How Wonderful Ch. 07

* * * Gerri continues * * *

Tuesday dawned bright and sunny and for the first time in weeks, my spirits were high. I was looking forward to my couple of hours with Mark and the resolution to Sam's problem, whatever it was, brightened my outlook. As I thought about what the day would bring, I seriously considered canceling my time with Mark. With Sam's problem taken care of, Sam and I could have a very exciting night. But after thinking about it, I decided that it would probably disappoint Mark and wouldn't be fair to cancel at this late date.

Damn it, there I have done it again. Consideration for Mark is taking precedence over what should do with Sam. Oh, damn, damn, damn, why can't I break away from Mark? I knew the answer before I asked: sex with Mark was just pure sexual satisfaction. I am like a child left with a cookie jar knowing that if I eat them all I will get sick and then after eating a cookie and finding that it was so good, I'll try just one more. And, after that, just one more, etc, etc, etc.

During breakfast I carefully inquired of Sam what was happening today and where he would be. At first he was rather unresponsive. Finally, before he left, he told me that he would be at the salvage yard this morning and probably into the afternoon. I was relieved to know that whatever was going to happen today didn't include the possibility of him coming home early. I was let down again when he left without a kiss or an 'I love you.' In addition when I expressed my happiness about his problem being resolved today he mumbled "don't." I wondered: don't what?

At the usual time, the kids and I walked to Sharon's house. I helped Sharon prepare the picnic basket and soon she and the kids were off to the park. As I was helping fix the lunches, it occurred to me again that if whatever was bothering Sam was resolved today, we probably would be ready for some serious love making tonight. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided I would capitalize on it. I would ask Mark to use a condom to prevent any residual sperm accidentally leaking out. Suddenly, the thought of having Mark and Sam both in the same day cheered, I should say fired, me up.

Before Sharon and the children left, I asked her if she could keep the kids tonight. She was happy to. After they left, I went to Sharon's room and prepared myself for Mark. I was really starting to get excited with the anticipation of what the day might bring. But first, I wanted to double check on Sam.

I called the dispatcher and was told he had gone to the salvage yard and to call on his cell phone if I needed him. Things were good. The salvage yard is way out on the other side of town. If he were there now it would take him well over an hour to get home.

Just to be sure, I called him on his cell phone. While we were talking he was interrupted by a fellow worker and Sam gave him instructions to change them all. Now I was getting excited. I told him that the girls were staying with Sharon tonight and suggested that we go out for dinner. Then with growing excitement I told him to be ready for some serious action tonight. His response was not as enthusiastic as I had hoped. He told me not to count on him too much. That explained his 'don't' comment when he left. Whatever he was doing, and probably centered on resolving his problem, would leave him tired. Never-the-less, I was going to see to it that he had a special night tonight; I was getting my Sam back.

After hanging up I got ready and went to Mark's room. He was lying on the bed, stark naked, and a monstrous erection standing straight up. I crawled on the bed, straddled his face, bent over, and took his manhood in my mouth. As I went down on him I had one of the worst pangs of guilt I had ever felt. But, when his tongue started to explore my pussy the guilt attack quickly disappeared.

After a few moments, I stopped and told Mark what was happening and that I needed him to wear a condom. He agreed and told me he had gotten more and that they were in the top drawer of the night stand. I got one, ripped open the package and proceeded to roll the condom onto his cock. Once it was on, I straddled him and slowly, and with a wonderful fulfilling sensation, impaled myself on him.

I was on the top of the world and on top of his cock. Spasms of complete sexual satisfaction were running through me again, and then I saw Mark's face change to an expression of surprise, or fear, and his eyes darted to my left side two or three times. I turned to look.

It was Sam. It couldn't be. I just verified that he was at the salvage yard. He had lied to me. It IS Sam. In the fraction of a second that it took me to process the information in front of me, he dumped a load of ice and ice water on us. The physical shock was terrible and Mark and I both screamed as the ice and water hit us. I jumped, lost my balance and fell to the floor. I raised my head just in time to see Mark struggling to get up as Sam slammed the cooler into him. Mark collapsed, groaning and holding his side. I could only think to scream, "Oh Sam! Oh Sam!"

I grabbed the sheet, which had not been soaked, off the floor and wrapped myself in it as Sam started to the door. He said, "Goodbye" and called me a cheating bitch. I was so shocked and chilled that I really couldn't put anything into proper perspective. After a moment the shock started to fade away and I fully realized that Sam had caught me and that "the fat lady had sung." The game's over.

I ran after him crying I was sorry, that I loved him, please don't leave, and please talk to me. I stopped at the door, not wanting to go out wrapped only in a sheet. When he reached his van, he said goodbye "Goodbye slut. Have a good rest of your life." He also called me a sorry excuse for a wife and mother.

I collapsed in the doorway where Mark, hurting, came and helped me back inside. He helped me to Sharon's room where I collapsed, wracked in tears and hurt. Mark was hurt too, although his hurt was strictly physical (Sam had fractured three of his ribs).

In a few minutes Sharon came running into the room. She was close to hysterical as she exclaimed that Sam had picked up the kids at the park, called her a worthless slut and driven off. Her words were like a knife in my heart. Sam had left and he had taken the children too. I was too numb to think rationally. I told Sharon that I had to get my car and go after them. Then I realized that I had no idea where to go. I collapsed again screaming: "What have I done? How stupid can I be? What's the matter with me?'

Mark tried to comfort me and I screamed at him to get out of my sight. He and Sharon left the room.

Sharon returned shortly carrying a large manila envelope with my name on it. When I saw it I cried out, "Oh my God, No! No!" I knew what it had to be. I asked Sharon to tell me what was in it, even though I really knew. It was even worse than I imagined. Not only were there divorce papers and a letter from Sam, but there was also a restraining order preventing me from having anything to do with the children until a custody hearing could be held and that would probably be some three to six months away.

From Sam's letter I knew I would not be able to get back in our house. He had left half of our savings and he included a check for $2,800 representing half the equity in the house. He informed me that he had no intention of paying alimony to an unfaithful wife and that I should start looking for a job right away. At least I knew where the children were and that they would be well cared for.

From the letter I knew that the onset of Sam's change went back to the weekend I took the kids to the movie. He had discovered my birth control pills. Why was I so smug that I kept denying to myself that he had discovered my affair? Sharon invited me to stay with her until I could get things in order. I gratefully accepted her invitation.

As though things weren't bad enough, I cried another round of bitter tears when I went to get my car. Everything I owned was thoughtlessly crammed into plastic bags and then into the car. All of my clothing would have to be pressed before I could wear it again. Loose lids on jars/bottles of cosmetics had allowed fluids and creams to run out over a number of items. I later found my high school year books along with one of my favorite dresses had been totally ruined in the mess. A favorite photo of our family was torn and wrinkled. In general, my personal item took a devastating blow from being crammed into plastic bags.

At first I was furious at Sam for his calloused thoughtlessness but then I realized if it had been the other way around, I probably would have thrown his stuff into the garbage can. I really couldn't blame him especially when I considered it would never have happened if I had been the faithful wife I should have been.

For the first time in my life I felt that I knew how people who commit suicide feel. I have driven everything that I love out of my life. What is there to live for?

* * * Sam's ending * * *

During work days over the next three months, my brother and sister-in-law cared for the children. For the first months, I missed Gerri very much. I even pondered whether I should complete the divorce. After about a month I finally agreed to meet Gerri. I at least owed her a chance to tell her story and explain. Scrapping seven years of our lives deserved some consideration.

We met at one of our favorite restaurant on Tuesday, four weeks after I threw her out. After dinner we talked. Most of it was interjected with Gerri's tears. She told me, and I already knew she had moved in with Sharon. She repeatedly told me how much she loved me and how sorry she was for what she had done. And, of course, she wanted to know about the children. However, with all that she said, she never indicated that she regretted having sex with him. Finally, as we were ready to leave, I looked her in the eye and asked, "Gerri, have you been fucking him since I caught you together?"

She looked shocked and said, "Sam, how could you ask such a question? No! I certainly have not and please don't use that word."

I looked at her and said, "Gerri, this is your last chance, tell me the truth. Have you fucked Mark since we parted? And what word should I use to describe what you were doing?"

She couldn't look me in the eye, and repeated that she was shocked that I would ask such a question.

I answered angrily, "Gerri, you keep telling me that you want another chance. What do you want, another chance at cheating?"

She crumpled to the table crying when I told her she had sex with him last night. I finished by telling her that I had hoped we might find something to build on but instead she had just shown me that all she had to offer was a proficiency in lying to me. I ended by telling her that a marriage cannot exist when it is built on lies. Without lifting her head she asked me how I knew. I asked her if she would like to come to the house and see the videos.

As she got in her car to leave I told her to tell Sharon that I would be over after work tomorrow to remove the cameras. I allowed the divorce proceedings to continue and found a housekeeper to care for the children.

Two years have passed since the divorce became final. After about a year the pain mostly went away. I can now only deduce that I had just made a mistake in marrying Gerri. I have not yet remarried and don't know if I really want to; but I must consider the kids. A year ago I got a transfer to a facility about 100 miles away. Gerri makes the drive and picks the kids up one weekend a month and they go off together. We are civil towards each other but I always keep her at arms length. At this point I can truthfully say that any love that I had for Gerri has mostly disappeared and I wonder if I can ever love again.

* * * Gerri's ending * * *

The first few weeks were pure hell. But, after many failed attempts to see Sam, he finally agreed to meet me. This was about a month after our split. We met at a restaurant we used to enjoy very much.

The blow to Marks ribs had taken him out of service until a day or two before I was to meet Sam. Even knowing I was going to see Sam the next night, when Mark made it known that he was available again, I slept with him.

The sex was wonderful, but the love that I had known before was totally missing. At that point I was able to clearly see the difference between sex as an expression of love and just plain old sex. Mark and I enjoyed just plain old sex which was physically very satisfying, but it lacked the completeness of love.

When I met Sam for dinner, try as I might, I couldn't help but break down almost every time I tried to approach our marriage and the divorce. I had a thousand questions about the kids whom I had not seen for a month. It hurt even more when I remembered that the custody hearing was at least six weeks away. After we had eaten, we talked about things in general; like old times. I was beginning to get my hopes up that Sam was willing to give me another chance.

As we were getting ready to leave, Sam burst my balloon by asking if I had fucked Mark since our split. The way he said it made it sound so revolting and I asked him not to use that word. I had to think quickly and decided that if I told him I had, it would undo all the ground I thought I had just gained during supper. I acted offended and answered him that I certainly had not. I dodn't know why I couldn't see that Sam knew I was lying and when he asked me again about Mark saying this is the last chance, I got angry and told him I was shocked that he should ask.

I knew I had blown my last hope when he asked if what I really wanted was another chance at cheating. Then he told me that he had tapes showing that I was lying again. My knees buckled and I collapsed on the table.

Mark was able to get me hired as a cocktail waitress where he worked. I was happy to have the job. However, when the custody hearings were held I found that my job didn't do me any favors. In fact, I believe it hurt and I was granted only one weekend per month with the children. My visitation became more complicated about a year later, when Sam got a transfer and moved, with the children, to a town 112 miles away.

We have been divorced over two years now. I miss our family life terribly and it hurts worse when I realize that I was stupid to start with and then really stupid when I continued to lie to Sam. I still have sex with Mark from time-to-time but it has lost its luster. It's physically gratifying, but that's all.

I see the kids every month and I usually see Sam when I pick them up. When I see him I get nothing more than a polite greeting and that's all. It hurts so deeply as I detect that Sam's love for me is all but gone. I don't know if I will find another love. Working at the bar I meet lots of men, but most of them are not the kind I need; they sure don't compare to Sam.

Tell me. What was so wonderful about it?

THE END