Hot Voodoo Ch. 03

So now I was a member of the Munchies. You think I got into that club for nothing, but believe me, I paid my dues.

Every day just about noon Jaz would come by the loading dock to pick me up.

"Come on, Larry!" she would sing out. "Time for lunch!" Just to be sure I got the message, all the other guys in earshot would chime in, repeating what Jaz just said and usually adding their own five cents. "Time for lunch, Larry. Mustn't keep the girls waiting. Don't forget your handbag. Is your make-up on straight?"

Yeah, real comedians. I almost busted my girdle laughing.

Once I got away from those jokers, Jaz and I would head for the parking lot and pile with the rest of the group into Kimberley's van. It's Kimberley, by the way. Don't call her Kim. Cute little brunette, but her height matched her temper - short. I guess having three kids will do that to you. Getting behind the wheel of the van definitely sent her into Mom-mode. Seemed like she always wanted to be in control but never quite got there. She was constantly shushing the group down when it got too loud and trying to keep the conversation decent, which with this pack was no easy trick. Since she was also the head of personnel, I tried to be extra nice to her because you just never know.

Summer was the easy-go receptionist, a willowy blonde who was really good at her job of making people not mind waiting in the waiting area one bit. She also had a phone voice that definitely kept callers on the line as long as she wanted to hold them. The only reason Summer didn't run the world was that she was a little bit out of it and didn't seem to care to.

And finally there was Brooke, who was also quite capable of running the world and did care to thank you very much. Brooke was a VP sent by corporate after it acquired our company a couple years ago. The founder, Ed Grant, was definitely on the way out and it was clearly just a matter of time before Brooke moved into his office. Always immaculately made-up and styled, I guess you could say she was attractive if it weren't for the fact that her whole look was one big keep off the grass sign. Not sure what her angle was in hanging out with the Munchies, but I tried to avoid sitting next to her.

That was the group. Jaz and Nurse Yi you already know.

It was a quick ride over to Andrea's Place, a local eatery that (I think) used to be a dyke bar. The walls were still covered with pictures of "famous" women, most of which I did not recognize. Aside from its sordid past, Andrea's was famous for its custom-made salads, which drew in the office girls from all over the area, including the Munchies.

Man, the options at that place were simply mind-boggling. You just want a wedge salad with a little ranch dressing on the side? Fuhgeddaboudit! The mix of type of lettuce, toppings and dressing had to be reviewed, discussed and planned out like it was the freakin' invasion of Normandy. Because my math skills were not up to producing an accurate calorie count and I could never get the acidic balance right, I just let Jaz and Nurse Yi order for me.

Once ordering was out of the way, the conversation would turn to other matters. Usually gossip, shopping and what was on TV last night. But sometimes, once they got used to my being there, things could get a little x-rated. I mean, these were some raunchy broads here. Luckily, at that time of day there were rarely any kids in earshot.

Lemme clue you in guys - size matters. And shapes too. And hairiness and smell and taste. Oh, and stamina. Definitely can't leave that one out. They would talk about everything, with all the gory details and the more the better. It was sort of interesting to hang out in the other locker room for a change, if you know what I mean, and mostly I was happy to just sit and listen. But inevitably, someone was going to try to include me in the conversation. That was rarely a good thing.

For example, it turns out that Summer had started to date my old buddy Lou. It was definitely entertaining to hear about him from the perspective of the opposite persuasion. But one day, a relationship "crisis" hit and my advice as the resident expert on males was sought. I still remember choking on my croutons.

"So anyway," says Summer as she nervously twisted her hair of spun gold, "Lou and I have been having a great time together. And we've been getting pretty, you know, intimate. He's a real sweet guy, Larry. You're his friend so you already know this."

I probably would not have used that word to describe Lou, at least not to his face. Also because I know for a fact that he has already gone through three wives. Yeah, he's sweet at first, they have a great time, then he has a little too much to drink one night and proposes. After that, it's six months to a year until he gets tired of the "same old same old" and dumps them. Oh, I could tell a few tales about Sweet Lou, but sitting here with the girls I just nodded in agreement. I was getting pretty good at that.

"But lately he has been pushing this idea, this crazy idea that - oh, I don't know if I can say it."

"Come on, Summer!" said Kimberley. "We're your friends. We're here for you. The fact that you've said this much shows that something is bothering you. Best to get it out and let us help."

"OK, then," replied Summer, strengthening her resolve with a pull on her raspberry iced tea. "He, Lou, thinks it would be really fun and hot to invite someone else to - to join in - another girl!"

From the exclamations that erupted from around the table, I could see that Lou's idea was not a hit with this focus group.

"You mean a ménage à trois?" shrieked Kimberley. "That's obscene. Isn't that obscene, Larry?"

I guess she asked me cause I was the only one who had yet to express an emotion on the issue. Actually, the thought of Summer getting it on with another babe did not strike me as obscene at all, at least, not in a bad way. But I knew I couldn't say that here. So after I recovered from choking on my croutons, I decided to finesse the issue.

"I dunno, I guess that depends on how Summer feels about it. Summer, how do you feel?"

Yeah, I played the feelings card. Great way to get the gals chattering with each other and off my back. Or at least I thought it was.

Summer turned those big, blue eyes on me with a look of quiet thanks for putting the spotlight back on her.

"Oh, I was shocked at first, just like you all. I felt that he must be unhappy with me, that I wasn't enough for him. But Lou explained that he thought it was an adventure we could both go on, a love safari he called it, and that it would strengthen our relationship. And I shouldn't be worried about the other girl. He knows some websites where people are looking for a quick hook-up and nothing more. They come, they make you come, and then they go, no strings attached. I guess if I'm honest with myself, maybe I'm also just a little bit curious." Then she squeaked, like a mouse scurrying back into its hole after it sees the cat coming, and covered her face with her hands.

"Summer!" shrieked Kimberley, who was really in a shrieky mood today. "Don't be so naive! He doesn't want to take you on any love safari. This has nothing to do with love. He wants to use you to put on a lesbian sex show for his own entertainment. Some guys really get off on that - don't they, Larry?"

Shit - back to me. More finesse. "Um, I don't know Kimberley. I think the sight of two beautiful people, whatever their gender makeup may be, um, having relations could be a, um, beautiful thing. And Summer certainly is a beautiful person."

Summer uncovered her face, but before her eyes could even thank me for my compliment, Kimberley pounced again.

"So is that what you think? You think Summer is beautiful enough to stage a lesbian orgy for the gratification and amusement of your old buddy Lou? Is that what you think?"

"Now Kimberley. That is not what I said or what I meant. Summer was the one who said she might be curious. And what if it is a bit of a show? Sometimes we put on a little show to please our partners. Everybody does, man or woman." At this point, I snuck a quick look at Jaz, who seemed to be enjoying this show very much.

Kimberley wasn't done with me. She caught my look at Jaz and it seemed to give her an idea.

"Sure Larry, but it can work both ways, right? So maybe guys like to watch a couple of young girls making out. But you know what, us girls might not mind seeing a couple of well-built studs going at it. Would you put on that show? Would you go down on another guy if it would please your partner?"

Now it was Kimberley's turn to look over at Jaz, who had not stopped grinning the whole time. "I think someone is getting i-deeeas! Would you like that, Jaz?" pursued Kimberley. "Would you like to watch your boyfriend get hot and heavy with another guy? Put his cock in his mouth and see just how deep he can get it to go?"

Fuck! No! Jaz, stop this!

Jaz must have heard my silent plea and finally spoke. "Sorry, but Larry is all mine. I couldn't imagine sharing him with anyone, man or woman." There was a chorus of "awwws" around the table. Not sure if it was because they thought Jaz's attachment to me was sweet or if they were disappointed that I wouldn't be the star of a gay sex show anytime soon, which they could at least look forward to hearing about if not actually attending. At any rate, the conversation, mercifully, moved on.

Another day, it was Brooke's turn to tell us about her love life. She had been going on about how most men were terrible at eating pussy. They thought they knew what they were doing, but they really didn't. No feel, no touch. Just gobble and slobber around for a bit like a pig at a trough and then when they decided they had done their duty and gotten their target area wet enough, they would leap up and on her for what they viewed as the main event. Yeah, I've heard about guys like that.

"And the worst part is, they expect you to be grateful for their pathetic efforts!" exclaimed Brooke, who was really warming up to her subject. "It's just hopeless. You know what I would really like? I would like to have a man who would simply lie on his back, stick out his tongue and let me work it." That's when she turned to me.

"How about it, Larry? Let's get the male perspective here. Do you think you could keep stiff and still while a woman humped your face?"

How's a guy supposed to answer a question like that? Especially when said guy's male perspective is, under this hypothetical scenario, one of peering up from between his boss's thighs, trying to look over her imposing tits to check out her face as it hopefully contorts in ecstasy while she bangs her clit against his outstretched tongue that he is desperately trying to keep out there for her because her pleasure and his paycheck may depend on it.

But Jaz had trained me well. The thought of eating pussy, even Brooke's pussy, really got my juices flowing. As this image took hold of my mind, I could feel my tongue moving now, not to form actual words to respond to my boss's question, but simply to present itself as ready and able to do the job. Reporting for duty, ma'am!

Luckily, Jaz came to my rescue again as she put her arm around my shoulders. "Actually, Larry can do better than that. He doesn't need me to guide him. It's like he has an intuitive feel for the right spot."

Now the girls got all excited, ooohing an aaahing and wanting to know my secret. Well, I sure wasn't telling. How was I supposed to tell them about voodoo quiches and magical bonds? So I just mumbled something about Jaz being a great teacher and a general inspiration.

Looking around at the rest of the table, I could see they were definitely interested. Summer was stroking her full lower lip with her thumbnail, clearly wondering about more than whether the polish and lipstick matched. Kimberley's sharp white teeth snapped off the end of a carrot stick and her intense look told me that she wouldn't mind taking another bite of something a little meatier. I was starting to get a bit uncomfortable under all this attention.

Now it was Nurse Yi's turn to break the spell. "Ladies, perhaps we should change the subject. I recently treated Larry for a seizure, which I believe may have been connected to intense sexual excitement. If you get him too worked up, he may have another. You wouldn't want him to fall off his chair, would you?"

"Oh, I wouldn't mind having a man like Larry lying helpless at my feet," laughed Brooke. "Men are really at their best when they let their lust bring them to heel. But you're right, of course. We mustn't put anyone's health at risk."

And so they let it go and the conversation again moved on. At least, I thought they let it go. But as we were leaving the restaurant, I noticed that Brooke hung back a bit with Jaz and I could just hear her say: "Such a well-behaved boy. You simply must give me your recipe."