I Am Where You Belong

At the end of the second week in my apartment, April had an appointment back at Swedish Medical Center for a follow-up, and possibly, to change her cast. The ambulance came in and picked her up. I followed in my pickup.

They removed the cast and washed her all over, letting her scratch all her itches. They applied lotion to her delicate skin. Then, they put another full cast on her, from above her hips to her ankle on the one leg, saying it would be two more weeks like it had been. Then, in two weeks they probably would just put a full leg cast on, from her crotch to her ankle. But, for now, we had two more weeks of the same old same old. She was not overjoyed. I, secretly, was delighted.

She still had all the pain meds she wanted, but her pain was becoming less of an issue and she actually used less of them than they had prescribed. We got her home and settled. Myrtle had changed the sheets and she even turned the mattress while we were gone. That woman was remarkable. She had opened the windows and aired the place out. The air in the apartment was so fresh and nice when we got back.

Though April was depressed about two more weeks in the full cast, Myrtle had really gone above the call of duty and it made things a little better for us all. April was so grateful. Like I said, I was delighted.

After April had been back from the 2 week appointment for about 4 days, I noticed that her pussy was very lubricated and swollen again on a Saturday, when I went in to help her use the toilet and bathe.

I was just in spandex jogging shorts and nothing else, so my chest and legs were visible to her as well as my butt. It was tightly encased in the shorts I wore. I guess she was peering a bit at me and when I patted her dry after she pee'd I could smell her arousal and see moisture leaking from her vagina.

I asked, "oh, aren't you done peeing April?"

"Oh, yes, I am finished. I am just so aroused this morning. Would you mind helping me relieve again please?"

"Ok, I will if you are sure you won't hurt yourself again."

"This time, don't tease me; just rub me good and hard. Put your fingers inside me. I won't let myself jerk like that again. I'm so horney" April moaned, squirming and biting her lower lip.

I slipped a finger up and down her soaked slit and when I touched her clit, it was like an electric shock to her. She jerked a little and began twisting her nipples, this time she had put her hands underneath her shirt. She was humping and moaning and leaking like a sieve.

I crawled onto the bed and got between her legs. I put two fingers in her pussy and with my other hand I circled around and then directly onto her clit. She came quickly, within 2 or 3 minutes. She was careful not to lose control and did not let herself convulse.

"Oh, that was nice. Please, don't stop." She begged.

I thrust two fingers in and out of her and continued playing with her clit. With the two fingers inside her, I used my index finger and curled it inside her in a 'come here' type of motion. I continued wagging it back and forth inside her and after two minutes or so, she screamed, in the throes of a simultaneous clitoral and g-spot orgasm. She squirted vaginal fluid all over my hand, wrist and arm to my elbow, soaking her sheets and covers.

Slowly, I withdrew my fingers.

I was lying between her legs in a puddle of her juices and it was uncomfortable. Add to that, I was randy as a Billy goat so I got up on the pretense of getting clean sheets and blankets. I went into the bathroom and began pounding on my little cock.

April loudly said, "Tom, I want to help you too. I know what you are doing; why not let me suck on it for you?"

I stepped out of the bathroom, "It's ok, April" I said very sadly. "I don't expect that from you. I can help myself and you can't help yourself."

"No, Tom. It isn't right. You more than deserve anything I can do to help you back. I want to. Please, come over here and let me suck on it."

I was in a jam. My back was against a wall. Everything that had happened with April, for me, hinged on this moment. If she recoiled in shock at my small cock, I'd melt. Everything, all my self-esteem was on the line at this moment. She, laying there helpless in my bed had absolute sway over me. Just her slightest hesitation, the hint of an evil, make fun of me grin, any negative response on her face, I was gauged to read and then stand rejected and dejected.

"I am so embarrassed, April. My cock is very small and most women ridicule me when they see it." I confessed.

"It'll be no problem, Tom. Don't you worry. You have helped me through the most embarrassing things I could ever have imagined and this size issue is no mountain with me, it is only one with you. Come here, baby. Let mama make it all better."

"Gosh, hope. I've fallen into the well of hope. Maybe I have earned a chance at acceptance. Maybe, finally I can live a normal life with someone who loves me in spite of my shortcomings." I wished silently to myself. (Don't laugh at the shortcomings thing; I was serious.)

I walked to the head of the bed and she reached out and caressed the outside of my shorts. She blinked when the discovery that 'not too much is in there' became reality to her. But, she didn't laugh or mock me.

"She's just dealing with it. Give her a moment." I thought.

She reached her hand to the waistband of my jogging shorts and pulled the front of it down, to expose my fully erect, engorged and raging 3 inch manhood. She asked me to help get my shorts off and she caressed it with such tenderness and care. She patted the bed and I got on it with my knees next to her head.

I nearly wept as she sucked my small penis into her mouth, all of it, and suckled it like I might her nipple.

I exploded into her mouth, My seminal fluid came squirting out of her mouth and nose. She coughed and sputtered at the huge amount of semen that I released. It must have gotten up her sinuses because her eyes were watering and I could see a little dribble of white coming out of her nose. Well, I had shot pretty hard when I came; she probably wasn't ready for that.

I waited for some sign of her rejection; some anger at my copious volume released into her mouth. But none came. She actually seemed very happy that she could do something for me, and I loved that she was so kind about it.

We talked about my small penis and for the first time in my life, I felt accepted. She said, "It doesn't bother me. Don't worry about it. I enjoy playing with it very much and you sure enjoy it, so that is all that matters."

She also said, "You are so good with your fingers and hands, I am not being shorted a bit here."

I blinked at her when she said that, but she never let on that she was making fun of me. I thought, "Maybe she didn't even realize what she had just said."

April and I got through her being laid up. I lost my virginity to her after her full cast was off and just her leg cast was on. She was kind and patient and loving, everything I could want, and more. I put my tiny little cock in her and all I felt was a sea of warm moisture. She must have felt nearly nothing. But I came so hard.

I was able to please her with my hands and fingers. She taught me how to orally please her and she was a wild woman when I finally got my lessons right. She nearly broke my neck bucking and pitching.

One time, when she came with my mouth on her pussy, she squeezed my head between her good leg and her cast and nearly cracked my skull. I had a sore neck so bad that I had to go to the chiropractor.

She did laugh about that. I just kind of smiled wanly.

Finally, April was out of her cast and on her feet. It took her a while to gain her strength and recoup her tone and stamina. But, she worked at it and was back to 100% in about 6 months.

April and I were married by Colorado's new Governor, Nancy Markey. Our marriage was the Governor's first official act and we were privileged to have her perform our ceremony.

My salary was creeping up, and we bought a house in the suburb of Arvada. We lived close to the foothills and I thought life was about as good as it could possibly be.

April was so pretty. All the men continued to harass her. Everywhere she went; men fell over themselves to look at her, to talk to her. They'd find an excuse to hold a door or offer any little tidbit of help; all for a nod from her, some recognition.

We'd been married 3 years. We made love often. She seemed to love to take my cock into her mouth, suck hard on it and make me squirt. She'd learned to keep it out of her sinuses and loved getting me off that way. Vaginal sex really didn't seem to be her thing, though she loved my mouth and my fingers on her pussy.

I thought we were doing great. We weren't.

April began sneaking around on me in our third year of marriage. She'd finally succumbed to the advances of another man.

After we were married and she was fully healed, April found another job in a Coors Beer warehouse as Payroll and accounts Payable clerk. One of the drivers has the reputation that he has a 'donkey dick'. I guess April's thoughts of a lifetime of almost no dick inside her, ever, were more than she could take and she went for the gold. A really big cock was too much to resist, when compared to what I was offering.

'Donkey dick', Reed Rathboth, had had a lifetime of female conquests and April was the winning prize of them all. She, by far, had to be the most gorgeous creature he had ever bedded and when he finally got her, she fell for his huge cock harder than anything she had ever had happen. She was in a daze. All she could think about was that cock.

April never really said anything to me, she just mentally checked out. She was there, in our home, in our bed, occasionally having some meaningless little sex with me, but she was not present in mind or even, really, in body. She stopped having orgasms with me.

I increased my tempo, licking and sucking and manipulating with my hands and fingers to no real avail. She was unmoved. She did not complain, she did not deny me my husbandly due, she just wasn't impressed. I had lost her and never even had a clue how. It went on for a couple of months like that.

I was friends with a Colorado State Trooper who appreciated my efforts to improve the state highway system, making it safer for motorists. His lifetime goal was to reduce Colorado highway fatalities and my job was to create safer roads. So we hit it off and found we had a lot in common.

I saw Jack Carville, the trooper, one afternoon and he said, "Brother, you are one glum dude. What is up with you?"

"Jack, something is wrong in my marriage. My wife has just checked out. I have no idea what is up. We don't talk, we don't fight, we still have sex, but she has changed so thoroughly it is like I never even knew this woman. I am stumped." I opined.

"Maybe she is sick, Tom. Maybe you need to get her in to see a doc and run some tests." He offered.

"You know, that is a great idea. I never thought of that. Thanks, Jack." I replied.

"Honey, I want us to go in and get physicals. I want to make sure we are doing ok. After 3 years they can examine your leg and we can just see that our bodies are hitting on all cylinders. Never hurts to keep up with things in this day and age." I offered to April that night.

"Why? Nothing's wrong with me. You ill? Something wrong with you?" she asked.

"No, I just want to make sure. It's called preventative maintenance. Let's go for a checkup and just get physicals together; It'll be good." I said.

"I don't see why, but schedule them if you want." She said.

I did schedule them. She had gonorrhea. I'd never been with another woman. She was cheating. I had gonorrhea in my mouth; I was cautioned that it could lead to tongue cancer or throat cancer depending on if she had HPV. They were still running that test. Ultimately, I was fortunate and she did not have HPV.

"So, who are you fucking?" I threw the papers on the kitchen table in front of her.

She looked at them. "Oh, my ... Tom, I'm sorry." She said with shock, wide eyed.

"What's up April? I thought you were the little miss 'tired of being pursued by every man on earth'. Somebody broke through; How and when and where and most of all WHY?" I yelled.

"Tom, you're just so small. I need more than your fingers and your tongue. I need my itch scratched. You are too small to satisfy me. He has a huge...er, um, dick but you are a, a...baby dick" She chuckled at that. She had made a joke and laughed at her own joke.

That hit me like a George Foreman right cross. I fell into a pit of despair. The old familiar ring of hopelessness surrounded me. In one moment of time, my boat was swamped.

I fell silent, I left the house. I hired a pit bull attorney and I filed for divorce. I hid money, cancelled accounts, and changed my retirement portfolio. She fought for finances and property.

I was humiliated. When she had been humiliated I covered her shame with gentleness, soothing care and compassion. She exposed mine.

During the divorce hearing, my lawyer drew her out. She had told all the men at the Coors warehouse how small I am. Her lover and she regularly made fun of me, laughing and crushing me with their cruelty.

Her disdain for me showed itself during her testimony. She sneered at me in court and made fun of my 'itty bitty teeny weeny weenie.' The whole courtroom erupted in laughter. My humiliation was absolute.

She got very little of my rapidly accumulating wealth, thanks to my very proficient lawyer, who explained our relationship to the judge from start to end. He did believe that I had greatly helped her, probably saved her from a horrible experience when her leg was broken.

The judge witnessed, for himself, her courtroom behavior and her unnecessary contempt for me. She got her own IRA and $30,000; Ten thousand for each year of our marriage. I had to buy her half of equity in the house in Arvada, since she couldn't buy my half, and she got her car and personal effects.

I kept the apartment downtown, since I owned it before our marriage. There was no alimony and the break was clean after court that day.

Clean, except one thing was intact...my low self-esteem and, eventually, my rage.

How does love; deep-personal-pure and wholesome love, turn into a rage? I think it happens because it is one sided, and based on unequal need. One person needs more than the other and eventually it weighs down the relationship, it eventually capsizes.

I believe that is what happened to April and me. My need to be accepted was greater than her need to be left alone by the wolves.

I think her "need" to be aloof from men, was a game she was playing within herself. In reality, she knew she was going to get the pick of whatever litter she decided to take, and was just playing a game in her own mind, "who will it be, who will it be."

Somewhere I came along, crept into her heart, and awakened her sexuality. But, I never satisfied her sexually, so she settled for a dumb infected fucker with a huge cock. If I had it right, she'd soon discover that she had made a mistake.

Her mistake was based on the fact that we were friends before we were lovers. When she, as part of the friendship had a need after breaking her leg, I met her needs with no preconditions, no expectations. Just doing what friends do for one another.

Then, it turned sexual. She awoke from a hormone frozen existence and fell off the deep end, into wholesale sexual arousal, abandoning her heart's needs and her life long held principals.

My guess, "she'll be crawling back. Once she finds that all he has in her lover is a cock and no brain, no heart, she'll find that what we had was love."

She will not find love, because other men will repress whatever else she is or could be, because of her beauty. But I cultivated her talents and her capacity to love, I loved her unconditionally, sex or no sex. Her beauty was a benefit to me, but I loved her heart and her spirit long before I lusted after her beauty.

"Tom, it's me, April."

"Really?"

"Yeah, how you been?"

"Living the dream, April. You know me".

"Tom, I do know you. I know you aren't living a dream. You must be in a nightmare."

"Ya?" I denied.

"Tom, I've come to my senses. I fucked up. I fucked you up and I fucked me up. Tom, I love you. Forgive me. Take me back. Please, I lost my mind, I lost my soul. I 've lost my one true friend and I hate my life."

"Hmm, What's at stake here for me, do you think? Oh, sanity, THAT'S right. I keep forgetting." I sarcastically retorted.

"Tom, honey, you need me I know you do. Tom, I need you every bit as bad, believe me I see that now."

"I don't know April. You pretty well emasculated my 'huge' male ego; didn't leave me anywhere to hide. I might decide to hurt you now. Where did you say you are?" I asked threateningly.

"Life is pointless without your love, Tom. How hard it has been for me to realize that. How completely I do now realize it and acknowledge it. Your heart more than compensates for ANYTHING that you think relegates you to second place. It has been a hard lesson for me to see that. Tom, you are the largest, biggest, best man I've ever met. And, I totally fucked with that; I totally, totally disrespected you. Is there any glimmer in your heart left for me?" April begged.

"I wish you were helpless in my bed right now, like you were 4 years ago. Knowing what I know now, I'd destroy you. You may know my weaknesses, but I know yours, too. I'd get you helpless in my bed and when I finish, dear April, you'd be like me, helpless AND ruined."

"Oh, Tom, I'm so sorry for what I've done, please forgive me."

"Ya? You are? Sorry is too little and too late. I do NOT forgive you. I do NOT want you back. I am a danger to you; do NOT show up around me, you won't survive it."

"Warning you now is the very last nice thing I will do for you, April. You are dead to me. If I have to actually do that I will. You must have been the hope of joy to your father, yet you've became the desolation of destruction to your best friend, me."

She heard the dial tone, nothing more.

The lovely April Blake/Teeter: At 29 years old; unfit in all ways. Her life ruined by foolishness. Her sense of fulfillment was but a distant and fading memory. For her, Joy was now unattainable, peace not available, love not knowable.

"Perhaps, it would be best if I just ended it here. I hurt him, the one I love, so bad. He won't recover, and why should he? I betrayed his precious gift of trust and faithfulness. How could he recover and why should he even if he could?"

"Indeed, why should I ever recover?" April anguished to no one.

April wandered downtown, in Denver. She had no place she wanted to go, just ambled into downtown, crying and mourning.

Some street preacher was saying, "'Come unto me, you who are heavily laden and burdened and I will give you rest,' the Lord said."

She stopped and listened to him for a bit as he preached inviting people around to hear his message of Redemption and Mercy and Grace.

He looked at her. "Young woman, what troubles you so?" he asked.

"Why would you bother me? I am just standing here listening. Leave me be." April replied.

"Have you a place to stay? Have you eaten? Are you in trouble?" he asked.

"I do have a place to stay, I am not hungry and I am in desperate trouble, if you must know." She replied.

"There are answers for your troubles young lady. There is a place of spiritual rest for your obvious weariness too. There is joy and peace for your unhappy sorrow."

"Oh, why don't you shut the fuck up?" April yelled. And she ran hurriedly away sobbing.

"I'll pray for you, daughter" Bill Wilkerson cried after her. "Come back any time."