How to Destroy a Perfect Marriage Ch. 05

"The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie." ― Shannon L. Alder

Carrie was walking briskly ahead of the group. Her mother was last in order following behind the children as rear guard. Carrie wasn't clear on how to proceed with her new found revelation, but going home seemed like a reasonably good place to start. With no immediate plan of action, she pulled out her phone to see the time.

It was 9:02.

Dan would be at his desk like clockwork. She quick dialed his office, and it went straight to his voice mail. She hung up without leaving a message. Walking briskly and with her house coming into view, Carrie looked down at her phone again and pressed the button to speed dial Dan's cell. Nothing. When it went to voicemail, she left a message, "Call me Danny. Call me as soon as you get this message. Please, I need to talk to you, now." That was it.

Time?! The time on her phone read...

9:04

Carrie called Dan's department's general line. "ACME Products, Accounting Division, Tammy Wong, how may I help you?"

"Hi Tammy, It's Carrie, (you know, Dan Wilson's wife, ah) may I speak to Dan?"

"Oh, hi Carrie, I hope everything is all well. Dan called in to report he wasn't coming in today, maybe 15 minutes ago and said he was ill. He mentioned something about going to stop by his doctor's before going home."

" Okay, well, I guess I'll see Dan in a bit then. I'll call his cell. Thanks, Tammy and have a nice weekend. Bye." Carrie ended the call, looked down at her phone and bit her lower lip. An involuntary sickening combination of suspicion and dread was now firmly impregnated in Carrie's mind. That bastard child born was not going to let Carrie have any peace of mind.

She was holding the front door open as the children climbed the steps up to the door followed by her mother. Carrie's mother was worried by her daughters' behavior in the park but was glad she had seen it. She knew her daughter was upset and needed to calm down immediately. Being gentle but firm while looking compassionately at her daughter's, "Sugar, slow down right this instant. I don't know what set you off back at the park, but we are going to sit down and if need be, open a bottle of wine and take a pause."

Carrie understood her mother meant well, but even with anxiety terrorizing her present state of mind, this was clearly not worth pursuing, "Really mom, that's your suggestion, wine at 9:00 am in the morning?"

"Oh Carrie, it was just a suggestion. I for one, do not feel that a few glasses of wine shared between a mother and her daughter could make things any worse in your situation. We could talk and discuss ideas to could help save your marriage. Am I making any sort of sense here darling?"

There are times when it is prudent to be patient and there are times for action. Every fiber of Carrie being demanded action. She had no plan, but if she did, it wouldn't include getting a wine buzz at 9:08 am on a Friday morning with her mother. Maybe after this was all over they could do that sometime...but not now.

"No Mother, you're not. This is what's going to happen. I need for you and Dad to take the children for the weekend. I'll help you load everything into your car. I'll take mine and drive over to the doctor's office and stay with Dan. He'll still be there. He won't be able to see the doctor for a couple of hours without an appointment. Okay?"

"Carrie, what if he went to a walk-in clinic? Try calling him on his phone first. Maybe he's on his way home now?"

"Please Mom, I already tried his cell, but it went directly to voicemail, so l left him a message to call me immediately when he heard it. Things have been so messed up between us these past two weeks. He has been so despondent, but last night with Dan back home I thought we had turned a corner. I was wrong. Dan needs me now more than ever... and I need you now... to do precisely what I'm asking. I'm little stressed out here, okay Mom?"

"Well... okay... Carrie, if you feel that's what's best. How about this? I follow you over with the children to see how Dan's feeling? It'll be good for the children to say a 'quick' hi and goodbye to Daddy before the weekend. Just a quick pop in, pop out of the doctor's office. After that, I'll take the children back home and they can play in the yard. I'll take them to McDonald's and get them a happy meal for lunch. They always like that and when your Father gets home, you know him, he'll be on the floor playing with them 5 minutes after he's home. We'll be out of your hair for the weekend and you and Dan can spend time alone. What do you think?"

Carrie wasn't thinking. Carrie was going with the flow, "Fine, good thinking Mom. You do that. You'll follow me and we'll all go to the Doctor's office. "

Something was terribly wrong with the universe. At least, in her universe. She felt it inside. And something was wrong with Dan. He was hurt. Bad? Dan needed her. Now. Every decision made henceforth by Carrie would be pure, "womanly intuition."

No pre-judgmental thinking. No calculating offenses or penalties. Keep a clear mind. Just straight out responses to each situation. All roads led to her having Dan alone for the weekend. Let the healing begin.

Suddenly, Carrie shouted into the family room where the children had already plopped themselves in front of the TV, "KIDS, go use the bathroom right now! You're going to grandma and grandpas for the weekend!"

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Where was Dan?

On the 'highway to hell' of course.

Some people can have sex without giving up a piece of themselves. Dan wasn't one of those fortunate souls. Driving towards the Holiday Inn, he briefly turned to look at Janet and felt ashamed. Turning his attention back to the road he felt ashamed because felt so happy and good inside. Dan believed he might be in love with Janet.

That love began, when at his lowest point Dan reached out for a savior, Janet was there to take his hand. That love was borne from a mixture of two weeks of pure misery and confusion of the heart. This young, beautiful, intelligent, ebony woman had saved his sanity. All of this combined produced extreme gratitude that would only make things worse. Dan was having feelings towards Janet now. This wasn't about sex. This was not good at all. Feelings of attachment were slowly taking hold. Maybe they had always been there, but it took all this nonsense to come to the surface.

And now she desired to be with him again. The skin to skin contact had been electrifying with this woman who had the body of a professional athlete. If he couldn't make Carrie happy that way, he would do everything he could to please Janet.

Dan had his own high standards for what he wanted in a partner and how he wants to be treated. He knew he brought a lot to the table. Not just material things but what he had to offer as a person like love and loyalty and all the things that make a good relationship.

He also needed to be enough for the woman he was with. Not that it mattered anymore with Carrie. Obviously, he wasn't enough for her. Didn't matter anymore, he would focus his attention on Janet to make her a happy as he could. That's really what he wanted. Dan wanted to be number one to someone in that area. You lose focus on the most important people in your life and that's how these things spin out of control. Carrie lost her focus for a little while, possibly destroying a perfectly good marriage.

Now Dan was losing his focus because of he was unaware of his blind spot. Dan's blind spot was truly believing nothing really mattered anymore. Hard to stay focused when you believe you have a grasp of a situation but really don't. He truly believed Carrie would always be comparing him to her lover. Fuck that.

Last night as they lay in bed spooning, Dan felt happy to be home. He felt happy to have his wife in his arms again. He had needed her comfort for the past two weeks at the worse time in his life, but she wasn't the same woman he had married. He couldn't go to her for help with the hurt he felt because she was the one who had inflicted the wound. He'd been lost but now he had something of a plan. Decisions that he could live with came to him the previous night.

Sure, he would do his duty as a father and husband from this day forward. In that order. He would continue everything as before. In the summer, he'd maintain the lawn, in the winter he would shovel the drive, make sure both cars were regularly serviced, fix things around the house that needed fixing, do his 9 to 5 routine to keep that steady cash stream flowing to pay for it all. Even go to Church on Sundays. Why not?

What he would 'not' do is ever again humiliate himself by initiating sex with Carrie again. Never again. He didn't feel comfortable that way with her now. Even the thought of touching her in a sexual way was unappealing. Her response with that other guy had been amazing. He had never seen her behave like that in all their years together. Carrie looked so happy she had finally found a guy who could satisfy her. She was enjoying sex without him. She really didn't need him that way anymore. That hurt him the worst. He still felt the pain, but he had made peace with it.

He carried no anger at Carrie anymore, he carried just the loss of her. It was not Carrie's fault he couldn't float her boat. So he abandoned that ship and would focus his attention on Janet now. She desired him. Carrie could go fuck herself. Or her black fantasy man. It really didn't matter. Carrie's sex life wasn't his responsibility anymore.

He wouldn't turn her away if she approached him, but she would have to tell him what to do. He wasn't sure anymore about himself. Dan no longer knew who he was married to after that night. His goal had always been to make sure she got hers first. All those years and she never said a damn thing.

His ego couldn't take the hits anymore. Maybe an open marriage might work. This is something they would need to discuss over the weekend.

Now? Now Dan smiled at the thoughts of the previous evening. Last night, a fire was added to a beautiful friendship that could only extinguish itself only by burning out.

Eventually. If ever.

For both, the sex Dan and Janet shared was a consuming fire. That fire provided a temporary escape from the pain of losing. Both were hurt and needed someone to share themselves with. Someone who could understand their pain. To be the center of persons' world. To feel the emotion to be desired was the fuel that fed their lust that fed for each other.

Especially, when you have someone to share your fantasies with. But playing with this kind of fire can get out of control and burn you. You know it's true. You've experienced it. Every once in a while, you have a desire to do the filthiest acts of depravity your mind's personal fantasy maker can conjure. Acts so depraved, you're surprised at your own morally corrupt desires.

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Carrie led the parade of two White Dodge Caravan's as they headed down the road to see Dan at their family doctor's office. She was confused. Poor Dan was probably as sick with worry about their future as she was. Her mother followed behind with all three children buckled safely in the back seat her van. Carrie would wait by his side until he saw the doctor, would take him home and nurse him for the whole weekend.

Yes, this would be the perfect time to get things back on track.

This Janet stuff could wait. She would ask those questions later. Now, she needed to show Dan that he was the center of her universe. They'd known each other since they were 14. How could that idiot not know she loved him? So frustrating.

{-------------------}

Dan was feeling like the luckiest man in the world. After he pulled into the parking lot of the Holiday Inn he turned to Janet, " Come let's go and get a key. They have a restaurant inside if you want something. We can do lunch in the room. Whatever you want."

"Dan, I need to touch base with my mother who is with my children. Give me a moment and I'll meet you in the lobby."

Janet was smiling sweetly back. And like a mirror, Dan reflected one back to her. Fools laughing in the rain. Then in perfect harmony, the expressions they exchanged became something more serious in nature. Each knowing something more was going on between them than just sex, feelings of true affection were being exchanged.

"Fine. I'll get the room and meet you." With a moment of pause never taking his eyes off hers, Dan leaned forward, then closing his eyes, he kissed her.

When he opened his eyes, Janet's were still closed. She was simply lovely. When she opened hers, she nodded in the direction of the entrance of the hotel, "Let me make my call. I'll see you inside in one minute." Janet sweetly smiled the turned to make her call and with that, Dan exited his car.

Outside the car and walking with a new-found spring in his step towards the lobby, Dan felt as if his life were about to change. The things that were about to happen would be...magic. Serious awesome magic. At least for a man who found a woman who said she satisfied him. Today was going to be a good day.

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Carrie stopped for the red light at intersection 4th Ave and Main, and she looked in the rear-view mirror to make sure her mother was still behind. Good. She returned her eyes forward and was scanning traffic at the 4-way eight lanes intersection.

Across the street was the Holiday Inn. It offered a restaurant, a pool, room service, an exercise room, and of course, functional but comfortable rooms. There was a small parking lot in the front reserved for check-in only. Must not be busy today because the parking area was near empty. Not really thinking about anything while scanning between the intersection and the hotel, she saw it. Or she saw him. Was that him? Dan, her husband?

A man who by all appearances, looked like her husband was walking to the front doors of the Holiday Inn. He briefly turned his head around looking behind him before opening the door and walking in. Carrie let her eyes follow the direction the man had turned to look. There in the parking lot was a car that looked like Dan's indigo blue Dodge Challenger, and someone was sitting in the passenger seat. It appeared to be a woman.

More frustrated than anything else with this idiot husband of hers, "Oh, hell no! Damn it, Danny, what are you doing now?"

As soon as the light changed to green, Carrie almost burnt rubber racing her family van forward half a block. Then she whipped a rapid U-turn, sped down to the corner, and pulled into the Holiday Inn parking lot. Eyes on target, Carrie slid into the parking space on the passengers' side of Dan's car and slammed on the brakes causing the tires to screech to a halt. Looking at Dan's car, she saw her.

Janet.

Carrie almost started crying as she began to laugh aloud to herself at her present situation. This had to end. All this nonsense. No more. This simply had to end now. She was going to bring him back home.

But first, it was time to have a, "coming to meet Jesus" meeting with them both.

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Janet had just finished her call and was putting her phone away when she heard the screeching of tires right outside her passenger window. What the hell? First, Janet was startled, then she was pissed at the idiot for scaring her while parking like a maniac. She gave the driver a dirty look, started rolling downing the window to curse them, but... the driver looked very familiar. The driver was looking at her with such sadness and appeared ready to cry. She had her window all the way down and said, "Janet, please, we have to talk. Please..."

Carries mother had followed safely behind and slowly pulled her identical white van on the driver's side of the car she immediately recognized as Dan's. The kids in the back of the car had been all buckled up, but those cheeky monkeys were free and moving around looking around wondering why they were there. Carrie's mom looked over at Dan's car and saw a woman inside. Carrie wasn't going to like that at all.

Well, at least she found Dan.

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Dan was standing second in line at the counter believing his luck had finally turned around. Besides the couple being waited on ahead of him, there were two women and a man in the lobby of a hotel. On the right was one woman with blond hair and a blue dress, sitting with her legs crossed and reading a book. To the left sat an attractive older woman with a red dress, a coat and a hat. On the left wall, above the woman, was a framed landscape painting. A man stood next to her, facing forward, with a suit on and an overcoat draped over his right arm.

Letting out a sigh, a small moment of clarity came to him. Did he feel guilty doing what he was doing? Yes, but the justification was that so many invisible lines had been crossed in the last two weeks, crossing one more didn't seem to matter. He would not feel sorry for himself anymore. That was bullshit. Feeling sorry for himself was when he believed there was a way to be Carries # 1 lover. Now, surrendering to the fact that would never be, he could not look at Carrie the same way.

Sure, she would still be his wife (if she wanted), mother of their children (she was the best), and business partner in raising their children, providing for their well-being, and manage the household as she did now. But as a sex partner? It wasn't her, it was him.

Dan was ashamed of himself for failing Carrie that way and he couldn't live with that shame. His mind had thrown up a 10-foot high wall around his ego to protect it. It wasn't Carrie that was comparing Dan to her fuck buddy, it was Dan who was comparing himself to her fantasy fuck.

The night before he loved cuddling with Carrie. He could do that with her. But after knowing his wife more than half his life, then discovering not only did she want another man for sex, but he was much better at giving her what she needed, that destroyed him. And standing in line he realized what he was doing now wasn't right. There was no justification for doing this behind her back. Another line crossed.

He would tell Carrie she can party with her fuck buddy anytime she wants. It would be only fair. Maybe this was something they could work out.

"Sir, may I help you?" politely inquired the man behind the counter.

Dan took a step up, smiled while pulling out his wallet, and requested a room. 3 minutes later turning around he didn't see Janet in the lobby. Deciding she must still be on the phone he decided to return to his car and pick meet her. As he reached the front doors of the lobby to open one, Dan felt he had made the right choice. In life, you have to choose. You can either be optimistic or pessimistic about life and Dan's choice was to be optimistic. Dan thought, "Funny how life has a way of balancing things out."

Just as he was pushing the door open an old quote he'd heard a long time ago came to him and he smiled to himself at his new beginning, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."