her Heart Ch. 01

she realized deep inside of her soul, that nothing ventured, nothing gained. she cared. she wanted. she had to choose if He was worth it. she asked herself if He even knew how she felt. Sitting down at the computer a week later, she began to type. The words flowed from her finger tips and her heart. she would only share so much. There was no need to go in depth with her hurt. she reached out to Him because her caring and tender heart begged her to. she had to give it one more chance, because she cared. No One would ever be Him, no One ever could. she sent the message and waited.

Sighing softly to herself, she stood up from the chair, moving her computer off her lap. These thoughts were making her restless. They were pounding at her mind constantly. she grabbed a bowl of cereal and began to eat trying to not think about Him and this road she had been traveling. she looked at the clock, an hour had passed, nine hours to go. her thoughts traveled back to where she had left off.

A week passed with no word from Him. she just moved on with her life knowing that if He didn't contact her in any way, that it was over. she would not allow her troubled and caring heart to reach out to Him again. It was His last and final chance. It was a Tuesday, bright and clear. she had plans for the day, but the plans were cancelled. So, settling in her chair at home, she logged onto Literotica. she hadn't expected to see anyone at that time of day, but when she entered the room, she looked at the user list. He was there.

her breathing stopped. her heart stopped. she had no idea what to do. He greeted her. Time stood still for a moment. He said He had been hoping she would be on today. her mind didn't want to function. she greeted Him while trying to keep ice in her veins. she would NOT react to His presence. she knew He could tell. He could sense her mood, her ice. she quietly asked if He had gotten her message. "Yes, just today," was His response. she felt some of the chill leave, but she gathered her strength to combat the slight thaw.

she knew, even with all her bravery, she was lost. her heart had sped up at the sight of His name. her ice veins were only for show. she wanted to talk with Him, craved it. she had missed Him to the depths of her soul. The pain had not gone away, but her caring was always able to over take her anger and pain. she tried to be strong, to fight the pull, the allure that He had, but she failed. she succeeded only for a short time to keep Him at arms length. People in the room felt the hurt, the pain, the emotion. she felt terrible for bringing it all out in front of others, but she wanted in some way to bring Him down a notch.

she could not destroy Him by being mean. she could not rage and rant at Him. she respected Him too much to even try to be a spiteful, vengeful creature. she was not that person. That type of person was not inside of her. her heart simply ached. she apologized in the room to those who felt uncomfortable, and then, she PMed Him. He was open to her, wanting to talk to her, to at least be friends. she could not fight the desires in her heart for long. she did not read Him the riot act. she did not tell Him to f*** off. she simply listened to Him, her heart aching and caring at the same time.

she gathered that He was surprised at her response. she did not set out to hurt Him to rake the claws down His chest and back. she simply talked with Him, allowing at times some of the pain, the hurt to show forth. People came and went, but Tthey barely noticed. Ttheir attention was centered for the most part on each other. she tried to keep her equilibrium, but He had the touch, the voice that called to her. Tthey talked for hours, recognizing some people's presence, ignoring others. Then, she got another PM from someone else. Another admirer was in the room wanting to chat with her.

she had no interest in talking with Him. she knew some who would do so to teach Him a lesson, but it was not in her to do that. she told Him an admirer was in the room and chatting with her. He didn't say much, just wondered who it was. He did not have the right to get upset or territorial. she watched in fascination as He sat there, saying and doing nothing. he accepted that He was not where He had been. she knew it was not easy for Him. He did not wish to share her with someone else. He wanted to talk to her, and only her. He did not want to know another divided her attention. Yet, He said nothing.

she smiled quietly to herself, and told Him she would log out of the chat site and chat on Yahoo if He wished. He simply told her, He could not order her or put in His say one way or the other. she smiled again. Walking back into the main room, she waved goodbye, wished all well and disappeared form the chat site. He was so caught up in their own chat that He did not even see her say goodbye in the room. He imed her in Yahoo and asked if she was booted. she laughed and said, "No, i logged off."

she could feel His smile from there. she knew He was happy that she had logged off. There were no distractions from Him any more. He had her full attention. His smugness could be felt by her even from the distance at which Tthey lived. Tthey talked for 16 hours that time, breaking Ttheir 10 hour record. The healing began, although not over, it began in her heart that night. He still had far to go, but at least, in time, there was hope that all was not lost.

Over the next few days Tthey tried to meet up and talk some more. Life seemed to always get in the way. Often they would get on just barely missing each other by a half an hour. It was frustrating to both, but life must always go on. Then one night, they connected. It was Friday night. she was frail, weak, exhausted mentally and emotionally. It had been a hard day for her. she struggled through her thoughts and her feelings. He did His best to make her feel better. The conversation did not flow as easily that night. she seemed to ache with an inner struggle even He did not know about or understand. she simply could not tell Him that her struggle was with Him.

she felt she could not reveal too much. she wanted to hide from this extra pain. she felt trapped in the confines of her heart. her beauty was lost to her. she saw herself as ugly, worthless wanting to be hidden. she was scared that when He finally saw more than her words, her heart, that He would disappear again. The fear was real, and she could not share it. After only an hour and a half, His life pulled Him away again.

she ached to feel His arms around her, holding her, comforting her. her pain was so real. she wanted Him to know, but she was so afraid to tell Him. she did not want to send Him away from her again. she did not know if she could handle it. They set up the time to meet the next day... four o'clock, and she went to bed, thoughts of Him lingering in her mind.

she looked up at the clock, 8 am, another hour had passed. she pulled herself out of the thoughts and grabbed a book. Lying down on the bed, she began to read. The pages of the book turned, her thoughts about Him beat in around her, but she read on, pulling her thoughts always back to the story. she realized her mistake too late. The story was a romance story, with dominating men and strong woman, yielding to their claim. she was in trouble. she read the story, and without conscience thought put herself and Him in the place of the characters. Half way through the story, she closed the book.

her body ached in places it shouldn't. her nipples were hard with desire, and her center was wet with need. she closed her eyes and pictured a most erotic scene. she knew she shouldn't. she fought her mind and body with her heart, crying out that it wasn't fair. The pull of the fantasy was too strong. she pictured Him in her mind, coming to her...