversation brings her to straddle me once again. I can think this time and sort my thoughts, so I figure it's time to have some fun.

"Don't kiss me, you might like it." I tease.

"Oh you think you're that good?"

The banter goes back and forth for a while until she grows bored and, once more, dismounts. This time her face says something entirely different. Is that dejection? Why is my dismissal affecting her? She turns away from me, attempting to conceal her apparent disappointment while I strive to regain the control I seemingly never had over the situation. I can't upset her now can I? It's close to 4am, and it's now or never. I look her direction, I take a deep breath, and I let the intoxication wash away my inhibitions. I let my lust out of its padlocked box and out came what I've been subduing for so long.

We're facing opposite directions, but sitting side by side so that our bodies aren't far apart. I slide myself closer to her so that inches separate us.

"You're gonna have to work with me a bit and lean over."

Extending my neck out, I slowly close the space between our faces. She gladly reciprocates. In those closing moment my mind is reeling. What about your boyfriend? What about her?! Won't this be weird in the morning? Does this make you a cheater? I heard the thoughts flying by but with every closing centimeter the volume decreases until I hear nothing but her shallow breath.

I'll face my consequences later.

The gap is closed, and a tsunami crashes through my mind. Her lips are cool, not what I expected. Thin too, and suddenly my lips feel rather colossal in comparison. It starts off light, she won't even allow for full contact, and I was not particularly patient. I press forward and like two positive ends of magnets, she pulls just far enough away to maintain only the slightest of touch. I'm leaning so far I no longer can support myself with my arms, so I reach out for her neck. I wrap my hand gently behind her neck, placing enough pressure to pull her to me, and I force the contact I desire. My drive to have her takes over and the kiss deepens. I find myself sucking on her lips and her biting mine. Heartbeats are rapidly increasing, laying rhythm to our actions. She has to break for a moment and suddenly a silent night is filled gasps for air. I can't wait long and I'm diving in for another kiss. Being the controlling type she is, she forces me back and climbs aboard. I feel her hands on my neck and I lose all track of reality. Lips are locked hard and my focus begins to wander. My fingertips slowly drag down her spine and I feel her shudder through my lips. I look for her hot zones and paths that force sharp intakes and moans. I trail down her neck (there's one), I trace her sides (that's another one), but then I make small circles around her lower back and receive the strongest response yet. She bucks her hips forward and my grip around her tightens.

A thought suddenly pops into my head, and only one word resonates. Boobs. After so much time spent stealing guilt-filled glances, I needed to know how they felt. I pulled away and was met with utter confusion. My hands found their way up her back and trailed up her arms. I traced her collarbones and gave her a look that asked the question I couldn't form with my mouth. She gave me a nod and that's all it took.

She didn't have on a bra, so all that stood between my hands and her chest was a thin tank top. I peeled it down and let a single boob spring from its confinement. I became a child in a toy store, so overwhelmed by what was in front of me that I didn't know what to do with it. I decided to start with my hands. I placed a hand under her breast and gave it a good heart squeeze, drawing a soft intake from her. I realized that they were smaller than I expected, but still satisfying in every other way.

Suddenly, what was only kissing escalated heavily. I felt her grinding on my lap looking for some kind of friction, so I mustered strength I didn't even know I had to change our position. Maintaining the kiss, I rolled her onto her back and slid a thigh between her legs. She takes the liberty to- tightly- wrap her legs around my waist, so tightly in fact that breathing became a bit difficult.

We remained like this for quite a while, but I wasn't done. I don't know what was going through my mind, but I decide to reach a hand down to her leg and draw my way back up to that one special place. For a brief moment she became my saving grace, as she caught my hand and told me no. Only I'd already brushed against her, and it showed in her face. I took my hand and traced the lining of her underwear along her tummy. Suddenly she grabbed my hand and shook her head. I pulled away enough to get a good look at her, and asked if she was sure. Apparently she wasn't sure at all because next thing I know her legs are open to me. I went straight under the panties, I wasn't trying to make this particularly sensual, and touched her exactly where she wanted it. She shuddered. I waste no time coating my fingers, then plunge them in. First one, then two. She bites her lip in attempting to stifle her moans, but it just seemed too damn easy. A third finger joins the party and her back arches high. It gets so bad that I have to cover her mouth myself. I reach my thumb out to rub her a bit higher and it takes everything I have plus a little creativity to hold her down and keep her quiet. Can't have daddy busting through the door you know.

If I kept a correct count, she came 6 times. After it was over, we went to the restroom and cleaned up. I couldn't help but laugh because she couldn't even walk normally. By now its about 5:30am and there's absolutely nothing left to do but sleep. We go back to her room with a couple giggles, and within maybe 20min we are knocked out. We woke up around 11 and it was as if nothing had ever happened. I mean she didn't act like she didn't remember, it just blew over like an average "hangout"! The first thing I did when I woke up was tell my boyfriend what happened. If anything he was mostly upset that he didn't get to watch. We went out for breakfast, and that's basically all she wrote. We spoke very briefly about it in texts over the next week or so, but other than that it evaporated into thin air.