I Didn't Know...

She looked down at her feet. "I don't know, we just do," she said. "I know that all of this just proves your point more, but Terri, I don't care about any of that. I just want him back."

I didn't really know what to say to that so I just nodded. I did notice that my mom didn't seem to be in a hurry to go to work. When I left the apartment, she was still sitting there in a robe staring at a cup of coffee.

When I got to work, the first thing I did was check my messages. There was the usual mixture of business and personal stuff. Two E-mails from guys who wanted to know about my current project. And three from friends who were curious about why I wasn't at the bar we usually hang out at last night.

"Thanks," said the voice over my shoulder.

"Dad, I had nothing to do with that," I said. "That was totally her and...you."

"How was it me?" he asked. "I went to bed alone and woke up with your mother beside me."

"Uh Dad, look at this picture," I said, showing him the same picture. "You were tossing and turning and you kept getting up for drinks all night until you suddenly calmed down and slept the rest of the night. Do I have to actually tell you when you calmed down and went to sleep?"

"Okay, so I miss her," he said. "There's never been any doubt, at least from me how I feel about your mother."

"Yeah Dad, there has been," I said. "You buy her presents on her birthday and Christmas. You even buy her flowers on Mother's day for crying out loud. She and I talked about how you always kiss her goodbye every day before you go to work. But have you ever told HER that you love her?"

"Well...no," he said.

"There you go," I said.

"But she's the one who's always going around talking about how she doesn't need a man in her life. How many times has she said that she's never going to get married again? I was just thinking about that last night. Over the past few weeks, I let you convince me that I should ask her to marry me, but now I'm not sure that was a good idea. Hell, I'm not even sure she'd have said yes. And if she'd said no, then things would have been really awkward between us. It would probably have changed everything and made it just too weird for us to stay in the same house. So, in a way maybe this is a good thing."

"No, this is not a good thing," I said. "This is a horrible mistake that should never have happened. She feels terrible about it. I think that when you two get home tonight, you should sit down and talk about it, like you have every other problem we've had. Do you remember that time when the two of you found out I'd tried Marijuana? I still remember coming home and eavesdropping on your conversation about how to handle it. Those are the parents I remember. I don't remember you guys ever not being able to sit down and talk about something."

"I'm just not sure how I could face her," he said. "She's a grown woman. She can do whatever the hell she wants. We aren't even married. I have no right to tell her what she can or can't do. What this all boils down to is that something she did hurt my feelings."

"God damn it, Dad," I yelled. I walked across my office and closed the door angrily. "Take another look at this picture. How can you go from squeezing her titties and one hand on her hoo hah, to I can't talk to her in the same sentence?"

"I was asleep," he said. "And her hand is on top of mine so..."

"So obviously she wanted you to do it," I said. "And that is exactly my point. You're throwing a lot of terms and words out here. You talked about rights. You said that she could do anything she wanted to and that the two of you aren't married. If that's true, then why is she at my apartment crying her eyes out because she knows she fucked up? You said you two aren't married. Dad, that's the thing that scares her the most. If you were married and she'd done this, at least you'd be locked together legally and morally until the courts gave you a divorce. She doesn't even have that going for her. She thinks that you can just leave her and find someone else. She's going crazy just thinking about you doing it. Did you know that, that was the reason she went nuts on that woman friend of hers all those years ago. That was also the reason she suggested that the two of you start sleeping together. She doesn't want to see you with anyone else Dad. She just doesn't know how to tell you."

"Well, going out and sleeping with some asshole is definitely not the way to do it," he said.

"And there you go again," I said. "I think that in a lot of ways that's what's going on here. The two of you are looking at this completely differently. My mom screwed up. She's so used to listening to all of those single and divorced women at work who go out and screw any guy they can get. They always end up having casual sex with a bunch of guys who don't give a damn about them and almost never call them back. After a while, they just get to the point where they accept that kind of treatment. They not only get used to it, they go out looking for it. They tell themselves that they don't need a man in their lives and that relationships only complicate things. Now maybe it's not true in every single case, but a lot of these strong, independent women that my mom hangs out with are just women who couldn't get a man."

"Mom is getting older and when women reach a certain age, they start to wonder if they're still attractive and...see that's what I'm talking about," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"You know what I'm talking about," I said. "Even when I brought up the part about her questioning whether or not she's still attractive, you made that dumb assed face. Dad, my mom is not the most beautiful woman on the planet to anyone except you. Most people see her as just a normal woman. I wish I had her boobs, but I don't envy her having an ass that big. See, you just did it again."

"I have to go do some work," he said. "I'll call you later, Honey. And I'll think about what you said. Maybe in a few days, I'll try to talk to her. But for now, it just hurts too badly. I understand what you meant when you said that we saw things differently. To your mom we weren't married. We didn't have a relationship because we'd never formally established one. So to her she didn't do anything wrong. I know that in a lot of ways your mom is afraid of relationships. Her track record with them is like 100% bad. Honey you've had a lot more experience with relationships. You dated in high school. You dated in college. You learned how to make things work and when it was time to give up. Your mom, she stuck with one guy until he threw her out. Maybe she thinks all guys are like that so she just never wanted to be in a relationship again. Maybe she thinks that not being locked in lets her do whatever she wants."

"Me, on the other hand; I guess that for a long time, I've thought that your mom and I were together. Like you said, I've never told her that in exact words. Maybe I walked the walk but I failed to talk the talk. Maybe I didn't want her to feel locked in or forced to be with me. But I think I've thought about her as being mine for over ten years now. So when she went out and just gave herself to some other guy, it hurts. And I do love her...or I did. But I just really don't know how I feel right now. I just need some space for a while. I'll call YOU later."

The day at work was uneventful. My Dad and I work for the same company. He works in engineering, I work in finance. We see each other all the time and actually have lunch with each other often.

When I got home that evening, I'd gotten so wrapped up in my workday that I'd fallen into old habits. As usual, I enjoyed the drive home. I loved darting in and out of slower moving traffic. I loved the sound of my Mustang's exhaust note and the surprised look on the faces of other drivers as they realized that a girl was driving the car. It was easy to see that I'd been taught to drive by my dad.

Like him, I had to make it a point to get in front of or pass every Camaro, Challenger or Charger I saw. In the muscle car wars, brand superiority has to been maintained and defended religiously. At the same time though, if I was merging, I would let Chargers or Challengers or Camaros in, because, we are all part of a special fraternity. We may be competitive amongst ourselves, but only because we respect each other so much. I have no such respect for Toyotas or Hondas.

When I marched into my apartment still laughing at some guy in a Prius who rolled down his windows and tried to talk to me, I noticed that someone had done some cleaning. I'm not a slob, but I do most of my heavy duty cleaning on the weekends. The place smelled good too. Someone was cooking.

My mom came out of the kitchen. She'd done her hair and was dressed really sexy. She'd made a roast with carrots and celery. It was one of my dad's favorite meals. She looked at me and smiled, then looked around.

"You beat Don, home?" she smiled. I looked at her crazily.

"Actually Mom," I said. "I don't know where Dad is going. We talked at work today and..." as I spoke I opened the oven and looked at the roast. I dipped my finger into the gravy to snag a piece of celery and burned my finger.

"Shit, that's hot," I snapped.

"That's what happens when you stick your fingers into a hot pot," she smirked.

"I thought you were just keeping it warm for dinner," I said.

"Okay, I understand about your burned fingers," she said. "Get back to talking to Don."

I got a plate out and started to eat. As I ate, I told her about the conversation. Her face seemed to fall further the more I talked.

"What do you mean he needs space?" she asked.

"Mom, Dad had no idea that you were in bed with him. He went to bed and fell asleep. When he woke up the two of you were together. He got up, showered, dressed and left. When I showed him the pictures, he was pretty embarrassed," I said.

"What does he have to be embarrassed about?" she asked. "I called a few of my friends who are married. I didn't tell them the specifics of the problem, because it's none of their business. I just told them that I'd done something wrong and I wanted Don to forgive me. From the way I understand it, if a guy does something wrong, he's supposed to buy the woman flowers. If it's the woman who fucks up, she's supposed to make the guy his favorite dinner. Then whoever fucked up apologizes, they have make up sex and live happily ever after."

"Mom, you're high," I said. "If a married woman fucks another guy, it's like an insult to her husband and their marriage. About half of the time, those things end up in divorces. I think it all boils down to whether or not the guy is willing to forgive her."

"You probably don't know this, but Dad loves you and..." I said.

"I know he loves me," she said. "And I love him. I just didn't know that we were married."

"So Mom, just give him a few days to get over this and then you guys can sit down and talk," I said. "After seeing the pictures of you guys last night, I'm pretty sure that the two of you won't be apart for very long."

Over the next two weeks, I watched my parents perform some type of weird game of musical chairs. Mom stayed with me for the first few days until she found out that Dad was staying in our house. Then she decided to go home. I think that Dad pulled into the driveway, saw her car and came to stay with me. After a couple of days of that, Mom came back to my apartment and Dad checked into a motel.

Then things got even worse. It wasn't due to either of them though. It was just pure bad timing. Dad had to go to an engineering conference that was out of state. The conference was a week long and Dad had to give a presentation on some of the newer manufacturing techniques our company was employing. He had to leave a couple of days early to get the booth set up so he was gone for about 10 days. That meant that by the time he got home, they'd been apart for almost a month.

Mom looked like Hell and he still wouldn't take her calls. Mom had been having problems at work. Ted had been reprimanded for his behavior and he'd been going out of his way to make Mom's life hell ever since. He made it seem like he'd done nothing wrong. In his view, all he'd done was to ask a woman out. She'd accepted his invitation. They'd had a nice dinner together and gone back to his place where they'd had consensual sex.

In his view, the bet and the humiliation of destroying a relationship that had lasted for the better part of Teds life meant nothing. Displaying Mom's panties on his desk and embarrassing her was also completely innocent. He'd just hung them on his desk so he'd remember to return them to her.

Mom was the one who'd gone completely out of the box. She's tried to get him in trouble at work for something that had nothing to do with the job. The reprimand on his official file would be looked at for a long time and might even hinder any chances he had of being promoted. He blamed Mom for the whole thing. He said she was a scheming older woman, who was past her prime and was looking to make trouble for him. She was upset because to him the sex had just been okay, but she was under the impression that her pussy was gold plated. He hadn't even known that she'd been in a relationship. If she was involved with some guy, she should have just said no when he asked her out.

A lot of the employees at Mom's job were taking sides. The other women who'd been lured into the bet between Ted and his friends all talked about how the men had taken advantage of older women who were particularly vulnerable to their charm. A couple of the women had actually been in struggling marriages. Some of the employees thought that the men were just assholes. The rest thought the women, including my mom were just stupid whores who'd gotten what they deserved. All I wanted was my parents back together.

When Dad got back, I gave him a few days to get himself settled and then made him have dinner with Mom.

She looked awful, she had big circles under her eyes and all of her energy was simply gone. I, of course, had dinner with them. I can't cook to save my ass and I was sure they needed a referee.

At first, things went well. I had my hopes up. But as time went on, they just got quieter and quieter. There was an elephant in the room, two of them in fact, if not more.

After a while, I decided to just move things along. "So, Dad, I think Mom wants to talk to you. Maybe you guys should clear the air about all of this and..." He held up his hand to stop me.

"There's really no need," he said. "While I was away, I thought about it a lot. I over reacted. Let's just put it behind us." I was shocked. It wasn't like him at all.

Mom smiled the biggest smile I'd seen from her since this whole thing started. "You really mean that?" she asked. He nodded and began to eat. My mom was too excited to eat and I was still in shock.

"So I can come home?" she asked.

"I never stopped you from going home," he said between bites.

"No, but every time I was there, you weren't," she said. "Without you there, it isn't home. It's just a house."

I noticed that Dad didn't answer her and his face remained blank. It was like he was wearing a mask.

"Well, it's good to see that things will go back to normal with you two," I said. I guess I was fishing. I wanted to see what was going on in his head.

"That will probably take a while," he said. Mom's head popped up and her smile faded a bit.

"And I won't ever do anything like that again," she said. "I'm really sorry."

Dad just looked up at her and in the coldest voice I've ever heard from him, said, "You have nothing to be sorry about. I should be the one who's apologizing."

My mom is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even she knew that something was wrong. Of course, she got it wrong but at least she knew something was going on.

"What's her name?" she hissed.

"What's whose name?" he asked.

"The whore you cheated on me with to even things up," spat my mom. "That's why you've suddenly decided to forgive me. I'm not stupid. While you were out of town, you found some whore and had sex with her. So now that we're even, you're willing to just let everything go away. But there's a difference here and you know it. I was tricked and humiliated. What I did just happened. You went out and did yours as some kind of revenge. What I did was a mistake and I regret it. But I did it out of stupidity. What you did was deliberate and intended to hurt me. So go ahead and tell us about it. Just rub it in my face. She was younger and prettier than me, right?"

"Marlene, I have no idea what you're talking about," said Don, looking directly into her eyes. "If you want me to, I'll take a lie detector test. I didn't have sex with anyone while I was out of town. I haven't had sex with anyone since the last time you and I..."

I think my mom knew then that he was telling the truth. She smiled a little. It was a nervous smile as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Then why should you apologize to me?" she asked. "I'm the one who screwed up and Don, I swear to you..."

"You didn't screw anything up," he said. "I did." Even I was confused by his new outlook.

"How did you screw up?" she asked cautiously.

"I acted like a child," he said. "I have to admit that I was jealous and insecure. I totally over reached." My mom's brow furrowed as she thought about what he'd said. But to me the message was loud and clear.

"Don, you didn't screw up," she said. "Your reaction was perfectly understandable."

"No," he said. "It was childish and inappropriate. It won't happen again."

"Of course it won't. I've already told you I'm never going to do that again. So you won't have to be jealous," said Mom.

"That's totally up to you," he said coldly. "It's not my business. You're a strong independent woman. You can make your own decisions."

"So let me get this straight," she said. "You've forgiven me, just like that? We can go home together, just like that?"

"I keep trying to get you to see that you have nothing to be forgiven for," he said. "I should be the one asking you to forgive me?"

"What do I need to forgive you for?" she asked. "I don't understand any of this."

"Can't we just drop it?" he asked.

"No," she said. "What did you do wrong? I can't forgive you, if I don't know what you did?"

"I've already told you," he said. "I over reached and I over reacted."

"Pretend, that I'm dumb," said my mother. "Explain to me exactly what you mean by that, please."

"When I say that I over reached, I mean that over the past 14 years, I guess I forgot how we started out. I guess that you had no way of knowing this because I never came right out and said it in words but I've always felt a certain way about you. I guess I projected my feelings for you and kind of assumed that you felt the same way. That was a mistake I won't make again. By over reacted, I acted as if my feelings for you gave me some kind of rights or standing in your life. Again, I'm sorry and it won't happen again. Everything you did was correct and actually considerate when you think about it and I..."

"No, Don," she cried. "You could not possibly be any more wrong, if you tried. I've ruined everything. I just wish I knew how to fix it."

"There's nothing to fix," he said. "The meal was great. I'm going out for a drive. Are you sleeping here or..."

"I'm coming home," said my mom quickly.

My dad hugged me goodbye the way he normally does and nodded at Mom. After he left we just looked at each other. "So what do you think about that?" I asked. "And what are you going to do about it."

"What?" asked my mom. "He's still angry at me. But we'll work our way through it. At least now we have a chance. I can't wait to get into that bed and have him hold me. I really need that. I've been feeling kind of shitty lately."