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"Yes. He loves you," she said as firmly as she could. He blinked and frowned; then nodded.

"I know." He blinked again, slowly and his eyes cleared for a moment. "I know. I..." He stopped and jerked as if a sudden pain had gripped him and let him go. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"What is it sweetheart? Did something hurt you?"

He half opened his eyes and shivered. "No... yes... I... Luke..."

"I know... It's going to be alright. It's going to be alright, because Luke is coming now."

He shivered again and whimpered, his hand rising, struggling. She took it, frightened. "Please... please..."

"Ryden, I swear to you. I swear it. Luke is coming. He loves you. Please baby... don't get all wound up or... or you won't be up to it. Rest now and he'll be here soon." He struggled to search her eyes, breathing hard, looking... Then he sighed and nodded, letting go with a groan.

Helen was shaking. She was scared of the intensity of his emotion, after so long with no emotion at all. What had they done to him? She blamed herself as much as Robert. She should have stopped wondering why Luke hadn't come and started finding out for herself. Was that why he'd shut down? Because of Luke? Because he wasn't with Luke?

She was still holding his hand and smoothing his forehead when the knock came. Carefully laying Ryden's hand down on the covers, she rose to answer, her heart pounding.

The boy on the doorstep was hardly recognisable. She knew Luke Stevens well. He and Ryden had always been friends and she'd come to know the pale, studious boy very well. She'd often wondered about the friendship. He was very different to Ryden and Cody; much quieter, less robust. But the friendship had survived school and university and the two boys were fiercely protective of him.

Luke was all eyes, his face gaunt and drawn, his black hair hanging straight, covering one side of his face as always.

He looked so uncertain, so frightened; as if he was afraid to hope, scared that he would be turned away again.

Here was the one who cared for her son more than anyone, except herself. Here was the one that her son cared for even more than herself. Here was the one.

Startling them both, she pulled Luke into a fierce hug. "Thank you," she whispered, too choked to say more. "Thank you."

Letting him go she grabbed his hand and practically dragged him into the other room. She saw his face in that moment; the moment when he saw the boy he loved for the first time. She saw the horror; the uncertainty; the pain. Most of all she saw the love. She knew that Ryden was safe now and she left them to it.

***

He felt so alone. He'd been feeling alone so much lately. He'd tried so hard; kept trying until he gave up. There's only so much anyone can take, so much fight anyone possessed within them.

He'd had updates from Lucy and Cory. They were good friends, but they didn't understand. They didn't understand the unbearable pressure of knowing the one you love's suffering... so close and so far. It was torture hearing them talk then seeing them walk away and leave him alone. The flat was empty. It felt as though the heart had been torn out of it, like it had been torn out of him.

The thought that he'd never hear Ryden's laughter here again; see him coming out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and a smile on his face. Luke slept on the sofa, because he couldn't bear to go into the bedroom. Ry's smell was on the pillow, his things on the dresser, his art on the walls.

And now...

He looked... the same. He'd lost weight and his hair was longer but he was... the same. He'd expected... He didn't know what he'd expected, but it was all so... normal. He was in his own bed that had been brought downstairs. He was dressed in his own pyjamas and he had that little smile on his face.

Where was all the hospital stuff? There should have been stuff. It shouldn't have been so normal because normal made it harder.

There was some stuff— on the table next to the bed. He picked up a bottle of shake. It was the thing they gave his grandmother in the home because she wasn't eating. He supposed Ry wouldn't be eating very much. He wondered how they got him to drink the shakes. Did he...? Was he...? Could he...?

There was a drip in his arm. Well, one bit of hospital stuff then. It didn't make anything easier.

He looked so peaceful. What should he do? Should he say something? Touch him? It didn't seem right somehow. He sat down on the chair and bit his lip. It's what he'd wanted; what he'd longer for. Now he was here he had no idea what to do.

"Hi Ry. It's me... Luke." Goddamit, couldn't he think of something more inspired to say? "Um... I... Holy shit."

"Hey... Luke..."

Luke was shocked rigid as he look down into blue eyes that were smiling at him."Hey... I...um... I didn't... expect..."

Ryden frowned. "You didn't come."

"I tried to, Ry, I swear it. I tried to come but... they wouldn't let me. First the hospital and then... then your Dad and..."

"He said... He said you didn't want me."

"Fucking arsehole. He tried his best didn't he? He really tried to split us up."

"Yeah." Ryden frowned again. "We haven't.... I mean... you..."

"No! No, I haven't. I never would. I love you, Ry. This has been a nightmare. I've missed you so much. I thought... I thought you were..."

"Hmm. You love me?"

"Yes, I love you."

Ryden smiled. It wasn't quite his old smile, but it was beautiful. Hesitantly, Luke reached out and took Ryden's hand. Ryden squeezed him.

"I thought you'd be..."

"Yeah. I am."

"But..."

"Luke I... I can't... I try, but... Don't go."

"Hey, I don't know what you're on about but I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

Luke panicked a little because the word kind of faded and Ryden's eyes were rolling shut. "Fuck Ry, are you okay? Should I call—?"

Ryden squeezed his hand again. "Promise."

"Yeah, I promise. I swear I won't go away."

Ryden sighed and there was a smile on his face as he drifted away.

"Fuck." Luke was shaking, but he held tightly to Ryden's hand, which was now limp in his.

"Is everything alright?" Helen had heard the last word which he'd pretty much shouted.

"I... um... He... He was talking to me and..."

Helen smiled at him. "It's alright hun, that's the way he is. He can't stay awake for very long but when he is awake he's pretty much his old self. We're hoping that the times, he's awake will get longer."

"What if they don't?"

Helen frowned. "I'm not going to lie to you, Luke. I've been lying to myself for too long. He might not get any better than this... ever. Or he might slip back again. We just don't know. No one knows."

If it was possible, Luke went even paler. "I didn't know what to expect. I kind of thought that... that it's like when someone's in a coma. That he'd kind of wake up and that would be it."

"No sweetheart... that's not it."

"I know. I can see."

"Will you stay?"

"As long as I can."

"You can stay as long as you want to. You can stay here if you'd like, with Ry."

"Really? But, but what about Ry's dad? What if he...?"

"Ry's dad isn't here. He won't bother you any more, Luke, I promise. Do you have any bags?"

"Ye...yeah, they're in the car."

"Would you like me to get them?"

"No. No it's alright, I'll get them." With another long, tender look at Ryden, he slipped his hand out of his grasp and headed for the door.

"Is everything alright?"

Lucy and Cory were leaning against the car, smoking.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could we?" Lucy said, her eyes tormented. We tried, but..."

"Are you okay?" Cory asked, his eyes narrowed shrewdly.

"I don't know. It was so much better and so much worse than I expected."

"Did he talk to you?"

"Yeah. He said... he said that he thought... He thought we'd split up."

"What? Why would he do that?"

"Why do you think?" he snapped.

"His dad?" Lucy hissed.

"I wish I could—" Cory growled.

"I know," Luke interjected quickly, "but it wouldn't do any good. Are you staying?"

"Of course I am. I came out for my bag."

"Wan'a drag?" Cory held out his cigarette. Luke smiled and shook his head.

"Nah. I don't want to smell of smoke."

"Good point. Do you want a hand?" Cory asked, flicking his cigarette into the gutter

"No thanks. God you guys are great."

"We love you Luke," Cory muttered awkwardly. "Both of you."

"Yeah. We love you too., but don't go telling anyone, they might think you're a fag."

"Don't say that word, Luke. Ry would slap you silly if he heard you use that word."

"I know. It's just..."

Lucy stood on tiptoe and kissed him. "I know, babe, but you don't need to fight anymore. The two musketeers are back together again. I'm afraid I stole the third."

Cory grabbed her around the waist and swung her in for a kiss. "Never... I'm just on loan."

Luke smiled at the easy banter but he really didn't want to be there. After dragging his bags from the back of the car, he said goodbye to his friends with promises he'd call soon.

Helen was waiting, staring at Ryden. "I'll take your bags upstairs."

"Thank you, but can I stay here?"

"Of course you can. The chair's not the most comfortable place to sleep, but I've spent enough nights here to know that it's not too bad. Would you like something to eat?"

"Yeah, that would be good, thank you."

As soon as she left the room he forgot her. He sat down and was totally absorbed by Ryden. He picked up his hand and kissed it, then stroked his hair.

"Hey, babe. I was kind of unprepared before, but I'm here for you now. I promised I wouldn't go anywhere, so I'm staying. I mean I'm staying here, in your house, for a while. So, I have to pay my way; to prove I'm worth it. You need to help me out here. I mean, you've got to start waking up properly. You know how much I love to watch you sleep, but this time I think I'm going to love watching you wake even more."

"Luke?" The word was very faint and distant, as if Ryden was a long way away.

"Yeah. I'm here. Promised didn't I?"

"Yeah."

"You sound tired."

"No...I can't..."

"What? What can't you do?"

"Wake up."

"Yeah, you can. Sure you can. Just open your eyes and smile at me and you'll be awake. I think I might know a way to keep you awake."

"I..." Ryden took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh.

"Hey, You're there somewhere, I can hear you. Come out and play."

"Play?" His eyes fluttered and opened. He smiled.

"Aha. That got your attention."

Ryden laughed distantly. "You... always... You..."

"Yeah, I know I have, babe. I always have your attention and you've always had mine. So. You have my whole attention; now, what do you want to do?"

"I... can't..."

"Yeah, you can."

"Luke I... I..."

"Don't you dare. I'm going to make damn sure you don't. Come on. Can you sit up?"

"No. Too... Too..."

"Will it hurt you if I sit you up?"

"I don't... I don't... think..."

"Okay, I'm going to try."

Luke carefully climbed up onto the bed and gently eased Ryden up into his arms.

"Aw," Ryden moaned after a certain point.

"What is it? What's hurting you?"

"My back."

"Oh shit, I forgot. You hurt your back in the accident. I guess it's not fixed yet. Does it hurt a lot?"

"No, not really."

"Hey, I've got a better idea." Carefully he lowered Ryden down again, terrified of how limp he was. "Can you move?"

"Uhu... a... bit."

"Okay, Turn over, on your side and I'll lie here. Just like we used to."

It took a lot out of Ryden to turn onto his side and it clearly hurt, but he was determined. Nevertheless, by the time Luke slid his arm under him and drew him into his arms, he was nodding and his eyes closing.

"Don't you dare go to sleep; not now. I've worked too hard to get you here."

"Luke I..." He was whispering, fading, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried hard to keep them open.

"Hey, if you go to sleep you'll miss the best part."

"Mmm?"

"Best part. Say you want it."

"Huh?" His head was getting heavy on Luke's shoulder.

"Say it. The best part."

"B...be...best...p..." He very nearly fell, but Luke lifted his face and kissed him. "Ohhh," he sighed against his lips. "That... part..." But he couldn't hold on any longer.

"Ry? Ry don't..."

Lifting his head Luke gently stroked the hair out of his face and smiled through tears at the peaceful look on his face; the smile. Ryden sighed, but didn't wake.

When Helen returned with a meal for Luke, she found them both fast asleep in each other's arms. She found a blanket and covered Luke with it. Looking down at them she smiled and, for the first time in days, she went to bed.

Luke slept through the night and, if Ryden had awoken he'd been too deeply asleep to know one way or another. Opening his eyes to find Ryden curled into his side he smiled, then thought deeply. The months since the accident had been hard on Luke. He'd been torn apart again and again, as the news swung constantly between good and bad, and he was frantic when he wasn't allowed to visit. It almost broke him, knowing that Ryden was home... so close and yet so far.

He was exhausted and now, to be here, holding him. As much as he tried he couldn't stay awake and enjoy the feeling of being here, being with him, being together again. He simply couldn't stop himself falling asleep. Was this what it was like for Ry... all the time? How could he fight against this? Luke couldn't.

As he pondered Ryden, stirred and mumbled something in his sleep. Luke's senses were instantly filled with him. He stroked his face gently and was rewarded by a sleepy smile and blinking blue eyes.

"You were sleeping."

"So were you. That's all you do."

Ryden frowned deeply. "I know. I'm sorry Luke. I try. Really, I try but..."

"Hey. I was teasing. You know me, I never know when to stop."

Ryden smiled shyly. "That's why I like you."

"Like? Just like?"

"No, not just like. I love you."

"You'd better had because I'm totally, utterly and completely in love with you. I adore you, my beautiful boy."

Ryden flushed slightly. "You always call me that. I'm not a boy anymore."

"You'll always be my beautiful boy. Even when you're ninety six."

The bright smile quickly sank into a frown. "I... Will I...?"

"Of course you will. Don't ever let me hear you say anything different."

"I don't..."

"Neither of us knows if we'll live to be ninety six. I could get run over by a bus tomorrow. Well, not tomorrow because I'll be here tomorrow, but you know what I mean."

But Ryden wasn't smiling, not this time. "I hear them."

"Hear who?"

"Everyone. I might... might not get better. Not ever."

"Well..." Luke said carefully. "I don't care what 'everyone' says; I'm saying that you are going to get better. I'm going to make you get better."

"But..."

"I am going to make you better, Ry. Believe it."

Smiling gently, Ryden smiled at him. "I believe you."

"You have to help though. You have to try, Ry. You have to try as hard as you can to be awake as often as you can. I'll always be here; always. I'm going to be with you, no matter what, but you have to try."

A look of pain crossed Ryden's face and he bit his lip. "But I... I do... I do try, Luke. I've always tried. When I was... when I was asleep all the time... I tried and I thought... I thought that if I... if I... I woke up then... then it... it would be alright but..."

"It will be alright. I promise; it will be."

"I... Luke I am trying." The anguish in his voice turned Luke's stomach, and a twinge of guilt stabbed at him.

He could tell Ryden was desperately sleepy again. He remembered how sleep had come on him the night before and knew how hard it was to fight it off in the end. "I know you are. I can't ask you to do any more than try."

"Help me... please." Ryden's eyes, as sleepy as they were, were now also desperate and Luke could see he was fighting; how hard he was fighting.

"Of course I'll help. How about a drink?"

"I... don't..."

"Drinking will help to keep you awake. Try."

"It's horrible."

"Yeah... I guess so. I'll get you something better later on. It's all I've got now."

"K."

"You need to sit up a little bit. Wait."

Luke got off the bed and sat on the edge, gradually raising Ryden into his arms. Ryden did his best to help but his best wasn't very much.

"Is that okay? It's not hurting?"

"No. My...my mother does it like this."

"I bet your mother doesn't do this." Luke leaned down and kissed him gently. Ryden tried his best to return it, but he was sliding fast. "Okay... drink."

Obediently, Ryden sucked on the straw, his eyes fixed on Luke's face. Luke knew it was pretty much hopeless but it didn't stop him trying.

"Come on, babe... fight it. I know you can. Drink your drink and I'll kiss you again."

Ryden had gone completely limp, and the milk started to trickle out of the corner of his mouth. "Eew, you're dribbling. That is not an attractive look." Ryden didn't smile at him. He was frowning deeply and Luke could feel his body shaking. His lips parted and he tried to speak but it just wasn't happening. The shaking increased, and then abruptly stopped as he went completely limp, his eyes closing.

"Oh babe, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?"

"Is everything alright?"

Helen popped her head around the door, the smell of bacon following her.

"Yes. No. I thought..."

Luke was staring at Ryden, totally wrapped up in him. Helen walked across the floor and brushed the hair out of her son's face, gently wiping the spilled milk. She squeezed Luke's shoulder.

"You can't expect miracles, sweetheart."

Luke looked up at her and her heart turned over at the pain in his eyes.

"How can you do it? How can you sit with him every day; talk to him, watch him...go, and... and stay positive?"

"I believe in him. I know he can do this. I trust him. And I love him. I know how hard it is for him; how hard he's trying and I would go to the ends of the earth to give him on more smile; one more hug; one more moment of happiness. I put everything I have into making whatever time we can have together the best it can possibly be and I look forward to them, to every single moment. I hope so hard but hope is... the future. I try to live in the now."

She smiled at Luke and then she turned her eyes to Ryden and the smile changed. "He tries hard you know. He knows what happening to him and he tries. Sometimes... sometimes he gets upset; he gets scared but... He's always smiling; he always keeps trying so..."

When she glanced at Luke again there were tears in her eyes. "Do you want some bacon?"

He nodded wordlessly. Gently laying Ryden back onto the pillows, he followed her into the kitchen.

When Sam came she was delighted to see Luke. "I'm so glad you came. I know how much Ryden wanted you to."

"I... I'm glad I got things straightened out."

"Are you staying?"

"Absolutely."

"Would you like to help this morning?"

"Help?"

"It takes some doing; getting Ry ready for the day. I think he would really appreciate it being you who did it."

"I...er...yeah."

It came as a real shock to Luke, watching Sam work, standing helplessly. It was hard for him to watch the less pleasant aspects of caring for someone who's bedbound and, for the most part, helpless. He was shocked, embarrassed, disturbed and the thing that upset him most was realising the raw truth about what was happening to his lover. It was horrible to see him so helpless and reliant on others for his basic needs.

Ryden didn't wake, not properly, throughout the process and Sam made jokes that Luke had worn him out. Luke didn't appreciate it.

When she'd gone Luke sat on the bed and stared at Ryden. By the time Helen came back from seeing Sam out, his face was wet.

"It's hard, Luke. Every day is a hurdle but every day's an opportunity too. Looking after him is a pleasure to me because I'm giving him something. I'm giving back to someone who has given me so much pleasure in my life. Try to get past the way he is, Luke. Try to remember who he was."