Hitting the Bottom Ch. 08

With my attention firmly focused on the skewered meats roasting on the grill, I almost jump out of my skin when a heavy hand slaps my right shoulder, followed by Lucas's level stare and deceptively conversational voice:

"So, Dan, tell me about yourself."

Ah. I smile despite myself. The protective older brother is here to get some answers. For a moment I consider telling him the whole ugly truth, which would undoubtedly get me thrown out onto the street. But it was so important for Sandra to bring me here, even if I don't understand why; I can't chicken out on her. So I settle on the small part of the truth that will hopefully be acceptable.

"I'm a handyman. In the process of opening my own small business, in fact. How about you?"

Lucas smirks knowingly at me, his thick, dark-blond eyebrows shooting up. "Uh-uh, not so fast there. I have just a few more questions to ask you before we can turn the tables around."

I half-smile, half-grimace, and nod my consent. I like his bluntness, even if I am at the receiving end of it. Lucas relaxes his stance at my clear acceptance of his brotherly right to interrogate me, and reaches out to turn some of the skewers around to get the meat cooked evenly from all sides.

"So, what kind of work do you do?"

"Small repairs, mainly. All those odd-jobs that are too small for an actual contractor to take on, but require the use of work tools and some expertise to get it done right."

Lucas throws me a doubtful look. "Is there actually enough work doing that to make a living?" In other words, 'could you support my sister'.

I feel my spine harden as I stand a little taller, unconsciously rising to his challenge, before catching myself and taking a moment to relax my stance. "Yes, there is. Or at least, so does my research suggest. I've only just started, and haven't done any kind of marketing yet, but I think I can make it into a viable business."

"So, you haven't been doing this for long?"

Fuck. This is going to be tricky. I gulp. "No. I haven't - this is quite a recent development, but one I am very excited about."

"Whussup, guys?" Sandra's voice startles both of us. We look at each other; me a little guilty, Lucas clearly annoyed at being interrupted before he got all his answers. Taking a deep breath, I decide to give him more - as much as I dare to give.

"I was just telling Lucas about my new business." I try for lightness, while silently pleading Sandra not to freak out. "Anyways, as I was saying -" I turn back to meet Lucas's narrowed gaze "- this venture is very new. I was actually a cop until a few weeks ago." Surprise flares in his gaze, and his shoulders relax a bit more. Don't get your hopes high, buddy. "Well, technically I still am a policeman - on medical leave - but I don't expect to be reinstated, which is why I have started working on this new idea."

To hide my unease, I break away from Lucas's level stare to rotate the meats on the grill once more.

"I see." He sounds suspicious. As he should be. I look up to meet Sandra's eyes, her eyebrows raised in silent question, but then she turns to her brother.

"Yes, Dan took a hard fall that landed him with a bad concussion and some serious bruising. He ended up in my ward; that's actually how we met. It's still unclear when he's going to be fit for service again, if ever, so it's good that he's got this alternate plan to pursue."

"Ah."

Still clearly skeptical, but probably reluctant to challenge Sandra right then and there, Lucas falls quiet next to me.

"Hey Lucas, how's the meat looking? Everything else is pretty much ready!" Helena's voice, raised to an almost-shout to carry over the grass above the kids' squeals, breaks the uneasy silence between us.

"Pretty much done, actually. Ready to serve." Lucas calls back, and starts heaping the heavily-laden skewers on top of a waiting tray.

"Let me do it, Lucas." Sandra says, already taking over the task. "You go help your kids wash up and get seated."

"Thanks, sis." he says, and leaves with only a quick nod in my direction.

I heave another breath, exhale slowly, and then turn to look at Sandra. "I hate this, baby. I hate lying to your family."

"You never lied, Dan. Everything you said - everything I said - was true."

"It's a lie by omission, and we both know it."

She shakes her head, her lips pursed determinedly, and then her face softens when she cups my bruised cheek in her hand.

"Please, Dan."

"Fuck."

I don't mean the word to come out loud, but for some reason it makes Sandra smile, a crooked, knowing little grin that makes my own lips twitch, too. Shaking my head ruefully I cover her hand with mine, holding it in place as I turn to kiss it's soft palm before tugging it down, keeping our fingers laced.

"Okay. We'll play it your way, baby." For now.

"Thank you." She squeezes my fingers, and then lets them go to take the heavy tray in both hands. "Shall we?"

*

Lunch is a laid-back, friendly experience. Even Lucas seems to relax; or maybe he just gave up on continuing our conversation, seeing as we are seated at opposite ends of the long table. I find myself actually having a good time listening to the quick banter and lively conversation around the table, without having to really join in. Apparently I still remember the art of nodding and laughing at the right places, and in truth I feel more at ease in the company of Sandra's family than I had in years.

We say our goodbyes shortly after desserts, and make our way in Sandra's car to my apartment, where we plan to hang out together until later in the evening, when Sandra needs to leave for her night shift. The ride goes by in comfortable silence, both of us quiet with our own thoughts, until finally I turn around to face her.

"So, I really liked your family. You all seem so close."

She throws me a quick smile while keeping her eyes on the road. "Thanks. We are. And I think they liked you, too."

I shrug. "Not so sure about Lucas."

"Oh, he's just being Big Brother. Don't mind him, please."

"Sandra..."

"Dan, please..."

I purse my lips tight, swallow my urge to push back, and instead try a different approach.

"Okay... So, tell me this: why was it so important to you that I come today?"

Sandra slows to a stop before my building, parks, and turns to face me fully.

"Well, I wanted to see you in a... normal situation, I guess. Somewhere outside the hospital or our apartments. I wanted to see you interact with other people, and I wanted to hear their perspective on you - the 'normal' you."

I chuckle, though it is painfully strained. "Ouch. That bad, am I?"

She has the decency to look embarrassed, at least, and she reaches out to take my hand. I squeeze hers in return.

"I like you a whole lot, Dan. But you've got to admit our situation is... unique. I love spending time alone together with you, but to allow myself to be really invested here I need to know there's at least the potential of... more."

My heart rate picks up at her words, and I fight to quell the crazy sense of hope that flares in my chest. Hold your horses, cowboy. You need to get your shit together before you start fantasizing about any 'more' with Sandra.

I gulp hard, then ask carefully: "So, what's the verdict?"

"Watcha think?" she shoots right back, her chin sticking out and her eyebrows raised in challenge, grinning. Her quick sass alleviates my self-doubts and makes my palm tingle all at once, and suddenly I feel a whole lot better. This, I know how to do.

Leaning back, I keep my response light, but I make damn sure she gets the message.

"What I think, young lady, is that you seem all too smug, having me at your mercy like that. I think I'd have to take measures to correct that attitude."

Sandra gasps loudly and bites her lower lip, even as a sexy half-grin curls her mouth.

"That sounds lovely, sir."

God. Just to hear that promise in her voice makes my dick swell. Shaking my head I lean over to take her head in both my hands and kiss her thoroughly, the pleasure of her soft lips and wet tongue against mine sweeping us both, leaving us panting when we finally draw apart.

"Upstairs, baby. Now."

I turn and swiftly get out of her car, but before I can swing around to open her door she's already there at my side, smiling eagerly. I narrow my eyes in mock annoyance, grab her hand, and lead the way to my apartment.

*

*

*

Nothing beats a good spanking.

Sitting up at the head of my bed, my back supported by a solid pillow, with Sandra squirming across my lap and wiggling her bright-pink ass cheeks just inches from my face, is everything I've dreamt it to be. I feel this urge to pinch myself, just to make sure it's real.

Instead, I pinch Sandra. Sliding my fingers in between her glowing cheeks and into the creamy folds below them, I tweak her clit firmly. She squeals and bucks, throwing her head back, but her hands never leave their grip on the edge of the mattress, where I had instructed her to hold on and not let go.

"Hmmm... good girl."

She squirms even harder, trying to rub her pussy against my fingers, which keep caressing lightly along her labia. My dick is so hard inside my boxers that I feel my heart beating in its veins, but I'm not anywhere done playing. I press my forearm across her lower back and grind up into her soft belly to relieve some of that unbearable tension, while my right hand moves away, only to return with several more loud spanks to her blushing buttocks.

This time, instead of jerking and twitching, she melts. Her muscles relax and she sinks down with a deep moan, opening her thighs wide in breathtaking surrender.

"Fuck, baby, that's beautiful..."

The next few minutes are pure bliss - alternating between spanking her glorious ass and stroking her sweet, swollen, soaked pussy, watching her body respond to me while she lets her mind float, high on sensation.

Seeing and feeling her so utterly submissive, so completely trusting under my hands, opens a well of emotions that had been bottled up inside for so long I almost forgot I ever had them. I feel humbled and worthy, omnipotent and utterly at her mercy, all at the same time. I feel my gut clench so tight it's suddenly hard to draw a breath. God, but I love this woman.

I love this woman.

The realization slams into me like an asteroid impact, coming out of no-where and hitting with force strong enough to forever change life as I know it. I freeze, momentarily unable to move a muscle while my mind goes into overdrive, re-running this new knowledge over and over, trying to get a grasp on it: I love her. I love her. I love her.

A soft moan - "please... please..." - snaps me back to the incredible reality of Sandra, submissively spread across my lap, begging me for... what? Focus, Dan. I breathe deeply, slow, controlled breaths, harnessing my wayward emotions. I'll have time to indulge in them later; right now I have Sandra, naked and dripping wet, begging in my arms. I lean down to kiss her smooth shoulder, her tender neck, keep moving my fingers lightly along her slit as I speak quietly in her ear.

"You wanna cum baby?"

"Yes, please... please...!"

I glide my fingers back down her slit, all the way down to her hard little clitoris, and immediately start rubbing it quickly, mimicking her moves from last night when I told her to masturbate for me. She pushes her ass back and up, pressing herself fully into my palm, causing loud wet noises to rise from between her widely spread thighs.

I press my left forearm harder across her lower back to keep her right where I want her, shifting my left hand from her hip to grab her right ass cheek. My fingers sink deep into the sensitive, just-spanked flesh, opening her crack wider to allow my hungry eyes full, undisturbed view of her dark-red, gleaming folds clinging to my fingers, while both her holes squeeze onto themselves in rhythmic pulses. Fuck. So beautiful.

Her breath catches and her abs tighten, pressing hard against my painful erection, and I know she's right there on the edge. I keep rubbing fast - I can't deny her anything in the world in this moment - and within seconds she starts cumming, screaming her orgasm in total abandon, her pussy flooding with a gush of hot, fresh juice, dripping down to soak my way-too-tight boxers.

"Arrggghhh... fuck, baby, that's right... cum for me, baby. God that's beautiful..."

I keep rubbing as long as she keeps straining against my fingers, which seems to extend the plateau of her climax into a series of delightful little peaks. God, I love making her cum. I feel like a freakin' superhero. When her orgasm finally recedes Sandra slumps down, spent and panting heavily across my lap, while occasional shudders of residual pleasure ripple down her sweaty back. I half-push her over to slide my legs out from under her, then let her roll back to her stomach.

"Stay right there baby."

She mumbles incoherently in response while I get rid of my boxers and return to her, crawling between her spread thighs until I am fully above her, and then press down. My whole torso is flat against her back, my belly spoons her warm ass, and the length of my dick is snuggled along her wet slit. It feels so insanely good; I groan deep. Sandra tilts her pelvis back which causes the head of my cock to glide over her too-sensitive clit. She yelps and shudders, moving a half-inch away, but when she hears my growled approval she does it again, and again. I almost explode right then.

I suck in a breath and shift back, breaking the direct contact. "Fuck, baby, stop. Don't move..."

Kneeling behind her, my knees pushing her thighs further apart, I spread her ass with my left hand, and align my dick to her opening with my right. I sink in slowly. Her slick, tight walls wrap hot and wet around me, and pleasure shoots up my shaft and back into my balls, that tighten and tingle in response.

I start moving slowly but within a few strokes, I lose all control. She just feels so fucking amazing, there's no holding back anymore. I grab tight hold of her hips and let my body take over, let my spiraling need dictate my movements as I fuck her as hard and fast as I can.

She's still holding onto the edge of the mattress, and she keeps her hips tilted back, allowing me to go as deep as I want, but other than that she seems too spent to really fuck me back. I love it; love knowing I did that to her, made her cum so hard that now she can do nothing but submit.

That thought, combined with the incredible feel of Sandra's hot, wet body milking my cock tips the scales and I feel my climax start deep in my balls, boiling and running up my shaft...

In that same moment I realize the other reason fucking Sandra like this feels quite so amazing.

I'm not wearing a condom.

"Fuck!!"

I pull out just as the first jets of cum shoot out of my angry-red, excruciatingly swollen head. The first string of milky jizz covers her slit, pooling at her entrance and dripping down to the bed below, the rest splutters across her ass and lower back. The view in front of me - Sandra's pink, just-spanked ass and red, just-fucked pussy, decorated with my fresh white cum - is obscenely sexy; I'm sure I'd be fantasizing about it for years to come. I also hope it means I'd just avoided a major fuck-up.

"Hmmm... that feels so good..."

Sandra's soft, mumbled voice comes from somewhere between her outstretched arms, accompanied by slow twerking of her cum-covered ass. I groan and shift back on my knees to the edge of the bed, then stand and walk over to the bathroom to fetch a washcloth, all the while screaming at myself inside my head.

IDIOT!

I make sure the cloth is soft and warm and my movements gentle as I clean the worst of the mess off of Sandra's still-tender bits. When I'm done I gather her close in my arms, pulling the sheet up to cover us both. She snuggles close, tucking herself under my arm with her cheek on my chest, and relaxes against my side.

My own heart rate is yet to return to normal, though I suspect that has more to do with my lingering, self-directed anger than with my recent climax.

Fuck. We need to talk. I should apologize. The condoms were right there in the nightstand; I just totally forgot them in the heat of the moment. I think I pulled out in time but I can't be sure... And I wanna check in with her after that spanking, too - I know she enjoyed it but still it was our first real spanking session so I wanna talk about that experience for her... God, Dan. Listen to you. What about the little fact that you love her? Isn't THAT something you should talk about, too?!

I feel cold sweat break on my forehead and top lip, and another kick in my chest as my pulse picks up even more.

Fuck, not now.

But of course, panic attacks can't be wished away, and I am pretty certain that's where I'm heading.

Breathe, Dan. Remember the exercises Dr. Pappas gave you. Let's do them now.

Resolutely I turn my attention to my body, starting down at my toes, clenching and un-clenching each group of muscles in turn, focusing on the relaxation that follows the hard tightening. Feet. Calves. Thighs. Tighten every muscle as hard as you can... count to ten... then relax. Gluts. Abs. Chest. Tighten... count... then relax. Hands and arms. Tighten... count... relax. Jaw. Face. Scrunch up as tight as you can... hold it... and relax.

Phew. Okay. Back in the driver's seat.

Breathing evenly now I look down at Sandra's blond head resting on my chest, somewhat puzzled that she hadn't commented on the strange exercise I'd decided to do right then. Her soft, puffy breathes that tickle the hairs on my chest clue me in on the reason.

She fell asleep.

I half-chuckle, half-gasp. She breathes a bit more deeply, but doesn't really stir. Shaking my head - mostly at myself - I decide she's probably right. I let my mind latch onto the steady rhythm of her breaths, let my body soak up the warmth and softness at my side, and thankfully, soon enough I fall asleep, too.

*

A couple of hours later we're sitting side-by-side on my couch, coffees in front of us, when I finally broach the subject. Well, at least, the most immediate of them.

"Sandra, I'm really sorry about earlier."

She looks at me, startled. "About what?"

"The condom, baby. Or lack thereof. I don't know how it slipped my mind."

"Oh!" She looks honestly surprised, then gives me a rueful look. "Truth is, I thought you'd planned it like that... you know, pulling out to cum on me..." she shrugs and then blurts out - "It was so hot! Feeling your cum hit my skin, imagining how I looked from your angle... I felt so sexy!" Her cheeks flood bright-pink, but she meets my gaze head-on. Damn, I wanna kiss her.

Focus, Dan.

"It sure was hot, baby, but it wasn't planned. I'm really sorry. I think I pulled out in time, but just in case I didn't..." I gulp, and continue with quiet conviction. "Just in case I didn't, I want you to know I'd be there for you. I'll take care of you, baby. I promise."

Sandra looks searchingly at me, and finally nods. "Okay."

"I - 'okay'? That's it?" I'm not sure what I wanted to hear, but her 'okay' throws me.

"Yes. Okay. Look, Dan..." she shrugs, as if trying to keep it light. "What I mean is, let's not start building scenarios here, okay? If my period's late, I'll let you know and we'll talk. For now, let's not worry about it. Please?"