I am a Patient Man

"I, Riley Baxter, am a patient man. Now some people mistake patience for being wimpy. I am not a wimp. I bet some of you are thinking that I'm a 'I don't get mad, I get even' type of guy. Wrong. I am a 'revenge greater than the injury' type of guy. Not many people know that because by waiting I have been able to structure revenges without implicating myself. Most people probably think I'm a wimp, but, I warn you, don't do anything that might incur my wrath.

"My wife, Farrah, waited 17 years into our marriage to take advantage of her perception of me being a wimp. Once our daughter was old enough to drive, Farrah decided she no longer needed to be a housewife and started working as a Personal Assistant for a friend from church, Al Baker, who managed the local office of an accounting firm. She seemed to enjoy it and we would have more money for our retirement. That is, once she kept from needing to add more clothing suitable for an office than the home.

"How did I find out about her betrayal? First of all, I am a suspicious man also. My wife has always been very attractive, decent breasts, great legs and a better than average ass. Men notice her but their jaws only lower rather than drop. Now that she's almost 40, she seeks affirmation of her attractiveness more blatantly, usually from other men.

The advantage I have always had over other potential cuckolds is that I saved Jimmy Reston's life in Desert Storm I. Not that I'm a hero but in order to save my own skin, it was just as easy to save his too. Anyway, he said he would always be in my debt. His debt has been paid many times over by all the Personal Investigator services his firm has provided to me for free. Five times in the first 17 years of our marriage, something seemed wrong to me and I asked Jimmy to check it out. Five times it either proved wrong or Farrah or her potential lover changed her/his mind before it really got serious.

"The clue to the latest suspicion was her being nice to me. I know that may sound weird, but you get used to a certain level of 'niceness' from your spouse. A decline or rise in niceness can be an indication of something naughty going on. As usual, I called Jimmy and told him about her new job, therefore daily schedule. It took less than ten days to get pictures, report and audio. The biggest surprise of me was that Farrah's lover was not her boss Al. Instead, she was taking a long lunch once a week with one of the younger accountants. They were meeting at a local motel known for hourly rates. It was so familiar to Jimmy's PI firm that they had a standard agreement and fee from the motel owner to get evidence on potential adulterers.

"So what did I do with the information? I waited. I am a patient man. Although we still had a daughter at home, she would be going off to college soon. Her college fund would not be affected. A divorce would have financially hurt my wife and I both about equally or me even harder than her. I had Jimmy get me as much information as possible on the accountant and his family, especially his wife. Once I found out that his wife was somewhat of a ball-buster, I solicited the help of our neighborhood femi-nazi who had gone through a nasty divorce. She was not interested in talking to me at first, but when she found out she could help put the screws to cheating bastard, she agreed to do it without pay. I was not surprised, however, when Maggie changed her mind later and took the money.

"Maggie found out where the accountant's wife went during the day and, 'coincidentally', kept running into her. They built a friendship based quite a bit on making fun of husbands. One topic of discussion became what they would do if they caught a husband who was unfaithful. The example of Lorena Bobbitt was in the news and cutting off penises was becoming in vogue. Maggie suggested that she would use pinking shears because the ragged edge cut would make it harder to sew the penis back on. The accountant's wife laughed at the prospect, but it planted a seed in her mind. The seed I wanted planted.

"Although the affair had stopped in the last few months, I sent the accountant's wife pictures from the motel. I only sent ones that did not show my wife's face. A few days later, the news reports were quick to tell about a man whose wife had cut his penis off with pinking shears apparently because of an affair he was having. I noticed that my wife seemed especially upset after work that day. Naturally, I asked what the matter was.

"Farrah said that one of the accountants she worked with was in the hospital because of an 'accident' and would probably not be able to come back to work. She felt sad for him and his family. I asked if she was planning to visit him in the hospital. Farrah quickly shouted, 'No!' before realizing how emotionally she had reacted. Her follow-up was 'I didn't really know him that well. There's no need to go see him. Can we change the subject?' I agreed but it was hard not to smile.

"My wife continued the niceness for awhile longer and then we got back to where things were before her affair. I was still waiting for the right opportunity to get revenge against her when the niceness started again. You know the drill: Jimmy, PI, surveillance, and report. This time, however, there were no photos or audio. The PI was convinced that she was doing it with her boss Al at the office. He just did not have proof. We coordinated a series of phone calls, me to Farrah, and fake customers to Al. By process of elimination, we found out that Thursday afternoons between 1 and 3 both Al and Farrah were in a conference not to be disturbed. Close but still not proof. Finally, we were able to bribe the night janitor to place a tape recorder under the Conference Room table on Wednesday night and remove it the next night. On Friday we had the audio proof I needed. You know what I did? I waited. I am a patient man. Once our daughter went off to college, I was ready.

"I guess this is where I should admit what a hypocrite I am. Part of the reason why I was able to be so patient while my wife was bumping pelvises with another man was that I was enjoying the pleasures of my secretary. When I hired a new secretary, I chose one based on need for money and lack of husband/boyfriend. Cissy was a single mother and desperate for a job. We quickly arrived at a deal for duties not listed on her job description and extra funds off the books. We were both pleased. It was agreed that if she found someone to marry, she would go back to being just a secretary at normal pay.

"Now, back to Farrah and Al. Again, with the information on his family. Although I knew Al and his wife, Mildred, socially, I was not aware of their personal history. Mildred was a large rather rough character while Al was smallish and smooth. I guess women would say he was charming. When I found out that Mildred was a softball star in college, the idea came to me. I invited Mildred to lunch on 'Cheating Thursday.' I told her of her husband and my wife's cheating. She didn't believe me at first. I played the tape which was keyed to the parts where he talked about what a bitch his wife was and how he got satisfaction far more from my wife that with his wife. I built Mildred her up to a fever pitch and we went to their office. When we got out of the car, I gave her an aluminum softball bat. Mildred smiled. We went past the suddenly flustered secretary and right to the conference room. The smoked glass on the locked door did not last more than one swing of the bat. Instantly I was able to take pictures of the partially dressed couple while Mildred unlocked the door.

"She started on her husband first. A blow to the top of his head caused him to hold both arms up which, in turn, left his front open. The spiked tip of her high heeled shoe changed his formerly potent sperm maker into a future attachment of no consequence. He went down into a fetal position. Her attention turned to Farrah. Mildred was focused on her head. Farrah covered her face which led to her hands being destroyed besides considerable cranial damage. Somehow Farrah kept consciousness, which was not to her advantage. As long as Farrah was awake, Mildred kept wailing on her. I almost felt bad for Farrah, but finally she was out. Mildred stopped. I pulled her over to a chair and sat her down. I knew it would only be a matter of time before the building's security and the city police would be there. Mildred and I were content to wait for them. Suddenly Mildred jumped up and kicked her husband again. I was about to restrain her, however, she volunteered that she was done now and sat back down.

"Mildred was charged with and convicted of aggravated assault and attempted murder. She was perfectly calm during her trial and even enjoyed the playing of the tape was a mitigating circumstance. She got 10 - 15 years. Mildred actually adjusted well to prison becoming an enforcer for one of the toughest gangs in her prison. She also planned to enjoy the windfall she would receive from her alienation of affection suit against Farah, her divorce from Al, and her lawsuit to the accounting firm for not enforcing their nonfraternization policy.

"I was charged with and convicted of being an accomplice to aggravated assault and attempted murder. My sentence of 5 years of prison was changed to probation. The tape was a mitigating circumstance as with Mildred, but the biggest thing was that Farrah's injuries were so severe, she would need a caregiver for the rest of her life. Her insurance would not cover nursing home care and only a very limited amount of home care. Even though it appeared she had her mental faculties, she could not speak, walk, or use her hands. She had to be fed either liquids or mashed up food. Her only family was me and our daughter. Our daughter had just gotten married and was pregnant with our first grandchild. She could not take care of her mother and lived so far away, it was hard for her to even visit. I was the only choice as a caregiver and that was acceptable only as long as I was monitored by Adult Protective Services. Some people thought I was getting off easy because of what I had done. Some thought by having to take care of her for years, I was being duly punished. I was determined to make it easy.

"In public, I was the devoted, sacrificing wimp I was supposed to be. And I did do a little wheelchair pushing, lifting, transferring, washing, wiping, dressing, and so on and so on. But most of the time I hired caregivers to do all that. Just like with my secretary, I was looking for good looking women who needed money. When it looked like one was a potential caregiver, I would have her sign a confidentiality agreement. Confidentiality agreements are not uncommon in health care. This one made it appear I could sue the applicant if they turned down the job because I had asked for 'special care' for me too.

When it came to proposing sex with me on the side, I was not quite that crude. I would tell the applicant about how hard it was for me not to be able to make love with the wonderful woman who now had the lovemaking ability of a mannequin. Then I would cry. Crying and a wage well above most similar jobs, sealed the deal with the women I hired.

"If you think my revenge was now over, you don't know me very well. After a while, I told the caregivers that my wife's doctor thought she had the ability to regain some of her abilities if she were to be shocked in some way. I would then say that my wife was so sure of my faithfulness that seeing me have sex with other women could be the shock. No, I didn't screw the caregivers in front of my wife, but I did the next best thing. I took videos of our sex and showed my wife the DVDs whispering in her ear that this was part of my revenge on her. There were tears in her eyes the first few times I played the videos."

"The last few years have been wonderful. Everyone thinks I am a saint for caring for my invalid wife. At least those that don't know about my setting her up to get beaten in the first place. I am getting great sex from two or three women on a regular basis. I have plenty of money from my lawsuit against Al's accounting firm and Al (Mildred and I swapped money with that one) as well as my own pension and investments. Farrah's friends dwindled away as her lack of response to their communication attempts dimmed their enthusiasm. They were only allowed to come at certain times to avoid interrupting my care time from the caregivers. The only exception has been her friend Glenda. Glenda takes her to church and likes to wheel her around in good weather. She's a little 'churchy' for me but it gives me a break that I don't have to pay for. Right now, she has taken Farrah to a revival event with noted faith healer, Benny Robertson. Glenda believes in such things. She's going to keep Farrah overnight which has given me time to write this story. Not sure who will ever read this, but it has made me feel good in writing it."

Farrah

The cell doors clanged open and then shut. Footsteps were the only thing that could be heard down the long, sterile corridor. Two conservatively dressed men was accompanied by a guard to the interview room. With their slicked down hair, they looked like a huge mother cat had licked them clean. Before going in they looked through the two-way glass to see a woman in an orange suit being chained to a ring on the table. The first man spoke, "She doesn't look like a psychotic killer to me."

The guard responded, "Do you want to talk to her or not?"

"Sorry, just commenting. May we talk to her please?"

"Ain't that why you're here? Just don't get too close. I'll be watching from the window in case you need help."

The men looked at each other as if they had trouble understanding the danger. Nevertheless, they approached the table carefully. "May we sit and talk to you?"

Farrah responded, "I guess. At least it breaks the routine. What do you want?"

"Well, we're members of the staff of Reverend Benny Robertson. We've been told that you had a delayed reaction healing of great magnitude from being touched by Reverend Robertson. Is that true?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I don't know if you follow the news, but Reverend Robertson has come under some considerable criticism lately that he has falsified some of the claims of healing that have occurred during some of his crusades. We have been gathering proof of his successes and were told that you may have been his most significant healing that can be medically proven. We are hoping that you would be willing to cooperate with the research that needs to be done to establish the proof."

"What's in it for me?"

"I assume you know that our state has just elected a born-again Christian as governor. He is a believer in the spiritual gifts that God has said men can have like speaking with tongues and faith healing. We believe that he would be inclined to commute your sentence if you help us. You could be released in a matter of months if everything goes well."

Farrah rose up quickly and so violently that blood spurted from the area the handcuffs scraped against her wrists. "Early release? You idiots think I want early release? You don't know anything about what happened do you?"

One of the men almost fell into the floor in shock. I'm sorry if we upset you. Please sit down. You're right. We really don't know what happened. Could you tell us, so we can understand?"

Settling back into her chair, she seemed to notice her bloody wrists for the first time. Noticed but did not care. She started her story by telling how she first met Riley Baxter, their marriage, and the affairs along with the consequences of being married to a patient man. Eventually she got to the day she was taken to the Benny Robertson Crusade.

"My friend Gloria took me to the arena. She wheeled me to the wheelchair section down on the floor. It was crowded, and the staff was going around to decide which ones would be asked to come on stage for a personal healing. At first the staff passed me by, but Gloria was adamant that I was going on stage. After a lively exchange with the staff, she won out and I was in line. When he finally came to me, he was told my story of how I became an invalid. He asked everyone to pray with him as he touched my head. I felt a surge of electric energy entering my body. I knew immediately I had been healed."

"But you didn't react at the time like anything happened?"

"Who's telling this fucking story, you or me?"

"Sorry, please go on."

"Benny knew something was wrong. He predicted that my healing had occurred but that it would take a few days to have total effect. He made a big deal of getting contact information on me and Gloria, so his staff could follow up. The truth is that I had been thinking for years of what I would do if I, by some miracle, could recover. Although part of my brain said this was a useless exercise, it was the only thing I lived for. When I found out that I was going to see Benny, I had a plan in case, just in case, that I was healed. Upon feeling the healing, I didn't move. Believe me, it was very difficult not to jump out of the wheelchair and shout to high Heaven. But I didn't. That was part of my plan.

"I stayed that night with Gloria. After she had gone to bed, I started to see what had been healed. My muscles had atrophied but I could walk with some difficulty and could move my arms and, to a lesser extent, my hands. I could speak in a whisper. I felt good except for tricking my friend Gloria. She was devastated that I had not been healed."

"Upon heading back home, I kept up my act of being helpless. When Riley wasn't watching, I got several of my sleeping pills. Later, after he had been drinking for a while, he had to take a piss. That was my opportunity to put the pills into his drink. In an hour or so, he was totally out of it. I went to work. I felt euphoric. I took off his pants and underwear. I took a catheter and inserted it into his penis. Next, I took super glue and squirted it down the catheter until it reached the end. Slowly I withdrew the catheter, continuing to squirt as I went. Once his urethra was full of super glue, I went to my bedroom to my drawer of toys that Riley had used with some of his girlfriends. I found a butt plug. After covering the end and sides with super glue, I pushed it quickly into his anus, then sealed the end.

"Did you ever hear the old joke about the parts of the body that argued that each was more important than the other. The eyes made their case, then the mouth, then the ears and so on until the anus said he was the most important. To prove their case, each body part stopped functioning. After a few days they all gave in and admitted that the asshole was the most important. Well after a few days with Riley not being able to pee or poop, I understood that joke a lot better.

"Oh, he pleaded with me to no end. 'The caregivers will come by and find me.' That was easy, I just posted a note at the door saying that he had come down with something contagious, but he was still able to take care of me. He would call when he needed them again. Then he said that the Bible says that the best way to deal with enemies was to be kind to them thereby 'heaping coals upon their head.' I liked the idea about using real coals but that was too messy. Next, he said that he loved me so much, the idea of me having another man just drove him crazy. Couldn't I give him another chance?' 'Bullshit!' was all I said.

"Over the next few days, I ignored his rants which went between how much love he really had for me and threats as to what he would do when he got loose. His physical condition deteriorated rapidly as the toxicity that would normally be discharged remained and festered inside. When he started vomiting his own feces, I took that as the cue it was time for me to make my escape. I had been exercising and felt confident I could now drive. The next morning, I was able to withdraw a considerable amount of money and I drove due north for about 500 miles. At that time, I called police to check out a disturbance at what was my former house. I told them I was a concerned neighbor who didn't want to identify myself. After the call, I headed due west and drove until I no longer wanted to drive. I found a hick town and rented an apartment that used to be a motel room. There were a couple of good restaurants in town and they had a good internet system. What more could I want?