I See You

Another long day at the office. Another stinking hot crush home on the underground. Never quite knowing whether everyone looking through me is a good thing. Wishing there was someone who would just notice me. Just once. A shared smile, even a sneer. I'm sick of being invisible to everyone unless they want photocopying done or another coffee run.

Another night alone in my flat. Moving to the city sure meant more money but what use if that when you've nothing you want to spend it on and no-one to spend time with. Meeting people is so damn hard - and as for guys... I laugh to myself. Yeah, because that's always worked out so well in the past.

It's a hot night so all the windows are open and I'm flopped in just my underwear. It's not like there's anyone here to care, right? By half ten I've had enough of unhappy thoughts for one night and decide it's time for bed. I wander through the flat switching off all the lights and lie down to try and sleep. Nope, that's not going to happen. I stare at the ceiling for a while before getting up to get a glass of water. I can't be bothered to switch the lights back on. I already know this place blindfolded anyway.

As I walk back into the bedroom I glance out of the window across the street into the flat opposite. It's a weird configuration of buildings. Our windows are opposite each other but the rest of my building is on an angle so... What was that? Movement in the darkness opposite? I don't know anything about the person over there. I wonder what they're up to? Probably the same as me. Don't want to blind themselves having got their night vision. Still, that was a weird glint for a second there. I wander back to the living room and dig out my travel binoculars. I lean around the corner into the bedroom and have a quick peek across the street. I convince myself I'm just having a quick look - nothing wrong in...

It's a telephoto lens. A big one. With a camera and...

I step back into the hallway, my heart beating fast. I... What... Different feeling race through me. I feel angry, then numb, then... Then... I suddenly notice I'm breathing deeply. Someone... Someone wants to see me. I start to feel a familiar tingling deep inside. Something I've not felt in so long. I don't know.. I... I'm actually licking my lips. This is crazy. I...

I walk back into the bedroom, my thoughts are whirling. I don't look out the window. I have to shut the curtains. Obviously. I have to... I'm lying on the bed. You can see directly in. You can see me. No-one's seen me in so long.

You can see me. I'm biting my lip. I feel myself tensing up inside. This is so... I can't help but let out a soft moan. I screw my eyes shut. I feel his eyes of me. I want your eyes on me. I want you to watch me.

My hands start moving on my body. I sit up for a moment and unclip my bra and drop it on the floor. My hands are on my breasts. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel you watching me. I'm suddenly so fucking horny. My hand slides into my knickers. I'm so wet. I tease my clit. I feel your eyes on me. I want. I want. I'm gasping. It's been so long. So long. So... You can see me! Oh my god, you can see me touching... An explosive moan escapes my gritted teeth as I buck and shake on the bed. I wipe my fingers on the bed sheets, roll over and am soon deeply asleep.

The next day at work all I can think of is your eyes on me. How your breath must have caught in your throat. Your heart beating faster. How long have you been there? How long have you been watching me, wanting me? How long has your yearning been driving you sit alone and stare - all thoughts of the passage of time lost? Night after night - curtains closed. Nights of nothing but microwave meals and TV. Then... Oh... The nights where... I imagine you losing yourself as you see me. Spread before you, my back arched, my eyes closed. You're shaking even before you fumble your trousers open to free your aching cock. Do you know how long I take? Have you timed me? Do you know how to hold off - biting your lip - so that you don't cum before me? So we climax together. It's so important to you that we're together.

Have you been recording me? Do you watch me on your screen when I'm away or shut the curtains? Is it the same? Do you cum whispering my name? Do you know my name?

My colleagues make a joke at my expense as they call my name a second time. They say I must be thinking about the new hunk in the post room. They don't know that you are the only thing on my mind. They don't know of my damp panties and the desperate itch between my legs.

I laugh it off and say I'm going to get coffee and does anyone else want one? But first I go to ladies and shut myself in a cubical. The second I'm alone I put the lid down, push my jean and knickers quickly to the floor and sit. My eyes squeezed tight, my hands seeking. One to hold me open and the other to seek my clit. I'm so wet. Concentrating so hard on not making a sound. I don't want to take my time. I need to cum - right now - and in less than a minute I do. I don't know your name. I don't know what you look like or anything about you. But I do know you want me - and that's enough to make my whole body convulse with pleasure.

On the way home I stare out the window and wonder what this means. Other people might call the police. Other people might go over and bang on your door to tell you to fuck off. Other people. I'm suddenly glad I'm not other people. It's dark by the time I get home. I switch on all the lights and leave all the curtains open. I have a simple dinner and settle in front of the TV. I wonder what you're doing? It's been hell but I've stopped myself from even looking out the windows in the direction of your building. I don't want you to be scared. I don't want you to stop.

What do I want? I want to give you something - something you want. You've already seen me spread on my bed, who knows how many times. I want to give you... More. I reach for my phone and pull up the app store. I've never done this before. But this is all about new feelings, new actions, a whole new me. My fingers shake while I'm typing. T-I-N-D-E-R. I find myself holding my breath as it installs. I glance at the clock. How can it be 10.45pm already? The app finishes installing and is asking me what I want. I'm not going to tell it what I want - what I need. Instead I'm looking for a stepping stone. I type something about looking for a sweet and gentle guy for one-time casual sex. In seconds my inbox is piling. I pull out two or three good looking guys and start conversations. I make sure that they understand that I want something slow and tender.

Twenty minutes later there's a knock on my door. His name is Matthew but everyone calls him Matt. He's been on Tinder for ages but he's never done anything like this before. He's nervous - he too quickly points out that he's not a virgin. He's sweet - I take an instant liking to him. But I don't want to like him. I don't want to know him. I don't want to remember him. I lie about my name and lead him to the bedroom. The main light is on - the curtains are wide.

He is sweet and gentle. He likes to kiss and appreciates touching me as much as being touched. He gasps when I take him in my mouth. I can only think of how your cock would taste. How you would sound as I licked and sucked you.

I smile for him - he's brought his own condoms and proactively offers to put one on. I encourage him to lie down and quickly mount him. It's been so long since I've had a cock inside me - I'd all but forgotten how it feels. I close my eyes as I ride him. I feel you eyes on me. Oh god. Touch yourself. Imagine it's you - imagine how it would feel, me squeezing your aching cock with my wet pussy.

Matt is talking but I'm not listening. I climb off and turn round to face the other way on hands and knees. He doesn't need an invite. I feel him behind me, his hands on my hips and then once again I'm so full. My head down, my eyes shut. Feeling the intensity rising and rising.

Then I take a deep breath, lift up my head and open my eyes. I'm looking right at you. See me. Please, see me. Is that movement in the room over the street? Did the curtains twitch. I'm moaning loudly now - getting close - but it's because I know you're there. You're with me - you hand on your cock, moving so fast. We're together. My face shows my pleading. I feel you. I cum - hard - gasping. Matt, bless, is right behind me. He's actually a great lover.

I tell him this as I kiss him gently goodnight at the door. Yes, I'm sure I don't want to meet again. Thank you for a wonderful evening. I hope you keep the memory of me forever. I close the door in his face.

I have a hot shower and crawl into bed, turning the lights out at last. I think about you, lying in the dark. You're imagining what it would be like to be on top of me, or under me or behind me or... What it'd be like to be inside of me. Feeling me milk your aching cock. I know you're thinking about me. I feel wanted. I sleep easy.

The next day I close the curtains and go to bed early.

The day after I write you a note. I sit in the dark till 2am and then slide out of the house, dressed in black like a shadow to push it into your flat's letterbox. It says "I know you see me. I want you to see me. I want to see you to. Knock on my door tonight at ten or I'll always close my curtains from now on."

At work the next day I feel sick all day that I've driven you away. How could I be so stupid. I want. I want. I want to see you more than I want to be seen. I want to see you more than I want to be wanted. I tell myself over and over again like a mantra.

That night I feel too nauseous to eat. I change into something simple, just a white t-shirt and blue jeans. I try to watch TV but when shows are done I have no idea what I've been watching. I don't look towards your flat. I don't look anywhere except the TV, the floor, the wall. Somehow by 10pm I force myself to stop looking at the clock every five minutes. I know it's over. I know I've frightened you away. I know.

There's a knock at the door.

It's a quiet tapping. Almost as if the knocker doesn't want to be heard. I don't remember standing up. I don't remember walking, or running, to the door. But I find myself there - my heart in my mouth - trembling. Seconds are passing, I don't want you to think I'm not going to answer. That I'm just humiliating you.

I see the light of the landing under the door. I make a sudden decision to turn the light off in my hallway and then open the door. You're standing there - I take a moment to check this is really happening. You're... Young, black jeans and trainers. Black hoodie pulled down over your face, dark curly hair tumbling out the sides. You hands stuff in front pockets. I'm standing in darkness while you're in the flood of stair lights and my first thought is that you can already see more of me than I can of you. But you've already seen. I wanted you to see. I want you to see.

I pull the door open wider and wait. A heartbeat. Two. Then you're walking towards me. You're in my flat. I wonder what it feels like be to somewhere you've seen so often. Imagined so often. I close the door behind you shutting out the light from outside. You're still looking at your feet.

I stand in front of you in the mostly dark. I can hear your ragged breath. You're shaking, terrified. I put my hand on your wrist and gently pull one of your hands free from a pocket. It's small, cold. Even in this light I see you're black. I blink once, surprised. I squeeze your hand. You look up at me. You look like you're about to be sick.

You're a girl.

I must look as surprised as a feel. You make to pull you hand away and turn towards to the door to run. I let go but at the same time put a hand on the door to hold it closed.

"No."

You look at me again. Your lip trembles. I reach out with both hands and pull down the hood of your top so I can see you properly. My eyes have adjusted to the light. You look like you're building up to speaking. I put a finger to your lips.

"You're beautiful."

You let out a single ragged breath. I take your hand again and lift it to touch my face. Your eyes are wide and staring. I let go and your hand remains there. A heartbeat. Two.

I take your hand once more - "come with me". I lead you into the bedroom. The curtains are open. I close them slowly. "Only you can see me." It's pitch dark for a second then I fumble a box of matches and one blazes into light before being use to light a couple of candles.

You still stand frozen to the spot where I let go of your hand. I'm standing a few feet away. "Can you see me?" A mute nod. "Say it." A pause and a mumbled "Yes." I shake my head. "Say it better." Your eyes seek mine. Louder this time, "I can see you."

I think my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I don't know what to think, what to feel. My fantasies are blown to smithereens but... But... You're here. You want me. I want you to want me. I want. Oh god I want.

I slowly pull my t-shirt over my head and drop it to the floor. Your mouth falls open. I undo my jeans, unzip, push them down and kick them away. "Can you see me?" Your voice cracks, "I can see you." I undo my bra and drop it too. Finally I push my panties down and step out of them. Your voice ragged, "I can see you."

"I want to see you too." You eyes bulge for a moment and I think you're going to run. The candles flicker in the sudden silence. Then you're pulling off your hoodie... Your t-shirt... Your trainers, socks, jeans... You fumble for a moment with your bra-clasp - I imagine your fingers shaking and numb. Your breasts finally free, they're small and wonderful - nipples hard like bullets. I wonder how much longing my expression is showing. Your eyes search my face. I pointedly look between your legs. You knickers are damp. I fancy that I can smell your excitement, but perhaps it's mine.

Then your knickers are gone too and you're standing in front of me. So beautiful. You're staring hard enough to make my combust. You want me. You want me.

"You've seen me. For all I know, many times. Do you want to see me again?" You start to nod but catch yourself, "yes." I become suddenly aware that my voice is shaking too. "I want to see you too. Like you've seen me." Puzzlement crosses your face. I tilt my head to indicate the bed. "Lie down." You walk over and lie on your back, looking up at me..

I move to stand by the foot of the bed. I close my eyes for a second and put my hands on my breasts. I let out a slow ragged breath before breathing in deeply. I caress and lift my breasts, pinch and tug my nipples, teasing myself. I look down at you. "Can you see me?" The words are barely out of your mouth before you reply, "Yes. Yes. I can see you."

I'm lost to the moment, it's so hot I'm burning up. My knees feel weak. I've never been this horny. I think I'm going to die. I want you to need me. I want it so much. For a moment I can't speak. I force myself.

"Do you like what you see?" A gasp, "yes". "Show me, show me what you do when you're watching me. Watch me. Please watch me. Watch me. Watch me."

By this point I've fallen back against the wall. Leaning heavily against it. One hand on my breast. My legs spread, my other hand seeking more. You've locked eyes with me. Your legs bent and wide. Both hands between them. I hear sounds of wet movement. Your back is arched. My fingers are inside myself, the driving against my clit. Over and over. The world is receding, blood rushes in my ears but I can hear you saying over and over, "I see you, I see you."

Stars, My whole body convulses. I'm shouting "fuuuck!". I see you thrashing on the bed.

Silence. Candles flicker.

I stumble to the bed and sit down next to you. You look up at me. You look like you might cry. I motion you to sit up. When you do I wrap you in my arms and hold you tight for a moment. I release you and brush the hair out of your eyes. You look questioningly at me and lean in. I put a finger to your lips.

"Go home."

Every emotion possible fights for possession of your face. You swing yourself off the bed and stand up. Gathering your clothes, you quickly dress. I do the same. You look questioningly at me once more. I smile back at you. "Now I know what it's like when you watch me." Before you can say anything I'm in the hall and have opened the door. You walk past me and out into the stairwell. You take one last look back at me. I smile again and close the door.

I go back into the bedroom, blow out the candles, fall onto the bed fully clothed and sleep the sleep of the dead. When I wake in the morning I can still smell you strongly on the sheets.

I call in sick the next day. I'm numb both inside and out. I go for a swim, do some shopping, some chores, stare at the TV. Everything seem so surreal.

Night roles around. Before I know it it's late almost midnight. I find myself in my bedroom, lights bright, curtains open. Somehow I've spent a whole day not thinking about the night before but now it all floods back. I can't help myself. I'm so full of sensation. I pull my clothes off and stare over at your flat. I ache for you. I want you to see me. I need you to see me. I need you.

I stumble to the living room, grab a piece of paper and a sharpie. Back in the bedroom I hold the paper to the glass.

One word, "Please".

I'm already feeling the blood coursing in my veins. What if you're out. What if after I made you leave you're done. What if?

The outside door of your block flies open. A figure runs across the street. I drop the paper and rush to the dark hallway of my flat. I hear the patter of fast steps on the stairs. Then a pause. A heartbeat. Two. The softest of knocks on the door.

I pull the door open and you're inside. I drop the door to slam shut. You mouth is on mine, my tongue fights yours. Your fingers feel like fire on my skin. I'm pulling your clothes off. We stumble to the bedroom. I thump the lights off on the way past. The only light now coming from the streetlights outside.

Between us we finish pulling off the remainder of your clothes and tumble onto the bed. I feel enclosed. Surrounded. I love it so much. Your mouth is everywhere. On my nipples, my chest, my neck... Your hands follow. I kiss you hand and pull one of your hands between my legs. I cry out as you run your fingers through the wetness there and slide two fingers all the way down inside.

I gasp in your ear "watch me, please watch me." You blink a couple of times and then slow down and sit up onto your haunches. You look down at me and cock your head on one side. Then, agonisingly slowly, you begin to slide your fingers in and out of my aching pussy. "I want you to see me!", I'm gasping. "I can see you", fingers moving faster. "Please. Please watch me." Your gaze becoming more steely with each thrust of your fingers. "I'm watching you. I'm watching you. I can see you. I see you. I see you."

I reach out for you but before my hand can touch your face I'm spasming and bearing down hard on your fingers. Arching off the bed. Falling back to lie, spent. You pull your fingers out of me and put them in your mouth, close your eyes, breath out slowly and swallow before wiping them on the duvet.

I'm panting. My fire receding for now but I want more. So much more. I reach out for you again and pull your face to mine, kissing you deeply. Then I motion you to lie on your back, you oblige. It's my turn for my mouth to be everywhere. I feel you moving under me, your hands in my hair as I kiss down your stomach until I'm between your legs.

The smell of you drives me wild and I pause for a moment. You half sit-up looking concerned but then throw yourself back down with a cry when my tongue first reaches out to you. I caress your clit over and over, alternating with long deep licks between your lips. Your hands bind into my hair, pulling me into you. Your hips arch off the bed. You're almost shouting, "I feel you. I feel you. Fuck. Oh fuck!" You explode under me. I hold you until you're spent.