High School Again? Ugh! Ch. 04

"You have my word," I replied, looking into her eyes. Tara watched me carefully for a few moments before nodding to herself.

"Thank you," she finally said. "Now please don't interrupt. If you do I might not be able to finish."

"Relax," I said gently. "I'm here for you." She smiled sadly and began her story.

"My mother's brother visited the summer after we graduated eighth grade. I remember being so happy to see him. Uncle Kyle traveled a lot and visited rarely."

I took her hand gently. This was going to be worse than I expected. Tara paused, but then smiled slightly and squeezed my hand tight.

"He always brought gifts when he visited. Mine was an expensive dress. It was absolutely gorgeous. I remember planning on wearing it to my first high school dance," she said, her smile sad.

"The weekend came and mom and dad had a party to go to. Uncle Kyle volunteered to watch me," Tara continued. "At first we had fun playing some games, but he was a drinker and after an hour or so he started insisting I try on the dress he bought me. I didn't want to for some reason, but eventually I relented."

I was careful to keep a very neutral expression. Tara was watching me and I could tell she'd stop at the slightest provocation. This was obviously extremely hard for her to say. I didn't blame her.

"He kept drinking and telling me how good I looked in it," Tara continued. "I remember being excited when he let me sip from his glass. It was very strong and I became drunk quickly. I remember giggling when he suggested we dance."

Tara eyes filled with tears and my heart went out to her. If I could take this pain away from her, I would, but the best I could do in this situation was sit quietly and listen.

"The first kiss surprised me," she said, her tears falling now. "But that surprised turned to horror when I realized what he was trying to do. I fought, but it was pointless. Uncle Kyle was a full grown man and much stronger than me. He tore my brand new dress from me."

I wanted to pull Tara to me and hug her, but I was afraid about how she would react, so instead I squeezed her hand again, letting her know I was here for her. She blinked once and refocused on me.

"I can remember him on top of me. That's why I lost it last night," she said.

"Tara, I love you," I said softly. She blinked once and looked at me. Her smile was still sad, but she seemed calmer.

"My parents came home eventually," she continued. "I was lying there crying when they walked in. What was left of my new dress was under me and stained with my blood. Uncle Kyle was half passed out."

"What did your father do?" I asked. Tara smiled more fully, only this time I wasn't sad. It was cold.

"Mother had to take uncle Kyle to the hospital afterward," she said. "I think my father would have killed uncle Kyle if she didn't stop him."

"What happened next?" I asked, knowing there was more to it.

"Dad wanted to press charges," Tara replied. "But mom didn't. She kept on making excuses for her brother and saying how bringing it out into the open wouldn't help anything."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"Who knows," Tara sighed. "Maybe she was right, but at that moment it hurt that she didn't stick up for me. That she took her brother's side. Hell, it still does."

"Is that when your parents split?" I asked.

"Yes," Tara replied. "Dad really lost it when she started making excuses for her brother. He told her to choose between her brother and us. Mom replied that she couldn't turn her brother in. That was the last time they talked."

"Your mom has never tried to talk to you since?" I asked in surprise.

"She tried," Tara said. "But I refused and returned every gift she ever sent me. As far as I'm concerned she's dead, and if you dare try and convince me to forgive her I'll leave right now and never speak to you again!"

"Forgive her?" I asked in surprise. "Are you kidding? She let her brother get away with raping you! She as bad as he is!"

"I wouldn't go that far," Tara said, smiling a true smile for the first time since she began her story.

"I would," I insisted. "It's a parent's job to protect their kids from the monsters, not vise versa." I was thinking of Becky, my niece and what I would have done if I'd walked in on a scene like Tara described involving her. I would have killed the guy. There was no two ways about it.

"It's the past," Tara said with what I thought was surprising bravery. "You needed to know about it, but I prefer not to dwell on it."

"But he was your uncle," I said, trying to wrap my arms about it. "What he did was incest!"

"It was rape," Tara corrected. "The incest was incidental, and frankly not all that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal?" I asked in surprise.

"Remind me to introduce you to my cousin Cora," she smiled. "She's one hell of a kisser."

"Your cousin?" I asked in confusion.

"I told you I'd been with a woman too," she shrugged. "Cora is my father's sister's kid. We grew close with her family after my father and mother split up. I never told her what happened, but I think she knew. We were the same age and honestly, what we did was enjoyable and non threatening."

"Wow!" I couldn't help saying. I might be a lot older than Tara, but some of the stuff she'd been through was beyond me. She lost all expression on her face when she saw how I was reacting.

"I'll understand if you want me to leave," Tara said in a monotone voice. "I promised there would be no secrets and now all mine are out in the open."

I shook my head and looked at her. She was pale and her eyes looked pained. This time I didn't hesitate in pulling her into a hug. Tara stiffened at first, but then fell into my arms and burst out into tears. I held her until she was done crying. It was quite a few minutes.

"Thanks," she said afterward, wiping her tears away. "I needed that. You're the first person I've ever told that."

"Don't worry," I said. "You can trust me."

"If I didn't," she smiled sadly. "I never would have told you."

"Good," I smiled and then kissed her. I made sure to make it loving and not lustful. She needed the one right now and might not deal well with the other.

"So now you know my secret," she sighed afterward. "And it's your turn to share."

"My turn," I frowned. "Frankly, my secret isn't nearly as dark. It's just plain crazy. Maybe we should wait until later to talk about it?"

"If you don't tell me right now," Tara snapped. "I'll never forgive you! I just opened myself up to you entirely. You have to do the same."

"Fine," I sighed, seeing her need in her eyes. "But like I said before, it's going to sound crazy."

"Tell me," she insisted.

"Okay, but you're going to have to use your imagination," I said. Tara nodded and I continued. "Picture yourself many years from now."

"How many?" she asked.

"Twenty, forty, it's doesn't matter," I replied. "The point is that you've lived a full life and made more than your share of mistakes, but they were your mistakes and you had a right to them. It was a combination of them and your triumphs that made you who you are."

"Okay," she said. "I can see that."

"Now picture yourself being forced to come back to the present and relive your senior year of high school," I said. Tara frowned for a moment, but then shrugged.

"That doesn't sound so bad," she said. "In fact, it might be fun."

"Hmm," I said thoughtfully. "I'm not explaining this well."

"Explaining what?" Tara asked.

"Okay, lets change it around a little," I said, ignoring her question for the moment. "Let's say you got sent back into the past."

"How far?" she asked. I frowned for a moment.

"In your case, lets say five years," I finally answered.

"Okay," she said, trying to follow where I was leading.

"So, you're stuck in your thirteen year old body, but with all the experience and knowledge you possess now," I said. "You can change your future, but not who you are."

"I don't understand," she frowned.

"May I use what happened with your uncle to help explain?" I asked. She frowned, but then nodded once.

"Tara, you could change things so that you were never left alone with him," I said carefully. "You can make it so that the rape never happened. Only, that's not completely true. It still would be real to you because you'll remember it despite it never happening."

"Wow," she said, shaking her head.

"Exactly," I said. "So your parents don't separate, which on some levels sounds nice, only you can't look at your mother without getting hurt and angry. She betrayed you, or did she?"

"John, okay," she said stopping me. "I get your point." I frowned, hoping I didn't go too far. I wanted her to understand, but I wasn't looking to hurt her.

"There are other things as well," I said, moving the conversation away from her parents and what happened with her uncle. "You'd be eighteen, but everyone would think of you as thirteen. How would you like we be treated like that again? Do you think that you could related to your friends when they're still talking about things that a thirteen year old talks about?"

"You've put a lot of thought into this," Tara said, shaking her head. "But what does it have to do with your secret?"

"Ah," I said, still not sure how to tell her. It suddenly hit me that there was only one way. I'd just have to say it.

"Well, that's what happened to me," I said. "I was thrown back into my eighteen year old body. Well, either that or I've gone mad." Tara looked at me oddly for more than a few moments.

"You're serious, aren't you?" she finally asked.

"Yes," I sighed, holding my breath. I watched her expression as it changed constantly for a few moments. She was obviously struggling with what I told her. I felt my heart sink when she finally looked at me again. Tara was clearly angry.

"Damn it!" she snapped, pulling away from me. "I finally meet the one guy who's perfect for me and he's crazy!"

"Tara, I'm sorry," I said, not sure how else to react. She didn't believe me. That made sense. Hell, I wouldn't believe me either.

"Sorry?" she cried angrily as she stood. "What does that help? I just told a crazy person my deepest, darkest secret!"

"Tara..." I began, but she cut me off.

"I can't believe you think you're really from the future!" she snapped.

"I don't believe it myself sometimes," I sighed. "But that doesn't make it less true."

"So then how did you get here?" she asked. I swallowed. There was no way I could tell her. I was certain that if I mentioned Tyche, Tara would call the police.

"It doesn't matter," I said sadly. "You wouldn't believe me anyway. Please just forget I ever told you."

"I can't!" she cried. "I can't do this! You need help. I thought I was screwed up."

"Tara..." I began, but she was already grabbing her small suitcase and moving toward the door.

"Goodbye!" she said between sobs as she all but ran out of the room.

"No! Please don't go!" I cried after her, but it was too late.

**********

I started awake and sat straight up in bed. My heart was beating fast and I was breathing heavily as the memory of what happened returned. Tara was gone! I'd told her the truth and she'd all but run screaming from the room.

"Johnny, are you okay?"

I froze for a moment and then looked down. Tara was lying next to me looking more than a little groggy. I guess I surprised her when I roughly pulled her into a tight hug, but that didn't stop her from returning it.

The room still reeked of sex, but right at that moment that was the last thing on my mind. It had been a dream! Tara was still here. I hadn't scared her away with my crazy story.

"I'm fine," I replied. "Just a nightmare." My dream had been so vivid that there were actual tears on my cheeks.

"I understand," she said, still hugging me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I replied, not releasing her, but also not hugging her so tight. "I just want to lay here and hold you for a bit."

"I can live with that," she smiled, kissing me on the cheek. I brought my mouth to hers and kissed. There was far too much need in it, but Tara returned it just the same.

"Thanks," I said afterward. "I needed that."

"You're welcome," she laughed, panting slightly now. "That was some kiss!"

"I love you," I smiled. "And I'll never do anything to scare you away from me."

"Don't worry," she said, not understanding. "I'm past what happened before. You've helped me put the past behind me."

"Good," I replied, really meaning it. "Now go to sleep."

"Only if you cuddle me," she replied with a smile.

"Always," I said, pulling Tara into my arms and feeling her relax and slowly drift off. I looked down at her and smiled.

Tara had put her past behind her. Now it was my turn. Besides, after that dream I had no intention of chancing losing her by telling her my crazy story. I was an eighteen year old in love and that was enough for me. It would have to be.