Her Pass

This was previously posted in a different version. I took it down to publish as an ebook, but received requests to repost.

*****

Anne didn't typically come to Jack's apartment. Not without Jack's father. She sat pensively on his sofa. It had taken her mustering a lot of courage to come over. She had something she wanted to talk about, and once she had decided to talk about it with him, it hadn't been easy. Always, there had been this reserved aspect about her.

Jack came back with her glass of wine and handed it to her.

"Thank you." She smiled warmly, and he smiled back just as warmly.

"Everything alright?" His voice showed genuine concern. He eased onto the sofa beside her.

She liked his graceful manner. He was holding a glass of red himself, and he had lowered himself to sit beside her and half turned to her in his fluid, effortless way. His easy manner was accentuated by his casual look of worn jeans and a t-shirt.

"Well, yes and no." She sipped from the nice Chardonnay he had given her, wanting any fortification she could get. "I mean, everything's okay in that we're all healthy. But as far as your father and I are concerned, we're still having problems."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks. But it's gotten worse." Anne sometimes talked with her head lowered and her eyes peering up, but this time she faced further down.

Anne had struggled with whether to have this conversation with Jack or not. She and Jack were so much closer lately than they had ever been. Still, maybe it would have been better to keep it to herself.

She noticed Jack's eyes glimpse to her mouth and then to her ears. When his look returned to her eyes, he gazed deeply. She immediately felt self-conscious. It didn't matter that she had carefully applied her lipstick, make-up and liner exactly as she wanted, or that she had one of her favorite pairs of earrings in place. She worried anyway. After all, this was Jack.

She quickly questioned why she didn't feel better about things. The crisp, white blouse and fitted black skirt she had particularly selected, and her dirty blonde hair was looking as its best, so why all the doubts about herself, she wondered.

Once past the worry, she found she liked how he seemed to notice her. Pay such attention to her. He clearly admired the red gloss of her lips, the bright earrings. He just seemed to really appreciate her.

Lately, she had made a conscious effort to appreciate him, too. With becoming closer in the last few months, they talked more and related better with each other. They were every bit as close as adult friends as they were mother and son.

Anne had to acknowledge to herself that their past difficulties were as much caused by her than anything else.

When Jack was in his high school years, he had been a problem in several ways. His trying alcohol and smoking pot had disappointed her time and again. This had resulted in her emotionally distancing herself from him somewhat. She had a distinct view of what he was capable of, and at the time, she had thought that if he wasn't going to try and achieve what he was capable of, then she wasn't going to emotionally invest as much.

She realized how this may have come off as cold to some, but this had been her own experience with her father. And, it had worked out after all. So too had things with Jack.

Interestingly, it had been Jack's father who had drawn closer to Jack in his teens, and it had eventually worked out just fine. Jack and his father had shared an interest in baseball, and they had both been very pleased when Jack made the college team.

Unfortunately, nagging shoulder problems kept the potential pro draft pick and contract from ever happening. Nonetheless, he still did well academically, and he secured a good job upon graduation.

"Hey," he carefully pulled her focus back. She realized she'd been lost in thought as they just looked to one another. "Worse?"

"Well listen, I don't know if you want to hear all this. I probably should not be talking to you about it." Her reluctance returned.

"It's okay. I want you to. " He drew just closer. His legs were extended to a table in front of the sofa and they angled toward her.

She drew a deep breath and pushed forward. "He finally came clean night before last. ... He's been having an affair. And, it's been with Jenny Franklin, who's actually a friend of mine. I'm mortified, Jack." Her hand went nervously to cover her mouth.

Jack immediately put his glass down, and he leaned to her. His arms wrapped her and brought her into his embrace. "It's okay."

She slumped into him and put her arms around him as well. His hand rubbed at her back, and they stayed embraced for several moments. She sighed heavily as they parted.

When they each sat back, she dabbed a finger at her eyes. She saw he was closer than he was before, and she found that reassuring. He put a hand on her knee that was now tilted more in his direction, as his legs remained pointed towards her.

His voice was low and measured when he spoke. "What else did he say?"

"He told me it was a horrible mistake, and he was sorry. He said absolutely nothing more would happen. That it was over. He asked me to forgive him. I don't know. I'm still so stunned. But, you know how he is. He had to have an answer and had to act like everything was alright."

"Take your time. Give it a lot of thought. You know?" Jack clearly cared. He was thinking about what was best for her.

"I can't believe he can just expect me to get right over it. He's so arrogant. He really is. He tried to pacify me by telling me that this meant I had a 'pass'. It was condescending, really. I mean, he probably can't imagine me doing something like that. He's convinced I wouldn't." She bristled as she said it.

He grinned conspiratorially to her. "And?"

She paused and permitted a quick thought to pass. Then, immediately she wondered if maybe she had started blushing a little. Her face seemed somewhat warm having shared this close issue with him. She felt better having done so.

"Oh Jack, I don't know. It's hard to think about separating from him. It just is. At the same time, I have to do something. This is too much. I can't let this stand."

"You'd think about fooling around?" Jack appeared to lean even closer and his eyes widened. He didn't hide his being intrigued.

Her eyes gazed at his for several seconds in silence before she finally spoke up.

"C'mon, no one would be interested in me anymore. Besides, I couldn't just up and go do something like that. Not with someone I didn't care about." Her eyes darted from her glass to his face and back again.

"Hey! Don't be silly. You're gorgeous. You could be with any man you wanted."

"You are so very sweet." She put a hand to caress his cheek and leaned to him. She beamed up at him.

To her surprise, his face closed the distance. He pecked a slow, slight kiss to her lips.

He pulled back with a touch of pride at having obviously done something she hadn't expected.

"Jack. ...I'm touched. I'm lucky to have you to turn to. I am." Her words were soft.

"And, I'm glad you're here. I am here for you." His voice was deep.

"Yeah?" Her expression was appreciative, but they both seemed to catch an ambiguity that hung awkwardly in the air. She gave a shake of her head and started to clarify herself. "I mean... ."

He pressed to her and his lips were at hers again. She braced at first. His lips stayed on hers, and she didn't move away. Not at first. His kiss gently pulled at her before releasing her lips, and she opened her eyes after he had already broken their kiss and was smiling.

"Wow." She blinked a couple of times, stunned.

He looked about her face, adoringly. His hand had remained at her knee and now it brushed her there. She became very aware of his other hand, this one at the back of the sofa, at her shoulder.

Her face searched around the room, her mind reeling. She raised her eyebrows and sounded like she was thinking out loud. "I hope you're not simply feeling sorry for me."

"Sorry for you?" He was shocked at her suggestion and went to prove it to her. The hand not resting at her knee went to her face and cupped her cheek.

He brought his mouth to hers once more, only this time his lips were more urgent and they parted hers. When his tongue went past her lips, she visibly recoiled as if to back from him. His hand kept her in place and he kissed her fervently. She froze a couple of seconds and her focus went to the sensual feel of his lips and tongue at hers. His mouth was fully on hers, and she felt her body react. As if against all thought otherwise, her face pushed closer to his and she was suddenly kissing him back. An airy daze swept her where she only was aware of his mouth.

They passionately twisted, locked in an embrace they both held. Only after several moments did she catch herself and put a hand to his chest and break their kiss. She withdrew and was out of breath.

Her eyes were wide and brows were arched. Her mind spun with the processing of what had just happened, as well as how it had felt for her. She was disoriented from how aroused it had made her. She was incredulous.

"Jack." Her voice was thin and weak. Her chest expanded and fell with several pants.

He drew close once more, but she stopped him.

"We can't." Her hands pressed to his chest, but her eyes went back and forth between his eyes and his mouth. Her breathing was still quick.

He eased backward. "Yeah. Okay." He nodded a couple of quick times and appeared to gather himself. "You're probably right. We should stop."

She absently put a hand to her mouth and felt her lips, still moist from their kissing. She liked how puffy and sensitive her mouth remained from him.

"I can't believe we did that." Her words trailed. Her eyes wandered off, stunned.

"No?" His eyes raised barely with his question.

"Uh, no. Can you? I mean, that's just wrong." Her voice was tight with concern. There was a slight squint. "You do know better."

"Hey, you're very attractive. We're adults."

Her mouth gaped open and she wrinkled her forehead. "Jack. Seriously?" She paused but he didn't speak. She stated what she figured was the obvious. "I'm your mother, after all. We... were..."

"Kissing. Deeply? Passionately?" He grinned.

She was astonished at his assuredness. She had never seen this from him before, or at the very least, she had just never picked up on it. Now, he looked so very certain.

"You can't think this is okay." Her comment came across meekly. She wondered whether he might be joking.

He kept his grin and spoke slowly. "I think it is okay. And... ."

"And?" Her voice was eager. She watched him in suspense.

"And, I think we both liked it, actually."

Her face started to grimace, softened to a small smile, and then she started slowly shaking her head.

"Am I wrong?" He said it like a challenge.

She stared straight at him as well as him at her, and then he moved again.

Her eyes followed his mouth as it joined hers again, and she did not pull away. Her mouth opened willfully and his kiss was fully upon her again. Their heads turned slightly as she accommodated his tongue go deeply into her mouth. She softly drew her cheeks to where she felt his kiss closely.

She got lost in the many sensations brought by their mouths entwined, and she marveled at how exquisitely soft and tender their matching felt. A lightness carried her for several moments and her body sensitized with their holding each other as they were. It seemed very dreamlike to her.

A couple of times they slowed and then picked up their pace. While entranced with his mouth, she vaguely perceived movement. His hand went from her knee to the inside of her thigh and she jumped with awareness. She broke their kiss and gasped. Her hand stopped his.

"Jack!" She was breathless a moment. "What are you doing?"

He looked at her evenly. Without flinching, he answered her simply. "I was feeling your thigh."

"Well... well." She looked panicky around the room. "We have to stop this. We must." Her hands patted at her hair, trying desperately to compose herself. He kept a hand on the top of her leg.

"Do we?" He suggested.

She gawked at him seriously a moment. "You can't mean that."

He let his left hand, the one at her face while his other stayed at her leg, stroke at her cheek once more. "Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"Tell me. And be honest. Did you wear that skirt for me?" His voice was low-pitched but unmistakable.

Her mouth gaped open and she couldn't respond at first. It was as if he had peeled back a layer of her she couldn't have imagined. She repeated his question to herself.

Then, she spoke haltingly. "What? I, um, thought we might go have dinner. I wasn't sure."

He inhaled and then slowly exhaled. He asked again slowly about her intention. "Did you pick out that skirt and decide to wear it for me?" An affected patience sounded in his tone.

There was a noticeable swoon from her at his having said this directly like he had. Her head dipped and turned to one side and away before she could look back up to him. She thought for a second, blinked and then nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did."

It was such an admission, she told herself. She was never asked such a personal thing, and she surely never revealed such a thing. Not her. It wasn't her way. Much less to someone like him. And definitely not in this situation.

She clenched her eyes shut. Her head bowed and her shoulders sagged. She shook her head back and forth slowly, still looking down.

He swiftly reached to her chin and held her face up and inches from his own. Her eyes were at first still closed, but he waited until she opened them. He looked deeply into them and smiled.

Very slowly, he brought his face to hers. Just before another kiss, he paused. He seemed to relish seeing her lips part in anticipation. He had to know it was probably against her very nature. He then kissed her. It was gentle at first. When she easily responded, he became more urgent. Quickly, they were back to an intense and fervent meshing together. He acted emboldened when he picked up on her pressing her mouth to form to his even more.

A moment passed, and he dipped his head at an angle that made his face just beneath hers, and he used the angle to delve his tongue deeper into her mouth. Her response was to press him even firmer to accept his kiss.

Astonished at her response, he leaned forward. His torso pressed her backward reclining her back onto the sofa. They stayed embraced and kissing, and he drew his right hand up between her legs. At contact with her panties, she jumped, breaking their kiss.

"Jack!" She shrieked.

She stared up at him. Breathing heavily, she acted flabbergasted. Her eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed intensely, she held him in place, but she didn't make him move his hand. They both were acutely aware that she didn't.

His fingers gently manipulated her there. There was pliable, very soft flesh there between her legs. He felt her dampness. She started rolling her eyes, alternating between looking at him and up to the ceiling.

"Stop." There was no urgency in her low voice at all.

He stopped his fingers but didn't take them off her.

"You've thought about this." His tone teased her.

Both of her hands grasped his right wrist that she held in place between her legs. She looked right to where his hand was, causing him to do the same. They both saw her hands holding his wrist, and the hands had the effect of hiking the hem of her dress in an arch and showing most of her inner thighs. She reflexively closed her legs further, and it had the effect of squeezing his hand on her. A slight blurt of air escaped her.

He looked back up at her first, and he grinned at the troubled look in her eyes. When her eyes came to meet his, her expression didn't ease but her head drifted back onto the arm rest of the sofa. Her eyes stayed fixed on his.

She half-whispered to him. "We have to stop this."

He stared back at her and spoke slowly. "Is that what you really want?"

Her eyes peered back and forth at his, and she was silent.

With her silence, he inched his hand higher, and the unmistakable feel of moist satin was in his palm. Her hands clamped down harder, stopping him in place. She didn't move him, and his fingers and hand remained in contact with the soft, damp fabric. Strands of coiled hair were easily felt underneath.

"You came over here to talk about this, didn't you? You've thought about us, haven't you?" His voice was direct.

Her eyes burned up at him. Her hands pulled him back, but it wasn't far enough to take his fingers from the touch of her panties. She didn't try harder.

When she answered, there was an emotional, breathy strain to her words. "Look, I guess in some way. Vaguely." Her voice trailed with her revelation.

His hand moved, and the effect was his fingers sliding her panties aside. Wetness coated his fingers.

"Jack!" Her voice feigned outrage, but there was as much of a groan as there was protest.

"I want you to understand something. If we go upstairs, we're going to use that pass."

She flinched hard. Half-muttering, she purred, "I can't believe you said that to me."

His eyes didn't waver from looking directly at her. "Just wanting you to know that." He was calm but determined. "You probably already do."

His fingers started back at her there. She shifted on his fingers, and her face gave a torn expression of uncertainty. A moan started from her throat. He abruptly stopped. His hand withdrew. Suddenly, she was at a loss.

He abruptly sat up. She was left wide-eyed and perplexed. Disheveled.

"Jack?"

He spoke in a low direct way. "Hey, I can either walk you out and we can call it a night or ... . We could go on upstairs. We should go upstairs." He was matter of fact about it.

He helped her off the sofa. She straightened herself. She barely moved, reluctant with what to do. It was one thing to wonder about this abstractly. Here and now it was very real and very scary for her.

"I can't do this." Her voice was barely audible as she stared down at the floor.

"I understand." He was soothing.

She looked back surprised at how understanding he had been. She was profoundly impressed by his bearing and by his control.

He walked her to the door.

She stood at the door. Her face searched up at his. He embraced her. Their heads tilted they kissed. It was delicate. More a brushing and meeting of their lips, and then his were gone from her. He backed from her as quickly as they started.

"Jack, I don't know."

She sighed and fished for the keys from her purse. She then just stood there. She didn't look up and she didn't move to the door.

He slowly took the keys from her hand. He carefully placed them back in her purse. He then took her hand. Looking to her for any reaction and finding none, he simply turned in the direction of the stairs. He held onto her hand and took the couple of steps over to start up the stairs. He started climbing, holding her hand as she followed behind him.

She was almost dizzy as her black high heels took one stair and then another, following right behind him. A voice was sounding in her head to stop at once, but with each step, it grew faint. In its place, a swirl of anticipation and curiosity grew. It became almost easy to just accept his lead. This was Jack, and she knew completely that he both cared about her and would protect her.

There was a side of him he showed on this night that she wasn't familiar with. But it was also profoundly appealing to glimpse this certainty he showed her. He was calm and sure on a night when she definitely wasn't. His confidence picked up where her initiative had stopped. She had been able to summon the will to come to his apartment as well as to broach her situation with him, but her assertiveness was spent with that. It had taken his own interest to get them to this point, and clearly this escalation was what he wanted.