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Raechel giggled and Sarah smiled, shaking her head,"I didn't think so."
"Jamal, hold Cruise steady. Sarah, put the saddle on and I'll hold Raechel," Collin instructed. Sarah placed the adaptive saddle onto the horse's back and tightened the buckles, making sure it was secure. But Collin still tested the buckles himself, ignoring the eye-roll his sister aimed in his direction. Jamal came over to the other side of them and helped Collin set Raechel back into the saddle.
He took a step away once she was seated, looked at the angle to make sure she was steady, she figured. But Raechel still felt unnerved and reached out for him. He held her arm to steady her. He was so close that she noticed flecks of gold in his hazel eyes and a rim of dark green. He had large hands, roughened by working with horses. His scent was masculine with the sweetness of hay.
"It's okay Raechel, this saddle is acting like a cushion to steady you. You won't fall out of it, I promise." His hand stroked her arm reassuringly.
"I know, it's just that I'm afraid I'm falling in," she said quietly.
"Falling in?" Collin was confused and completely missed her meaning. She was thankful for it, although the meaning didn't go unnoticed by Sarah.
"Ahem. I have to get back to work in a few minutes. Collin, get Raechel started and then that's enough for today. I'm sure she needs rest," Sarah interrupted. "Raechel, you can come back tomorrow for more lessons and more time with Windy."
For the next hour, Collin gave Raechel the basics; instructing her on how to hold and use the reins to guide the horse in the direction she wanted him to go. She was an attentive learner and told him that she was starting to remember her old lessons and that she felt more confident with the refresher course. Collin told her that she still had to prove herself to Sarah. She needed to show her that she could handle herself alone and for the moment she wasn't quite ready for that task.
After the lessons, Raechel wheeled herself over to Wind's stall and reached her hands up to stroke his muzzle. Wind softly blew at her, sending her hair flying upward. She laughed joyfully and pulled an apple out of her pocket, handing it palm up to the horse. Wind eagerly ate it. She thanked Sarah again for the chance.
Collin met her at the fence and offered to walk with her. He wore tan cowboy hat on.
"How can you stand working for a race track when you know some of the horses will get injured and have to be euthanized?" Raechel asked him as they left the small farm.
"I don't," he said simply.
"You don't what?" Raechel blinked at him.
"I don't work for the track. I don't even live around here. But when my sister told me that someone was interested in saving a horse's life, Wind's life, I wanted to be part of it. I hate the track." Collin frowned deeply.
"Did she tell you I was in a chair?" Raechel couldn't think of anything to say after this bit of information.
"No, she didn't. Which didn't matter, doesn't matter. What do you like, besides horses? Tell me three things."
***
Raechel went back out to the tack room and stocked up on several heavy blankets she kept in the wooden chest there. She also grabbed a few flashlights and made herself a new mug of hot cocoa from the portable coffee maker that Sarah kept there. Her stomach growling, she looked into the small refrigerator for a snack. Finding nothing of interest, she closed the door and dug out a few granola bars from her saddle bag.
"This'll have to do. At least the power is still on." Sarah was supposed to have a contractor coming next week to do an estimate on getting heat put into the stables. They weren't sure if it would be possible, or if they could float the work financially, but it was worth a look they thought. This morning had changed that. Raechel spotted the small electric fireplace in the corner and dragged it over to the stall. She knew Sarah wouldn't approve of her placing it in the stall with Wind, but she needed something to keep them warm. She plugged the fireplace in and set up her meager survival kit on a turned over crate. Something cracked and a loud crash resounded throughout the stable. Raechel jumped, her nerves on edge. The lights blinked and then the entire place went dark.
"Crap!" The horses neighed in fright and she turned on a flashlight, making her way out of the stall and into the main drag. She shined the light into each stall to make sure the horses were all okay and then returned to Wind who was stomping his hooves in agitation. "Shh, shh boy it's okay. I'm right here. We're going to be just fine." She crooned to him, stroking his flank.
"I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I think there are enough blankets here to keep my legs warm." It was imperative that Raechel keep her legs warm. She was paralyzed from the waist down and couldn't feel if her legs were cold, or worse, at risk for frost bite. She used the strength of her upper body to lift up in her chair, fought with her floppy legs to cooperate enough and slid a blanket under her butt. Then she wrapped the blanket around them and brought it up to her chin. The horse walked over and blew warm breath at her before lying down beside her.
"This isn't going to work. The blankets keep sliding off. I wonder." Raechel looked down at Wind and had an idea. "Wind, come here." The horse lifted his head and looked at her, pinning his right ear back. When Windust walked over to where she was, she tossed a few of the remaining blankets into the hay and wood chips. Then she unravelled herself from the blankets, slid off her chair, and crawled over to the blankets.
Wind seemed to understand, because he nodded his head, nudged her butt closer to the pile of blankets, and nuzzled her cheek before settling down beside her. She clung to his mane, using it as leverage so she could settle herself against his warm body. Wind carefully shifted his weight so that she was nestled against his stomach, away from his hooves.
"How do you always know just what I need, Windy? It's like you can read my mind beautiful horse of mine. Do you know my thoughts? All I ever get from your thoughts, if that were true, is that you want more apples, more rubdowns, and wide open space to run." She chuckled to herself. "Some mind reader I am. Collin used to joke that we shared a telepathic connection and that he was jealous of you. A man being jealous of a horse, that's absurd. Sometimes, I almost believed him." Raechel rested her forehead against Wind's and another memory took hold.
***
Collin cradled Raechel between his thighs. Her back was leaning against him and her legs were sticking straight out. She panted, recovering from their lovemaking session. Closing her eyes she purred as Collin ran the brush through her hair. He suggested it to relax her after the shitty day she'd had. She'd had a tough day emotionally after telling Sarah about the imbalances she found within the books of the farm's accounts. The inconsistencies suggested that Sarah's husband was stealing from them. It had been a difficult revelation for everyone. But there would be no more talk tonight. Tonight was for loving.
She would have jumped into his arms and showered him with kisses at his thoughtfulness if she could have, but instead she pulled herself into a sitting position, slowly parted her thighs and invited him into her heat. Now in the aftermath, Raechel's mind eased and she basked in her husband's love.
The brush stopped moving. Raechel opened her eyes when she felt a tug on her hair. "Sometimes, I'm jealous of that horse," Collin growled.
"Jealous of my horse?" Raechel turned her head to look up at him and stole a kiss from his soft lips.
"Yeah. It's like you two have this secret language all to yourselves. I watch you with him and the way he responds to your gentle touch and your sweet voice and well, I see in Wind's eye that he responds in just the same way I respond to you."
"And how is that?" she asked, curious. Skimming his hands up her body, Collin cupped her breasts in answer. The rough skin of his thumbs moved in circles over her nipples. When they pebbled in response, Raechel arched her back. He untangled his legs form hers, grabbed several pillows to cushion her, and move around to the front of her body.
"Like this," he captured both of her hands in his and drew them up above her head as she settled back against the support of the pillows. Nuzzling his nose against hers, he breathed warm breath into her ear, his tongue tracing the shell of it. Raechel giggled, struggling to loose his hold on her.
"Col, you're tickling me. Windust does not lick my ear," she protested.
"Or here," his lips traveled down the column of her neck, running along her collarbone, mouth curving at the shiver he always elicited when he touched her there. She whimpered.
"Th-that's not at all...."
Raechel shivered and blinked as she started into the intelligent eyes of her horse. Windust nuzzled her ear with his muzzle. Raechel froze, confused.
"Windust?" She could have sworn Windust's brown eyes had a green tinge to them and that someone other than her horse was looking back at her. She shivered and wrapped the blankets closer.
***
"Sarah's probably sick with worry right now. Why hasn't anyone noticed I'm gone? Why hasn't Old Mack come to tend the horses yet? This makes no sense. He's never been this late before." The waiting put Raechel in mind of the torturous time she went through waiting for Collin to admit his feelings to her. When he finally did, theirs had been a tumultuous love. It was wild and carefree. Collin had taught Raechel to embrace life, even as his own was fading.
She tried not to hold anger in, but when she had learned that everyone was privy to Collin's heart condition except her, she had attacked those closest to her. Her relationship with Sarah was tested and the bond of their friendship was nearly broken, over the secret. She had assumed Collin's reluctance with her had been because of her own health issues. She was so hurt that she almost gave up on him and their love.
Looking back on it now, there had been subtle signs that she hadn't picked up on; mostly his fatigue and trips that took him to the city that she assumed had been about horses. She learned from Sarah that they were for doctors' visits and testing.
She had wanted to hate people for lying to her, for withholding the truth. She was his wife. It was her right to know he was sick! She had been holding back and keeping her emotions in check for so long. She was so drained, so tired. So sick of being the strong one for Sarah, for her mother-in-law, for the farm. All who came to Loving Care Farm and got to know them, knew that Sarah was the head of the farm, Collin was the heart, and Raechel was the soul. When the heart stopped beating; the head disconnected, the soul became empty, and the body started falling apart.
The farm was in foreclosure. It was silly to even entertain the notion of heat in the stables, but they refused to give up so easily. Sarah began fundraisers and slashing the prices of lessons for the kids. She even took a part time job in the evenings. Raechel sold her house and the modest land she and Collin owned and moved onto Loving Care Farm six months after Collin's death.
While her current situation worried and scared her a little - being snowed-in in a horse stable with no electricity, barely any food, only water from the horse pump, and the body heat of horses to keep her warm -- Raechel felt that this was a gift. That morning, Raechel had gotten more bad news. Sarah had no other option but to sell the horses so she could pay the bills. And while she promised Raechel she would never take Windust away from her, Raechel knew that finding Wind a new home could help them keep the house. He was worth a lot of money. She told her that as long as she felt comfortable with his new owners and that the track didn't get their hands on him, she would be okay with it. Sarah told her they would find a way. But Raechel resigned herself to the fact that most likely after the New Year, Wind would be leaving her.
"And it's all that asshole Larry's fault!" Raechel yelled, startling the sleeping horse with her voice. "I'm sorry Wind." She soothed him as she thought back on the events of the last three years. Larry, Sarah's soon-to-be-ex-husband, had been pilfering the funds of the farm right out from under her nose for a couple of years. It was only after she had hired Raechel to take over the books that the inconsistencies began to show themselves. When she had brought this to Sarah's attention, she had admitted that things had been strained and she thought she was either a really poor bookkeeper or that she was losing her mind. Together, they did some searching and found out that Larry had dirty dealings with the track and with horse trades. With the evidence in hand, Sarah immediately kicked him off the farm and out of her life.
After a call for assistance from Sarah, Collin came home and took up the position of horse trainer to the retired champion racer. He juggled a full schedule between his full time job as a physical therapist and running the therapeutic riding center on the farm. His background in psychology aided him when working with the children as he gave them horseback riding lessons. Collin still managed to find the time for Windust. Raechel knew that he had believed in the horse almost as much as she did. Windust was young at five years old, but an injury had ended his career and almost had ended him. His very life was hanging in the balance when Raechel swept onto the farm one day. She had seen herself in the horse; injured, lost, damaged goods and had taken up the cause of saving him.
Sarah told her on the day of her's and Collin's wedding that she had developed a soft spot both for Windust and for Raechel. Raechel knew she had taken a chance on her when she offered to give her riding lessons in exchange for Raechel becoming her receptionist and bookkeeper. Raechel had feared that ousting Larry would cause a riff between their relationship, but Sarah confessed to Raechel how unhappy she had been. Separated for two years, Sarah's divorce was set to be finalized on Christmas Day. Sarah and her farm would be free of the manipulative man.
Raechel found out after Collin's death that he had been working behind the scenes, bartering with people, working extra long hours, and appealing to every horse connected person he knew, to make owning Windust a reality for Raechel. Windust was to be her wedding present from her darling husband.
The joyous occasion of ownership of Windust for Raechel and freedom for Sarah had become tragic when Collin had a heart attack and died suddenly that afternoon. With Collin, died all hope of ever owning Windust. That was three years ago and Larry was still wreaking havoc in their lives and the farm was as good as the bank's.
Windust had brought healing and love into Raechel's life and it was killing her inside that she was giving him up. But Sarah and the rest of the farm crew had become her family. They had accepted her into her life, when those she loved and cared about had turned their backs on her. Loving Care Farm had given her home, a job, and hope. She justified her painful decision by reminding herself that if the farm still ran, the children would still find the healing and love that she found in her own most vulnerable moments.
"Oh Windust, I can't do it. I can't lose you! First Collin, now you? I can't bear it. My heart's breaking. I'm breaking. Let's run away together." Raechel bit her lip to keep it from trembling. "I've changed my mind!" Her late grandmother, who had raised her, trained her that Christmas was a magical time of new life, hope, angels and miracles. Closing her eyes, Raechel rubbed her face against Wind's flank and wished into the silent night.
"I wish Collin was here. I wish someone would find me and rescue me. I wish you were really mine!" She cried into the horse's shoulder as all the grief, pain, sadness, and anger, came out. Her body was wracked with trembling sobs. The horse lay his head on her lap and stared at her with his old-soul eyes, took a shuddering breath and closed them.
***
Yawning, Raechel stretched and snuggled into her dear horse and closed her eyes, remembering when she had snuggled with Collin in bed every night. He would always tuck her head beneath his chin and kiss her hair. She had laughed saying he was like a horse, always nuzzling her hair, and breathing against it. He had replied that adopting horse behavior came with the territory, and that she never seemed to complain when he turned his nuzzling attention to her super sensitive breasts. Where had that thought come from? She wondered to herself.
"I knew I had a reason to be jealous of that horse," a familiar voice chuckled. Raechel started and screamed.
"Relax Rach, it's just me." Collin's beloved voice caressed her senses. In the faded light of the lantern, she stared up at the figure shrouded in darkness.
"I'm dreaming. This can't be, can it, Wind? Wind?" The horse was asleep. She shook him. Nothing. "Windust?"
"He's in a trance-like state. I had no idea horses meditated!" Collin explained. "Did you?"
"You're just a figment of my overactive imagination. I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm scared. I'm desperate."
"I know, baby. Why do you think I'm here? Why do you think you can finally see me? You need me." The shadow slowly took form. Light skirted the edge of the figure and Raechel could see her husband's likeness. The honey-wheat waves of hair loose from the usual pony-tail he always wore. His hazel eyes gazed into hers, sending tingles through her body, straight to her core.
" God, p-please be real," Raechel begged as he knelt before her taking her hands in his. His hands were solid enough. His lips warm and moist as he kissed across her knuckles. He reached out and stroked her hair, smiling at her.
"You're so beautiful."
"I miss you, Collin. What's happening? Why now?" Raechel was so confused.
"Christmas wishes, my love."
"But...but..."
"Shh, no more questions. I'm here now. I don't know how long Windy can handle this little mind meld, or how long I have to be here before I'm called back. Let's make the most of it okay, baby?"
Collin slid his arms under her shoulders and lifted effortlessly, drawing her against his chest. He unzipped and parted the material of her sweatshirt, his hands seeking the weight of her breasts. Unlatching her bra, he pushed it up to cup her breasts. Raechel shivered at the contrast of her heated skin to the cold night air. Her nipples pebbled up in response. Collin rubbed his thumbs in slow circles around her nipples, giving them a little pinch.
He splayed his hand across her abdomen and bent his head to flick his tongue at the sensitive, pink peak. Raechel arched her back, pushing into him.
"Oh Collin," she whimpered. "More, I need more." He laved her nipple with his tongue and suckled her breast. His fingers fluttered across the sensitive area of her abdomen. She whimpered as his warm breath entered her ear and tongue licked her lobe. He knew her most sensitive areas and wasted no time drawing delighted responses from her body. His hand on her breast continued to tease and tantalize. She tried to move away, but the action pushed her body up in invitation, into her husband's capable hands. His arm dove beneath her back and lifted her up, tilting her onto her side.
"I'm real, Raechel. I'm here for the taking. Feel me." His voice pleaded, instructed, as he guided her hand down to his hardness. His clothes were gone and she reveled at his hot flesh once more in her hands. He pressed his lips to hers, tongue seeking entrance.
"No, no. This is wrong. You're dead. You're a ghost. I can't...." His tongue snaked in and took the rest of the words from her.
