How To: Make Her Wild for YoubyShyVixen33©
Frustration...it's a bitch...it can be good, really good, or very, very bad. The idea is to make the sexual frustration great for her, so that when the time comes, she will be wild for you, and the sex is mind blowing for both of you. This can happen nearly every time, if you know what to do, and how to approach her the right way.
There are THREE KEYS to mind blowing sex.
1.) Knowing Your Partner's Needs
2.) Planning: Take Your Time
3.) Tease Her: Make Her Wild
No matter how tempted you are, and I know you are, DON'T skip down to number three. Take a few minutes and learn something other women will probably never tell you, but ALL of them wish you knew.
1.) KNOW YOUR PARTNERS NEEDS: You have to know what she likes and doesn't like, not just sexually, but emotionally as well. If she is frustrated emotionally, you aren't going to get anywhere with her. Meet her emotional needs first. If she is not feeling loved, appreciated, or if you have troubles in your relationship, then take the time to fix it. THEN focus on the sexual needs.
Not every woman is the same, and not every woman will reach orgasm the same way. Some women never will because their partner is too impatient to get her there, or her EMOTIONAL needs aren't being met first. If you are too embarrassed, or impatient to ask why she isn't enjoying it, (if she isn't climaxing, she isn't enjoying it) she will be very reluctant to have sex with you. If your wife/partner consistently refuses your advances, makes excuses, rolls her eyes, and won't give you any...YOU are most likely the source of the problem. (I know, it may not seem fair to say that, but just hear me out.) WHY? Because simply put, an emotionally and sexually satisfied woman will not want to refuse her man sex, at least for long. She will hunger for it, like a cat in heat.
If you can't answer these questions, don't be so quick to call her frigid. When a man really knows what his woman wants, and actually takes the time to give it to her, she will almost NEVER refuse him intimacy. In fact, once you master the three keys, she may be the one seducing you, unless of course, she is sick or on her cycle and doesn't feel comfortable being intimate for a few days.
(Don't assume you know the answers, ask her...ladies, ask him these questions too.)
What gets her in the mood?
What turns her off?
Is she stressed, depressed or angry?
Is she feeling loved by you?
Is she feeling desirable to you?
How does she like to be touched?
How does she hate to be touched?
How does she like to touch herself?
How does she WISH you would touch her?
What makes her feel more relaxed?
What makes her feel uncomfortable?
What makes her hot for YOU?
What makes her hesitant to initiate sex?
What makes her hesitant to tell you want she likes?
What are her sexual fantasies?
What kind of relationship do we have now?
What kind of relationship do you want?
What would it take to move our relationship to a "10" today, next week, next month?
While you're working up the courage to ask her these intimate details, try doing something romantic for her, just because. Romance your woman as if you were just getting to know her, and trying to pursue her all over again.
Do something spontaneous, like pick her a flower, rub her feet, let her pick the movie, brush her hair for her, make breakfast in bed, give her an extra long kiss goodbye, dedicate a song to her, write her a love letter, rub her shoulders, plan a picnic, send flowers to her work, just because...there are a million little things a woman would love for you to do for her, non sexual things you can do...pick one and just do it without being asked.
Find out her Love Languages (Read The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman) Even if SHE doesn't know them, you will be able to recognize them. Make sure your filling her tank with the right gas...(you'll have to read the book)
If you don't know the answers to these questions, it's most likely the main reason you don't have the sex life you want. It's your job to find out. She WANTS you to know the answers to these questions. She probably just doesn't know how to bring it up without risking you shutting her down; simply out of a habitually ingrained desire to avoid "the relationship talk". Women know most men hate talking about the relationship. I think it's because most men don't know HOW. Men, dare to be different and actually talk about your relationship and how to improve your sex life. Use the questions as a guide. She might think you've lost your mind because such a thing is so foreign to you, and it's the last thing she ever thought you would say. Feel free to print this out and show it to her, I don't mind.
Pick a time when the two of you are not busy, and NOT trying to be romantic. Shock her speechless and tell her your going to dedicate the next (however many days) making the relationship better, not just sexually. Make sure to take this seriously, be open, be honest, and make sure she knows all YOUR answers to these questions too. You'll get a much better sexual response from her once you address her emotional needs, and also share yours with her.
THE HEART OF A WOMAN-Her Emotions
At our core, women are just more emotional than men. We CAN'T change that, because we are designed that way. It's not that we have more emotions than a man, or feel things any more deeply than a man, it's simply that we are generally more comfortable expressing them. For a woman to feel most fulfilled, romantic and loved, she must have three basic emotional desires of her heart met, and not just once...but frequently:
1. Every woman wants to be romanced—and not just when you are trying to seduce her into bed. Women all have a desire to have a great relationship, and we recognize one when we see one. We recognize a bad one too. We KNOW when we are really, truly loved, and when we are not. If you are not really in love with her, she knows it, trust me. Just because you spotted a girl across the room, chased her, wooed her and romanced her enough to "claim her" doesn't mean you've actually claimed her heart, and if you stop romancing your lady, she will eventually find someone else who will.
2. Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. We want to know you find us enticing, attractive, lovely, radiant, sexy. There is a reason little girls like to twirl around in princess dresses and ask her daddy if she's beautiful. At a young age, daddy is the most important man in a girls life. As we get older, women want to know the men in our life finds us attractive and sexy, even after we've had a child, and aren't a prefect size six or as buxom or blonde as Barbie. Real women have flaws...just like real men do. Face it, not all men look like Ken either. So, men...don't hesitate to (truthfully and tactfully) compliment your lady. We like to know you still find us beautiful.
3. Every woman wants to know she is irreplaceable to you. Just how every man wants a battle to fight, and a grand adventure to go on, and a princess to rescue, the lady in your life wants to know that she (as your princess) has a place in that adventure, by your side. She wants to know that you need her, and that she is the only woman in the world for you. She wants to be the one you WANT at your side, fighting life's battles and going on adventures with.
This is why women get all catty and jealous when we see our men looking at other women. It makes us feel like we aren't good enough for you, and you're looking for some kind of upgrade. We want to be wanted...and drooling over another girl doesn't make us feel wanted by you. So, no matter how "bouncy" (ya'll know what I'm talking about.) the neighbor lady, waitress or checkout girl is, the best response IS NOT "Honey, I wasn't looking, I SWEAR!". We don't buy it. The best thing you can do is say something like, "Baby...you're so much prettier than her. I love you and I'll never want anyone else." Then kiss her like you mean it...and make the OTHER girl jealous. ;)
Have you ever wondered why you're lady doesn't respect you as much as you'd like? It could simply be that she never learned how to respect a man growing up because her mother never respected her father, or her father was never around. It could be you haven't been behaving like a true gentleman (For example, crude language is a huge turn off to a lot of women.), or it could be that her heart isn't completely opened to you and you haven't fully claimed her heart. Women want to know the men in our lives will PROFESS his love, PROVIDE for his family and PROTECT us from danger (even if it's something as simple as making sure the car is running so we don't get stranded on the side of the road). A real gentleman will do those 3 P's for his lady, and that will help to earn him her heart, her respect and her adoration.
When you can meet the most basic desires of a woman's heart on a regular basis, she will eventually open her heart more to you, and you will earn her respect and gratitude. She will fall even more in love with you, or, in some cases, she may actually REALLY fall in love with you for the first time. Just keep in mind, you have to continually be attentive to her hearts desires and emotional needs, or she will close her heart to you, or worse, find someone else who meets those needs for her. If you've ever had a woman leave you for another man, chances are, her heart was never really yours to claim, because you didn't understand these things or meet her emotional needs in some way. A man who can do these things for his lady will NEVER have to worry about her leaving him. She won't want to, and will have no reason to.
This first step (understanding a woman's heart, and knowing the answers to these questions) is vital to a great sexual relationship with any woman. If you skip it, you'll be doomed to, at worst, very little bad sex; or, at best, mediocre sex, for the rest of your life. Ok, now for the good stuff you've been waiting for.
2.) PLANNING: TAKE YOUR TIME
The average guy can do a little kissing and caressing and be ready to go for it after a few minutes. It just takes women longer to heat up. Some women like to be taken by surprise and ravished, but most of us need a lot more time to REALLY get into it. A woman's sexuality is like a plant. It needs to be tended to, taken care of, watered regularly. Being that you're the one with the hose, you're the gardener. It's up to you to water her plant, or it will wilt and die. (I'm talking some slow and detailed foreplay here boys, not just intercourse.)
When a woman's emotional needs are being met and she feels loved and secure in the relationship, she will bloom sexually as well. (ie: you have more, hotter sex). This is where asking all those questions pays off. Some women never really bloom because the man in her life is too selfish to meet her needs—and has no freaking clue what he's missing!
Pay attention to her answers, and do your best to provide her with what she says she needs. Even if you don't get it all right at first, she will appreciate the effort you put into being romantic, and the more comfortable she will become sharing her sexual side with you.
For a woman, a fantastic night of great sex actually begins that morning. A woman actually requires several dozen non-sexual touches a day. Basically, we like to be touched, but not always in a sexual way. Holding hands, hugging, a caress, can be enough to make us feel the first twinges of desire for you, but more than that, those simple caresses help us to feel cherished and loved and desirable to you. Touch is also very therapeutic. A person who is touched a lot, in a loving way, is generally healthier throughout their lifetime. There is an old saying about an Irishman...he won't kiss his wife for 25 years, but he will kill any man who does. I heard it somewhere and always remembered that. Anyway...the point is, if your not the one doing ALL the touching a woman requires to feel loved, she is likely to find someone who will. Here is an example:
Take the time to romance her all day. Set the alarm at least an hour earlier if you can and just spend time kissing. Tell her what it is that attracts you to her, all the reasons you love her. Tell her how much you are looking forward to the night. Bring her breakfast in bed. Take a shower together...tease her a bit, but don't finish...no matter how much you both want to. The goal is to build up to the night time action. Take the time to kiss her at the door...until you're both breathless and you can't wait to come home at night, and she can't wait to have you home.
During breaks and on lunch, call her or text her...say something sexy that will make you both wish you were home right then. Arrange for her to get flowers sent to the house before you get home, or leave love notes where she will find them after you leave for work...in her car, in her purse, on the bathroom mirror, in the desk. Whatever. Use your imagination and have some fun with it.
When you get home, unplug the phone, answering machine, disconnect the doorbell, cart the kids off to a sitter, or send them to a friends house for a sleepover. Get dressed up, and take her out to dinner, it doesn't have to be expensive, but a greasy fast food burger probably won't cut it. Or make a meal at home. Cooking together can be very erotic...especially if its done naked. (Don't cook with hot grease if you go naked.) Feed each other...really talk to each other, not at each other, not about kids, school, work, bills, health problems, the respective parents...nothing that will kill the mood. Be romantic, be silly, be seductive. Take your time and enjoy the meal.
Later, take turns giving each other a massage...with warm, not hot, oils (even olive oil is great for the skin) tease each other...caress...discover every inch of her skin, find her non obvious hot zones, (collarbone, neck, ears, inner arm, feet, back of knees, her butt, her back, her sides)...its different for every woman, and she may not even know all of them. Help her discover all of them. Make her bloom. Patience is the key here.
No matter how impatient you feel, take a deep breath...do multiplication tables, count to 20, whatever works, and keep going. Focusing on her pleasure will pay off for you in the end when she calls you the best lover she's ever had, no matter what size you are. (It really doesn't matter to most women, especially if you are focusing on foreplay. If you're insecure about it, don't be. Trust me...if you tease her enough, she won't be thinking about that, and neither should you.)
Caress her, kiss her, lick her...everywhere but her breasts and her clit. This teasing will drive her nuts. You may have to keep her hands off of you. Be prepared to tie her down so she can't hurry things up. Use soft materials (like a tie, scarf or silk straps, use a square knot.) Don't stop teasing her until she's begging. This process could take hours, if you're that patient.
3.) MAKE HER WILD: Ok, now that you've sufficiently romanced, wined, dined, tickled, teased and tormented her, turn up the heat. Focus on her breasts for at least an hour...see if you can make her climax just by teasing them. Most women can, if they are aroused enough. Make it your goal of the night to see how many orgasms she can have. Don't be afraid to take directions, and let her know you WANT her to tell you what she likes. No matter how tempted you are, don't speed things up...keep teasing and her...go slow, no matter what she says.
Find her clit, or let her show you how to touch her. Put your hand there, tease her with your mouth, lips, tongue, fingers, feathers, toys...be very gentle, and ask her to direct you...don't be shy...the better she feels, the better she will make you feel later. Don't use your teeth unless she asks you to. (Imagine how it would feel if she bit down on you) It doesn't feel good for us either. Make her climax a minimum of 3-5 times before you continue. Be very gentle with her after the first one, otherwise it can really hurt. At some point, she will probably become overly sensitive...back off a little and let her cool down some. Instead, finger her gently (make sure you're nails are carefully trimmed and clean), until she wants more...then rub your fingertips on her G-Spot to make her come again. (It's on the roof of her vagina, and feels kind of spongy.) There are three ways a woman can climax. Some women prefer one over another, simply because some nerves down there are more sensitive than others.
Each woman is different and knows what feels best to her. So don't be afraid to ask her. Chances are, she will want to tell you. The first is through clitoral stimulation. Most women enjoy this a lot, but not all women will climax with this alone. The second is penetration. Not all women can climax with penetration alone and will want breast or clit play at the same time. The third is through the G-Spot, which not all men know how to find, and some women don't even know they have. If you can make her have all three types of orgasms at once, you'll be the King of her sex life. A multi-orgasmic woman can have several climaxes one right after the other...you'll know your successful if she is moaning loudly, begging, calling your name, thrashing, biting, hissing, swearing, clawing, pulling your hair, begging you to stop but holding you to her, bucking, kicking, tossing her head, whimpering, crying, trembling, rolls her eyes in the back of her head or gets as stiff as a board, squirts, grunts, groans, claws the sheets, and finally, screams at the top of her lungs.
Only then do you finally enter her. Even then, don't just pound away at her, find a rhythm and try to last as long as you can, but don't be surprised if you loose control pretty quickly. She will be a wildcat...because you actually took the time to please her the way she always imagined someone would.
Not every encounter has to be as detailed as this one, or as planned out, but the same amount of effort should be there, no matter how creative you get. Any man that takes the time to make a woman experience the best relationship and sex of her life, will never again be wishing he was getting more, but you have to be willing to wait to get her to that point. Once she has, she will bloom sexually, and pursue sex with you probably several times a week, if not every day. You will have moved well beyond a mediocre relationship to a deeply loving and satisfying experience. Once she has bloomed and gained some sexual confidence with you, she will begin seducing you, so long as you make sure to tell her what you like. You will never have to worry about her finding another man, so long as you keep in tune with her emotional and sexual needs. Once she blooms for you sexually and becomes a tiger in bed, you won't want to find woman either. Every woman WANTS to be a tiger for the man she loves...he just has to be patient enough to help her get there.