tagHumor & SatireHow to Totally Waste a Day

How to Totally Waste a Day


Here I sit on another football Sunday just wasting the day away. Let's see what I have accomplished so far;

I woke up around eight am and poured my self my ritual vodka a juice to start the football morning off right (no I am not an alcoholic but on Sundays since I live on the west coast and my football pregame shows start at 8 am I like to be glowing by the time football starts at 10). Then I park my ever increasing in size ass down on the couch. While I sip on my drink and feel that ever so familiar warmness course through my body a little smile purses my lips. Yes, I think to myself, the vodka is doing its magic and now for one more little thing to complete my morning.

I open the cover of my trusty laptop and log on to the net and go to my favorite poker sites to get ready for upcoming free tournaments. (To find out what I think about internet poker read my "Gambling and the Government" story previously posted). Then I start playing some games all the while trying to pay some attention to the "expert" hosts of the various football shows I am watching tell me why this team is going to win or that team is going to lose. Next comes the morning's first cigarette, as I light the little beast of temptation and inhale the poisonous fumes the rush of nicotine matches nicely with the warm glow of alcohol traveling through my body. I ponder for a moment if tobacco companies have actually colluded with the alcohol companies and created cigarettes in way that the marriage with booze is so welcome. Perhaps that is why so many non-smokers tend to light up when they are drinking.

With my smoke almost finished I am already deciding if I should light another one up right away and give in or maybe wait a little longer while I play out another horrible hand. God two seven off suit, why are the poker gods so cruel to me today! Since my cards are so horrible I reach into my pack of cancer and pull another fag out of the box. It is akin to a baby's blanket the comfort it gives me. Finally as I look at the glowing screen of my computer...Ace King of clubs, definite all in cards. I eagerly click the button and go all in. I feel goose bumps cover my body as I see the cards, Ace, king of heart and 7 of spades; there is no way I am going to lose this hand!

Next is the turn, a card of little concern comes up, a three of diamonds. I see two other players go all in and two more match chips. The entire table is in on the hand and I am already counting the chips I am about to rake in. Then on the river I know victory is mine as another king comes up giving me three kings and two aces, a full house! You couldn't believe the horror I felt as I watched everyone's cards get flopped over and the dreaded pocket aces show up! Damn the poker gods, damn them all to hell! Once again I will have to wait another fifteen minutes until the next tourney starts to get the rush once more.

To soothe my troubles I swallow down a mouthful of drink and yet again light up another smoke. Yes, I am a junkie, alcohol, smoking, sex, and gambling, I love them all! At least the gambling doesn't cost me any money! Yep that is a junkie justifying their madness in full effect...LMFAO. I find I can also get lost when I write stories and if any of you have noticed I haven't put out half the stories last month as I did the one prior. Just taking a break from one of my many vices, but now I am back and I hope you get a thrill, rush, laugh, or ponder a thought when reading my nonsense.

Nonsense is a good word for what I write, I mean let's be real, and my stories will never be confused with literature. I am not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes or pretend to be a great writer I just do it to kill sometime and get the rush. Just like when I have a drink, just like when I smoke, or have sex. The little things I do to keep me from giving into the madness of this crazy world and have a bit of fun wasting the day a way. Like you are doing right this second reading this little story I wrote.

I just hope in whatever you do, you do it for the enjoyment of it. If I piss you off or make you smile at least I have sparked an emotion and changed your day. Speaking of days I am off to waste some more of mine, my latest tourney is just starting so have a good one yourself. I will if the poker gods can be more kind to me.

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bydirtyjoe69© 0 comments/ 14402 views/ 0 favorites

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