How High a Price: Another View - M

Early started to protest that he had several irons in the fire, but seeing the expression he said, "I'll take my laptop so if you need me..."

When Early got to his condo he checked out what to expect on the ship. He saw the dress would range from country club casual to formal. Early had a couple of tuxedoes he could take but he would run out of casual clothes long before the cruise was over. He saw the floor plan for his suite. It had two private dining rooms, one indoors and one on his own private balcony. This was a dream vacation, one of those once in a lifetime experiences. The finest cabin on the highest-rated cruise ship on the ocean.

It was only as he contemplated the two bedrooms that his stomach hurt. Even ignoring the short time frame, there wasn't a single soul in the world that Early wanted to have with him on the trip. What would be fabulous with a partner looked like torture alone.

Chapter 6 – The Cruise

Sunday, April 16thLos Angeles:

Early stood on his private balcony as the ship pulled away from the dock. Departure time had been delayed and it was getting dark. He'd made a reservation at the Signatures restaurant for himself, his niece, Kristin, and her husband, Mark. The college couple were the only members of his family who could get away on such short notice and they would be going only as far as Hawaii eight days from now. A few people threw those streamer things at the dock, but the lack of anyone to see them off ruined the image of the Bon Voyage parties of Black & White movies.

Dinner was everything one would expect from a restaurant that advertised it servedcuisine from around the world, all prepared using the Cordon Bleu method.Early actually had the chicken Cordon Bleu. It was preceded by a shrimp cocktail served in a one of those special two part goblets where one part sits on ice inside the other, except these where both made of cut crystal. It was followed by a fruit salad with very special poppy seed dressing served on fine bone china. The main course, served on gold-rimmed plates of the ship's custom pattern made Early forget about just how many calories, fat and cholesterol the cheese and ham stuffed chicken represented. The service was impeccable and Early knew he'd be adding something to expected 20% of the ticket price tip his company had already paid.

After dinner Kristin and Mark had gone to one of the lounge areas to dance and Early returned to his suite to watch the sunset. By dark, they were out of sight of land and Early decided to check on his email. The first thing he discovered was that "For a nominal fee, guests may send or receive e-mail via computers on board." Who the hell thought nominal meant fifty cents a minute? The connection was as slow as a dial-up line. Still, when you considered where they were, it wasn't how well the elephant danced but that it danced at all. As soon as he logged in to the company he received a message that said, "Early, all your email is being diverted. If you expect any personal messages you'll need to notify them of your address on the ship. All your passwords have already been changed and you will not get the new ones until you arrive in person. Attempting to hack our system is grounds for termination. Now go have fun!"

The next week was one of the most relaxing of Early's entire life. It was a precious time to get to know Kristin and Mark. Early spent a lot of time in the hot tubs, and just sleeping on the deck chairs. He spent even more time avoiding other passengers. The ratio of single women to single men on the 700-passenger ship was nine to one. The only problem was that those closest to his age were either old enough to be his grandmother or young enough to be his daughter!

By the time Kristin and Mark left on April 26th, Early was rested out. Thursday night the 27th was a formal night and Early was lonesome. Ship to shore telephone service was available, at $7.50 per minute and Early couldn't think of anyone whom he would enjoy visiting at that rate. He'd played Civilization IV until he was winning in less than four hours and he wasn't interested in the fabulous shows provided by the ship. What he wanted was someone to share this time with and it pained him that there was no one. His elderly aunt might try to join him when they arrive at Tahiti, but that wasn't really the sort of companionship he wanted. He'd been amused when he read the ship's booklet to find that soliciting was reason to be put off the ship at the nearest port. Now, he briefly wondered if there might be player or two available among the staff.

The ship had a fully equipped casino, but while Early had no problem with gambling, he so hated to lose that casino games didn't appeal to him. Instead of dressing in his tux he decided to have dinner served in his suite for the first time. The food was exquisite, but the company was lousy. For the first time since that night at the restaurant, he wasn't able to dismiss the image of Susan's smile from his memory.

After turning out the lights, he reclined his deckchair on his private, enclosed balcony and looked up at the stars. The ship's own light pollution blotted out many, but the formations he could see were spectacular, although they looked different this close to the equator. Looking at the sky had fascinated mankind from the most ancient of days. As Early felt the gentle sway of the ship, he listened to the quiet whisper of the wind moving past his glass bubble. At some point he saw a shooting star and the isolation oozed into him. He was on a ship with 700 passengers, but that ship was alone in the Pacific Ocean. As his soul reached out, he understood at a profound level that no ancient shepherd had ever been as removed from civilization.

No doubt there were satellites orbiting, but to Early's naked eye, his ship was the only sign of man that could be seen. As removed as the ship was from the rest of the world, so Early felt removed from his fellow passengers, from the rest of humanity. A never understood phrase, "It is not good that man should be alone," reverberated in his soul.

Early closed his eyes to sleep but instead looked deeper inside himself. "Why, Susan?" he asked the inky sky in a husky voice. In the ensuing silence he realized that he wasn't sure exactly what he was asking. Why had she ruined their marriage? Why had she cheated? Why had she written that letter? Why had she released him?

He'd been nibbling around the edges of those questions ever since he boarded the ship, dismissing them as soon as he became aware of them, but his mind had never quite let them go. Now as he faced them squarely, he knew he needed answers. Early snorted,I don't want them bad enough to call her though, even if it didn't cost $7.50 per minute.

On a whim, he booted his laptop, connected to the ship's network and sent a message to Cynthia, his friendly divorce attorney. The one sentence note asked if she would contact Susan and see if Susan would be willing to answer a few questions.

He no sooner clicked send than he wished he'd never sent it. Even if he were to send a second message asking Cynthia to ignore the last one, he'd asked Pandora to open her damn box.

Cynthia and her husband were now close friends. They'd been the second people he'd contacted about coming on the cruise. She couldn't get out of her court dates and had to decline. However, she'd also been one of the more persistent about urging Early to settle his issues with Susan. If Early were to send a second message, she was more than capable of looking him right in the eye and saying "I never opened the second one until after I'd already contacted Susan." It'd be the truth, but a lawyer's truth...

"Too late now," Early mumbled and logged off. The ship's screen announced he'd been online for six minutes and his account had been charged $3.00. "Shit, three bucks spent to open my own personal can of worms... at least Cynthia won't bill me for the can opener."

Early sighed deeply, closed the laptop on his chest and savored what he feared would be the last peace he'd enjoy for a while as contents of Pandora's spread its pestilence across the world. As he examined the stars, the nature of his solitude seemed to change. The vast distances didn't seem so much to isolate, as to insulate. Trouble was coming, but even trouble needed time to find a solitary ship at sea. The heat of the laptop felt like a comforting hot water bottle on his chest and without intending to, Early fell asleep.

Chapter 7 – The Trouble with Email

Early was rumpled, stiff and pissed long before dawn Friday morning. He'd spent the whole night in the deck chair and at some point his laptop had fallen off his chest to the steel deck and now it wouldn't boot. It was fully backed up... at home. There wasn't anything he needed, but it had provided a nice source of solitary entertainment, and that was now gone. A steward had slipped a fax under his door during the night from Cynthia. Receiving faxes was free, sending them only required anominal charge. The kind of charge that required you to take out a multi-generational mortgage.

I called Susan to confirm her email address. She said to use the one below and she would monitor it all day. Please don't keep her waiting.

Cyn

Early snorted,Yeah, you called her to 'confirm' my ass. I wonder just how long that conversation lasted and just how long it took you to start it? Still, with a broken laptop he had an excellent excuse to postpone a conversation that looked even less desirable in the light of day, especially at fifty cents a minute for email.

Early made his way the ship's internet café at 6:30 local time and noted it was 9:30 in Seattle. At least this way Susan wouldn't have to spend all day looking for his email, Early hated having to do that. He sent the following message then wandered to La Veranda to see if some breakfast would put him in a better mood.

Susan,

I've been bothered by our last meeting and I wanted to ask you some questions in private. However, I broke my laptop last night. So, unless you're prepared to meet me at the Fanning Islands, they'll have to wait until I can buy a new one in Tahiti. I didn't mean for Cyn to imply there was any rush. I've just had too much idle time on this cruise.

Early

Early had put the entire matter out of his mind by the time he attended a lecture about tiny Fanning Island, one of the most inaccessible places on Earth. Saturday was another day at sea, and Early was able to read for pleasure. An activity he hadn't done for years. He spent several hours near the pool in a deck chair and took the opportunity to have several casual conversations.

Sunday morning he awoke feeling more rested than he had in years. The ship wasn't scheduled to drop anchor until 7:00 AM. Early went to the Compass Rose restaurant for breakfast and was finished in time to watch the anchor drop and several lifeboats lowered to serve as tenders to the gorgeous island.

The last thing on Earth he expected to see as he stepped ashore a little after eight Sunday morning for his "Independent exploration of Fanning Island" was a smiling but exhausted-looking Susan.

"Good morning Early, I'm always prepared to meet you anytime and anywhere you'll let me. I'd never heard of Fanning Island and I don't know if you know they don't have an airport. I've never been on a seaplane before, it was so exciting I think I'm going to pass on the privilege of riding in one for the rest of my life. There's an empty cabin on the ship I've rented and I'll stay in it if you don't want to see me after our talk, but I'd rather be staked out for fire ants than fly in that little plane again. Please say I don't have to go back by seaplane." There was real pleading and fear in her eyes.

Early was speechless, and he couldn't decide if he was mad or not. He didn't recall exactly what he'd emailed, but the rhetorical question probably could be construed as an invitation, but only by someone as devious as Cynthia. "You look like you've been put through the wringer, why don't you go on board and rest up. We sail at noon, if you're not awake by lunch, we can have a private dinner in my suite tonight and talk."

Susan's whole face lit up, and Early realized that she must have thought he had one of those normal cruise ship cabins, not one that you could play hide and seek in. As he trudged off, Early couldn't figure out why he'd invited her into his personal space. A quick check of his emotions confirmed that he wasn't feeling any more interested in her than he had been for the last three years. He certainly wasn't still in love with her. She'd destroyed that by her adultery.

As he walked around the tropical paradise, at least a paradise to those who didn't have to make a living here, he realized that he actually had reached a place where he wanted answers more than he wanted to avoid her. He would have preferred to get those answers via impersonal emails, but he had inadvertently left open the option for her to meet him in person.Damn it, that "join me had" been a rhetorical question. Which gave him the perfect first question, just how the hell did she get here? A jet to Hawaii would have been easy, but where did she get the seaplane from and how did she get there? It has to be close to a thousand miles from here to Hawaii and that little seaplane I saw taking off didn't have that kind of range. This took some careful planning and a lot of money. She's got to know that she's not going to like the questions I want to ask, why the hell did she go to all this trouble to be asked in person?

The ship weighed anchor a few minutes after noon and Early wondered briefly if he should try to check for Susan before he went to lunch. Since he didn't want to eat one of the more formal dining rooms he went to the buffet at the Compass Rose. After lunch he spent almost three hours in the fitness center. He needed the exercise, both because of all the extra calories and also to work off some of the stress he'd been building as he thought about the meeting this evening.

After a cool-down run of a mile on the track around deck twelve, overlooking the pool on deck eleven, Early retired to his suite and took a long shower. The suite had two bathrooms and after Kristin and Mark left he'd been using both so it didn't seem so wasteful.

Early contacted his steward and arranged for dinner. Tonight was Country Club Casual which meant you didn't have to wear a coat and tie to dinner. Early had gotten to the point that he enjoyed dressing up a bit to go to dinner so if he were going to miss the dining room experience this was a good night to do it. As he was making the arrangements, he also told his steward to notify Susan about the time and that while they'd be eating in his suite, dress would be casual as well.

At 7:30 on the dot there was a knock on the door. When he opened it he saw Susan and the dinner cart. She looked rested and fresh. Her hair and make-up were so perfect Early didn't notice them. What he did notice was the causal elegance that had always attracted him to her. With the crooked grin he loved she said, "Early, I waited for food to show up before I knocked. I know you understand I'm so nervous I'm about to come out of my skin, but could we please eat before you begin your cross examination?"

Early smiled back and ushered everyone into his suite. Since it was already dark, Early directed the meal to be set up in his interior dining room rather than on hisporch. In less than five minutes the whole spread had been laid out and the stage set for an intimate dinner. Early immediately recognized his mistake; it set the wrong atmosphere, but there wasn't a gracious way to avoid it now.

Chapter 8 – The Conversation Part 1

During dinner Susan kept the conversation flowing with a very funny narrative of her adventures traveling to meet the ship. Early didn't want to think about what it cost, but it reminded him of an episode of Phileas Fogg'sAround the World in Eighty Days. "Early, I know you loved that David Niven movie, and the truth is, that after a bit my competitive juices kicked in just to see if I could pull the whole thing off. I intended to meet you on the quay and say something like 'since I was in the neighborhood,' but that float plane... I thought it was cool for about a hundred feet during take-off, but if it had taken another second to get into the air I would have aborted the whole thing. I actually wet my pants when we landed. I just barely had time to change to meet you and no time at all to recover. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you giving me the time to gather my wits.

"Now, I'm ready to answer any and all questions as honestly as I can. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to evade anything if I say I have to think about what you're asking. I want you have the truth as best I can give it."

Susan sat back with her hands in her lap, looking like a school girl taking a verbal exam. A second ago Early had been relaxed, basking in the glow of good food and good company. Now in a little more than a heartbeat all that was behind him. For a second he almost lost his nerve but then blurted, "Why did you cheat on me with him?"

Susan's face twisted up in pain and she appeared to be searching for the right words. Finally she leaned forward and put her hands on the table and said softly, "Oh Early, I so prayed that you knew. I'm so tempted to lie because this is going to hurt you. I just hope you'll let me explain, not for my sake but for yours. You don't know that cheated on you dozens of times do you?"

If Susan hadn't looked so pained, so sorry, Early might have responded differently. It almost felt like it had that night when he'd been looking at a darkened and empty kitchen she claimed to be cleaning. He'd known she'd been lying then, now he knew he was hearing the truth. As he struggled to find something to say Susan continued. Her eyes were blinking back tears but her voice was steady as she continued. "Early, I've never been faithful to anyone in my whole life. You are the only man I've ever loved, and it tears me apart to admit this to you, but if I lie by pretending it was only that one time, I'll come of looking so much better than I am."

She was studying his face again, trying to get some clue as to how he was responding. The problem was that Early couldn't give her a clue because he couldn't understand himself. "I'm not a slut and I'm not some sort of nymphomaniac. I told you I would never be with another man and I haven't, but you deserve to know just what a horrible person you married.

"It started with my first. It wasn't my boyfriend; I was cheating on him because I was mad at him because... I don 't suppose why I was mad matters, but I discovered I loved the feeling of being with someone for the first time. When we discussed our lovers, I told you I'd had three lovers. That was true. What I didn't tell you was that I cheated on them... I probably had twice as many sex partners as I did lovers."

"Only five." Early blurted. One of the most painful discoveries he'd made as he was preparing to divorce Susan was that she'd lied about how many men she'd been sexually active with. It had been a hurtful, unnecessary and unexplainable lie.

Susan looked puzzled, then contemplative as if she were counting. "Yes, yes that's right, but if you knew about them..."

Early felt the oddest mixture of smug pride and embarrassment over reading her private diaries. When he explained Susan continued, "I don't know if I made it clear that all of those men were one time only--not really one night stands and not really revenge fucks, more like morale boosters in a way.