How I Fucked Myself out of Depression

So I've been depressed for some time, dealing with PTSD and shit like that... ended up lonely after two failed marriages... From 35 1/2 to now I'm 38...

Depression really sucks, and makes everything seem in stasis... it's just as bad when you can't get the characters you want... or the men that seem interested end up being assholes... so after I turned 37, I decided to do something about my sexless life and those horny desires that wouldn't be satisfied...

I remember that day well, it was right after the New Years, I walked into the darkened store looking at all the exotic silicone merchandise... in my sad state then, all I could think was wowwww... the store clerk insisted I examine some of the merchandise, that's when my eye caught onto Miguel... he was a little more realistic than I expected, all that ribbed texture and 'real' feel... I thought back of cramming odd shaped hard plastic bottles inside me, pretending I was fucking some rare alien or something...

But Miguel was hottt... he could be a Latin man or tanned Caucasian or hi coloured black man... one thing for sure was that he was big enough to satisfy... I thought of watching all the porn I liked, allowing Miguel to become every man that satisfied some pussy out on those motion pictures.

I was so wet... just paying for him, thanking God I wore panty shields, and thinking of fucking myself everywhere, at the movies, at school, on my job... the ideas made me smile like a Cheshire Cat. I had those lovely 8 to 9 inches of rubber in my bag, as I walked thinking in my head... fuck all of you men who don't give a fuck about me... I'm not waiting for any of you... hell I'm gonna fuck myself! Everytime I feel depressed I will just fuck myself till an orgasm... still, I didn't care to be human but an animal... a bitch in heat... then I'd wash my treasured dick and dry him and him back in his pack to rest... or better yet I could sleep with him between my breast... id never have to worry about pregnancy or HIV or any stds...

When I got home that day without even watching any porn I lay on my back... propped the soles of my feet, legs bent and straddled against the wall and I fed my cunt, feeling it dribble, dripping with ecstasy... ohhh It felt so damn good... after playing nun for well over a year I felt wicked... wild and free... I was the devil and liking it... no praise could equate the feeling of an orgasm...

It was the beginning of a different type of affair... people noticed the glow on my face or that I seemed healthier even my mysterious diabetes caused by depression disappeared... Miguel was a miracle worker... anytime I felt the reject from men, be it because of my failed marriage history, or that i had a grown son or that I was not as young as I once was... I couldn't wait to get home and flick off the lights, waiting till everyone in the house was asleep. Then I would strip completely naked, and down load at least 20 free porn clips, while prodding my clitoris with the only tried and true love of my life. I could control the rhythm even when I felt that ribbed silicone warm from in my cunt, pumping faster and faster in me till I exploded... and it would occur to me in those moments why ever were men created... sure it would of been nice to be held by them and to feel wanted and needed... but I had grown weary of being cast aside when men saw other new interest and reslised that they could have better than me, or I was simply that somewhat attractive 'friend' they used as a muse to get their real love interest to consider them... but here in my world, I controlled Miguel or rather maybe he controlled me and my desire especially when I needed an orgasm to battle those suicidal depressions...

Some people thought I was a freak but I was hurting no one, just simply pleasing myself... because 'real' men had hurt me and rejected me enough, and it was time to accept what I was... a woman that gave up on seeking, waiting or being found... I found Miguel...