Hitchhiker

If I hadn't been driving 10 miles per hour under the speed limit, I probably would not have stopped.

I was trying to conserve gas, I put my last $7.38 in the tank and I was reasonably sure it was going to take twice that to make it home, considering the van I was driving had a 5 cylinder engine.

It was supposed to be a V-8 but only 5 of them worked.

Even worse it was raining like the proverbial Cats and Dogs, and I wasn't in the mood to have to walk. Hell, I didn't even have a coat with me, it had been nearly 80 degrees, Sun shining when I left my rathole apartment.

Fucking Oregon.

My buddy Dave had borrowed $75.00 from me the week before and promised he would have it back to me on payday.

Which was today.

Asshole wasn't there, and after a solid 4 hours I realized he wasn't going to be there.

At least not when I was there, anyway. I gave up and headed back home, offering up a few choice words with Dave's name in between. Hell, I knew better than to loan him any money in the first place, but Dave had the magic ability to talk an oriental hooker into giving him credit.

Or at least take a bad check. I had it in my mind to beat the ever...living...SHIT... out of him!

Assuming I could even find him.

So I was putting along about 35, irritating the hell out of several of my fellow drivers. Fuck them, fuck them all, I thought.

Then I saw her.

Blonde, short hair, skinny as a rail and soaked to the skin. Thumb stuck out. She had on jeans and a tank top, I could tell from 100 feet away that there was no bra under there.

Probably why I stopped. Yea, I know...

"Thanks, mister!" She said as she hopped into the front passenger seat. I looked her up and down, her eyes never left mine and she showed no sign at all of being bashful. The blue eyes took me in, then a sly grin formed on one corner of her mouth.

"Hook up your seat belt, the cops are really onto that around here." I told her.

"Where are you headed?" I asked, flicking the handle on the turn signal to make them blink. For some reason I never figured out they wouldn't blink by themselves. Then with a shudder I got the van moving and out onto the road.

"I need to get to 78th and Washington, my girl friend said I could stay there for awhile." I glanced her way, noticing she had a bag with overly long straps. She tucked it into her lap.

Obviously one of those street urchins, but what the hell. She did look clean enough, plus there was a hint of something...lavender maybe, and her tits were nice, visible through the damp top.

I was headed to 225th just off Washington so it was right on my way. I probably wasn't going to make it, but I probably was going to make it to 78th, so who knows?

"Kinda low on gas." I said, looking at the fuel gauge which I swear was now bending, then over her way. Then I glanced down, the tiny little silver pistol was pointed right at me.

"Pull over." She said, quietly.

"What the FUCK?" I yelled, startled.

"Do it asshole, I am not kidding!" She poked at me with the thing.

I pulled over.

"Hand over your money!" She demanded.

That struck me as funny as hell, I busted out laughing insanely.

"What the hell is the matter with you? I will shoot you!"

"Lady, I don't have a goddam dime, I don't even have a fucking credit card."

"Bullshit! Take off your pants!"

"What?" I looked at her, she didn't look very friendly.

"Do it!" She ordered, giving me another poke.

"All right, all right." I undid my belt, stripped my pants off. I kept glancing at the pistol, judging my chances of just taking it away from her, then thought better of trying that.

"Hand them here."

She took my jeans and went through the pockets, coming up with my house key, my empty wallet and a small pocket knife.

"Just fuck! My whole damn life is going like this." She sounded like she was complaining about a bad breakfast or something.

"Get out!" Her voice went mean again. I was thinking if I could just get my hands on her... but she had that damned pistol.

I got out, it was still pouring down rain. She slid over behind the wheel, got the van into gear and floored it. It slowly began to move away, a huge puff of smoke poured out the tailpipe. Then it popped a couple of times and took off.

The fucking BITCH could have at least left me my pants.

I stood there watching my Van vanish down the street, wearing nothing but my briefs and a levi shirt.

The correct word would be mad as hell.

Nothing else to do but start walking, which I did. I invented a few new words while I was at it, visions of my hands wrapped around her scrawny neck.

A few cars went by, I tried to wave my arms to flag them down but they swerved out around me.

Can't say as I blame them, who wants to stop for a nut wearing nothing but a pair of white cottons and a shirt, with it getting dark outside and pouring down rain?

Getting even madder because no one would stop, I just took off walking again. My nuts were shriveled up to the size of grapes, my poor dick was about 2 inches long and I could tell it wanted to climb right back up inside. My teeth were starting to chatter, too.

Fucking bitch could have at least left me my pants, so help me, if I ever get my hands on her, I thought.

Dave's fault, goddam him. When I found him I was going to beat the holy crap out of him! Just thinking about smacking him over and over made me feel better.

It was probably less than two miles further down the road, I had just jumped out of the way of some asshole that went by me at about 80 with his horn blaring. Starting to walk again I looked up ahead and there sat my van!

It was pulled off the side of the road, angled off into some bushes. I carefully sneaked up on it, peeked in.

Nobody.

But there lay my pants on the passenger side floorboards. I opened the door, looked into the back, half expecting to get shot. But I was so cold by then I almost didn't care. I grabbed my pants and tugged them on.

The keys were in the switch, I tried to start the van, all it did was pop a couple of times, then spin over. I turned on the heater fan full blast, the engine was still warm so it actually put out some heat.

My ass felt wet.

But lord did that heat feel good, and now at least I was inside and out of the rain. The heater began to blow cold very quickly, so I climbed in the back where I kept a mattress handy just for situations like this.

Well, and a few rare other situations. Hell, I even had a nice soft fluffy blanket. My undershorts and shirt were wet, I peeled off the shirt and wrung it out, then put it back on. I pulled the fuzzy blanket up around me, my teeth chattering. It didn't take long and I started to warm up, then I dozed off.

I woke up a bit later, there was a rattling sound outside.

Now what the fuck, it hit me that maybe some stupid son of a bitch was trying to steal gas?

Well, good fucking luck with that!

I lay there quietly, thinking I would just let them try. Hell, there was nothing to get. Then the door opened and the blonde slid into the seat. The stupid bitch didn't even look back!

She was spinning the engine over, pumping the gas pedal furiously. I caught a slight whiff of the smell of gasoline. The silly broad had managed to find some gas somewhere, probably stole it out of someone's garage.

The engine caught with a sputter, just as I reached over the rear of the seat and grabbed her in a head lock from behind. Her arm reached out for her goddamed purse but I slapped that away and it fell off the seat onto the floor.

Then all hell broke loose. She belted me somehow in the face, I was hanging on for dear life. How she could swing over her fucking shoulder and hit me hard enough to make my head swim is beyond me.

But then women can reach over their shoulders to take a blouse off over their heads, something I happen to know about, having seen that.

I managed to improve my hold and got my shoulder hunched up enough so she couldn't hit me. Her neck was in the crook of my arm so I squeezed, pretty soon she began to gurgle and then she went limp.

Well, fuck! Now I was really in deep shit, I figured I had just killed her. Sure as hell I would end up in jail, and since I was barely 24 and had blonde hair myself I had a pretty good idea of what that would mean.

I sat back gasping, the broad leaned over, flopped out across the engine cover. Her foot went down on the throttle so the engine was making some sounds I have never heard it make before. I reached out and jerked her leg back off the gas.

It settled down to a jerky idle, then stalled.

Scared, I sat there trying to figure out what to do with her body. Maybe just dump her in the brush and get the fuck out of there? But there was probably my DNA all over her, I could see some drops of blood on her tank top that I was pretty sure was mine.

Best clean that up, I thought, reaching for the bottom of her tank top to get rid of it. Just then she moaned, which made me jump.

It popped into my head to reach out and squeeze her neck some more, but then I decided I was better off with her breathing. I got ahold of her and dragged her into the back of the van. I got a pretty good feel of her tits while I was at it, they were pretty nice. Then I grabbed her carry bag, the pistol was right on top so I took it and threw her bag back on the floor.

A car went by, then another, each one's headlights lighting up the inside of the van for a moment. The woman was kind of cute, what I could see of her. Her nice tits were showing pretty clearly through the thin tank top she was wearing, since it was still wet.

What the hell. I saw another car coming so I reached out and lifted the bottom of her tank top as it went by. Damn nice set of jugs on her, no doubt about that. Her nipples were soft and round, they were puffy like marshmallows.

I should have felt guilty about doing that but the little cunt had poked a fucking GUN at me and pantsed me and left me in the fucking street!

She owed me one. So I checked out her nice titties, they felt good, too. I started to jiggle them up and down, tweaked each nipple a bit. I felt myself start to get a woody but I wasn't about to go that far.

I was just thinking about undoing her pants and checking out her beaver, after all, fair is fair. I was actually in a little bit of a struggle with myself over that when she let out a moan again. I reached out and quickly pulled her top back down just as she opened her eyes.

"Don't move, I have the gun and I will shoot you!" I told her.

That was if I could figure out how to work it.

She looked down at it, back up at me. I could see she seemed to be unhappy.

"Not with that one you won't, it ain't loaded!" Then she came off the floor at me. The tiny pistol went sailing, I had pure mayhem coming at me. She sure could fight, seeing as how she wasn't very big.

Fuck! Here we go again, she was banging away at me with both hands, she even managed to get me on my back. I tasted blood, this was getting to be old. I used all my strength, got her pinned and over on her back.

"OK, ok! You got me asshole. I suppose you are going to rape me now, huh?"

"I am just trying to keep you from hitting me, I wouldn't fuck you with your own dick!" I yelled at her, my full weight on top of her.

"Yea? Then why were you peeking at my tits, you prick? Pervert! Cocksucker!"

"Hell, you pantsed me and made me walk in the fucking rain!" I protested.

"Wasn't much to be worried about, not with that tiny thing of yours, dickhead. Now get off of me!" She struggled again, furiously.

I wanted to belt her one, but my daddy always taught me to never hit a lady. She kept on struggling, this was getting real goddamed old. Then she sank her teeth into my hand.

So I belted her one, she went down flat and out, not even a peep. I licked the cut on my hand, the fucking bitch bit me!

Mad, I reached up front and got her purse, searched it. Nothing, not a damned thing to tell me who she was. There was a book of matches, some cigarettes, I pulled one out and lit up. I don't know why, I almost never smoke. It was getting down a little bit short when I realized she was awake again.

Pointing that goddam pistol at me! I started laughing at her.

"You stupid bitch, what are you going to do with that thing, it ain't loaded."

BANG!!

"DAMN! FUCK FUCK FUCK! Holy SHIT, what the....!"

The round went past my knee and right out through the door. I almost pissed my pants at that one, it sounded loud as hell inside the van.

"Off with the pants, asshole." She ordered.

"You said that wasn't loaded."

"I lied."

"I might have shot you!"

"Not with the safety on. Now get them off!" She was grinning at me now.

Just fuck! Here we go again. I took them off.

"Take off those, too."

"What?"

"Your panties, take them OFF!" She waved the gun at me, giggling at my discomfort now. I noticed with some satisfaction that she kept rubbing a quickly growing knot on her forehead.

"They aren't panties, they are briefs!" I snarled. I was REALLY pissed off at her now.

"Whatever, get'em off!"

I sighed, slid them down and off. She giggled again. A car went by, I saw she had a bloody nose.

"What's so funny?"

"Whatever do you DO with that little thing?"

"There ain't nothing wrong with my dick!" I growled.

"Hell, it looks like one of those itty bitty smoked sausages."

"Bullshit!" Hell, I have a nice 7" pecker, it's just fine.

"Does it get bigger?" She asked, as a car went by on the highway, I tried to cover up with my hands.

"Yea, it gets bigger." I told her.

"Show me."

"What?"

"Jack off, I want to see it get bigger."

"You are crazy. I am not going to whack off in front of you!"

"Yea, I am crazy. But you were peeking at my tits, pervert, I am going to teach you a lesson."

"You fucking ROBBED me!" I protested.

"Well, yea, I guess I did..sorta. You didn't have anything, though."

"You took my van."

"You got it back. Now DO it!"

I sighed, wrapped my hand around my pecker.

"Well, get to yanking."

I got to yanking, but it wasn't growing very much. Let's face it, it isn't easy to get turned on with a crazy bitch pointing a fucking GUN at you.

She scooted over closer to me, reached out with one hand and started pumping me. I blinked at that, but it felt kinda good. It wasn't very long before I was up pretty nicely.

"OK, let's make a deal here."

"What kind of deal?"

"I let you fuck me, you don't turn me in to the cops."

"I don't want to fuck you." At that point I was probably lying.

"Yes, you do. That's why you were sneaking a peek at me."

"You are nuts."

"I have nice titties!" She pulled her tank top up, showing them to me. My dick got even harder.

"I don't think I can, with you pointing that fucking gun at me."

"Oh. Well, that's no big deal, I only had one bullet." She tossed the gun towards her bag, rolled over and sucked my dick into her mouth.

This was crazy, a few minutes before she was trying to kill me, now she was sucking my cock.

"I don't have any...."

"In my bag, just a sec." She reached into a side compartment I had missed, pulled out a rubber.

"I hope this ain't too big for you." She giggled, then bit the edge of the wrapper, peeled the rubber out and began to roll it onto me.

It wasn't too fucking big, either.

Then she got up on her knees, unbuttoning the front of her jeans and slid them down, rolling over onto her butt to kick them off. It was dark as hell in the van unless a car went by, but it was obvious she was as bald as a billiard cue down there. I reached out with one hand and stuck a finger in, she just grinned and opened her legs.

Hell, she was sloppy wet, I guess the damn near full blown war we just had turned her on. She got back on her knees, reached out and shoved my shoulders back, then hiked up her leg and straddled me.

Getting herself lined up, she dropped down and impaled herself. I went to work, I was trying to stick my cock all the way in and out the other side. Itty bitty, huh? I thought. Well, I would show her!

She was grunting and sweating and slamming herself back at me, after a solid 10 minutes of that her face screwed up and she let go.

I held back as long as I could but it became impossible quickly. Afterwards, she actually cuddled up next to me, I was a little bit surprised at that.

Then she got out her smokes, handed me one. We lay there naked and in silence, just smoking.

"Hey, you are pretty good, let's not fight any more, OK?"

"OK." I told her. After maybe 20 minutes, she found her clothes and put them back on, I got mine and did the same.

"So can I stay with you for tonight?" She asked.

"Yea, I guess so, if we can get there."

"We can, I found a can of gas."

"Gas? Where?"

"Some asshole's garage, it was just a gallon but that should do it."

"You mean you stole someone's gas? Right out of their garage?"

"Yea. What was I supposed to do, knock and ask nicely? Besides, the door was wide open."

I managed to get the engine started, pulled back out on the road.

"Hey, can you pull over at the gas station up ahead?"

"Why, we don't have any....?"

"I need to take a piss."

"Oh, OK." I pulled onto the lot.

"Right over there." She pointed to the side. I pulled over and parked.

"Don't shut it off, I will just be a minute." She got out, I reached for the pack of smokes, found them and lit one up. This was one crazy goddamed day, hell, I was robbed, got the shit kicked out of me, then laid. Yea, one crazy fucking...."

"Hit the GAS, let's get out of here!" She jumped into the passenger seat, slammed the door.

I just looked at her.

"GO!...GO!" She yelled.

"What the fuck?" I said, hitting the gas. Did she start another fight with someone? I got the van up to about 50 miles per hour which was the point where she began to shake pretty badly. Looking over at her, she was counting money.

"What the hell did you DO?" I demanded.

"Hey, we were broke, I got us some cash. Look! $184 bucks!" She held it up like it was some kind of trophy or something.

Oh, man!

"Hey, I don't want any part of....."

"Shut up, it's too late. You are the getaway driver. When we get to your place we can hide the van in your garage while things cool off."

"Garage? I don't have any...."

"Well, in the brush, under a fucking tree, something. Damn, you are a pain in the ass."

"I am a pain in the ass? You stupid...."

"Shut up and drive." She pointed the goddam pistol at me again. Damn, she was dumb! She just told me the thing was out of...

OHOH!

I made up my mind that at the first opportunity, I was going to break my Daddy's rule again.

Parking the van a block away from my place, we walked back and went inside. She tossed the wad of cash on my kitchen table. I saw the message machine blinking, touched the button.

"Hey, bro. Sorry but I had to pull a double." Dave's voice said. "I will drop by tomorrow with your money, I got my paycheck. Well, thanks, see you tomorrow."

I sat down on my couch, put my head in my hands.

"What's the matter?" She asked me.

"I am going to end up in fucking JAIL, that's what is the matter!"

"Naw. The cops can't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight." She said.

"Hey, got a shower?"

"Yea." She did that both hands over her shoulders thing, tugged her tank top over her head. Then she stripped off her jeans, stood there and looked at me for a moment.

That was the first time I had seen her in the light, she stood there almost posing for a moment, stark naked. Then she turned and headed for the bathroom. I noticed she took her carry bag with her.

I waited until I heard the shower running, then I tiptoed quietly over and tried the door. It was locked.

Of course.

I went and sat back down, she came out a few minutes later, using one of my towels to dry her hair.