Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 043

Hey all, here it is, the start of a new journey together! Thank you all so much for being patient with me while I sort things out on my end.

If you're new to the story, you should really start at the beginning. Even though this is the start of a new book in the series, you will be much happier if you do, cause a lot of sex, adventure, and mayhem has already occurred.

Returning readers welcome back! A couple of quick notes before I cut you loose. This chapter is written as a bit of a refresher to start us off right, so you will most of the cast, as well as a bit of rehash from previous chapters. I just want everyone to get a proper reintroduction is all before we dive in with our claws out.

Also, the Lily/Dana adventure that I will be writing later this year has happened over the course of Book Three, so she will act a bit different than she did at the end of Book Two.

I am so excited to begin this new journey with you! I can't believe I am starting my fourth book on here already, and I am grateful for all the love and support you've shown thus far. I work very hard to keep improving, so I thank everyone for taking the time to rate, comment or send me feedback, you've definitely given me the motivation to keep going, and a lot of things to think about and work on to become a better writer. I do read them all (even if I don't respond), so keep them coming!

Okay, you've waited long enough. Onward!

Lazy Days

Mike stepped onto his front porch, a warm thermos of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. The wood creaked beneath him, and he sat on the porch swing overlooking the front yard, the chains squeaking under his weight. It was early, not even seven yet, and the house behind him was silent. He rarely used to get up so early, but had discovered that dawn was officially the quietest part of his day. The peace lasted for almost half an hour while he listened to the sounds of the front yard while reading. Singing birds whizzed back and forth, chasing the insects that lived in his yard. Eventually, he heard a loud crash, followed by the sound of Tink yelling at the fairies, and suppressed a laugh.

Looks like his day was going to start early.

His front yard consisted of a large, maze-like garden that was centered around a stone sundial in the middle. The shrubs grew up to waist height, and he navigated the maze from memory, working his way toward the center. Despite the fact that fall had started last month, the yard was still in full bloom. Even now, looking over the stone walls that separated him from his neighbors, he could see the leaves yellowing on their trees already. The summer had been hot, and the days were quickly shrinking, but the weather was always temperate in his front yard.

When he got near the middle of the maze, he had to climb over the large, thick tail of the Jabberwock. The beast lifted its head and, once it saw who was bothering it, lay back down and let out a huff. He gave the beast a friendly pat, grateful that it wasn't mad about the time he had beheaded it.

At the middle of the maze, he grabbed the sundial by the edges, the magic of the house tingling in his fingertips, and gave it a hard yank. The dial moved one full rotation, and he felt the ground shift ever so slightly beneath him as the home's defenses were reactivated for another day. Turning around, he saw a pair of male centaurs wandering around the edge of the garden.

"Morning," he called while waving.

"Caretaker," one responded, and they waved also, then went back to inspecting a sickly looking bush. Both of them wore wide-brimmed hats woven with leaves and carried gardening tools. The self-proclaimed Moon tribe had taken it upon themselves to maintain the property around the house shortly after getting settled in the greenhouse, which Mike was extremely grateful for. With the recent expansion of land around his house, there was no way he could keep up with it on his own.

Moving toward the front porch, he paused to admire the gazebo that Tink had attached to the corner of the house. The gazebo floor was slightly elevated, allowing someone to see all of the front yard from the middle of it. It had a beautiful trellis around the base that was covered in beautiful flowering vines, and several flower boxes at the top. He and Tink had spent a lot of time looking at gazebo designs, and he was very proud of how it had turned out.

He opened the front door of the house and turned left, walking toward the office. The morning light gave the wooden floors a golden brown glow, and he remembered that Tink had spent part of last week sanding and oiling the wood to try and restore it. The whole front room had suffered from minor water damage, and it was amazing what a little sand and shine did for the front entrance of the house.

Walking into the office, he wasn't surprised to see the dark figure sitting at his desk with a hot pot of tea and an old map of South America.

"Hey, Death." Mike slid his book back onto a shelf labeled 'Still Reading'. The circular room had multiple shelves, many of which were newly built of a pretty dark wood that the centaurs had given him. They were logging parts of the greenhouse now to build their community and had provided him with an amazing variety of woods to build from. Tink had practically salivated over the supplies, proclaiming the walnut lumber as her absolute favorite.

"Hello, Mike Radley." Death's voice was rich like chocolate with the crisp finish of a British accent. He looked up from where he stood, his eye sockets smoldering with flames. His hood was pulled back, revealing his head to be just a skull. It had taken Mike several days to adjust looking at Death this way without blanching, and it really freaked him out that the skull was capable of morphing into different facial expressions. Whenever Death narrowed his eye sockets, it looked like he was going to hook someone's soul out of their body in anger.

"What are you looking at today?" Mike asked.

"Paraguay, late 1800's." Death took a sip of tea. It was odd watching the skeleton drink because the fluid seemed to disappear once inside his skull. Once he set the cup down, Death tapped his fingers on the map as if lost in thought.

"I see. Well, enjoy." Ever since Mike had invited the specter to live with him, Death spent a majority of his time in the office enjoying old maps that he borrowed from the Library. Merely an extension of the true Grim Reaper, this version was trapped on Earth and seemed to grow more of a personality the longer he stayed. Most of the others couldn't see Death at all, but they could all watch his tea kettle float back and forth to the kitchen throughout the day.

It had taken a week to get the fairies to quit chasing the teapot back and forth. Not only did Death find it aggravating to have a group of fairies riding on his beverage, but they had also caused him to spill it more than once.

The aroma of french toast filled the air, and Mike smiled, carrying his coffee to the dining hall. The large table in the middle of the room had been rebuilt, and Reggie, the Rat King, sat in a wooden high chair that had been modified to look like a throne at the far end of the table. Beth sat next to him and was teaching him to do a Sudoku puzzle.

"How are you feeling?" Mike sat next to Beth and went to pour what was left of his coffee into the empty cup in front of him. A pitiful dribble came out and he frowned.

"Feeling fine actually." She looked up from the puzzle and smiled. "According to my last check with Naia, the shard is still sitting there, completely inert."

"I see." A couple of months ago, they had discovered that a powerful demon named Oliver had stuck part of his soul to Beth's with the intent of controlling her. With Yuki's help, Mike had destroyed Oliver's world, and presumably Oliver with it. Not taking any chances, they actively monitored the soul shard, making sure it didn't start giving orders once more.

"Actually, I do have some news. Ratu thinks she may be able to extract it." A broad grin spread across Beth's face. "If she can pull it out, then I won't have to worry."

"Hey, that's great news!" Mike squeezed her hand, then yanked it back. Though they had lived together for a couple of months now, the relationship he had with Beth was very different from what he shared with the others. It also didn't help that he still found her as attractive as the first day they met, and he still felt slightly awkward around her on occasion. "When are they going to try?"

"Tomorrow, maybe. But Ratu needs Tink's goggles to do it."

"I think I can arrange that." He opened his mouth to say something else, but a large figure blocked the door, carrying a serving platter in her hands.

"Breakfast is ready." The cyclops Sofia, standing seven feet tall, walked around the table and set down multiple plates of food. French toast, bacon, scrambled eggs, and a fruit salad were set before him, and he took the napkin off his plate and set it in his lap.

"Where is Tink?" asked Sofia, turning her purple eye on Mike.

"Um, I don't know. She didn't come to bed last night." He tried to grab his fork, but Sofia swatted his hand.

"She doesn't eat, you don't eat. Gods know she works herself to the bone, you may as well keep her fed."

"Alright, alright, geez." Though Sofia cast a baleful look his way, he knew it was largely an act. Still, she was right in that the little goblin worked altogether too hard. "I'll bring her, but could you make sure I have a fresh cup of coffee?"

"I'm not your fucking slave, Caretaker." She walked out of the room back toward the kitchen, and Mike stood and walked back to the living room.

He hadn't seen Tink out front, so the number of places she could be was limited. He ran up to his bedroom first, just to make sure that she hadn't wandered in after the sun came up. Seeing that she wasn't there, he went into his bathroom and knocked on the edge of the enormous tub.

"Hey Naia?" he asked, his voice echoing in the bathroom. The faucet turned itself on, and the tub filled within seconds, pressurized by the hot spring below the house. The surface of the water rippled and rose, and a human form made of water appeared before him. The transparent liquid solidified into the body of a voluptuous woman with green and blue hair.

"Morning, lover." The nymph leaned forward and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Her tongue was hot in his mouth, and he felt a sudden surge of blood to his nether region. "What can I do for you?"

"Um, hey, I uh... oh! I was looking for Tink. Have you seen her?"

Naia pouted, fluttering her long lashes. "Really? That's all you wanted?"

"Well, actually, I wanted breakfast, but Sofia won't let me eat until I bring Tink with me." He smiled at the nymph and brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. "I can make time for you later, but I'm starving right now."

She stuck out her tongue and laughed. "She's out in the garage with Dana. Those two are thick as thieves nowadays."

He chuckled. "I thought the two of them had a falling out last week?"

"I believe Dana phrased it as creative differences, but that was last week. There's a new project that the two of them spent all night working on. Might not be a bad idea to see what they are up to."

"Okay then, I'm off." He gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Keep the water warm for me?"

"Maybe." She winked and her whole body turned to water and fell back into the tub. He walked down the hallway and then down the stairs until he was on the first floor again. Walking past the bathroom, he was at the back door of the house.

Stepping outside, he marveled at the large plot of land that sat before him. When he had first moved in, his backyard had been large enough for a moderately sized dinner party. Now, he could easily host a couple of weddings, maybe even an amusement park if he was so inclined.

There was now a large, stone patio that wrapped around the rear of the house. Naia's fountain was at the bottom of a small set of stairs, surrounded by large flower pots. To the left of the fountain was the door to the garage, which had been modified to accommodate a centaur, but Zel had moved out several weeks back to live with her tribe. Now, the former carriage house was home to Tink and Dana's workshop, and he crossed the garden and walked inside, wrinkling his nose at the smell.

"What is that?" he asked, squinting into the shadows. On the other side of the workshop, a lone figure could be seen silhouetted by a small desk lamp.

"Hmm?" The figure spun around, revealing a pale, college-aged woman with her dirty blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. Dana wore a dirty white tank top with grease stains on it, and had a gnarly scar around the top of her left arm where it had been ripped off and then reattached. The zombie wore a pair of magnifying goggles on her face, and her gray eyes blinked at him through the thick lenses. "Oh, the smell? Combination of solder and a capacitor that I blew a few minutes ago. Not gonna lie, I kind of enjoy the smell."

"What are you making?" He walked over to get a better view of her work table.

"Tink and I were working on building a couple of drones."

"Any reason?"

"Yes, actually." Dana tilted up her goggles and let out a sigh. "The Moon tribe wants to properly map out the greenhouse, at least the area near the door. They've been slowly spreading out, but the jungle is super thick and they don't want to risk disturbing some of the more valuable flora in place. Abella offered to help, but we figured actual aerial images would be far more useful."

"It sounds like a great idea, but... I mean, I could just buy them."

Dana smirked. "Actually, you can't. The greenhouse is an interesting place. You wouldn't know it, but it has a really wild magnetic field, and GPS won't work there, obviously. There's a bunch of radio interference as well, and I'm not sure why."

"Then what's your plan?"

"We're modifying the drones to use magic as a means of both power and navigation. Ratu suggested these weird little gems that came from some sort of golems or whatever." Dana held up a stone roughly the size of a marble. "I guess they were cores to something that attacked the house and can sort of be programmed. Right now I'm trying to figure out how to make an interface between the drone and the stones, but all we've accomplished so far is blowing up circuitry."

"I'm sure you'll get it soon enough. Speaking of we, where is Tink?"

Dana pointed to the corner. A large reclining chair was between a stack of parts and boxes, and a small green figure lay passed out on the brown leather.

Mike walked over and knelt, holding up a fist. "How are you today, Tick Tock?"

A small door opened in the arm of the chair, and a silver fist popped out and bumped against Mike's knuckles. It was a trick that he had taught the mimic a while back as a method of greeting. Unfortunately, it also meant that Mike had unsuccessfully tried to fist bump some of the new furniture in the house.

"Yeah, she passed out a couple hours ago." Dana flipped her glasses down and turned back to the table.

"C'mon, breakfast time." Mike leaned forward and tickled the base of the goblin's tail. She let out a quiet shriek and folded her tail underneath her bottom, trying once more to get comfy. "C'mon, come get some food and then go back to bed."

Tink opened her eyes and yawned, revealing needle-sharp teeth. "Still early. Husband come back in morning."

"Breakfast is on the table, and Sofia is pissed that you aren't there."

"Tink super tired," she mumbled but slid forward off the chair. She adjusted the magical goggles on her head and then yawned again. "Tink eat good food and go take nap." Giving Mike a playful swat on the rear, she left the garage.

"How about you? Care to join us?"

"You know I don't eat normal food anymore." Dana raised an eyebrow. "And I know you aren't suggesting I blow you under the table in front of everybody. At least, I don't think you are. Are you asking me to blow you in front of everybody?"

"Uh, no, that's not what I... I was just thinking you could come visit, or..."

"Relax, I'm just messing with you." She took off her goggles and tossed them on the workshop table. "Honestly, I don't care either way, but it's a good habit to keep. When I'm human again, I don't want to be a wet blanket or anything."

Mike let out a sigh of relief. Dana was impossible to read, but that was a direct result of being dead. Most of her emotions were muted, meaning that she had the world's best poker face. It didn't help that the succubus Lily had rubbed off on the young woman, giving her a rather wicked sense of humor. "Okay, I'll see you at the table then."

"Yep. Just gotta change my shirt and wash up." She stretched, her bones popping audibly. Mike left the garage and walked back in the house, the smell of fresh coffee luring him back to the dining hall. Tink sat next to his empty seat, her wide eyes on a stack of french toast that Sofia had plopped in front of her. The goblin was pouring syrup on top of them while licking her lips.

When Mike sat down, he saw that a hot cup of coffee had already been poured for him, and bacon put on his plate. With a smile, he stole a bite of Tink's french toast, earning a pinch from the goblin. Sofia brought him a proper breakfast, then sat across the table from him with a plate of her own. The floor beneath her seat was recessed, allowing her to sit eye level with everyone else.

A yellow ball of light zipped into the room and landed on the table, transforming into a tiny woman with wings and black stripes across her body.

"Good morning Daisy." Mike slowly used his hands to sign the words.

Good morning, she signed back, then hopped over to Beth, who had already poured some of her coffee into a tiny cup. Daisy took it and sat on the edge of the sudoku book, interested in Reggie's progress.

Yuki walked into the room a few seconds later, her hair a tangled mess. The kitsune yawned and sat down two chairs away from Sofia, then reached out to help herself to a slice of bacon.

"Rough night?" asked Mike.

"Kind of. I was up late painting a new tarot card." Yuki had learned how to imbue tarot cards with magic, a skill that took a lot of time and concentration. It would be years before she could replenish her deck, but it wasn't as though she had any other projects, other than occasionally helping the naga Ratu.

"Which one?" Mike asked.

"Four of Swords." Yuki grabbed another piece of bacon, and Mike couldn't help but notice the dirty look that Sofia gave her. It was obvious that the cyclops still hadn't forgiven Yuki for turning her to stone, and he made a mental note to talk with her about it later. "Only six more cards in that suit to go once I'm done."

"How long will that take you?"

"Maybe a year." She snuck another piece of bacon and sniffed the air, her nose wrinkling up. "Does someone need to take the garbage out?"

Moments later, Dana walked in. Yuki's cheeks turned red, and she focused her attention on putting some eggs on a plate and grabbing a piece of french toast. The zombie sat down at the end of the table, and her sad eyes swept over the serving plates.

"Smells delicious."

"You'll get to eat normal food again." Mike set his coffee down. "Do you want me to get you some of your food?"

"Um... yeah, if you don't mind." Dana leaned forward and poured herself a cup of coffee. Vapor hovered over the hot mug, and she wrapped her fingers around it. She let out a small sigh. "That feels good on my hands."

Mike stood up and ran for the fridge. Inside the vegetable crisper was a box of shot glasses. Each one had a plastic lid, and inside was a concentrated version of his semen, combined with a few other elements. It was a recipe that Zel had taught anyone willing to learn, and it helped Dana stave off her hunger. He brought it back and handed the shot glass over.