I Found Mom On a Dating WebsitebyMisterReason©
Hello faithful readers.
The very first part of this story appeared at this site by accident a little while ago when I mistakenly submitted it, so if the initial few paragraphs sound familiar that's the reason.
The entire story is here now, and I thank you for reading as well as for your patience and understanding.
I blame it all on my Psychology 101 professor...
If the old coot didn't cancel one of my classes, I wouldn't have gone home in the middle of the day. If I hadn't gone home when I did that day, I wouldn't have been the one to grab the mail from the box, and when I did - well, let's just say that I'm a curious guy.
So when I saw a letter addressed to my mother with a return address from some outfit called "What's Love Got to Do with It", that curious nature of mine took over. It wasn't junk mail, because if it was I would have just figured that it was the same kind of crap I get inundated with all the time.
This had a stamp on it, not a bulk mail thing, and it looked like a bill was inside. I was dying to open it up to see whether my old lady was actually trying to hook up with guys, but after I tried and failed to read what was inside by holding it up to the light, I had a revelation.
Actually, it wasn't all that brilliant, especially since I'm a freshman in college who will be paying forever for the knowledge I'm getting, but anyway, I said to myself, go to the website you freaking moron.
So I did, but while they had a few pictures of people, none were of my mother. I was welcome to check out everybody on the site, but for that I would have to pay. I was curious, but not that curious, so I forgot about it.
But not for long. Within an hour I signed up for the stupid dating service. Unlike my mother, I used a credit card to pay for it, didn't give my real address and started up a new e-mail account just for this.
After I signed up, I took a closer look at the site, and discovered to my shock that this wasn't a dating service, but a meat market. The ads were pretty much written by people looking for sex. I guess the name of the site pretty much came out and said it, but I hadn't been expecting this.
$19.98 later, I was trolling through the offerings of "What's Love Got To Do With it?", looking through the collection of desperate men women, not sure whether I was hoping to find my mother or not. Part of me was excited but another part of me said, "come on Mom, you can't be that desperate".
I've always considered my mother an attractive woman, but since the old man split about 5 years ago she has let herself go a bit, adding about 20 extra pounds and starting to show the effects of living until 52. She looked good to me though, and I had long harbored fantasies about her.
I was actually happy when I went through the ads of the women of our area and didn't see my mother. Even though I had wasted 20 bucks it was worth it to not have to worry about her trying to hook up with these losers, but then I saw her.
The ad was listed in a region a bit south of us, and if I didn't recognize the picture I wouldn't have known it was my mother because the photo wasn't real clear, she had sunglasses on, and it was from a few years ago to boot. My stomach churned as I read the ad.
LukeWarmMama was the name she had chosen, and in the ad she said that she was a divorced white woman, 48 years of age, and was 5'5" and 135 pounds.
She had fudged a little bit with that, taking 4 years off of her age and maybe deducting 10 pounds or so, but I figured that was probably par for the course with something like this site.
It got worse from there. She had checked the "18-25 male" for the age box, and had checked "any" for race and physical characteristics. If that wasn't bad enough, in the part for a personal comment, while she wasn't as graphic as many of the ads, there was something unsettling about reading this from your mother.
"I only call myself LukeWarmMama because I've been divorced for 5 years and haven't gotten any for a while, so while it might take me a few minutes to remember how to do it, once you get my pilot light lit I'll promise to wear you out. I am VERY open minded and never liked to use the word 'no'."
"Mom," I said softly to the picture on the computer screen.
I knew she still wasn't over the old man taking off like he did, but it wasn't like he was any great shakes or anything. He doesn't contact me much, only on birthdays on stuff like that, because he's too busy with the bimbo he left Mom for, so my allegiance is with her.
Still, seeing a picture of your mother at this sleazy site, and reading how she's willing to do anybody under 25 is unsettling. Also, she uses the word "no" plenty of times with me.
So for the hell of it, I composed an ad for myself, figuring that maybe I would get some laughs for my twenty bucks. I borrowed a picture of some skateboarding dude, and claimed that I was looking for women over 40.
"Looking for mature ladies who can appreciate a young and hung dude," I wrote. "Maybe we can teach each other a few things."
Since my mother claimed that she lived about 40 miles south of where we actually live, I chose the opposite, and said I was about 50 miles north of Albany. That would make my mother feel a little safer, since I was betting she gave a different location because she was afraid to run into a local guy.
After that, I waited. Would my mother contact "YoungFungi", the name I had given myself?
She did not. Only one woman did, and she was a woman that look about 80 and sent me a picture of her with her legs spread wide open along with an offer to sell me her worn panties for $20. So just for the heck of it I send my Mom, or rather LukeWarmMama, a message. I told her I thought she was hot and asked her if she had seen my ad.
The next day she replied.
LukeWarmMama: Hey YoungFungi. Funny name :). Yes I saw your ad. You're cute but I don't want to go to jail over this. I've got panties older than you. Thanks anyway.
I got pissed off, but replied.
YoungFungi: Hey Mama. You said you're looking for somebody 18-25 and I'm 19.
She replied the next night.
LukeWarmMama: Sorry. No offense. This is all new to me, and you're only the second guy to contact me so far.
The wait between messages coming and going was frustrating me, so I suggested we instant message each other. Mom, or LukeWarmMama, said she didn't know how, and I was tempted to go down the hall to the computer room and explain it to her, but instead I explained how she could do it. The next night, she had it figured out.
LukeWarmMama: Hey, this is better. Smart kid. So what's on your mind?
YoungFungi: You. Your picture really got my attention.
LukeWarmMama: Ha! You must need glasses. Cute kid like you, what do you want with a old woman?
YoungFungi: You don't look old to me.
LukeWarmMama: To be honest, the picture is a few years old.
YoungFungi: I'm betting that you aren't getting older but getting better.
LukeWarmMama: You're a charmer, aren't you. Trying to talk my knickers down?
YoungFungi: That's the general idea, isn't it?
LukeWarmMama: Maybe my panties are already off :)
YoungFungi: Naughty. What you are you doing with your pants off?
LukeWarmMama: Looking at your picture. Trying to imagine what a 19 year old guy looks like naked. It's been a few decades since I saw one. Touching myself. Sick huh?
What started off as a joke was becoming something else. It was bad enough that I was screwing around with my mother, but teasing her like this, combined with the fact that if I went down the hall and opened the door I might find her playing with herself while looking at the picture of that anonymous dude, was really getting crazy.
Time to stop.
The only problem was that I wasn't stopping. I was taking my digital camera out and, after making sure that there wasn't going to be anything recognizable in the picture except for an eraser and the top of a newspaper that showed the date, took a couple of myself. Very intimate and specific pictures, and I sent them to her.
YoungFungi: Sent you something Mama. I think you'll like them better than the picture on the website.
There was a delay, and after I sent a message asking whether she got the photos, she came back.
LukeWarmMama: Did you get those pictures from the Internet?
YoungFungi: No. That's me, for better or worse.
LukeWarmMama: How do I know that? Can't see your face.
YoungFungi: I'm shy. Look at the date of the newspaper.
LukeWarmMama: Holy s***!
Young Fungi: It's okay to say shit.
LukeWarmMama: Shit. It's not even hard, is it?
YoungFungi: To be honest, it's sort of halfway. After all, I'm chatting with you, and this is getting me hot.
LukeWarmMama: That's a big dick.
YoungFungi: It will get a little bigger, especially when it gets near you. You like big cocks?
LukeWarmMama: I don't remember. It's been a while. Since before I was married. The one I was attached to for way too long wasn't anything like yours. Even before him, the only one I've had near as big as yours wasn't white.
YoungFungi: Really? You must have been a wild one when you were my age.
LukeWarmMama: I had my moments, but I've been a good girl since then. Too good.
YoungFungi: You want to send me a picture of you?
LukeWarmMama: One like you sent me? I don't know how. Me and computers ... you know?
YoungFungi: Nobody around that can help you?
I asked that, and after I did I tried to imagine how that would work, with Mom coming down to my room to coyly ask about sending photos, but she just said no, she couldn't.
YoungFungi: That's okay. Why don't you tell me about a part of you? The part you like the best.
LukeWarmMama: Well, I guess my breasts are pretty good.
YoungFungi: Your tits?
LukeWarmMama: Yes, my tits :)
YoungFungi: Tell me about them Mama. You don't mind me calling you Mama, do you?
LukeWarmMama: No. That's okay. My tits? Well, I'm not a Kardashian or anything.
YoungFungi: I don't give a shit about bimbos with silicone jugs. I want to feel real tits. Nice big fleshy ones.
LukeWarmMama: Well, they're big alright. I feel like a cow. Wish I had these when I was young. I'm a D cup, and even that's getting a bit snug.
YoungFungi: I'm drooling, in more than one place. Big nipples?
LukeWarmMama: Yes. Very.
YoungFungi: Tell me about your pussy.
LukeWarmMama: It's wet.
LukeWarmMama: I'm dripping.
YoungFungi: Tell me more about it. You have hair down there?
YoungFungi: A lot.
LukeWarmMama: You want me to shave it?
YoungFungi: Not really.
LukeWarmMama: I can trim it if you want. I'm kinda like a bear down there.
YoungFungi: Up to you. I like a nice hairy pussy. What else?
LukeWarmMama: Probably tight again. Haven't had anything in it for five years except my fingers. You'd probably split me in two with that big cock of yours.
YoungFungi: I'd be gentle.
LukeWarmMama: Not too gentle, I hope.
YoungFungi: Why? You like it rough?
LukeWarmMama: A little.
YoungFungi: Mmm... It would be interesting to get together with you sometime.
LukeWarmMama: When can we get together? Tomorrow?
YoungFungi: Uh - no, I can't.
LukeWarmMama: When then?
YoungFungi: Busy the next few days.
LukeWarmMama: Guess I sound a little anxious. It's just that this - chatting like this - is really turning me on.
YoungFungi: Me too.
LukeWarmMama: If you were in front of me right now...
YoungFungi: What would you do?
LukeWarmMama: Anything. I'm so fucking horny I could scream.
YoungFungi: I'd love to hear you scream, especially if I was the one causing it.
LukeWarmMama: Oh, I'm a screamer alright, or at least I used to be. I am up for just about anything though.
YoungFungi: That covers a lot of stuff. Would you like it if I brought a friend with me?
LukeWarmMama: I'd rather just do a one-on-one at first. See how that went. Okay?
YoungFungi: Sure. But you wouldn't mind having a third in the bed some time?
LukeWarmMama: Male or female?
YoungFungi: What would you prefer?
LukeWarmMama: Female, I think.
YoungFungi: Oh, you like girls?
LukeWarmMama: Been a while, but yeah.
YoungFungi: Nice thought. Me doing you doggy style while you go down on this girl I have in mind, a skinny little thing with flaming red hair and freckles.
LukeWarmMama: This isn't fair.
YoungFungi: What isn't?
LukeWarmMama: I was already horny to begin with and now you got me thinking about that kind of scene going on.
YoungFungi: What gets you crazier? Thinking about getting fucked or eating pussy?
LukeWarmMama: Cock, but the other isn't bad either.
YoungFungi: You're a crazy lady.
LukeWarmMama: I've got a lot of wasted time to make up. And like I said, I'll do just about anything. Maybe not anal, because you're so big.
YoungFungi: That's okay.
LukeWarmMama: I'm not kidding. When can we get together?
YoungFungi: Let me get back to you tomorrow night.
LukeWarmMama: Okay. Until then, I've got your pictures.
YoungFungi: What are you going to do with them?
LukeWarmMama: Guess. Good night.
I got up from the computer and went to the door, expecting to see my mother coming out of the sewing room where her computer was, but when she didn't I tiptoed down the hall, ready to duck into the bathroom if she popped out.
She didn't, and suddenly there I was standing just outside the door with my ear to the wood. At first I thought it was my imagination, but then it continued. Faint whimpering sounds, sounds I had made myself many times. The sounds of somebody biting on their shirt or sleeve in an attempt to stifle the sound of what was going to happen.
Some Norman Rockwell family snapshot this was; a teenaged guy outside in the hall with his pajamas down to his knees, stroking his cock while listening to his mother masturbate while unknowingly looking at a picture of her son's dick.
Then a faint squeal came from behind the door, along with a clunk that sounded like her bumping into the keyboard shelf with things falling to the floor. I was cumming then myself, waddling away from the door while trying to catch my ejaculation in my cupped left hand.
My hand was overflowing by the time I made it to my room, somehow managing not to trip over my lowered PJ's as I did. After I caught my breath, I cleaned my hand as best I could and pulled up my pajamas while trying to comprehend all that has taken place.
Good thing too, because I heard Mom out in the hall a moment later, and then she appeared in my doorway, looking rather well composed, all things considered. Much better than I did.
"Honey, do you need to use the bathroom?" Mom asked innocently. "I want to take a shower."
"No, I'm good."
"You all right babe? Coming down with something?"
"Don't think so," I said, trying to hide my flushed face while hoping the stench of my cum wasn't as strong as I thought it was.
Mom went to the bathroom, and after I heard the shower go on I hustled down the hall and into the sewing room. The scene of the seduction, so to speak, and there was the chair she was sitting in while we had chatted.
I pushed the chair away from the turned off computer, and then I was kneeling down on the chair and touching the felt fabric of the seat.
"Holy shit," I mumbled when the unmistakable scent of pussy hit my nose just after my fingers felt the wetness of the chair. "What am I doing?"
I don't know what I was doing, but I know what I did. I licked the damn felt like it was her pussy, and if I didn't hear the shower being turned off I would have licked the fabric covering clear off the chair, so powerful was the effect of it all.
I hurried back into my room before Mom came out of the bathroom, and even though I turned off the light and tried to sleep, sleep didn't come for a long time.
Talk about an information overload! Who knew all of this about Mom? Her being horny? Mom being with girls? Her being wild when she was young? Her being with a guy - well - let's just say with a guy whose big cock had a different pigmentation than mine.
The old man would have shit if he ever heard about that, not exactly being Mr. Tolerant, but screw him. I only hear from the guy on my birthday, Christmas, or when he gets drunk and feels guilty. Tough to put my Mom down for being like - well - being like me. Horny.
The next night, I treated the computer like it was Chernobyl until a little after 8. I got weak, and the little head started thinking for the big one.
LukeWarmMama: Thought you were bored with me.
YoungFungi: You kidding? I've been thinking about you just about non-stop.
LukeWarmMama: So what about it? You and me getting together.
YoungFungi: I like the idea.
LukeWarmMama: So let's make a date. How about Friday?
YoungFungi: Um. No good.
LukeWarmMama: Why do I get the idea that you're just screwing around me?
YoungFungi: Me? No.
LukeWarmMama: Well what's the problem? I'm practically throwing myself at you.
YoungFungi: It's not that.
LukeWarmMama: Look, if it's me you're worried about I'll make it easy on you.
YoungFungi: I don't understand.
LukeWarmMama: I'll meet you somewhere. Someplace public. You can look me over - you don't even have to talk to me - just check me out. If you don't like what you see, turn around and go home. I'll never bother you again. I promise. What do you say?
YoungFungi: Okay, I guess.
LukeWarmMama: Don't sound so excited.
YoungFungi: I'm sorry. I guess I'm just kind of nervous.
LukeWarmMama: You're not a virgin are you?
YoungFungi: Of course not.
LukeWarmMama: If I'm coming on too strong just say so. I'll be anything you want me to be. Want me to play the whore? The innocent? Your teacher? Your friend's mother? Your own mother? I'll do it - I'll play whatever makes it good for you - just don't screw around with me. I get enough crap in real life.
LukeWarmMama: Let's see, you're way north of me. You know Lake George?
LukeWarmMama: There's a place called The Tiki. You know it?
YoungFungi: Been by it.
LukeWarmMama: Saturday night. I'll be in the lounge at 7 o'clock. I'll be sitting by myself. I'll wear red. Take a look, and if you don't like what you see, let's just call this conversation goodbye. No hard feelings. Okay?
LukeWarmMama: Okay. I'm looking forward to this. You have no idea how much.
YoungFungi: Me too.
What had I just done? The question haunted me as I stared at the computer, and luckily I snapped out of my trance when I heard Mom coming down the hall humming, managing to get the image off the screen when she passed my room.
Mom. Poor Mom. She was going to go up to The Tiki Lounge, a relic of the 60's located in the resort village of Lake George, and she was going to sit in the lounge like a piece of meat, hoping that this YoungFungi will find her worthy of his attention.
Serves her right, I told myself. Throwing herself at this anonymous jerk on a website, talking like a slut and willing to do anything to get laid. She deserved to sit there waiting for a young stud on a white horse to sweep her off her feet and fuck her brains out. Who knows, maybe by the end of the night some other equally desperate jerk will take pity on her sitting there alone.
That was wrong. Had I not done pretty much the same thing many times in the past? Willing to do and say anything to a girl in order to get laid? Who was I to take the moral high ground?
Clearly, I had no choice. I needed to make up some excuse before Saturday night. Give YoungFungi a good reason to cancel the date, and never contact her again. A cold, a death in the family, or even worse.