tagHumor & SatireHow The Inch Stole XXXmas

How The Inch Stole XXXmas


Every Fuck Down in Fucksville Liked XXXmas a lot...

But the Inch ,Who lived just north of Fucksville, Did NOT!

The Inch hated XXXmas! The whole XXXmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that his testicles were hung up far too high.

It could be, perhaps, that his bladder was shy.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his cock was two sizes too small.

But who cares why? The guy was a schmuck,

He stood there on XXXmas Eve, hating the Fucks,

Staring down from his lair with swollen, blue balls,

At the radiantly light windows below in their halls.

For he knew that every Fuck down where he gazed,

Was busy now, having their pubic hair shaved.

"And they're trying on their nighties!" he snarled with a sneer,

"Tomorrow is XXXmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Inch fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find some way to stop All those Fuckers from cumming!"

For Tomorrow, he knew, all the lusty studs and sluts,

Would wake nice and horny. They'd all start to rut!

And then! Oh, the moans! Oh, the moans!

Moans! Moans! Moans!

That's one thing he hated! The Moans!


Then the Fucks, barely legal and mature, would hump.

And they'd hump! And they'd hump! And they'd HUMP!


They would hump in their pussies, and tight little rumps.

Which was something that put the Inch down in the dumps!

And THEN the thing that he hated most would begin!

Every Fuck down in Fucksville, the fat and the thin,

Would lay close together, with their vibrators humming.

They'd lay side-by-side. And the Fucks would start Cumming!

They'd cum! And they'd cum! And they'd CUM!


And the more the Inch thought of this Fuckville wide Climax,

The more he thought, "I must stop this whole thing in its tracks!"

"Why, for sixty-nine years I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop this XXXmas from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! A nasty idea!


"I know just what to do!" The Inch laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick wide brimmed hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "I am such a devilish Imp!"

"With this coat and this hat, I look just like a Pimp!"

"All I need is a hooker..." The Inch looked around.

But, since the Inch had no Hos, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old bastard? No! The Inch simply said,

"If I can't find a woman, I'll make one instead!"

So he gathered some straw, and he formed it into shape,

And he planted a red wig on it's head with some tape.

THEN He grabbed the straw woman and a few old rucksacks,

And then jumped behind the wheel of his rusty old Cadillac.

Then the Inch said, "Let's go!" And the jalopy started down,

Toward the homes where the Fucks Lay asnooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Soft groans filled the air.

The Fucks were all dreaming wet dreams without care.

When he came to the first flophouse on the square.

"This place will work for a start," the old Inchy Pimp hissed,

And he jumped into the window, empty bags in his fist.

Then he crept into the living room, on the tips of his toes,

past the discarded condoms and piles of clothes.

And into the parlor, the Inch gleefully strolled.

In the middle of the room was a polished stripper pole.

Laid out beneath it were wondrous sex toys galore.

"They won't need these!" he chuckled, as he started his chore.

Then he slithered and slunk, with his heart starting to sing,

Around the whole room, and he stole every plaything!

Dildos! And Sybians! Anal beads! Balls!

French Ticklers! Massagers! Butt plugs! And dolls! And he stuffed them in sacks. Then the Inch, the old baddie,

Threw the sacks, into the trunk of his Caddy!

Then he snuck to the bathroom. He took every pill!

He took the ribbed condoms! All the sensual thrills!

He cleaned out the bathroom of the last drop of lube.

Why, that Inch left nothing but one single Pube!

Then he threw all the junk into the car with scorn.

"And NOW!" growled the Inch, "I will take all the porn!"

And the Inch grabbed films, dirty books and magazines,

When a small voice almost made him jump out of his jeans.

He turned around fast, and he saw a young Fuck!

Petite Cindy-Blew You, who was naked as buck.

The Inch had been caught by this 22 year-old miss,

Who'd got out of bed to use the commode for a piss.

She gazed at the Inch and said, "Mister Pimp, why,"

"Why are you taking our Pornography? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Inch was such a clever old prick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my dear sweet vixen," the bogus Pimp dissembled,

"This smut is terrible!" He said, with nary a tremble.

"So I'm switching it out, for something much less of a bore."

"I'll be back in a flash. With something much more hardcore!"

And his fib fooled the minx. Then he patted her bottom,

And he went to the loo, never knowing she caught him.

And when Cindy-Blew You curled up under her sheet,

HE grabbed the last bag and chucked it in the street!

Then the last thing he stole was their Pole for stripping!

Then he jumped out the window, practically skipping.

He left nothing, no cuffs, no rope. no whips for whipping.

And the one drop of lube he left was a crock,

It wasn't enough for even HIS tiny cock!

He did the same thing to every house on every block,

Leaving drops Much too small For the every Fucks' cock!

There was one hour left before The Fucks started to rise,

He decided that heading to his cave would be wise,

The car was so stuffed with trinkets it had started to slump!

With gags! And with cock rings! With clamps! And clit pumps!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Pumpit,

He drove with his load to the tiptop to dump it!

"Yuck yuck to the Fucks!" he was wickedly singing.

"They're finding out now what the morning is bringing!"

"They're just waking up! With their morning wood throbbing!"

"They'll look all around them and then they'll start sobbing,

For the Fucks down in Fucksville will see all my robbing!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Inch, "That I simply MUST hear!"

So he paused. And the Inch put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow.

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound was climatic!

It couldn't be so! But it this sound was loud and dramatic!

He stared down at Fucksville! The Inch growled in disgust!

Then he shook! What he saw was shocking, terrible LUST!

Every Fuck down in Fucksville, the thin and the fat,

Was humping! Without any sex toys at that!

He HADN'T stopped XXXmas from coming! THEY CAME!

Somehow or other, THEY came just the same!

And the Inch, as he watched them suck and blow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"

"It came with out vibrators! It came without smut!"

"It came without lubricates, or plugs in the butt!"

And he stared on for hours, and then something felt sore.

Then the Inch looked down at something he hadn't before!

"Holy shit! I have an erection!" The amazed Inch Swore.

"Maybe XXXmas...perhaps...isn't so much of a snore!"

And what happened then? Well...in Fucksville they say,

That the Inch's micro cock Grew five sizes that day!

And as his member filled and hung low and swollen,

He jumped in his ride to return all the loot he had stolen,

And he gave it all back! All the gizmos, gadgets and the tidbits!

And he, HE HIMSELF! The Inch, came on Cindy-Blew's tits!

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