Home 02: Home Again

"I miss you a whole lot, too, bud. We'll just have to work harder to get you and Mommy to move to Nashville and be with me sooner. Would you like that?"

"I sure would, because Mommy cries when she misses you, and I don't like for Mommy to cry." He shifted on her lap as his words settled in Rae's mind. She didn't know that Tara cried. It only encouraged her more to find the perfect house and get Tara to Nashville sooner. "Are we going to live in the house where you live now?"

"No, we're looking for something else. My house isn't big enough for you and the baby. We're going to find something with a great big backyard so we can buy a swing set and there will be plenty of room for you to kick your soccer ball."

"Can we have a swimming pool?"

"Will!" Tara exclaimed as she emerged from the bathroom. "Don't be rude. I'm sorry, Rae." She crossed to them. She had on stretch pants and a loose top. She scooped her little boy off Rae's lap, her expression disturbed. "Let's get you some breakfast."

She headed toward the kitchenette and Rae followed her path, a frown on her face. She inched out of bed. Sometime during the night, she'd put on a tank top. A pair of shorts was lying nearby and she slipped into them as she followed Tara. Will was on his knees at the table and Tara was standing at the refrigerator. Rae glanced at Will and hesitated, but Tara's words from last night gave her confidence. She grabbed Tara around the waist and kissed her cheek. "What was that about?" she demanded, her arms around her lover as she spoke.

"I just," she sighed, disentangling herself from Rae's arms. "I don't want Will thinking of you as a meal ticket. That's not what you are to us."

"I know that," Rae answered, leaning against the counter and watching Tara. "You told me last night that he was my son. My son should not be afraid to tell me what he wants and to ask for things that he wants." She closed the short distance, laying her hand on Tara's cheek. "I want to give you the things you want. My money is sitting in the bank. I want to spend it on you and your children."

The petite blonde lifted her eyes to Rae's face, her eyes glistening. "We don't need your money, baby, we need you and your love."

Rae smiled, her fingertips dancing lightly over Tara's cheekbones. "You have me, honey, my love and my money, and if Will wants a pool, he can tell me. He may not get one, but he can tell me."

A smile formed on Tara's face and she stretched up to kiss Rae's lips tenderly. "I love you," she whispered reverently. "Go take a shower while I fix breakfast. We have a big day."

"A big day?" Rae asked as she moved to her duffel bag. "I'd just as soon stay holed up right here with the two of you all weekend. Rent movies. Eat popcorn and junk food. How does that sound, Will?"

"Can we order pizza?"

"Don't even argue. I will win," Tara insisted. "Even if we do lie around all day, you've got to be clean." She shooed Rae toward the bathroom and turned her attention toward the kitchen. Rae looked at Will, shrugged her shoulders, and headed into the bathroom. His little boy giggle followed her.

Two hours later, Rae was strapped into the passenger's seat of Tara's car, watching the familiar sights of her hometown through the window. Tara had not said where they were headed and no amount of prodding or pleading had convinced her to reveal anything. Rae just hoped that wherever they were going that they did not run into any of her family.

Her mother knew she was involved with someone new but had not asked many questions. Nora Hall knew that Rae would not reveal anything she was not ready to tell. The harder she pushed, the quieter Rae would be. Nora had made that discovery when Rae was still a teenager struggling with her sexuality, so she had made the decision not to push and trust that Rae would share what was important. As important as Tara and Will were, Rae was not ready to share them yet.

Rae sat up straighter as Tara made a turn into a private subdivision. She looked around with a frown. "Where are we going, honey?"

Tara looked at Rae from the corner of her eye and did not answer. Instead, from the backseat, Will's voice filled the car. "We're going to Grandma's!"

Rae felt the blood drain from her face as Will's words registered. She turned her full attention to Tara. "Honey?"

"If you are going to whisk Will and me away to Nashville, my parents deserve as much time as possible to adapt to the situation," she announced as she pulled into a driveway. "Especially before Will spills the beans on his own." They sat in silence, Tara trying to gauge Rae's anger. "I refuse to be your secret, and you're not going to be mine," she whispered.

Rae opened the door and slammed it. She stood beside the car with her fingertips pressing against her temples. Hesitantly, Tara emerged. She opened Will's door and helped him get out of his booster seat. His feet were running toward the front door as soon as they hit the ground. Rae walked slowly around the car. "Are you sure?" she asked softly.

"That I love you? I've never been more sure about anything in my life." She pressed her palm to Rae's cheek, looking into her lover's face. "I want to shout it from the rooftops that you are mine."

Rae exhaled softly, turning her head to press a kiss against Tara's wrist. She could feel her girlfriend's heartbeat against her lips. Tara threaded her fingers through Rae's and they walked together toward the house. As they walked closer, Tara pulled Rae's hand closer, squeezing it between both of hers. The screen door squeaked as they entered the house and Rae tried to take in everything at once.

The brick house was small and the living room seemed cramped, but it was a comfortable place. Will was sitting on his grandfather's lap. Rae could feel Tara trembling. "Hey, Daddy!" Tara greeted, her voice a little high-pitched, betraying her nervousness. She didn't step away from Rae to embrace him.

Her mother came into the room, drying her hands on a dishtowel. "Hi, sweetheart. Did I hear my favorite little man?"

"Hi, Momma," Tara greeted, releasing Rae's hand immediately. Rae noticed how quickly her lover dropped her hand but it did not upset her. "This is Raegan Hall. We graduated high school together."

"Hello, Raegan," Jane Roding greeted, taking the hand Rae extended with a wary expression.

"Most people call me Rae. You have a beautiful home."

"Rae and I ran into each other on Thanksgiving," Tara continued as she stepped into the tiny living room. She sat down on the love seat and looked expectantly at Rae. Rae sat beside her, trying not to appear as nervous as she felt.

"So, what are the two of you up to today?" Jane asked as she took a seat near her husband. She sat the rocking chair in motion as she studied her daughter.

"Rae is visiting from Nashville," Tara replied, staring at the floor as she attempted to muster the courage she needed to tell her parents the full truth. Rae wanted to offer Tara comfort and assurance in the form of a touch, but she didn't want to make any moves to make the situation harder.

"Mommy and I are going to go live with Aunt Rae in Nashville and we're going to have a house with a pool!" Will exclaimed as he bounced on Grant Roding's knee.

Jane's eyes traveled slowly from her grandson to her daughter. Tara was looking at Rae, who reached over and gently covered Tara's nearest hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Tara, what is he talking about? Surely you aren't really considering moving away from your family."

"Momma, Rae is more than a friend. She's my girlfriend." Tara's eyes were still focused on Rae's face. "I love her, and Will and I are going to be with her."

Grant Roding sat Will on the ground and stalked out of the room without looking at his daughter. Sensing the change in atmosphere, Will moved to Rae, leaning against her side. Rae slipped her arm around his waist and rubbed his leg as they waited for Tara's mother to form a response to her daughter's blunt announcement. "Tara, you shouldn't joke about such things." She got up and went to the kitchen without allowing Tara another response.

Tara dropped her head once they were alone in the room. Rae leaned over to nuzzle her cheek and neck gently. Tara turned toward her lover with glistening eyes. "It's all right," Rae whispered against her girlfriend's lips.

Rae watched as Tara stood and followed her mother. Rae put both arms around Will and hugged him close. "What's wrong with Mommy?" he asked in a trembling voice.

"She'll be all right, buddy, I promise. We'll take good care of her together, won't we? Why don't you turn on some cartoons?" She patted his bottom and stood. She turned on the television and flipped through the channels until she found something suitable for him. She mussed his hair with her fingertips and went to stand in the kitchen door.

Jane was busy rummaging around the room, doing everything possible not to look at her daughter. "I know that Billy's death hurt you, Tara. I know you've been lonely and that the prospect of bringing a child into the world alone is scary."

"This is nothing to do with being lonely, Momma," Tara said from the middle of the kitchen. Her eyes were fixed on her mother's back as she spoke. Sensing Rae's presence, she shifted her eyes to her lover. "I'm gay, Momma," she announced with a tremor in her voice.

"You . . ." Jane began, but her voice broke. "You can't be gay. You have a child. You were married. You are pregnant."

"I am. I was gay in high school and I was gay when I was married to Billy, I just denied it. When I was in high school, I wanted Rae to ask me out so badly." Tara moved toward Rae as she spoke, her voice faraway as their eyes stayed locked. "I wanted to dance with her at our senior prom and I wanted to kiss her when we got our diplomas." Rae slipped her arm around Tara's waist as she came closer, trailing her finger against her lover's cheek. "I was afraid then. I was afraid of being who I was." She pressed into Rae's hand. "I'll never be scared again."

"You need to reign in your hormones, Tara. You're pregnant. You aren't thinking clearly," Jane insisted, still not looking at her daughter.

Tara sighed wearily from Rae's arms. Things were not going the way she had envisioned them. She looked at Rae for support but her lover's expression was unreadable. "It has nothing to do with my hormones, Momma," she answered, turning around in Rae's embrace. "I am in love with Rae."

Her mother turned quickly, the anger evident on her face as she confronted them. "That is impossible," she snapped. She shifted her eyes to Rae. "I don't know what you have done to convince my daughter that this is an acceptable lifestyle, but you have taken advantage of a lonely, hurt woman. I hope that makes you proud."

Rae's hands tightened into fists as her arms fell away from Tara. She bowed her head guiltily. "Rae did not pursue me, Mother. I pursued her," Tara growled.

"Miss Hall, would you please leave me alone with my daughter?"

Rae hesitated, dropping her eyes to Tara. The small woman nodded in assurance, patting Rae's hand gently. Reluctantly, Rae turned, but then she looked back at the older woman. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, Mrs. Roding, but I can assure you of a few facts. I love your daughter and I love your grandchildren. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of them."

"You'll not have to worry about that for long," Jane Roding snapped. "Tara will come to her senses after she has the baby. Everything will get back to normal then."

Rae bent and kissed Tara's lips softly. "I'll wait at the car, honey." She glanced over her girlfriend's shoulder at Jane Roding before leaving the family members alone. Will was standing in the middle of the living room, a troubled expression marring his face. Rae scooped him into her arms and carried him outside.

"Mommy's crying," he said solemnly as he wrapped his arms around her neck. "Mommy used to cry when she thought about Daddy. Now she cries when she misses you. Is she thinking about Daddy?"

"Your Mommy never forgets your Daddy, buddy, and we'll never let you forget him." She sighed as she helped him settle into his car seat. "I don't like it when Mommy cries, either. We're going to have to work harder so she doesn't cry so often."

"But what can I do?"

"When Mommy's crying, go sit next to her and talk to her. Or, you can call me. You know how to call me, don't you?"

"Mommy said if I wanted to call you, I was supposed to push 4, like my age, and the tic tac toe board on the phone, but that I wasn't supposed to call you unless it is really important cause it costs a lot of money for us to call you."

"Well, Mommy crying is really important, so next time she's crying, you call me." She squatted down so that she was eye-to-eye with him. "Deal?"

The screen door slammed shut and she glanced over her shoulder. Tara was coming their way and Rae could tell her lover was agitated. Rae winked at Will to seal the deal and stood, shutting the door before Will could hear Tara's sobbing. Tara threw herself into Rae's arms, weeping against her breast. Rae rubbed her hands over Tara's back, whispering soothingly. "Baby," she muttered. She had no words of assurance for Tara, though. "What did you expect to happen?"

"They are my parents. I expected them to love me no matter what."

"They do, this is just a big pill to swallow. It's hard to accept that their little girl has a female lover."

"She said she didn't ever want to see you again." Tara pulled back, looking into Rae's eyes with shiny eyes. "I asked her if she was willing to give up Will and the baby and me, too."

"What did she say?" Rae asked, fearing the answer. This was Tara's first confrontation with how difficult the choice to love one another would be. Rae was afraid that Tara would decide to end things.

"She didn't answer," Tara replied.

"That's good, baby. That means she's not ready to give you all up. She could have sent you completely away. When we visit home, I'll stay at my Mom's when you bring the children here to see your parents."

"No," Tara countered with a frustrated voice. "You are my lover and my partner. I won't hide you, even from my parents."

"They'll come around, honey. Just give them time to adjust to the idea. Let them see that I'm not just some passing fling that you are having because your hormones are out of whack."

Tara forced a laugh and wiped at her tears with her fingertips. "My hormones are out of whack, but that's not why I love you."

Rae rubbed Tara's upper arms for a moment. "I know that, baby. Get in. I'll drive." Rae opened the car door and slipped behind the wheel.

"You'll spoil my itinerary today."

"Honey, your first stop proved to be a bust. It's time I take over the day."

Tara settled into the passenger's seat as Rae expertly backed from the driveway. She smiled softly as she watched Rae, her head resting against the back of the seat. "Is this the way things are going to be from now on? Are you going to take charge and take care of every problem that comes up?"

"I sure am going to try to, darlin'. I hope you don't mind."

"As long as we are partners in everything and we are together, I don't mind at all." Rae leaned over and kissed Tara's lips before throwing the car into drive and speeding away from the Roding family house. "Where are we going?" Tara asked as Rae drove expertly through the city.

"It's my turn for surprises," Rae teased, laying her hand on Tara's knee and giving it a light squeeze. "I love you for your bravery," she whispered.

"For my stupidity, you mean," Tara replied in frustration. "You tried to warn me how things would be when people started finding out the truth. How have you done it all these years?"

"It's easier in a bigger city where there is more diversity. It is also easier because I'm away from home. The first time most people met me, I was with Jamie. In the entertainment industry, even the country music industry, sexual orientation is a non-issue." They linked fingers and Rae brought Tara's hand to her mouth. She kissed the back of her lover's hand in assurance. "That doesn't mean that everyone will accept us. Nashville may be the center of an entertainment empire, but it's still Tennessee and there are still ignorant people."

Rae released Tara's hand to concentrate on her driving. Tara leaned across the console to lay her hand on Rae's thigh, longing for her lover's reassuring touch. She had never craved Billy's touch the way she did with Rae. She was convinced what she told her mother was true. She had always been gay but she had been in denial. She wouldn't trade the life that she had shared with Billy for anything. Billy had given her Will and the baby she now carried. Had Rae strolled through her life while Billy was still alive, she might have looked longingly after the woman but she would not have imagined leaving her husband. Now, she couldn't imagine life without Rae.

Rae pulled the car into the grass at a large white house. Tara stared out the window with a frown. Rae got out of the car and opened the back door to help Will release the seatbelt. She held his hand as they walked around the car. Tara emerged slowly, her eyes on the house. "Honey? Where are we?"

Before Rae could answer, a gray-haired man came out on the porch and lit his pipe. He saw them and waved the bowl at them. "Hi, Pop!" Rae answered, waving back. "Surprise!"

"Rae, baby, I can't. I can't face your parents after what happened with mine," Tara said, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she clung to the car door.

"Hi, punkin," Max Hall said as he stepped off the porch and moved across the dry grass to them. He hugged Rae without looking at her companions. "This is a surprise. Your mom will fuss because you drove home without telling her. You know she likes to worry." He kissed her cheek and then smiled at Tara. "Hello, I'm Max Hall."

"Tara Roding," Tara responded with a tremor in her voice.

Rae lifted Will on her hip and slipped her arm around Tara. "This is Will. Will, say hello to Poppa Max."

He waved shyly and laid his head on Rae's shoulder. He had never been shy around Rae, so she was surprised by his quietness. She kissed his forehead and followed her father toward the porch. "Your mom is in the back room writing," he said, tapping his pipe against the side of the house before opening the door. "Nora!" he called. "Come here! I have a surprise for you!"

"Well, bring it back here. I'm in the middle of something!" she answered back, her voice echoing through the house.

"You gotta come here to see it!" he replied, winking as Rae sat Will on the ground. The little boy continued to lean against her legs as Max moved so that Nora would see her daughter immediately.

"This had better be important, you old devil," Nora Hall mumbled as she walked through the house. "I don't take you away from your ball games for unimportant things. Raegan!"

"Hey, Ma!" Rae answered, stepping from behind Will to hug her mom.

"What are you doing here? You didn't tell me you were coming home." She looked past Rae at the pregnant woman and small boy standing just inside the room. She raised a questioning eyebrow to Rae, a slight smile on her lips. "Who do we have here?"

"This is Tara, Ma, my girlfriend and the love of my life."

"Well, come here, Tara," Nora insisted, holding out her arms. "Welcome to the family." She embraced Tara just as tightly as she had Rae. Helplessly, Tara returned the hug. Nora stepped back to examine the new woman in her daughter's life. "Aren't you beautiful? You've done well, Raegan."

Tara blushed and Rae laughed softly, standing behind Will again with her hands resting on his chest. "This is her son, Will. Buddy, this is my Ma, Nora."