tagHow ToHow To Last All Night

How To Last All Night


Men, think hard. Which is the best place you can think of. No, not the grandstand for your favourite sporting event. It's when you are in that delightful warm, wet and slippery place of love; inside your lovers body.

We men are biologically programmed for sex. As soon as our basic needs (food, clothing, shelter) are dealt with, our thoughts turn to sex. It is a basic urge and we all experience a build – up of tension between one sexual encounter and the next.

Unfortunately, we seem to be biologically programmed to come too fast. It is probably our ancestry; ancient peoples needed to deposit their sperm inside their mate quickly before someone else had the chance to.

Now it is the 21st century and the urge to have sex is still there; but we are now enlightened enough to know that for our partners and ourselves, long languid lovemaking is generally preferable to short and sharp. We take pride in satisfying the sexual needs of our wives, partners or lovers. We now know that women take more time to get aroused and reach orgasm. We also know from our own feelings that a long lovemaking session gives US more time to enjoy the sensations that only our lovers bodies can give us. Some of us know that a long build up leads to a bigger and better orgasm.

Early studies of western sexuality in the 1930's had average intercourse lasting around 1 minute and 30 seconds. By the 1960's, we men had improved to about 3 minutes. By the mid 1990's, the spread was 3 to 7 minutes, with most intercourse lasting around 5 minutes.

Five minutes you say. It seems a lot longer. Yes it does. I usually make love in our bed, and beside the bed is a digital clock. Next time you make love, check the time at the start of intercourse and check again when you come. You may be surprised. Five minutes seems so much longer.

How long does a woman need to come during intercourse? Sometimes, if they are really, really aroused, not so much time at all. Generally however, about 12 to 15 minutes. Bit of a time gap, yes.

Well, it gives us more time to experience the sensations of our partners bodies for one. If 3 minutes are good, 5 minutes is better. If 5 minutes are better, then 10 minutes is better again. Another reason is that we can take our male orgasm to places you never even dreamed of. Whole body orgasm and multiple orgasm become available. We are all capable of these with the right practice. And, of course, if you want to get your partner turned on the point where she is clawing at you with sexual tension and pleasure (and not faking it), you definitely need to learn to go the distance.

Sex has been described as doing what comes naturally. Unfortunately, naturally usually means entering and then thrusting fast and deep. We need to do better than that. If you want to last, start slow. The outer 30mm or so of the Vagina is the most sensitive. In positions where you can control the depth of penetration, just enter that first 30mm and then draw back until you just make contact with her lips. Do it again. Do it several times. Then go deep but slow. Really, really slow. Then shallow 30mm some more times. And then deeper some more times; but really slow thrusts. Play around with shallow and deep and feel the different sensations. Feel how your partner responds to this; you may be surprised.

Second, stay in the moment. Don't let you mind drift away. Don't fantasise. Just concentrate on the feelings here and now. Feel how you penis feels as you vary the depth of penetration. Feel how much more arousing it is to thrust slowly, how her wet vagina caresses you on the way in, and her lips pull on your shaft on the way out.

Thirdly, watch your breathing. This is most important. When we have sex, all too often we lose control of our breathing. We pant, we hold our breath, we can't breathe properly. Concentrate on your breathing. Breathe long deep breaths, fill your lungs and then fully empty them. Just like the long slow strokes, mirror them with long and deep breaths.

Finally, keep your eyes open. Watch your lovers beautiful face. Even if her eyes are closed. Keeping your eyes open will help you stay in the moment and to be able to concentrate on the sensations around you and within you.

Men, this will require some practice on your own, but the rewards are worth it. First, you need to locate your PC muscle. This is the muscle you would clench to stop a urine flow mid-stream. It is easy to find with a finger pressed into the spot between the scrotum and the anus while actually stopping a urine flow. Once found, you need to strengthen it.

Practice squeezing, holding for several seconds and then releasing. Practice several repetitions several times per day until you get to about 100 or so per day. At first, the muscle will get tired quickly, but it will build up strength within a week or so. These exercises, known as Kegel exercises, can be practiced anywhere at any time. In the car waiting for a red light to change, in the bus or train on the way to work, at home in front of the television or while you are reading this guide.

Okay, after a few weeks, you have your PC muscle strong. This is good, you may already notice that a strong PC muscle is giving you a more intense orgasm without any other changes to your lovemaking.

The next step is to use your PC muscle for control. This requires self – stimulation (masturbation). If you are married, or in a relationship, it may be difficult to find the time and place. It is important that you do, because the benefits will be well worth it.

Your masturbation will be different. Do not grip the penis hard with your thumb and fingers circling it. Instead, use some lubrication and just stroke it with the fingers held flat. Try to mimic the gentle caress of the vagina. Feel how your body responds after some minutes as you get aroused. A tingling sensation will start at the base of the penis. As the tingling starts, stop the caressing, squeeze your PC muscle and attempt to draw the sexual energy in your penis up into your heart (your chest area). You should feel the tingling stop. Then continue the caressing until the tingling starts again. Again, squeeze the PC muscle and draw the energy to your heart centre. Keep on going, allowing the penis to become more and more aroused before drawing the energy away. Allow yourself to become very aroused; tingling along the whole length of the penis, like just before you are about to come. Then, squeeze hard and draw the energy away. If you start to come though, DO NOT attempt to stop it in mid-stream.

Try to do this exercise for around 20 minutes without coming. If you do come, it is of no consequence. You will need to do self – stimulation and practice control a few times until you feel confident that you have mastered the technique to mange the build up of your sexual energy. After 20 minutes of stimulation, you may want to allow yourself to come in order to avoid too much unresolved sexual tension.

At this stage, the solution for advanced lovemaking should be obvious. However, the sensations during lovemaking are very different to self – stimulation. So it may take a number of goes to get it right. But don't worry, the practice is as much fun as sex will ever be, and every practice should improve your techniques.

Slow lovemaking, controlling your breathing, keeping your eyes open and using your PC muscle to help you to draw away excess sexual energy to your heart should give you the basic tools to extend your lovemaking to last as long as you want it to last.

The techniques described above are from Tantric sexual practices. There are additional techniques for the curious.

Non ejaculatory orgasm. Surely, in a man, ejaculation and orgasm is the same thing? No so. With training, and practice, it is possible to separate orgasm (the pleasurable rhythmic contractions) from ejaculation and then, with training and practice, have an orgasm without ejaculation.

This can be used in two ways. The first way is if, during lovemaking, sexual energy is running too high, a non-ejaculatory orgasm, apart from being pleasurable in its own right, can be used to lower sexual energy without losing an erection.

The second way is as a substitute for ejaculatory orgasm. Tantric practitioners believe that emitting semen is a drain on energy and should be limited. I do not personally follow this belief, and recent medical research indicates that regular ejaculation is good for the prostate. Also, I find that although the waves of pleasure are similar, the non-ejaculatory orgasm is less intense. Even though I can have non-ejaculatory orgasms, and I sometimes have several, I always finish lovemaking with ejaculation. However, because of my sexual build up over a period of time, the orgasm that goes with ejaculation is very concentrated and often encompasses the next technique.

Whole body orgasm. A whole body orgasm is difficult to explain, as difficult to explain as trying to explain sex to a virgin. The closest analogy is that you can feel the body building up a 'charge' of energy, like electricity throughout the body. The face, fingers, toes, up to all of the body becomes charged with energy. When discharged through orgasm, the feeling is intense waves. Not the small waves of pleasure focused through the penis on ejaculation, but huge waves of pleasure, 10 times greater, throughout the whole body.

There are books available on Tantric practices, however for those who are curious about expanding the boundaries of pleasure, I recommend the workshop sessions that are becoming more common in different parts of the world. They can be for males only or for couples. I recommend couples sessions, if you partner agrees. Otherwise, you will need to undertake male workshop training.

I was fortunate to undertake Tantric sex training (with the blessing of my wife). No matter how much I read on the subject, at the end of the day there was no substitute for actually being shown and being able to practice with a Tantric Goddess.

There is more to good sex than entering and pumping away. Many of us have developed techniques over time to help us get the most out of one of our most pleasurable pastimes. Notwithstanding that, there are always improvements we can make. Either to improve our pleasure, to improve our partners pleasure or to add more variety. I hope that this quick dissertation will assist those who are interested to consider looking into expanding their sexual performance horizons.

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