Her Sophie's Choice

"Sarah?" Paige said looking at the empty space beside her.

"Oooowwww!" A moan that sounded like Sarah came from the tall brush.

"Sarah? Where are you?"

"Oooowwww, down here," she moaned again.

Paige stepped off the path and parted the bushes. Sarah was lying in a heap holding her ankle. Mud covered her new sun dress. "I think I broke my ankle," Sarah moaned. "I stepped into a hole or something and fell down the hill. Help me!"

"Wait right here, I'll go get someone." Paige turned to run back to the house and bumped into one of her cousins walking toward her.

"What happened?" He asked.

"She stepped in a hole and fell. She's hurt."

He pushed the bushes aside and knelt next to Sarah examining her leg. "I can't tell if it's broken or not, there's not enough light. Put your arms around my neck and I'll carry you back to the house."

"I'm all muddy," Sarah lamented.

"A little dirt never hurt anyone, just do as I say and put your arms around my neck. Then try to keep your leg still when I pick you up."

He cradled Sarah in his arms and Paige guided them back to the house. Paige's mother led them to one of the bedrooms and he carefully placed Sarah on the bed. Turning to Paige he said, "Can you get me some ice in a plastic bag and a towel and a wet washcloth?" Sitting on the bed next to Sarah he cradled her leg in his arms and gently removed her sandal. Paige handed him a washcloth and he wiped the mud from her foot and leg. "Now let's see what you did." His fingers touched Sarah's calf and ankle and foot as gently as a whisper. Sarah watched in anticipation of a bolt of pain shooting up her body but it never came. While he was concentrating on her foot Sarah mouthed the words to Paige, "Who is he?"

"Oh God, I'm sorry," Paige interrupted. "Sarah this is Bill, Bill Watts. He's my second cousin, I think. Bill this is my friend Sarah. We were roommates at school and now she's living with me until she can afford a place of her own."

"Well, I don't think anything's broken," Bill said still examining her foot. "It looks like what's called an inversion sprain. It's beginning to swell and bruise so for now I prescribe ice and elevation. But I'd still see your doctor and get an x-ray, just in case. Oh, it's nice to meet you Sarah."

"Are you a doctor?" Sarah asked.

"No," Bill laughed. "I'm the athletic trainer for the Toledo Mud Hens baseball team. Sports medicine is my expertise, that's why I recommend you follow up with your own doctor and get an x-ray. I don't think there's anything broken but as soon as it's swollen as big as it's going to get I'll wrap it. Just lie back and put your foot up on a pillow and keep the ice pack on it. Oh, and keep it elevated higher than your heart. I'll get an Ace bandage and be back in a minute." He placed her foot on the bed and helped her to adjust herself so she was lying with her head on one pillow and her now very black and blue foot on another. Then he left.

"Cute huh?" Paige asked.

"Uh, I was kind of busy there Paige. I didn't notice. He's your cousin?"

"Yeah, my second cousin, I think. All I know is we have the same great-grandparents. Anyway, all the single women I know are always hitting on him and asking him out and stuff and he's polite and all, but just not interested in anyone. There's even been some speculation that he's gay. If he wasn't related I'd take a shot."

"Maybe's he's just a nice guy," Sarah added. "And what business is it of ours if he is gay?"

"Who's gay?" Bill said walking back in the room.

Sarah and Paige both blushed. Bill just smiled as he wrapped a towel around Sarah's foot and draped a bag of ice over it.

"Excuse me," Paige said. "I'll go get you something to drink."

"Just water," Bill said. "I think she's had enough alcohol for one day."

Paige left leaving an awkward silence in the room. Bill wrapped her ankle and put the ice pack back on. "I'm sorry," Sarah said quietly. "I didn't mean to offend you. Paige just..."

"Yeah, I've heard it all before so don't worry about it. Just because I don't share a bed with every woman in town doesn't mean I'm gay. I like to think I'm selective, that's all. I just haven't found the right woman yet. To me love is more important than sex. When I'm in love with someone the sex will happen."

"So I take it you're not in love at the moment."

"That's right."

"And have you been?"

There was a long pause before he answered. "Well, there was this one girl. Her name was Abigail. I was so in love with her. I thought she was the one. I even asked her to marry me but she said 'no.' I was heartbroken. Our affair lasted the entire summer. Then I went into the fourth grade and met Barbara. Oh, I was so in love with her. I thought..."

"You jerk," Sarah said swatting him across the arm. "I didn't mean elementary school crushes. You know what I mean."

"I know. Since college there hasn't been anyone serious. All the women I've met are either too intense or too scatterbrained. I'm still looking."

The conversation came to an end with both thinking the same thing but each too shy to ask. Paige came back and Bill left saying he'd check in on her a little later.

After the reunion, and all the while her ankle healed, Sarah thought about Bill. For some reason she couldn't get him out of her mind. Finally one day she asked Paige for his phone number.

"Hi Bill, this is Sarah. You remember? I'm the one you rescued from the mud at the reunion, the one with the sprained ankle. Well I was just wondering if you would like to go out sometime. Maybe we could have dinner and go to a movie or something."

And that's how it started. Their first date was all talking and getting to know one another. They continued to date over the next couple months and became good friends. Their friendship developed into something they had trouble describing until Paige one day announced, "You're in love dufus!" And she was right. Sarah hadn't felt anything for another man since Malcolm left. For the first time she thought there was hope. Maybe she could find someone to take Malcom's place. It took months of late night conversations, mostly arguments in her own head, before she was finally convinced that Bill was her future. All the signs were there, but she still held onto memories of Malcolm and hopes of him coming back, and refused to see the truth. When she finally opened her eyes she saw the most beautiful man in the world looking back at her waiting for her to see him.

Sarah was in love with Bill and Bill was in love with Sarah.

Once they opened their hearts it was only a matter of time before they consummated their love. They were in no rush but when they finally got together their connection reached another level. Feelings became deeper and stronger. The sex was wonderful and everything Bill enjoyed Sarah did too. They pleasured each other's bodies and explored things they never tried before. Everything they did was gentle and loving, tender and soft. When they were together it was almost as though they had merged into a single soul. They had become one.

On one memorable three day weekend in a rustic log cabin in the mountains they plumbed the depths of their love for one another. The minute they walked in the door they stripped each other naked and never put clothes on for the rest of the time there. They christened every room, every flat surface, and every soft cushion in the place making love over and over and over. For that weekend they didn't need anything besides each other. Nothing else existed outside that little log cabin. The only time they stopped making love was to get enough nourishment to replenish their energy supply for more lovemaking. On the last night before they were set to go home Bill placed a little box on Sarah's pillow and said, "Sarah, will you marry me?" Immediately she jumped on top of him and screamed "YES, YES, YES" at the top of her lungs. She put the ring on her finger and proceeded to attack him with a renewed vigor and sense of purpose. Sarah Longo was going to become Sarah Watts. They were the two happiest people on the planet.

Six months later they were married.

Two years later their son Jeff was born; a year later their daughter Jessica. Sarah and Bill settled down to a life filled with love and children, friends and family, and Sarah learned everything about baseball. For 13 years life was perfect: Bill, Sarah, Jeff, Jessica, and the occasional pet.

Then Malcolm showed up and Sarah's life turned upside down.

Sarah fell in love with Malcolm all over again. Their physical affair started a month after their first meeting. For five months they snuck off to spend time together, sometimes at his place other times at motels. It was like being on a perpetual honeymoon, the sex was so amazing. And it was as though the years since college never happened. At times they made love tenderly and gently and other times they fucked each other senseless, often until they couldn't stand. Sarah did things with her lover that she never did with her husband, not for any more of a reason than her husband never asked. And the more they were together the more they didn't want to be apart. But Sarah knew she was leading two lives and had to keep them separate or risk losing both. She was in the middle of two men she loved dearly and couldn't live without.

For Sarah every waking moment was both heaven and hell. She was in heaven because she loved two of the most beautiful men in the world and shared their beds and their bodies, sometimes both in the same day. She was in hell because at any moment her house of cards could crumble around her. She could lose everything. She had to make up her mind. She had to choose. Bill or Malcom? Malcom or Bill?

But she just couldn't do it.

********

The first thing Sarah's mind registered was the light. Even through closed eyes she could see its brightness and feel its heat on her skin. It forced her mind from the dark place it was hiding into a roomful of bright, harsh light. Opening her eyes was a problem. She had to move her hand to cover her eyes and let them gradually become accustom to being open. Through the tiny slits she could make out nothing more than the source of the light. Right in front of her face, possibly only ten feet away, stood a large spotlight on a pole aimed directly at her. Everything else was black. The light was so bright seeing anything else was impossible. She looked down at her body and saw she was lying on a couch: A dark leather couch. Keeping her hand in front of her eyes she slowly lowered her feet to the floor and sat up.

She shook her head. It still hurt from whatever hit her at... at... "Where am I?" She thought to herself. "How did I get here? Where is here? I was at Chubby's when..."

"Hello?" Sarah said out loud, her words echoing off of what... walls?

"Hello?" She said again. She tried to stand but her legs wouldn't hold her weight. Whatever happened to her left her as weak as a newborn puppy.

"Hello?" She said, this time louder as she stood.

"SIT DOWN!" The booming voice said echoing throughout the room. It was a deep mechanical voice, ominous and foreboding. Sarah immediately sat down.

"AND SHUT UP UNTIL I TELL YOU TO SAY SOMETHING!"

The room rang like a bell from the booming words. Then silence. Long dark silence. Sarah sat getting accustomed to the glaring light looking around to see what she could see. She was sitting on an old leather couch. It was torn and beat up with some of the stuffing and springs showing through. She looked down at herself. Her blouse had a yellow stain on the front, from what she didn't know, and her shoes were missing. A long tear on one side of her skirt let a lot of one leg show through. Looking at her hands she saw one of her nicely manicured nails was broken. "I've got to stop by Darlene's tonight and get that fixed." Her wedding ring set was gone. When she saw that she started to panic.

"I TOOK YOUR RINGS," the voice boomed. "DO AS YOU'RE TOLD AND YOU MAY GET THEM BACK."

Sarah's sense of panic was getting stronger and stronger threatening to burst the dam holding her emotions inside and spill out all over the couch. She started to shake. It was cold and she was scared. Mostly scared.

Everything was silent, silent for a long time. Sarah sat cowering on the couch, her hands in her lap and her eyes looking at the white spot on her left hand where her rings used to be. The time allowed her body to recuperate from the drugs used to keep her asleep, time enough for her body to obey commands again. But she didn't dare move. She felt able to run but didn't know where she was and even if she did run where would she go? And besides the voice commanded that she sit still and say nothing and she wasn't brave enough to disobey.

"SARAH."

Her name echoed taking seconds to stop reverberating. She looked around and only saw black, the light in her face making it impossible to see anything.

"SARAH. YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PROBLEMS YOU'VE CREATED. I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE. I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING. I HAVE VIDEO PROOF TOO. YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING GAMES WITH TWO MEN, JUMPING FROM ONE BED TO ANOTHER, LYING AND CHEATING YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE. YOUR HUSBAND BILL IS A GOOD MAN AND NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HURT YOU, BUT YOU CONTINUE TO CHEAT ON HIM, LIE TO HIM, AND HUMILIATE HIM IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. MALCOLM IS NOT LIKE YOUR HUSBAND. HE IS NOT A GOOD MAN. ANY MAN THAT ENCOURAGES A MARRIED WOMAN TO ABANDON HER MARRIAGE VOWS SHOULD SUFFER THE SAME PUNISHMENT AS THE WOMAN. BUT HE SEEMS TO FILL A NEED IN YOU THAT MAKES BEING WITH HIM IRRESISTIBLE. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN PROFESS TO BEING IN LOVE WITH TWO SUCH DIFFERENT MEN AT THE SAME TIME.

"SARAH, I KNOW THE CHOICE YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE FOR THE LAST FEW WEEKS, A CHOICE BETWEEN TWO MEN: EITHER STAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND GIVE UP MALCOLM OR DIVORCE BILL AND GO WITH THE FIRST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. I'VE WATCHED YOU AGONIZE OVER WHAT TO DO AND BECOME TOTALLY PARALYZED WHEN IT COMES TO MAKING A DECISION. WELL SARAH, THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.

"FRANKLY, YOU DISGUST ME! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE AMONG CIVILIZED PEOPLE. YOU SHOULD BE STERILIZED SO YOU DON'T CONTAINATE ANYBODY ELSE. IF IT WERE UP TO ME YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE THIS FACILITY. HOWEVER, KINDER AND GENTLER SOULS HAVE DECIDED YOUR FATE. AFTER TODAY YOU MAY NOT THINK THEIR MERCY WAS SO KIND, BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK OR WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU AFTER YOU LEAVE HERE, ASSUMING YOU DO LEAVE. SO SARAH, HERE'S WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN. YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE, THE CHOICE YOU'VE BEEN INCAPABLE OF MAKING; THE CHOICE BETWEEN TWO MEN, BILL OR MALCOLM. YOU WILL DECIDE YOUR FUTURE AND THE FUTURE OF TWO MEN. AND SARAH, YOU WILL MAKE THAT CHOICE."

The glaring light in Sarah's face faded away and lights in the ceiling came on. For the first time Sarah could see her surroundings. She was in a small room with metal walls. It looked like a container they use for shipping freight on boats or the trailer of an 18-wheel truck. The light in her face was on a tripod a few feet away and there was nothing else at that end of the room. Above her in the ceiling were a number of video cameras trained on her. She turned to look behind her and saw what looked like two cots and a table at the other end.

"SARAH, YOU NOW SEE THE INSTRUMENT OF YOUR CHOICE. GO AHEAD. GO OVER AND SEE WHAT AWAITS YOU."

Sarah stood testing her legs to be sure they would hold her weight. Moving slowly she walked around the beat up couch and toward the two cots. When she got within a few feet her knees failed her and she dropped to the floor sitting on her legs. Her hand was over her mouth and she wore an expression of horror.

"THAT'S RIGHT SARAH. I'VE BROUGHT YOU THE TWO MEN YOU SAID YOU LOVE MORE THAN, HOW DID YOU PUT IT, OH YEAH, MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. BRAVE WORDS SARAH, BUT YOU AREN'T HERE TO SPOUT BRAVE WORDS; YOU'RE HERE TO MAKE A CHOICE, THE CHOICE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO MAKE UP TO NOW. YOU SEE SARAH; TODAY YOU HAVE THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH IN YOUR HANDS. STAND UP AND LOOK AT THE TWO MEN IN YOUR LIFE."

Sarah couldn't move. She just sat on the floor reeling in horror looking at Bill and Malcolm lying on the cots in front of her.

"STAND UP SARAH!" The voice boomed shaking the metal walls. Sarah gingerly stood and took a step forward. She could see both men clearly. They appeared to be asleep and breathing normally.

"LOOK AT THEM SARAH. THEY'RE ASLEEP WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE SAME DRUG I USED TO BRING YOU HERE, ALTHOUGH THERE IS ONE BIG DIFFERENCE. I'VE INJECTED BOTH MEN WITH ANOTHER DRUG, A POISON ACTUALLY. THE POISON WILL DO ITS THING AND WILL KILL EACH MAN IN A LITTLE OVER 15 MINUTES. YOU'LL NOTICE THE CLOCK ON THE TABLE COUNTING DOWN TO ZERO. WHEN IT HITS ZERO THEY WON'T BE DEAD YET BUT IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING. BUT SARAH HERE'S WHERE YOUR CHOICE COMES IN. DO YOU SEE THAT WHITE BOX ON THE WALL AT THE END OF THE ROOM? IT CONTAINS THE ANTIDOTE FOR THE POISON COURSING THROUGH THEIR VEINS. THE PROBLEM IS THERE IS ONLY ENOUGH ANTIDOTE FOR ONE MAN. YOU WILL GO TO THE BOX AND TAKE THE HYPODERMIC NEEDLE THERE AND INJECT IT INTO ONE MAN. THAT'S YOUR CHOICE SARAH, WHICH MAN? THE ANTIDOTE WILL SAVE THE MAN YOU INJECT IT INTO, THE OTHER MAN WILL DIE. IF YOU DO NOTHING BOTH MEN WILL DIE! AND DON'T THINK YOU CAN INJECT HALF INTO ONE AND THE REST INTO THE OTHER. IT WILL TAKE A FULL DOSE TO SAVE ONE, HALF WON'T WORK. LOOK AT THE CLOCK SARAH. YOU'RE TIME, AND THEIR TIME IS GETTING SHORT. OH, AND DON'T THINK OF TRYING TO ESCAPE. BY THE TIME YOU GET OUT OF THIS ROOM AND GET HELP BOTH MEN WILL BE LONG GONE. YOU ARE HOURS AWAY FROM HELP.

"SARAH, MY JOB IS DONE HERE. I'M GOING TO LEAVE YOU TO YOUR DECISION AND TO YOUR FATE. OH, AND SARAH, EVERYTHING YOU DO IS BEING VIDEO RECORDED. WHEN YOU GET OUT, ASSUMING YOU DO, YOU WILL FIND A LAPTOP WITH THE VIDEO ON IT JUST OUTSIDE. YOU MIGHT NEED IT WHEN THE AUTHORITIES QUESTION YOU IN THE DEATH OF THE MAN YOU LOVED. GOODBYE SARAH."

Sarah stood there frozen, her mind a jumble of misfiring neurons. She heard every word the voice said but couldn't find the rational thought that said what to do. She looked from Bill to Malcolm and then to the clock.

She had 11 minutes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sarah screamed, the echo of her scream in the metal room deafening. She fell on her knees between the two men sobbing. Looking up at the sleeping men brought her back to her situation. She reached out to touch Malcolm's shoulder and then turned to touch Bill's. She couldn't think. All she could do was feel the warmth of each man. They were alive, warm and alive, and soon one would be cold and dead. But which? Sarah looked at the clock.

10 minutes.

She put her head down on Malcolm's cot and sobbed, tears falling to the floor. "I can't do this," she sobbed. "Oh God help me. Please. I can't do this." Her pleas fell on deaf ears. "HELP ME!!" She screamed all alone.

No answer. Only the echo of her voice in the metal room kept her company.

9 minutes.

Forcing her body from the floor Sarah stood and looked at the clock, its digital face laughing at her as each second ticked by. Thirty-one seconds, thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven... She turned to Bill and grabbed his shirt and started shaking him. "WAKE UP!" She screamed nose to nose with the unconscious man. "WAKE UP DAMN IT! I NEED YOU! PLEASE? BILL WAKE UP! PLEASE!" Her screams went unanswered. His head lolled back and forth as she pulled on him and screamed at him but still he remained unconscious. Sarah fell onto his chest and sobbed again. Tears soaked his shirt, the shirt she gave him for Father's Day. Her mind drifted to that day and the wonderful time they had with the kids at the petting zoo. A goat bit Bill in the backside that day and she never let him live it down. 'Nanny goat butt' she called him. She loved every time he blushed about it. She loved everything he did, everything about him radiated love.