Hero Ch. 01

"You're can be such an asshole!" Dan screamed as he stormed off. Jason merely stretched and got comfortable. About five minutes later, Dan strode back. "So, what am I supposed to do, huh? Walk up to her and ... and tell her that I can't stop thinking about her?"

"I see your point. She'd be appalled."

Dan was pacing back and forth. "Just - just blurt out, 'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.'"

"That'll never work. Women hate that shit."

"Sweep in and tell her that every time she walks into the room, I have a small series of heart attacks?"

"No ... you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. You're much better off re-victimizing her every day."

Dan froze in his tracks. "What?"

"Show her who's the boss ... keep her in her place."

"What are you talking about?"

"Toughen her up ... Make her deal with life on YOUR terms. It'll be good for her."

Dan walked right up to Jason and yelled, "Will you stop it and tell me what you mean?"

Jason stood up and got right in his face. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" The two of them glared at each other for a time. "She's dying, Dan. You explode into her life, pry open her heart, make her feel special, make her feel safe, and fucking vanish without even a phone call?"

Dan was fighting desperately to maintain some kind of control. "Is that what you ... what you ... what you think I'm capable of doing to her?" He sat on the bench and buried his face in his hands. Jason sat beside him and put his arm around Dan's shoulders. "I haven't just fallen in love with her, Jas. I've dive-bombed out of a plane at 1,000 feet without a parachute."

"Then, you've got to tell her."

"I ... can't. I can't lay that kind of pressure on her ... not after all she been through."

"What's your alternative ... this? Sitting here every day in 'Faggot-ville' contemplating your navel while both of you die piece by piece?"

"Faggot-ville?"

"Yeah ... this is a gay pick-up spot."

Dan looked around and realized that most of the couples walking along were guys. He'd never noticed.

"I'm gay," Jason said in response to Dan's unasked question. "Jesus, don't you get anything? I'm beginning to think 50% of the population of this bench is completely retarded."

That made Dan laugh. "I guess I'm in the group that rode over here on the short bus, huh?"

Jason raised his eyebrows and gave a tiny isn't-that-obvious nod.

"I'm way out of my element here, Jas. Being the 'hero' makes this so much more complicated. I feel like I need to protect her. The story she told that night in the group therapy session is seared into my soul. The other part of me wants to ..." He couldn't make himself say the words "make love."

"Life is usually messy," Jason said as Dan looked at him for guidance. "Sometimes you have to turn your brain off and let your heart tell you what to do. If you honestly don't know how much you mean to Lisa, you may not even qualify for the short bus, my friend. She's struggling with the same issues as you. She's afraid to be intimate, afraid you don't or can't love her, afraid she's damaged. She's the most important thing in the world to me. If I wasn't 100% convinced you are a good man, Dan, I wouldn't be here. I've seen how the two of you are together, and I see how much you are both hurting to be apart. I don't know where your relationship will lead, but I know that you both deserve to find out."

Dan sat with his elbows on his knees resting his chin in his hands. Jason put his arm around Dan's shoulders and gave him a hug.

"Listen, I'm gonna take off. All this male bonding without any actual male bonding is screwing with my rep." Dan turned his head to look up at a grinning Jason. "Once in awhile, it's actually better to think with your little head." He patted Dan's shoulder and turned to leave.

"Thanks, Jas," Dan called after him.

Dan sat there for a long time with the sun beating down on him, going through his catalog of Lisa memories one-by-one. If Jason was right, he'd feel it when he got to something important. He smiled when he got to the one with the photo.

The two of them had driven up the coast in search of ... whatever. They drove to an artist's colony north of the city and parked. They walked hand-in-hand all around the quaint town ... eating ice cream ... throwing a Frisbee to a golden retriever ... exploring shops ... watching a street painter do a portrait of a round-faced little girl with blonde ringlets wearing a SpongeBob t-shirt. In this one shop, they saw a framed photo of a couple walking down the beach. In front of them, the sun was a gigantic yellow ball, rendering them mostly as silhouettes. Golden sprays shimmered off the rippling sea water.

Lisa picked up the photo and stared at it. She touched it lightly with the tips of her fingers. Dan had been buying a bag of licorice whips at the register when he looked over at her. He remained at the counter watching her. She cocked her head. A minute smile spread across her rosy lips. He remembered leaning against the counter thinking she was more beautiful than anything he'd ever seen in any book or any movie. He'd been slightly embarrassed when he realized the store owner was standing back watching him watch her with a knowing smile.

Dan jumped up so fast he practically knocked over two guys strolling on the pier. He ran as fast as his lungs and legs would allow him to his car and took off.

When he pulled into her driveway, he was heartened to see her car there. He bounded up the stoop and rang the doorbell. He waited, but there was no answer. He rang the bell again. Still no answer. He pulled out the key they gave him and was startled when he realized front door was slightly ajar. He pushed it open slowly and entered.

"Lisa? Lisa, are you home?" He walked around and became more alarmed when he saw a vase smashed on the floor with the water spreading across the tile. "Lisa!" he screamed as he raced through the house. He was in a blind panic by the time he reached the kitchen. Something out of the corner of his eye caused his head to snap toward the chrome refrigerator. He stared at it in disbelief. Dan pulled out his cell phone, dialed Jason, and said, "You need to get home -- right fucking now!"