Highsider

"Are you going to tell me where have you been the past months?" She did not even wait until I had finished my second plate of food before she broke my peace.

"Wasn't planning to," I replied between bites, "where's dad?"

"He left early this morning to go get some more food for this afternoon. We figure you would want to eat your favorites before you left to wherever it is that you are going next."

"Lucky bastard," I said, "he should've woken me up."

"Be nice to your mother," Ann said, trying her best not to laugh.

"Mother," I replied, "I was all over the place, so it's easier not to tell you where I was than to try to explain where I was and why I was there. And if I tell you everything I had been doing you would just give me some grief, and the rest of my time here would be spent having to hear you go on and on about how dangerous things are. I would rather not deal with it."

"So it is dangerous?" Her hand covered her mouth in such a dramatic fashion that I couldn't hold my laughter.

"Ann," I was laughing too hard to try to make any coherent statement to my mother that would someday be used against me, "you see my mother suffers from a hearing loss. She can only hear bits and pieces of conversation that she can use to make dramatic scenes such as these," I pointed at my mother with my fork, "or things that she can use to make you feel like shit. If you're going to be hanging around her, make sure you get your hearing checked, considering my brothers' wives suffer from the same condition I think it is highly contagious."

"So you two are getting married?" My mother's glee was evident, broken only by the sound of Ann's laughter.

"I see what you mean," she replied laughing, "but you can't blame her for wanting her favorite son to get married to her favorite adopted daughter."

"My brother is already married, though," I replied, "but if you're interested I am sure I can set you up." She playfully punched me in the arm as I pulled my plate for a third helping.

"I don't understand what is going on here," my mother whined, "Ann, are you guys getting married or not."

"Mom," I interrupted, "why is my brother's car here?"