I Stop Losing

Ed sighed and rubbed the top of the bar with a rag in a nervous tic. "I'm afraid I wasn't being honest with you. This was never about getting the two of you reconciled. I knew that was a pipe dream."

"Then what was it about?" I asked bitterly

"It was about getting you to a point where you could get on with your life. These...choices. These tricks. I wanted you to have a metric...a way of counting things. Every time she decided to go out, every time she chose not to be with you, I knew it would help you see what you needed to do. I never really had any hope for your marriage. Not listening to you. But you maybe I could help. By making her choices so evident, I didn't allow you the comfort of false hopes where she was stringing you along with half promises and assurances."

"Then why didn't you just tell me to divorce her?"

"Would you have?"

I thought about how I was thinking a few weeks ago. "No." I glumly admitted

"But you helped Keith's marriage!" I almost wailed again, but I'm proud to say that I didn't quite get there.

"Keith's wife had a short, three time affair with a co-worker. Yes, she did wrong but she felt guilty. And he was competing against a real person. It wasn't a month long secret affair with a dream lover of long ago. How do you compete with a dream? How do you guilt a person who's without remorse? "

I took a drink and slowly blew out. "She's an addict." I said. Ed nodded sagely. "If you look at it as if Tanner was heroin, then it all makes sense. The sneaking, the choices she made, the lies when she started to get pressured...but how does someone get addicted to another person? Is he that good in bed?" I asked.

Ed shrugged. "He's probably pretty good. But there was this scientist guy named Lorenz. He worked with baby geese. He hatched some eggs and they imprinted on him instead of a goose. They treated him like he was their mother simply because he was the first thing they saw. I gather that Tanner was her first and she's reacting...somewhat strongly. Sex is a powerful stimulus. I don't know enough psychology to know what exactly is going on, but she seems like an addict."

"So, what do I do now?"

"What happened?"

So I explained matters to him.

"So she ran off to Tanner." I nodded. "But that isn't exactly unexpected. She made it clear."

"But now you know that that was always her choice too...and one only SHE could make. Not Tanner. Not Beth. You weren't fighting with Tanner. You were fighting with her. And how can you win that fight?"

Sadly, I just shook my head.

***

I only stayed another hour or so. Ed and a few of the guys commiserated with me and I actually felt some closure.

I was surprised when I pulled into our parking spot when I saw her car was parked there. I frowned. This was unexpected.

Even more unexpected was to have a crying black haired form grabbing me around the waist and holding on as if her life depended on it.

"Ooohh Gahd! It was..." Sob wail cry 'He...he...he...I went there...whine sob cry...and he said to call, but I didn't call because..." torrent of tears.

If you're having trouble following all this, you'll be sympathetic to the fact of what I was going through trying to get sense from her sobs, glub sounds, and the fact that she was pressing her face into my collar when she was saying all of this.

Eventually I got her calmed down enough for a semi rational discussion.

"I was so mad at you for saying those...anyway, I went there and he wasn't expecting me because I was supposed to be going to Memphis with you and it was just too humiliating to let him know that you'd..."

"Get back on track," I said curtly.

"You drove me over there." I let this go to find out what's wrong. "So I went into his place because he's a guy who doesn't need to lock his door...and...and..."

"Yeah?" I was already getting bored.

"And BETH was there fucking him!" She started to wail some more.

I pursed my lips and nodded knowingly. "So that was her angle."

"What?" She looked up at me from her Kleenex.

"I was wondering why she was pushing you to fuck him so much. Why she was trying to get me to roll over."

"What?" She said again. Was she always this stupid or was I just now noticing it, blinded by her good looks?

"I mean that he was probably fucking her first and she was supposed to give him your digits since you two had such a history. I guess if she wanted Tanner cock, she had to run interference for you."

"Why would she do that? She knows he's mi..." She clamped her jaws shut. I gave her a look of disgust.

"I guess someone couldn't shut her fucking mouth about how he was 'sexual perfection' and good old sis wanted to give that a try." She was obviously devastated by this and I was trying to muster a glimmer of sympathy but wasn't raising a spark. "And?" I pressed.

She looked at her hands in her lap. "And nothing."

"Really? A guy like that, who demands to fuck you anyway he wants, who is crowing about how he's putting the horns on me and has you buying hot outfits for him with MY money...he didn't' have any clever suggestions?"

She glowed beet red. "He...he...he..." she started wailing again.

As I thought. Good old Tanner wanted to take the opportunity for Melanie to make a meat sandwich with him and Beth since she burst in unannounced but licking her sister's little clit was probably a bridge too far for Mr. Sexual Perfection. Hence the sobbing wreckage on the sofa, looking at me with the first bit of honest emotional longing I'd seen from her in a long while.

I knew what was coming and I wasn't disappointed. "Honey...we can fix this. I can't...I just can't look at them any more. They...he...betrayed me so horribly. But we're still good. You can still have me. I don't mind...don't mind the condoms. We can counsel or something."

"Honey...?"

***

I moseyed up to the bar. Yes, I moseyed! Deal with it! Ed had my drink there already. I was now a regular, though I wasn't turning into an alcoholic. I came for the companionship.

When I packed my things, I'd taken my wall calendar down, put the legend on it: Blue Check: Faithful Wife, Red X: Tanner's Slut, and mailed it to her folks. She needed help but it wasn't going to be from me.

Her parents invited me to dinner not long after that. They were more sorrow then anger, though when the rage poked out, surprisingly it wasn't at me for disparenging their little girl.

It seems that the first time Melanie had hooked up with Tanner was in school and he'd used her, lived at her apartment, and was such a bad influence that she'd struggled for a couple years with her grades. When he got a job and left, she'd tried to chase him halfway across the country using her parent's credit cards. It wasn't only our relationship she'd disrespected over him.

The second time, she'd been engaged until she'd left her fiancee' for three days with Tanner, playing floozy to him in public. And he just left afterward, leaving her broken hearted and alone again.

They were disappointed in Beth the most. She knew how vulnerable her sister was and to dangle Tanner at her like that was reprehensible. I had the sense that any reconcilliation with either of them and their parents would be a VERY long time coming. They shook my hand, gave me a hug and wished me well. There was no question about what I'd do. The only surprise they showed was how patient I'd been with their daughter.

"She didn't deserve you." her own mother said. I can't think of a worse criticism from your own kin.

Three times she'd had a chance to stand up to her hormones and not take in an abusive piece of shit and three times she'd failed. I'd been patient. Everyone makes a mistake but she seemed to continue to make them and I wasn't going to be the filler fuck between the times that Tanner was in town.

I wasn't losing to Tanner. She was.

Speaking of Tanner, I went to Ed to provide me with an alibi. He turned me down flat.

"You can't do that?"

"Why not?"

"Because it's bad for your soul."

I considered this. "I'm generally a pretty good person. I think I'll risk a bit of tarnish."

He looked at me. "Vengence isn't any good. Now Justice is another matter..."

It seems that as soon as he'd heard the details of my little problem, he'd taken a couple of his patient/patrons/friends (the distinctions really blurred in this place) and they'd done a bit of research.

It seems Mr. Tanner, besides being sexual perfection to rather weak minded women, was also a civilian contractor for the local military base. They were responsible for refurbishing their entire IT structure in some buildings and, surprise, surprise, they were way behind schedule. Jim, who worked on base, thought that was a suspicious crying shame and he discussed the matter with Fraud Waste and Abuse. Long lunches aren' exactly a crime in the military...except when people start to pay attention. Suddenly, the soldiers and other civilian contractors were being asked a good many questions. Things started to tighten up. People had to work harder and explain themselves more. This caused a ruckus where he worked and since Mr. Tanner's abuses were mentioned by name and he'd been bragging about his midday activities, he got blamed by his co-workers for messing up a good gig.

Ed had a word with a Congressman whose son he'd helped with a nasty relationship and the Congresscritter had a word with the base commander. The company had been put on notice. Tanner's name was mentioned prominently.

Hank, a long haul trucker, had stopped by the town that Tanner had originally relocated from. Since he was only here temporarily, he thought he'd poke around. Seems Tanner had a steady girl back there who was pretty serious with him. So much so that he made monthly trips back to see her.

From what I understand, Hank decided to regale a couple of strangers in a coffee house about this cock-hound named Tanner was banging girls left and right on the job in Columbus. The fact that his girl was at the next table was purely a coincidence. If her comments and questioning of Hank were any indication, she had a much less agreeable and long suffering nature then Melanie.

"So that's it?" I asked Ed. "For my marriage, he might lose his job and he might lose his girl? Seems a pretty poor trade for my marriage."

Ed shrugged. "I understand how you feel. But we do what we can, not what we'd like. And Karma has a way of dealing with the Tanners of the world. Besides, it wasn't just him."

I nodded. Melanie was getting her own karma.

She didn't take the divorce well, less so when she found out how much debt we had accumulated. It seems that, like adultery, if your partner accepts your purchases, then they have to be applied equally and except for some cash advances she didn't know about, we now had a good deal of debt.

My job had a lot of upward potential. A teacher? Not so much.

Psychologically she was a wreck too. When Tanner left virutually overnight and pretty much at the same time I did, she didn't take it well if the hospital insurance claims are to be believed. I would like to believe that it was because I left her, but I was no longer into self delusion.

Since her parents had practically disowned her after being foolish enough to throw away her marriage for Tanner, she had to move in with her sister. I wished them all the mutual recriminations that they deserved.

As for me, I got over Melanie rather quickly. I've been going slow with a girl named Tess. She isn't quite as good looking as Melanie was, but she makes me feel good about myself, she's fun to be with, and her idea of sexual perfection is to have me in her bed.

And that's a definition that I can live with.

But you can be sure we talked a great deal about our exes.

***

Epilogue

I finished my drink and decided it was time for a bite to eat. Tess was busy tonight and I was stag. After my meal, I decided to see a movie.

I was in line for the ticket when I saw him. He was a guy with a lost look in his face. He had on a wedding ring but he was at the movies alone. The trace of self loathing was far too familiar.

I wandered over to him. "Hi. You don't know me. But I know you. I was you. You look like you could use a drink. Why don't we toss these stupid movie tickets and go see this guy I know. His name is Ed..."