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When I feel a pair of cool hands slip over my eyes, I don't startle I grin widely and start giggling "guess who?"

"Megan Fox, you've finally come to your senses and realised I'm the only woman for you?"

Emily removes her hands from my face and sits next to me on the wall, nudging me with her shoulder "you're no fun. You cut your hair?" She asks reaching out with one of her long delicate fingers to pull on a wayward curl before letting it fall loose again.

"Either that or it shrunk in the shower." I remark, nudging her with my shoulder. Her eyes catch mine and they lock together for a fleeting second. I could get lost in her eyes and live a happy life there.

Emily begins to grin widely at me and shakes her head slightly "your sarcasm is refreshing Kait" her teeth worry her bottom lip as we sit quietly before she speaks again "so, you need my help?"

I rest my head on her shoulder and nod "yep, and you're a life saver. Thank you." I breathe in her heavenly scent and close my eyes for a moment, relishing her closeness before I have to separate myself.

"Anytime Kait, shall we get to it?" I stand at her words and nod, she follows suit and we walk together to the rehearsal space I've occupied. "What is it I'm going to be playing? I should warn you I'm out of practice."

"I've arranged a Disney medley. There's some amazing vocalists and it was the only thing I could get them to agree on. It's a mix between songs sung by heroes and villains. Took me forever, but so far I've been happy with the results." I realise I'm gushing and stop abruptly, my cheeks flaming slightly.

"Sounds good. Well as long as there's sheet music I should be able to muddle through."

In the rehearsal room I introduce Emily briefly, explaining that she isn't a music student. In fact when I tell the group that she's a pre-med senior they all look a little awestruck. I glance over at my blonde haired friend and see her smirking, directing her to the piano she takes a seat and the rest of the musicians take their places. "Ok, so you all know what you're doing. So we'll take it from the beginning. Emily, you're happy with the key changes I've noted yes?" I glance over my shoulder and find her watching me closely.

"Sure, it might take a couple of times to get it right but I think I'll get there." I grin at her and flush when she winks at me holy shit, why does she have to do that?

I clear my throat and turn away from her, raising my arms I count them in and they begin playing. Emily's good, in fact, she's excellent. I risk glances across at her and watch her hands fly delicately over the keys, the muscles in her arms dancing in time with the music. The sight alone is enough to ignite sparks of arousal deep in my gut, I could stand here and watch her all day. Her easy grace, the way her brows furrow into a tight line above her eyes, I've had girlfriends before, had crushes but never anything like this. She never fails to mesmerise me.

As the song comes to an end I smile at the room in front of me and pick up the pile of papers on the desk "that was great, let's take five and go again." I want to go speak to Emily but I sharp tug on the back of my sweatshirt stops me in my tracks, looking over my shoulder I see Chloe giving me a wary look.

"Outside. Now." I glance over my shoulder at Emily who's watching me in confusion, offering her a small, apologetic smile I dutifully follow Chloe to the corridor outside the classroom. "Who's that and what is she to you?" Straight to the point as usual, I run my hand through my short locks and shrug my shoulders.

"She's Emily, we work together. We're just friend why?" I try and keep my voice even, I don't want to show how I truly feel about her. Chloe, being the brash, intuitive girl I've come to know just quirks a blonde eyebrow at me and prods me in the chest.

"Don't bullshit me Kaitlyn, I saw the way you looked at her. You like her don't you?" My teeth begin to worry my lower lip as I watch Chloe watching me carefully. I peer through the open door we've just come through and catch Emily looking at me, she smiles warmly and mouths 'you ok?' from across the room.

I nod my reply and look back at Chloe "yeah, but nothing will ever happen. She's taken and we're just friends." The look I get in return from Chloe is one I don't want, she looks at me in a pitiful manner "don't look at me like that. I don't want your pity." I snap, glaring back at her.

Chloe reaches out and touches my arm gently "I don't pity you Kait, just be careful." I nod and turn away, afraid that my emotions will get the better of me if I delve any further into this conversation. I hate thinking about all the things I want with Emily because I know they won't happen. I want to move on, meet a nice girl and date her. But every time I get close to that I find myself comparing them to my English friend and they pale in comparison.

The rest of the session flies by and I find myself sitting next to Emily at the piano in the now empty room. The stool is just wide enough to fit the two of us but it means the sides of our bodies are touching, which does nothing to calm the butterflies in my stomach. "You play wonderfully" I remark as her fingers tinker with the ivory keys, she stops in her tracks and looks at me with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Your turn to show me what you can do I think" she remarks, I'm not afraid of the challenge having been playing since I was six. I'm pretty good. I just shrug my shoulders, the movement causing my arm to rub against her and begin playing the opening of Clare de Lune but struggle to reach the higher notes without having to stretch across her body. This isn't unwelcome but being so close to her always makes coherent thinking go out the window.

I stop abruptly and turn to look at her perfect face "I think you should play with me" that earns me a quirked brow and a smirk, listening back to what I've said I turn beet red and make quick to amend what I've just said "I mean the piano... not that you should play with me myself because you know... that would be inappropriate and... shit." Emily's just watching me in amusement whilst I cluster fuck my way through this proposition.

"Kaitlyn?"

"Yep?"

"Stop talking, let's go eat. Your treat." I nod silently and allow her to lead me out of the room, together we walk in silence to one of the off campus bars. Neither of us speak, I don't know what I'm meant to say to her after having made a real fool out of myself. Why is it that whenever I'm around her I can barely fumble through a full conversation?

We sit across from each other at a table towards the back of the bar "thank you for today, hopefully Simon should be back by the time we're scheduled to play but if not would you mind stepping in again?"

"Of course, just let me know. There are a couple of lectures I can't miss this week but after that I'm just cramming for finals." The usual sadness that courses through me is right on time when Emily brings up her inevitable graduation, meaning she'll be leaving to go off to Medical School in Connecticut "everything ok Kait? You've been weirder than usual today."

I roll my eyes at her jibe but chew on my bottom lip, do I tell her the truth? Tell her that I'm besotted by her and that I don't want her to leave or do I skate past that topic and bullshit her as usual "I'm fine, just sad to think about the fact you'll be leaving soon." Mostly true, but not the whole truth. Emily looks at me for what feels like a long time, she makes no sign that she's about to say anything. After a moment she reaches out across the table and places her hand on top of mine, my eyes snap up to meet hers and once again that charge is there. That pull I feel drawing me to her is there again, my body radiates with an electric current where her hand touches mine. Without much thought or regard for consequences I lace my fingers through hers and run my thumb across the back of her hand, I expect her to snatch her hand away, breaking the spell between us. But she doesn't, she squeezes my hand tighter. "Do you feel it?" The words slip out of me in a whisper but my eyes stay on hers, I watch as she clenches her jaw and closes her eyes before she nods slowly.

When her eyes open again they have a distant look in them, she doesn't snatch her hand away but she looks almost angry? "I do Kait, but I can't." Rejected, I begin to pull my hand away but she just holds it tighter "don't. Please? Just..." She runs her fingers through her hair with her free hand "give me another minute like this?" I just nod and drop my other hand to cover hers.

"Anything..." it comes out as almost a whisper but in this small exchange that takes place between us something comes to light for me, something that both makes my heart skip with joy and makes it break just a little more. Emily knows how I feel about her and apparently there's a chance that she feels the same way. But, she's acknowledged that even if she does feel something she can't. In few words she's made it abundantly clear that nothing will ever happen.

Emily eventually slips her hand out of mine and flashes me a sheepish smile and we order our food. We eat together and talk like we usually would, both silently agreeing to forget about the moment we've just shared. I thought Emily was good at masking her emotions, however on the walk back to our dorms she grabs me by my jacket sleeve and pulls me to a standstill so I'm stood directly in front of her. Her intoxicating scent overwhelms all my senses, I look up at her through my eyelashes, watching her watch me intently with those beautiful green eyes.

My breathing stops abruptly when I feel her run her fingertips down the length of my cheek slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. My hands find their way to her hips and I rest them there softly, the air surrounding us crackles with intensity as we stand there looking at each other, our faces so close I can feel the warmth of her breath on my skin as I lean my face eagerly into her touch. My whole body is aware of that simple caress against my cheek, my knees buckle slightly when she runs her thumb along my bottom lip and my lids flutter shut in anticipation of her kiss. "I want to Kaitlyn, I really want to. But I can't." Emily's sounds pained when she speaks, breaking the silent spell between us. I nod my understanding, tears burning in my eyes as the sinking feeling settles over me when I realise she's hurting over this.

My arms drop to my side, ready to make my departure quickly when Emily cups my face in both of her hands and presses her lips firmly against my forehead. I let a small sob escape my lips at the contact and wrap my arms around her waist "please don't cry Kaitlyn..." Emily's voice cracks betraying her emotions as her arms fall around my shoulders holding me close to her.

I've thought about this for so long, about how it would feel to be close to her, to have her arms around me. I never wanted it to be this painful, this hard. It shouldn't be like this "let me go" I say out loud, fighting my way out of her arms. Separating myself from her I gulp in fresh air, filling my lungs in an attempt to clear my head. "I don't think you've thought about how hard this is for me Emily, to see you every day. Knowing how I feel, suspecting how you do and knowing nothing can ever happen?" My voice cracks on the last two words and I take a composing breath before continuing "I know you have a girlfriend, you never fail to remind me of that little fact. But where is she? When was the last time she ever did anything that was for you and not just for her?" I take a step forward, looking at her face carefully "I won't ask you to choose because I know I won't like your choice. But just know this," in a move braver than I felt I curled my fingers around her chin and moved her face so she was looking at me "I'd move mountains to be with you and nothing would ever be more important than you or us." I don't say anything else, nor do I wait for her reply.

Turning on my heel I walk quickly back to my dorm room, the tears falling freely from my eyes, my heart breaking and the words I'd just spoken ringing in my ear.

Chapter four: Sweetest Goodbye

"C'mon Kait, just one date. The schools having a ball for graduates, I have an extra ticket. Come with me?" Gemma asks me for what feels like the thousandth time, this isn't the first time she's asked me out. Nor is it the first time I've said no. She's currently leaning against the counter whilst I'm working, I roll my eyes and sigh loudly before turning around to look at the woman standing there.

She's attractive there's no way around that, short cropped black hair and piercing blue eyes. She's an attractive butch, which is great if that's what you're in to. Her lips are thinner than Emily's but she's clearly in good shape. Stop comparing every woman you meet to her. "When is it?" I ask watching her face almost split in two from the wide grin that breaks out across her handsome features.

"Friday. I could pick you up at seven?" I chew my bottom lip, unsure on where to go from here. I've been blowing her off for so long, it's a little endearing that she hasn't just given up yet. I'm about to tell her no again when the bell hanging over the front door rings, signalling the arrival of another customer. Silently thankful for the reprieve I've been given to work out how I'm going to say no to Gemma, yet again, I turn to the front counter and my heart stops. Emily is walking to the counter hand in hand with a woman I can only assume is her girlfriend. Shorter than Emily with glossy, brown hair, the girls nothing short of beautiful and all of a sudden I'm feeling extremely self-conscious. Emily's eyes widen when she sees me standing waiting for her and her strides shorten, as if she wants to avoid the awkward encounter about to happen as much as I do.

Our eyes lock on each other and my breath catches in my throat, my chest tightens as I watch the woman I've pined after for so long come to a halt directly in front of me and I try my best to not look like a wounded puppy "hi, what can I get for you?" I keep my welcome brief and to the point, to save myself from saying something I know I'll regret in the long run.

Emily eyes me speculatively for a moment, she was clearly hoping not to see me here today. In fact we've been doing well in avoiding each other over the last few weeks since our almost kiss and my frank confession. I've missed her, there's no other way to phrase it, I've missed everything about her and seeing her standing there looking as good as ever next to someone who isn't me only makes that hollow pit in my stomach deepen "I didn't know you were working today Kaitlyn" I shrug my shoulders and avoid her piercing gaze.

"I swapped with Zack, he had a class he couldn't miss and I had my last final yesterday so I was free." My voice is professional but polite as I stand there shifting from foot to foot. This isn't awkward at all.

Emily stands there silently for a moment until her girlfriend nudges her, bringing her back to the reason she's standing there "oh, sorry. Can we get a cappuccino and a double espresso please?"

I nod and begin making their drinks, trying to avoid looking at the couple standing in front of the counter "are you going to give me an answer then?" Gemma's question startles me, I'd forgotten she was there but taking another look back at Emily who has her lips to her girlfriends ear, no doubt whispering sweet things into it judging by the small smile playing on the brunette lips. As I take in that little moment, it brings a fresh wave of hurt and guilt over me that I act brashly in the next moment.

I turn to look at Gemma, a determined look spread across my features I nod "sure, why not. I'm sure I can find something to wear. I'll see you then." Gemma's grin is contagious and I smile back at her briefly before she jots her cell number down on a napkin and hands it to me.

"Text me your address, I'll meet you there and we can go together." I nod my understanding, pocketing the napkin and watch as Gemma leaves the shop. Reluctantly, I place the two cups in front of Emily and give her a stiff smile.

Charlotte looks between the two of us and clears her throat "darling, are you going to introduce me?" Emily's eyes don't leave my face as she introduces us and I give her girlfriend a courteous handshake.

"It's so nice to finally meet you Charlotte, I've heard a lot about you."

"Likewise Kaitlyn, you're not at all like I imagined you'd be" that comment piques my interest and I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"Really? How did you imagine me to be?" I ask a little sharper than was probably necessary.

Emily clears her throat and I glance back at her briefly "why don't we take this out with us babe? We can go for a walk before dinner?" I turn my back to the couple and busy myself wiping down the back counter, I risk a glance over my shoulder when I hear the bell chime again and watch as they walk away hand in hand.

***

"Ok, so how do I look?" I ask Clara doing a full twirl so she can see the dress I've chosen to wear. I decided not to buy anything for the occasion, thankful that I have this black mid-length dress for nights such as this. My shoulders are bare as the material clings to the top of my arms, cutting away at my elbows, the body of the dress hugs my curves like a second skin and my heels give me a little extra height. I've left my hair falling in its natural curls sitting against the soft skin of my exposed shoulders.

Clara glances at me quickly and whistles in appreciation "you look hot girl, but tell me, have you gone to all this effort for your date? Or for another senior who you're hoping to bump into?"

That question catches me off guard, Clara knows exactly what occurred between Emily and I. I came home a damn mess that night and to her credit she sat up with me most of the night letting me talk and cry until I eventually fell asleep from sheer exhaustion "my date obviously, I told Emily how I felt and she's avoided me like the plague ever since," Clara cuts me off with a look and shakes her head.

"You've been avoiding her too Kait, don't deny it."

"I have my reasons" I retort defiantly, checking the digital clock on my nightstand I sigh and put on some lip gloss in the mirror. "I'd better go, Gemma will be here any minute."

Clara pulls me into a hug "don't do anything stupid. Just enjoy yourself. She's made her choice" holding me at arms-length she smiles warmly at me and after one last lingering look lets me go.

Gemma of course is already waiting for me outside, and the sight of her catches me off guard. She looks good wearing what can only be a tailored jacket, trousers and dress shirt, a pale blue tie hanging loosely around her neck "Kaitlyn, wow... you look... wow" I blush slightly and give her a sly grin.

"Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself." Gemma rubs the back of her neck awkwardly and neither of us speaks again for a moment. She moves towards me and holds her hand out to me, which I take and we walk away from my building together.

"I'm glad you finally agreed to this Kait" I laugh at this and shrug my shoulders non-committedly before responding.

"You were very persistent" I remarked before nudging her with my shoulder "I am too, where is this thing anyway?"

Directing me towards the parking lot and to her car, Gemma holds open the passenger door for me and grins "they rented out the function suite at the Hilton, there's an open bar as well. Should be a good night"

The drive to the hotel was quiet, Gemma is an attractive woman, kind and genuinely interested in pursuing something with me. But so far I feel no spark, nothing there that makes me want to throw myself at her and hell to the consequences. Not like how it is with Emily. I try not to sigh out loud at my internal conflict, I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. Nothing good ever comes from it, instead I need to try and focus on the person I'm here with.