I Am Jack's Life Ch. 14

Author's note and acknowledgements

This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now.

I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat.

When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it?

I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it.

So I spent another year trying to sell it.

Well nothing happened.

And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction.

So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good."

So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life.

So NEXT, some disclaimers.

This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life.

So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway.

If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me.

*****

I should probably back up again.

Abby and I had always had a pretty solid relationship. From the very beginning, way back in the beginning of all of this, she'd been the first of all of Beth's friends to just take me at face value. She was the first to accept Kimmy and I - and Anna and I. She was there as a solid anchor when the debacle of the prom night threesome had happened, giving me a drama free friend to hang out with. She'd been there for me all of the times I'd meet her in the city to unload about my problems with Anna during our first two years at Stanford. She'd been the one to take care of me when things finally ended for good with Anna. She'd been there at each ending before. Never judging, never adding to the drama, just being a solid friend.

My junior year was a pretty stressful one. I didn't see Anna much anymore. I hooked up with a couple of girls for one-night stands. I studied. I got through it. Not much to tell. My mother had kind of break down, and I spent all of my holidays with her, even a few weekends I probably couldn't afford to spend not studying.

My 22^nd birthday, Beth, Abby and I spent it with a quite night out, just the three of us. I went home early, alone.

I spent a lot of time with Abby our senior year, though. Anna and I weren't talking at all. I guess she'd become the go-to party girl of a dozen different guys. I tried not to pay attention to any of it. Abby and I would meet every weekend in San Francisco to hang out and study together. I was starting to lose it. My grades were dropping; I was still on the dean's list, but I wasn't pulling straight A's anymore. I freaked out about that. She got me through it with humor, and the occasional beer and dancing night.

It was Kimmy's wedding that really changed everything. For all of us.

Kimmy and Todd's relationship had been almost as rocky as Anna's and mine. They got together, they broke up spectacularly, they got back together, they moved in together, they loved to hate each other. I suppose it was only natural that they got married.

They were getting married over spring break of 1998, mostly so that the other four of us could be there. Beth was her maid of honor; Anna, Abby, her little sister, and a girl she worked with that had also been a friend of ours from school were her bridesmaids. You probably remember Mindy.

I wasn't a groomsman, and no, I wasn't offended. Todd and I hadn't talked much since school. I got to go to the bachelor's party though. I was kind of an outsider, Todd had pretty much a whole new set of friends at this point, so there wasn't anyone else I knew. It was entertaining anyway. I'd have rather gone to the bachelorette party with my friends. Abby's shown me pictures though. They had a lot more fun than I did.

The day of the wedding, even though I was neither a groomsman or a bridesmaid (though Kimmy and the girls had told me if I could fit into one of the dresses... I was tempted) I was running around helping get set up. Mr. Allison even told me while we were setting chairs up on the lawn that he'd half expected to be doing this for me four years ago. I didn't have an improbable sarcastic remark for him. He looked disappointed.

Abby came out, still not in her dress yet, and told me Kimmy wanted to talk to me. Being the kind of sentimental sucker that I am, I had been kind of wanting to talk to her too.

"Sure thing, let me finish this up," I said. I had about forty more chairs to go.

"It seems pretty important Jack," Abby said. She had a weird note in her voice.

"Uhm, okay." I walked over to her so she could lead the way, but she didn't move, she just looked up at me.

"Where is she?" I asked after a moment when she didn't move.

Abby linked her arm in mine and we started to walk back into the house. The wedding was at Kimmy's grandparent's house. They had a very large back yard with a pretty orange grove. It was really nice actually. A place I wouldn't have minded getting married myself.

"Jack..." Abby said as we walked, her voice was lowered.

I looked down at her.

"Just..." she started again, but stopped.

I chuckled, "Yessss?" I tried to draw it out of her.

Abby sighed, "Be... on your guard, okay? I think she's getting cold feet. There's a lot of history between you two."

I smirked, I probably shouldn't have, but I smirked, "All ancient history though."

Abby shook her head, "Not so ancient... Just - don't do anything you'll both regret okay?"

Well that was an ominous warning.

"Abbs," which is what I'd started calling her. She'd started working out a lot the last year. Joined a yoga class. Girl was very toned. She'd showed me her six pack earlier that year; 'Abbs' had stuck then. "What's this about?" I asked, lowering my voice.

She shook her head, "I don't know, but she's a nervous wreck and she's been asking for you for an hour. Asking if you where here yet, asking if you'd come up and see her."

I frowned. That didn't sound bad, but I trusted Abby. Completely.

"Don't worry about me. I'm long over her. Todd's a friend. I won't let her do anything she'll regret," I said.

Abby just sighed quietly.

I was led up to the master bedroom of the two story country house. It really was a nice house. Abby knocked on the door and said, "Kimmy, Jack's here."

Kimmy's mother opened the door.

"Come on in Jack," she said. Her voice sounded exactly like the morning I woke up at Kimmy's house. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to come in or not.

"Er, thanks Mrs. Allison," I said stepping in anyway.

Kimmy was in her wedding dress.

She was... Stunning.

Her hair was still short, and she didn't have her veil on, but her hair was twisted back in a half braid along one side, she had a cute hair clip with small light blue semi precious stones in it. Her dress was white satin and strapless. It didn't have a long train, but it fit her perfectly. She still had her cheerleader's body. Better actually. Her twenty third birthday had been two weeks ago.

I swallowed slowly. She was - totally beautiful.

"Mom, can I have a minute with Jack, alone?" Kimmy said.

Her mother frowned.

Kimmy sighed, "This is Jack, if you can't trust me with Jack, who can you trust me with?"

"It'll be fine Mrs. Allison, I'll guard the door for you,' I said, some how finding my voice and smiled. I used the 'perfect student' voice. You know, the 'I'm a valedictorian who is totally not having wild sex with your daughter' voice? Yeah. That one.

"Ten minutes Kimberley, we still have to finish getting your dress ready," Mrs. Allison said in a tone that said she didn't want to leave her bride-to-be-daughter alone with her ex-boyfriend.

"Mother - please?" Kimmy said and gestured at the door.

Mrs. Allison left, with a look that said I shouldn't dare try to abscond with her daughter.

The door shut and I turned back to look at Kimmy. I was wearing my navy blue suit, because I only owned two suits that fit even a little bit anymore and the black one was a little snug in the shoulders. At twenty-two, I had finally started filling out. At six-one and a hundred and eighty pounds, I filled out my suit pretty well I think.

She came over to me and reached up to adjust my tie. "You dress up pretty, you know that?" she said, looking at my single Windsor knot. I had that one down.

I smiled, "You look amazing Kimmy."

She looked up at me and smiled. God, she was beautiful. Her blue eyes were bright and framed with blue gemstone eyeshadow to highlight. Her lashes were extra long and dark.

I had a moment right there.

I flashed to her stepping into the shower naked with me on my eighteenth birthday - to her slow dancing with me at prom - to her eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy as I penetrated her for the first time.

I swallowed.

I think she had a moment too, because she leaned over and kissed me.

Sigh. God I loved kissing her.

Her lips pulled mine open and her tongue darted lightly in and tagged mine. I fell into the dance perfectly. It was the first one I learned after all. You never forget your first.

It'd had been over six months since I'd been with anyone and that had just been a quick stress reliever with a girl I knew at school; nothing more than physical. It had been over a year since I'd broken up with Anna and almost year before that since we'd kissed with any real affection.

The world stopped.

The universe is hung on such moments my friend. Hung in space and time like tapestries.

I almost wish it could have lasted forever.

But it couldn't. She was getting married today. To someone else.

I carefully pulled away from her. Not abruptly; not in a way that was mean, or cruel. I gently pushed her away at the shoulders. She still clung to me.

"Kimmy," I said, very softly, in a voice that had been hers alone. I hadn't used it in four years. I had no trouble finding it. Anna had never gotten a voice.

She opened her eyes, and there were tears. I reached up and dabbed them before they could ruin her make up.

"Take me away, Jack, take me with you right now," she said, heartache and longing in her voice.

I took a moment to collect myself.

"You don't mean that," I said gently.

She looked away, "God, I still love you, can't you see that?" she pleaded quietly. Now it was my turn for my heart to break. Ancient history indeed.

"And I love you Kimmy. But not like this, not any more," I lied. I did. I loved her. Or at least it felt like I did during the kiss. Maybe I never did get over her. Maybe Anna had fucked my head and heart up and I'd never really wanted to break up with Kimmy in the first place. Maybe I was just fucked up and alone and wanted this back.

Maybe I was just an idiot after all. Fuck if I know anything about anything.

She looked at me and her eyes begged me.

I gently pushed her to arms length and then took a step backward myself.

"I can't Kimmy, don't ask me to do this. It'll ruin both of us," I said at last.

She looked down.

"God Jack, what am I doing? I don't love Todd, not the way I love you," she said in anguish.

"No, not like me. And I'll never love anyone the way I loved you. But that doesn't mean you can't love someone else just as strongly," I said. It sounded like something I'd heard from a movie once.

She sniffled, and dabbed her eyes, trying not to smear her make up too, "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday?" she quoted, and I grinned broadly. I'd made her watch Casablanca with me over winter break our senior year. She remembered.

"Exactly," I said.

She sighed.

"Why do you have to be so fucking great?" she said and messed with my tie again.

"Genetics," I said, suddenly thinking of my father. I wonder if he'd gone through anything like this before he married mom. I wished I could ask him.

She smiled softly.

"I liked your dad a lot. He treated me like a princess," she said very softly, affectionately. The just for me voice.

I swallowed past my throat lump, "You were his son's first girlfriend. You were a princess. You still are," I said. I was getting hoarse. Tears were very close.

She gave my tie a last little pet and then tucked it back down and smoothed it out.

"You're the best friend, the best boyfriend, and the best lover a girl could ever hope for Jack Wallington. You deserve the best," she said. I could almost her her finish with, 'and that's not me'. It broke my heart. I almost did sweep her out of the window, down to my car, and off into the sunset right then.

James, motherfucking, Bond...

I leaned over and softly kissed her cheek.

"I'll send your mom in. I see you out there," I said.

She just nodded and looked away.

I left while I still could make my feet move.

Her mom was waiting out in the hall. I walked past without saying anything. Get while the getting is good and all that.

Abby was waiting for me downstairs. She looked concerned.

"How'd it go," she asked with worry in her voice, though for me or Kimmy I didn't know.

"Ancient history," I said, and my voice cracked.

"Oh Jack," she said softly, affectionately.

I gave a heavy sigh and shook it off with a shudder. "I've got chairs to put up,' I said with a gruff voice.

"I've got to get ready," she said reluctantly.

"Tell the girls hello for me. I'm still wondering if it's not too late to get a bridesmaid dress," I said with enforced lightness in my voice.

She giggled.

"I will. See you after," she said.

I nodded.

I went back out, helped Mr. Allison and some of Kimmy's cousins with the chairs, and pretended I hadn't just wanted to run off with the bride. I think they all even believed me.

I sat on Kimmy's side of the aisle with my mom a couple of rows back. It was hard watching Kim marry someone else. I had no idea it would be so hard. I mean. I was over her right? Ancient history.

No, it was five minutes ago we were kissing on our first date; it was five minutes ago we were slow dancing in her bedroom, just the two of us, to our favorite song.

My mother cried. I don't know why really, I guess it's a mom thing. But she squeezed my hand a lot during the ceremony. Maybe she was thinking it should have been me up there. I know I was. Maybe my mom knew that. My mom is pretty damn smart.

There was no trace of hesitation on Kim's face when she said, "I Do." She was radiant in her joy. She either believed it, believed me, or sold it really well. Maybe she really was just that happy. I hope it was that.

Todd looked pretty good too. Every guy dresses up well in a tux, but he looked every bit the part of the nervous but proud groom that one would hope one looks like at one's wedding. It was weird seeing him with a goatee though.

And of course the rest of the girls looked amazing. Beth was stunning in her dress, weeping of course, and showing the perfect amount of cleavage. I swear it was her superpower. Abby wasn't crying, but she had a broad grin on her face. She quipped to make the audience laugh when there was a problem with the rings being tied down to their cushions too tightly. Anna looked pretty great too, but I had a hard time looking at her without a dark cloud of turbulent feelings welling up from my gut. It was still too soon, too much bad history. I wondered if we could ever be friends again.

I spent a lot of time wondering that question actually. Not about Anna specifically, but if you can actually go back to being friends after sleeping with someone. It's the subject of a dozen or more romantic comedies, but they all seem to think the best friends end up married at the end of the film, despite any setbacks. Real life is a different story. If this was a movie, I would have run off with Kimmy and we'd be half way to Vegas by now. The credits would roll as she threw her bouquet of flowers to Elvis, the audience would cheer, the girls would wipe their eyes, and the guys would go home and get lucky if they played their romantic cards right.

But this wasn't a movie. Kimmy and Todd kissed, the crowd cheered, and they were husband and wife.

The reception was nice. I slow danced with Kimmy, but we both kept our distance and didn't get too close, physically or emotionally. I smiled and joked, she smiled a lot and laughed. We both pretended nothing had happened earlier in the bridal room. That was uncharacteristically smart of me I think. I usually make pretty bad decisions with a girl in my arms.

I shook Todd's hand and congratulated him. He was a good guy now. He had a job working as a mechanic at a restoration shop; a good job. Hell, he'd probably make better money than I would as a high school teacher, and I was about to graduate from Stanford. He'd taken a few classes at the local community college. He wasn't the kid that had stolen my Heavy Metal magazine and thrown me in a dumpster.

That at least, really was ancient history.

And that felt pretty good.

I also danced with Beth, Abby, and my mother. Not Anna though. Neither of us even tried for it. She never made eye contact with me even once. All in all it was a nice reception. Nothing wild. Maybe we were all grown ups now. It's a weird feeling when the first of your high school gang ties the knot. It's its own kind of commencement I suppose.

As things were winding down, Abby came up from behind me were I was sitting near the sidelines on my fifth or sixth glass of champagne. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and said, "You did a good thing, Jack."

"Hmm?" I said, shaking off thoughts I shouldn't have been thinking. I was watching Kimmy and Todd do some sort of silly dance that was making both of them and all their onlookers laugh.

"Not running off with Kimmy today. That was a good thing," she said again and sat down next to me. She stole my half-finished glass of champagne and drained it down.

"Who says that's..." I started to protest.

"I know that's why she wanted to see you. Kimmy is pretty damn easy to read. She doesn't have a dishonest bone in her fae-like, big bird body."