How I Met My Wife

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"You going to read this and find out what this is all about, or do you want me to?"

Byron just turned a glazed look from the pile of cash to Butch's face and made a half-hearted shooing motion, indicating that Butch should go ahead.

"My dearest Byron, " Butch began. "Enclosed is a refund of all the fees paid to one Archibald Ryan, Private Investigator. It has come to my attention that he took your money under false pretences, and provided deliberately erroneous information to insure your search failed."

Byron's eyes lost their glazed look and he reached out and took the letter from Butch's hand. He quickly read through the letter mumbling random phrases aloud.

" ... Uncle ... Knew as soon as you finished your story that you were looking for... Only discovered this in the past month... wait until my twenty-first birthday or lose my trust fund... wait under the pier where we met one year ago!"

Byron dropped the letter on the table. He was smiling from ear to ear and his eyes almost glowed with pleasure and relief. He looked Butch right in the eye and laughed aloud.

"Crock of shit is it, Butch? Here, read the rest of Cornelia's letter for yourself. I'm off to ask the love of my life to marry me."

Byron scraped the cash back into the envelope and hurried out of the bar.

Butch picked up the letter and started reading. He finished it, shook his head, and started over at the beginning, like he couldn't believe what it said the first time.

"What's up, O'Malley? There's been strange doings in here today, and they all seem to start with you paying your tab," Kaitlin interrupted.

Butch just started reading aloud.

"... knew as soon as I tasted your cock and felt your tongue licking my pussy that I would never be happy with anyone else. However, the intensity of our orgasms frightened me, and I fled in confusion as soon as I recovered.

"Once I had calmed down and had a chance to think about what happened, I realised that our chance encounter in the dark had destroyed any feelings I had for any other man. I went to my Uncle Archie for help. He refused at first, reminding me of the clause in my parent's will requiring that I remain a virgin until my twenty-first birthday. I pleaded with him, and he finally relented.

"I just recently discovered that he relented the day you came to him for help in finding me. He relented only so that he could insure I never found you by steering me in the wrong direction, just as he was doing to you.

"The first anniversary of our meeting is my twenty-first birthday and I am free of all restrictions imposed by my parent's will. I will find you and see that you get this letter as soon as the legal details of claiming my trust fund are completed.

"I will then go to the beach below the pier where we met and wait for you. I know that our year of frustration will soon be over and anxiously await our second meeting.

"With all my love and hope, Cornelia Cameron"

Butch stopped reading and looked at Kaitlin. He carefully folded the letter before wiping the tears from Kaitlin's cheek. He handed her the letter.

"I think you ought to have Clancy put this someplace safe for Byron. I'm sure he'll want it to show their children someday."

"Yes, there will be children won't there? Children are part of Happily Ever After, aren't they? I'm sure that with a fairytale start like this, they just have to have the Happily Ever After."

Kaitlin hugged the letter to her bosom and smiled a very wistful smile.

Copyright 2000 by Dirty Old Man All rights Reserved

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3 Comments
inka2222inka22228 months ago

Seriously? Both of them are so shallow that they want to marry someone they LITERALLY know nothing about just because once they had good oral sex? This is pretty stupid, never mind shallow. Also, how'd she find him if the uncle was mis-directing her? Moreover, if the trust fund for her was FOR HER, why would her uncle care?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
I Agree With Butch

This is one “incredible crock of shit”. This story goes way beyond the realm of fiction, heck, it goes way past fantasy. There’s really only one category this story fits into. And that’s the one the author himself mentioned in the character of “Butch”. The “incredible crock of shit” category. Sorry to be such a crank but I like my fiction to have a modicum of realism.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
WHY NO COMMENTS?

You have just provided the most ridiculously funny, fairy story I have ever heard.

Thank you

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