Hinn Ch. 22-24

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"Nor I, as I understand the draft legislation," volunteered Jessica. "My personal opinion is that Ray and Tauriz' technology wouldn't be covered by them as currently written either, but that'll be something we'd have to work over with you once you sign on, and we explain further about the tech."

"Good to know."

"Indeed. Why did you include combat pay, Emily?"

"If we get into a firefight, as has happened to some of our folks, they get combat pay. The bonus is split being paid by the company and the client to help reduce the incentives to getting our people in harm's way. It doesn't matter who or why -- if firearms are being fired in the general direction of our folks, they get combat pay. If they're under serious threat of firearms, they get combat pay. We're not going to be jerks about it, but we do insist on it."

"No, sounds reasonable thus far -- just needed to understand your concerns. Protecting your people is a good thing. That being said, Annya, have you earned any combat pay, and if so what'd you think about the situation?"

"I have. I cannot say much about it due to other NDAs, but I can say it was terrifying. Clearly, I survived. I don't want to do that again if I have the choice."

"You're aware that we've already been threatened with firearms on this effort," Ray asked.

"We had not -- can you explain what happened?"

"SWAT decided to come knock on and knock down my door. They didn't get the response they expected. They retreated, and while they're still following us, they've not shown their noses again. If they do, we'll let you know as soon as we can."

"Emily, I was watchin'. They got cool shit. REAL cool."

"None of that goes to my point. Annya, if you sign on and become part of this team -- and that's how I envision this, a team, not independent contracts but rather a blended whole -- it is likely there will be combat pay in your future. We will do everything in our capability to prevent and mitigate that, but that's the stakes we're currently playing at, and we expect it may ratchet up higher before calming down."

"Thank you for the warning, Ray, Tauriz. While I don't like the idea, I'm not going to back down from this position for that reason alone."

"You're a grown woman. It's your choice. I just felt you should know before you made your decision. Please make sure Updike, was it, has the same courtesy before agreeing or not to sign on. I have no other concerns, personally. Tauriz?"

"None here."

"Jessica?"

"I don't see anything here that isn't appropriate. Looks good to me."

"Well, welcome aboard. Let's sign, update the NDAs, and we can head off to dinner early. Amber, do you think they'll have a slot for us if we head out now?"

"Within a few minutes of getting there, yes, Ray. I'll call them now."

"Now, as I'd mentioned, we'll be having an all-hands meeting tomorrow around ten, after the meeting with Boch. We'll be going over things with whichever organizations sign on and update their NDAs. Emily, if you have the time, I'd like to invite you to that. I suspect you'll find at least parts of it fascinating."

"Thank you, Ray -- I'll take you up on that."

"So you're meeting Boch tomorrow morning, when are you meeting Skepsi?"

"Tonight at nine-thirty, back here. So -- our dinner has a hard stop around nine, I'm sorry to say."

"Three hours should be enough for a get together to meet & greet, I think."

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UsuallyPresentUsuallyPresentover 3 years agoAuthor

Thanks for the tip, dunmovyniv!

dunmovynivdunmovynivover 3 years ago

Sometimes when there are 3 or 4 people in conversations, I lose identity. You should improve identifying your speakers

UsuallyPresentUsuallyPresentover 4 years agoAuthor
Thanks for the feedback, 'Nony

That may well be an area I need to develop my writing skills in. This is my first novel-length piece in decades, so - yeah, definitely something I'll have to see if I can improve on.

Thanks for the feedback!

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
I like it, but...

I like the story and the premise you have. However, when reading it, I can't help but feel that you're rushing towards something. Your scenes are all rushed, and so far, it just seems to keep jumping from one angle to another. I'd like to keep reading this story, but don't know if your writing style is going to work out for me. Honest advice? Slow down and let your readers stay in the moment a bit before rushing ahead. And yes, it is possible to do that and still maintain the fast-paced feel you seem to be aiming for.

UsuallyPresentUsuallyPresentover 4 years agoAuthor
Wow, high compliment!

Thanks, djb - appreciate the appreciation!

FYI, I've gotten things written up into chapter 31, just editing/polishing to make sure I don't goof up too badly, so there's at least that much more coming.

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Hinn Ch. 18-21 Previous Part
Hinn Series Info

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