Holly Ch. 02

Holly wakes up early already soaked and sticky. That's odd because he normally does that for himself as a boring part of his morning routine. The dream hasn't completely vanished yet and he can hear echoes of a female omega voice begging, as they do. He shudders to realize he'd been inside her and it was vivid enough to make him come in his sleep like a teenager. It wasn't just a beta load of cum, either, but the reserves usually only there during the breeding cycle. He supposes that might make sense-it has been seven years since he had sex with anyone. He should have known the biological imperative would catch up with him.

He should have known that he'd fall hard for someone when his guard was down. He'd been under stress lately, and the holidays were always hard, even though none of them are his holidays. A/os are empathic and absorb the myriad Christmastime emotions of everyone around them. The woman had impressed him enough that under other circumstances his defenses would have slammed into place like a shield formation.

That hadn't happened and now she was in his unconscious mind, already exerting her power in his dreams. She'd been wild enough beneath him to hurt her frail body; he'd been gentle as he'd try to be in real life. She'd called him her alpha. It wasn't even real, and yet he's smiling. MK, MK, MK...

Holly goes to the shower stall to turn on the water as an exercise in futility. To his surprise, it produces a warm-enough spray. 'Everything's comin' up Hollis,' he thinks. He washes quickly, letting the dream and its residue swirl down the drain.

He dresses in his work uniform of heavy black jeans, black thermal, T-shirt, and hoodie. He knows that one of these days he's going to have to start to dress like a grown-up, but not yet. He still pulls it off. After a breakfast of black coffee and a nutrition bar (an expensive mineral-heavy formula for male alphas), he has a few minutes before it's time to drive to work. He texts his landlords to inform them he's moving out tonight and will be gone by tomorrow. He reads it over and realizes it sounds terse, so adds a "thank you," but for what he's not sure. Maybe for evicting him.

He has a pang of doubt right after sending it. Could his dream have been more extensive than the sex part? Did last night even happen? After all, that was a pretty strange house... and person, too. He shakes it off. He's not crazy, it's just the time of year that throws a feeling of enchantment over the world. It's only the last day of November. At the start of December, it would get progressively more intense.

When Holly arrives at the shop, several co-workers are already there, slowly starting their day. "Well, look who finally decided to show up," says Damian. Holly glances at the clock and realizes he's being sarcastic. It's not that he's late, it's that he's on time. He's usually there first, already tucked into his corner, quietly focused on his work. That way, no one notices him when they arrive and he doesn't have to talk to anyone. "Mornin'," he responds with a respectful nod.

It's not that Holly's dancing around the garage, but he moves like someone who could. That's also an A/o trait that is hard to break. Some try to walk differently to "pass," but that usually ends with a trip to a chiropractor. Alphas tend to glide and omegas often appear to float, being small and sylphlike. Holly's didn't because of the accident, yet another confounding detail.

Today, he moves more like one of his kind, with a straight spine like his body hangs from the top of his head, broad chest lifted. It's not male posturing, just that he's happy and not protecting his heart from the world around him.

Damian steals glances at him throughout the morning. Finally, he approaches. "Hollis, can I have a word with you?" he asks gruffly. Holly unwinds his legs from his cross-legged position as he stands. He follows the boss to the office with a scowl on his pretty face.

With the door closed behind them, he relaxes. "What's up?"

Damian breaks into a winning smile. "I'm glad you caught on that I do that so I don't look like I play favorites. If the guys knew we're BFFs, that might not be great for anyone."

Holly understands. He'd hate the scrutiny that might come from being the boss' pet. "It's okay."

"Are you hungry? Let me take you to lunch."

That sounds good to Holly. He is famished and talking with Damian was something he wanted to do anyway.

They slip out to Damian's SUV, his winter ride. Usually, they'd just drive to Bonnie's, a biker bar and grill, but it's not as much fun there when the parking lot isn't full of shining chrome and road-trippers from all over. They decide on the Chinese buffet because it will be fast and the food is superb-no Panda Express crap.

When their plates are piled to the maximum, they sit at a table a little apart from the crowd. Damian eyes his friend's plate. The amount of food is normal for Damian because he's big and when he's not running his business he's playing basketball or working out at the gym. For Holly, appetite usually indicates something.

"That mean we won't see you for three days?"

For years, Damian has accepted that this employee needs time off about every six weeks. It's just too difficult for him to be at work when he's in heat, especially given his choice of celibacy. It makes him feel sick and he gets crabby as hell. As the father of daughters, he inferred what it must be like and never made a big deal about it. Holly made up for it when he was there with his quiet competence and sweet nature.

Holly pauses eating to check in with his body. "You know, I'm not sure. Sorry, I'll let you know, as usual. I'm just distracted lately." He thinks that this morning's output could be an indicator, too. He blushes a little. He takes off his cap and runs a hand through his hair.

"So what's got you all distracted?" Damian asks. "You seem pretty happy today."

"I found a place to live. Not gonna be sleepin' in my truck."

Damian's prurient grin fades. "Oh. I mean, that's excellent news! Thank God, right?"

Holly knows he'd hoped for something juicier. "There's a woman involved..."

He proceeds to tell Damian everything he knows about MK, which is less than he thought once he lays out all the pieces. The way he feels is a kind of knowing that's harder to convey.

"So is she an omega or not?" Damian asks, puzzled.

"I can't tell. I want her, though."

Damian gets that expression on his face of a child winding up to say something inappropriate. "How can you not tell? I thought you..." he trails off before saying "you people," like an asshole.

"Yeah, I know. We can tell when you can't. Part of how we survive. The weird thing is... I could want her if she's a beta."

"Oh, no. Holly, you've been punishing yourself for seven years for getting involved with a beta. Are you really gonna jump into that again?"

"That was totally different. I was thinking with my head, not my heart. Allison was a wonderful person. And-I have eyes-everyone thought she was gorgeous. I decided to love her. In my way, I did. I thought that with a person as fine as her, that would be enough. When I could tell it was never really gonna happen for me, I ended it. I know it shocked her. Everyone thought we'd get married. When it seemed like she was waiting for a proposal, I knew I just couldn't waste any more of her time. I hope it didn't make her hate me... or people like me."

Damian knows her and her new husband, too. "She doesn't hate you. In fact, she still loves you but knows why you did what you did. It worked out. But why no omega for so long? Is that an A/o thing, to wait like that?"

Holly takes a deep breath. "Well, there is something I never told you. Please don't repeat it. I mean, I know you'll understand, but it sounds like a bad stereotype, okay?"

"Sure. I'm honored you trust me. Really."

"What they say about omegas is true. They are breeders. They can't help it... and we can't resist them. For us, that's not a bad thing, but beta culture paints them as bitches and whores. I don't hate it. I'm wired to love it, but I decided a long time ago I shouldn't reproduce... I like kids and I'd adopt some, you know, if things were different..."

At this time, A/o couples can't legally adopt. The agencies are required by law to make everyone take a DNA test. Even the kids no one else wants aren't allowed to live in an A/o household. Of course, there are no A/o couples who have fertility problems, but if they just want to adopt for moral reasons it's regarded with suspicion like it's part of their weird agenda.

It alarms Damian that his alpha friend doesn't think he should have biological kids. That was a new one. "Are you sick? Why can't you have kids?"

"Well, you know how I talk about Mama all the time?"

"Yeah, I know you're a mama's boy. I figured that was a southern thing."

Holly laughs. "She wasn't my mother. She was my grandmother. My mom, her daughter, was 13 when she had me. My 'father' was a beta. The worst piece of shit kind, not like you! He didn't rape her as in force himself on her, but he persuaded her. He was much older and left her pregnant and heartbroken. She waited and waited for him to come back, but he never did. Mama told her he wouldn't but she didn't get it. When she finally did, she killed herself when I was almost two.

"I'm so glad I'm alpha or Mama might have hated me. I look like him. I should have black hair and black eyes, like my real family. Instead, I look like this," he says, disgusted.

Damian takes in his friend's striking blue eyes. "You do realize you aren't so hard to look at. Hell, Diana has a big crush on you, that's obvious. And do you think I'd let you near her if I thought you'd ever mess with a kid?"

Holly fixes those captivating eyes on him. "You really don't know, do you? I wasn't gonna say nothin' because a man's family is his own business, but Diana's an alpha. She doesn't have a crush. She knows I'm like her and wants to ask me about it, just doesn't know how."

Damian looks over his plate, like the next morsel he chooses to chopstick will hold the answer.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Oh, yeah. In this case, yeah."

"So what do I do? I thought I was the kind of dad my kids could always come to. She's perfect, just how she is, no matter what."

"It's not you, man. Your kids worship you. You don't know the shit she hears at school. On TV, female alphas are always the butt of a joke. Any time a woman is kicking ass in the world, someone calls her an alpha, just to knock her down a peg. Hell, even the president, when he can't think of an insult, uses his gross innuendo to call a woman alpha and get a rise."

"Well, he's a dick."

"We know that! But she's a kid and that's the fuckin' president. Imagine how it makes her feel about herself." Holly scans around because even this conversation isn't entirely safe to have in public.

"What should I say to her? Seriously, I have to get his right," Damian says.

"First off, blame it on me that you know. I can live with her hating me. She's in high school and if you make it seem like you can 'just tell' that will make her really self-conscious. Tell her how much you love her, that she's the shit, that you want her to be happy and you'll be okay with anyone she dates as long as they treat her right."

Damian is on board with that. "That's all true, so it should be easy enough to say. I mean, if she brings home an omega boy..."

Holly can tell he's not sure that's even a thing. "Wait-does she like boys?"

He shouldn't, but Holly laughs. "I can't smell that! But, yes, omega boys are a real thing. If she likes boys, that's the kind she likes. They are the rarest A/os and have a rough time, so make sure to be gentle. You'd be intimidating as hell to an omega boy dating your daughter."

Damian looks hurt. "Me? I seem like an alphaphobe?"

"No, no, ya don't. It's just that you're tall and strong, you have a deep voice, you like sports... he won't be like that. Have you heard about what's happening with sports in schools?"

"Just how they cut them most places. What's that got to do with anything? Honestly, not my biggest concern at the moment."

"It's part of this. Omega boys have been getting attacked in locker rooms lately. Beta boys want to get a look at their junk, hold 'em down, do things to them... So instead of addressing the real problem, like holding a town hall meeting and telling the beta parents their kids are little sex criminal thugs, they say it's budget cuts and the district's got no money to pay for gym class or sports. People believe it because it sounds like the truth."

Damian pushes his plate away. "Jesus fuckin' Christ. I feel sick. I had no idea it was still so bad."

"Hey. I know if you had a boy he wouldn't be like that. Enough people aren't that the truth will come out, you just haven't heard about it yet. Does Diana have gym class at school?" Holly asks cautiously.

"No! No, now they have 'recreational time' where they get to walk around outside like it's a prison. I thought that sucked because my kids need to run around. Di is great at sports, too."

Holly doesn't have to tell him that alphas are. Some betas are, too, and those girls get called alpha when they win, whether they are or not.

"Even if they say it's about the budget, it's that the boys can't be trusted to take a shower in a civilized way. They cut the girls' programs, too, so that people think it's just budget cuts. Diana might know the real reason."

"My kid might be scared to death."

"That's why family is so important. It gets us through."

"So how do you think she'll take it when I try to talk to her about this?"

Holly shrugs. "I don't have kids. She'll probably take it like a teenage girl."

"Great."

They drive back to the shop in silence. It's not uncomfortable, just that much as been said that they need to process. "Hey," says Damian, "do you think you can lock up at closing time? Di will be home from school soon and I think we need some father/daughter time."

"Of course. Will you call me later? I'll be-"

"Worried?"

"Thinking about you. If you can, let me know how it went."

"Will do. Oh, shit. I didn't even ask if you need help moving! I know you hardly have any stuff. Still, that was rude."

"I don't need any help. Who knows? Maybe if she likes me I'll buy some furniture. I'd need a hand with that."

Damian's ebullient smile returns. "I sure hope so."

* * * * *

Holly packs up his pickup in about fifteen minutes. There are sleeping bags, a large duffle bag, a backpack, several cardboard boxes, and his hunting weaponry. He looks it over and wonders if he ought to be embarrassed that this is the physical evidence of his 42 years on this earth. He doesn't care.

He drives the route to his new home like he could do it in his sleep. Perhaps he did last night. No, the house is just as he remembers, lit up with a yellow glow. He starts with his pack and one box and knocks on the front door. It feels too soon to just walk in. Just like him, she likes her solitude and his plan is to stay out of her way while being around enough to do for her what needs to be done. He's decided she's going to be his, but he's a male alpha, not an alpha male in the colloquial sense; Holly won't just barge in like he owns the place and make her his woman. If they make the pair bond at all it will happen regardless of their intentions, yet there is still some courtship involved. Omegas are naturally submissive but do have the ability to slip through one's grasp if they feel spooked. He won't let that happen.

When it's clear MK isn't going to answer the door, he lets himself it. He hopes the code will become muscle memory so that he doesn't have to think about its significance every time he comes home. Stealthily, he moves everything into his room. Her door is closed and he can't hear a sound.

He badly wants to see her, if only for a minute to gauge her reaction to him. Would she regret her decision? Would he get that angelic smile that, in his mind, proves she's what he hopes she is? He unpacks with his door open to be available to her but closes it when his phone rings. It's Damian. He swallows hard before answering.

"Are things all right?" Holly asks.

"Man, you were right about everything. At first, she was angry, but then she cried on my shoulder for an hour or so. I cried, too-I had no idea she was in so much pain. It's not just the A/o thing. She's had it in her head she doesn't belong in this family."

"What? That doesn't make sense."

He sighs, sounding as tired as Holly's ever heard him. "It's my ex-Di's mother has been poisoning her mind with the idea that Elle and I don't love her like we love her half-sisters. Elle's so damn proud of her, like she's hers, always bragging about how smart and beautiful Diana is. She's never even raised her voice to her. We thought she knew how happy she makes us. But she's been feeling for a long time that she's in the way."

"That why she never told you?"

"She didn't want to be any trouble." Holly can hear him crying softly. He's never seen anything close to that from Damian, but it makes sense. If anything could get to him, it's his kids in pain.

"Your ex sounds like a sick woman," Holly snarls. "I get she's probably jealous of Elle, but usin' Di like that ain't right at all."

Damian sniffles wetly into the phone. "Hollis, I really need you to understand something."

"Sure, man. I'm listening."

"I think... what you did today... you probably saved my daughter's life."

"Huh? Ya don't mean... aw, she wouldn't do a thing like that," he replies, but he's got doubts by the end of the sentence.

"We don't know that. If she'd gone on feeling like she was, all alone, feeling so shitty about herself, I don't know what she might have done. Is it getting worse? I mean, when I was a kid, I don't remember hearing about that."

"I think about that, too. It seems like the world is getting meaner, but that's probably just my mind playing tricks. I dunno."

"Well, one thing I know," Damian says with conviction, "I'm going to be at home a lot more. Fewer Saturdays at Omen, less gym time..."

"You'll get a dad bod," Holly jokes and is rewarded with a familiar laugh.

"Well, I'm a dad! I thought I spent the right amount of time with her, but maybe it wasn't enough. I'm thinking I'll pull her out of school a few days before the Christmas break, take her skiing, just the two of us."

Holly tears up at the thought of how happy that will make her. "That's a great idea. She'll love that."

"Yeah, that's what I'll do, if Elle's okay it. Oh, that's her now. I've gotta go tell her what's going on, then try to keep her from murdering my ex-wife."

"Good luck. I can picture that."

"Hey, Holly?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I meant what I said. Thank you."

"You tell Di her uncle Holly loves her, too."

Holly hangs up and opens his door again. He smooths out his sleeping bags in the corner, hangs clothes in the closet, puts away the few items that belong in the medicine cabinet, stands his rifle and bow in the corner opposite where his bed will one day be. All that remains are the boxes of books. He decides he'll get a bookshelf first because the cardboard mars the virgin tranquility of the room. He won't decorate; the walls are a clean but not stark shade of white like feathers. He'll also put up some high-quality blinds befitting MK's house-something she'll like. He keeps catching his reflection in the black windows and it's like being haunted by himself.

Her silent, assumed presence is more unsettling than if he knew he was alone in a strange place. He feels haunted by her, too. Tomorrow will be Sunday, so he can sleep later than usual. He has a feeling she must keep irregular hours due to her illness and lack of a set schedule. Does she have one? He realizes he doesn't know. He hopes she'll wake up in the night, see his light on, and say hello. He needs to look at her again.