Homecoming Ch. 05

"Look, sweetheart, I didn't come to your room with chicken and ice tea — you came to mine. So don't get all "high and mighty" with me."

As if as an afterthought, Lu added the piece de resistance, "Oh...and thanks for the talk. You've helped me come to terms with your issues. You've cured me. I don't want you and your fucking magical tongue within three goddamn miles of me."

With those final words, Lu spun on her heels and marched back in the direction of the house. Unbeknownst to a thunderstruck Daniel, all of the bravado and fight had drained from her before she'd walked more than ten steps away from him. In its place was a black empty hole that she knew she'd never be able to fill. There was no turning back. She'd taken an awkward situation, poured kerosene on it and tossed in a lit cigarette.

Less than ten seconds from delivering the last line of her diatribe, she'd regretted every word. She'd wanted to take it all back. She would have been happy to pretend like none of it had happened if it meant that she didn't have to avoid Daniel for the rest of her life.

Now each room that they occupied would become a vacuum of unpleasantness. There'd be forced pleasantries and civility. There'd be uncomfortable bouts of silence at the table. But even more devastating, there would be a bottomless chasm between them that could never be negotiated. She'd shot off her mouth and nailed shut the coffin to any relationship they might have been able to salvage.

Unshed tears stung her eyes as she ran up the steps to the back porch and reached for the screen door to the kitchen. She'd not noticed the soft pounding of Daniel's footsteps behind her until his hand covered hers on the door latch.

"Lula, Jesus, Lu...I'm sorry. I don't want to fight. I just don't want things to change between us," Daniel's face was a mask of regret as he pulled Lu's trembling body to his own.

Lu succumbed to her angst and waves of despair wracked her body as she broke down sobbing.

"Lula, I know that all of this is my fault. I know I haven't been the best person to be around lately. I just have these feelings that we both know I shouldn't have...and, like a fucking idiot, I acted on them without any regard to the consequences or how it would affect you or our moms," Lu recognized the despair and confusion in his voice; she'd felt the same things just minutes ago.

With one arm, Daniel pulled a wretched Lu closer to him as he stroked and smoothed the curls in her hair with the other. He buried his head in the springy coppery coils and inhaled her scent. All was clear to him now. He was falling for her. He'd have to stop this. Some things weren't meant to be. He and Lu were one of those things.

The young man stopped holding Lu long enough to take her face in his hands and look into her red-rimmed whiskey eyes, searching for something intangible behind those bewitching orbs.

"Lu, you know in my own bone-headed way that I am right. You know that we can't do anything with the mess I made last night. I can't pretend it didn't happen and I can't treat you like a pariah. You've done nothing wrong, believe me," Daniel was frantic to fix this somehow.

"All I know is that this anger can't go on either. I miss you, Lu. I miss us. I've missed being your big brother ever since I was shipped off to school. You're right. I am a coward. I couldn't face hurting you so I pretended that your pain didn't matter — worse, I pretended your pain didn't exist."

"We can't finish what I started last night, but I can't go on with you hating me either. You tell me how I can make this better, and I'll do it...whatever you want...I trust you...I need you," his last words were delivered with a desperation that broke Lu's heart.

He was right. What happened between them last night needed to end before it even started. There was nowhere they could have gone with it in the first place. If he was offering to go back to their pseudo-psycho sibling relationship and all they had to do was lie to each other about something that should never have happened in the first place, she was game.

Daniel's forehead was resting against hers. Her hands were in his — his fingers interlaced in her own with an intimacy neither was willing to acknowledge. Despite the impossibility of the task before them, Lula was willing to try anything to get her "brother" back, even if it meant lying to herself and the world.

"Danny," Lu whispered her response, "I can't go through the rest of my life hating you or avoiding you. I wouldn't want to even if I could. You're one of three of the most important people in my life. How can I turn my back on that?"

Lu's eyes rose to meet his before she continued, "You're right. I want us to go back to the way things were...if you think that's possible. Yesterday never happened...and it'll never happen again."

Daniel swallowed hard. He'd asked for it. He'd begged for it. He'd even prayed for it. Now she was offering him the exit he'd wanted and all he could feel was sadness.