Hitting the Bottom Ch. 08

"Okay. I'm awake now, and I'm listening." I take her chin gently between my fingers and turn her head to face me. "What's on your mind, baby?"

She's still chewing hard on that poor lip of hers, until I tug it loose with my thumb. "C'mon, babygirl. Out with it. You said we may need to make some changes to our limits? What's going on?"

She gulps hard, and buries her hands under the cover. I have a sneaking suspicion she'd just crossed her fingers and doesn't want me to see. Shit. That bad, huh? I wait, my own anxiety climbing quickly, and finally, when the silence stretches a little too long, I snap.

Holding her eyes I speak quietly but with absolute command. "Enough stalling, babygirl. Talk. Now."

Thankfully that does the trick.

"Remember..." she clears her throat. "Ehm, Remember when we talked about how we each like being called, you said you were happy to call me babygirl, but you didn't want me calling you 'Daddy'? You said that was a hard limit for you, right?"

"Yes... so?"

"Well..." gulp. "I - I want to be able to call you 'Daddy' sometimes".

Shit, shit, shit. Breathe, Dan. You avoided explaining before; now it's time to 'fess up.

"Baby, my aversion to that title is not simply a matter of preferences in kink. If it were, I'd totally play along, knowing it made you happy." She nods, looking back down at her hands. Again I reach to turn her face up so I can look at her, and find her eyes brimming with tears. Double fuck.

"Sandra... my issue - to me, that word is just way too loaded to use in play. For one, my relationship with my own father... there's a ton of bad baggage there. Then on top of that, Naomi and I had tried for kids for years, and failed. And as a result of that our whole marriage fell apart." I shake my head, grimacing. "So to me, that word, 'daddy' - it's hopelessly connected to 'heartache' in my mind. I'm sorry, but I just can't do that. Using it would kill any play for me, guaranteed." I grimace. "I hate disappointing you, baby. Maybe -"

I stop short. Could I really voice that hope out loud?

I don't know if it's the eerie, surreal feel of the early morning, or the lingering sweetness of the dream in my mind, but something makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, something magical would happen if I let myself hope, here, with Sandra. I've never been fanciful, but right now -

Trust and hope, Dan.

"Maybe that would change someday. Maybe one day when I have kids..." I look into her eyes, silently adding 'with you' - "...maybe it'd be different. It may not be a mood killer forever."

She nods now, looking strangely, hugely relieved. In fact, there may just be a hopeful smile curling the corner of her mouth. I tilt my head, looking at her questioningly. She hesitates, but finally speaks softly.

"So, what if it wasn't during play that I wanted to call you 'daddy'?" Hope is definitely winning that battle now, lighting up the dark blue depths of her eyes.

I'm not sure I follow. "Huh? How do you mean, baby?"

She takes a big breath and turns away from me, reaching for the nightstand beside her, and then faces me again, holding something in her hand. Holding my eyes she opens her grip, showing the mystery object to me.

I drop my gaze to her hand, and my heart stops. And then kicks into crazy double-beat.

It's a pregnancy test stick. And there are, very clearly, two pink stripes in the small oval window.

"Congratulations, Daddy."

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