I Told You So Ch. 06

"How can you make it all sound so...rational?" I asked in frustration. "How can you not be worried about my feelings for him and what it could mean...what could happen?"

He smirked. "I just don't see the point in worrying about something that hasn't happened - something I don't think is likely to happen. And what we all have feels...natural to me. But -" He took a deep breath. "Chels, if you want this to stop, you just have to say the word. We'll both understand. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "Maybe that's the problem," I said despondently. "I don't want it to stop." I forced myself to keep my eyes on his. "I do want him. And I hate that I feel that way - isn't it wrong?"

"No," Ben said firmly. "Maybe it's not traditional or conventional, but I don't think it's wrong. I think if you get past what you think the socially dictated response should be - let go of thinking you should be feeling guilty or bad about it, you'll be able to handle loving both of us without torturing yourself like this."

I sighed. "Joe said something like that to me after that first night," I told him. "I wish I could be like you two and compartmentalize like that. Stupid estrogen."

Ben chuckled. "It's the estrogen that we love about you." He kissed me. "Listen, I feel like it's good advice, if you think you can do it. But if it's too difficult for you to let that go, then we stop. Really."

I leaned into his chest, wrapping my arms around him.

"Just think about it," he murmured, stroking my back.

"I will." I let out a long breath. "But we don't have to stop while I'm thinking about it, right?" I couldn't help asking.

Ben snorted and drew back to look at me. "God, I love you. You're a wanton, sexy, fantastic woman."

I smiled, looking away.

"I mean it, babe," he said, forcing my face up. "You're adventurous and hot and open to almost anything. It's exciting just being around you."

His eyes grew heated as he spoke and we met for a deep kiss.

"But you're so much more than that," he said, caressing my cheek. "You're everything a guy could want - smart and witty and caring. I'm so lucky."

Warmth spread through my chest in an intense pressure that made it difficult to speak.

"I'm the lucky one," I whispered, wishing I had his eloquence. "I don't want to lose you, Ben. You're everything to me."

He hugged me tightly. "You don't have to worry about losing me," he said, his voice muffled by my hair. "We're going to be fine - more than fine. I promise you."

"Okay," I said, feeling better. "I look forward to when you'll say I told you so about this too." I smiled and kissed him.

He laughed and I pulled him to his feet.

"Now, get in the kitchen," I said, slapping his behind. "You promised us dinner."

"Yes, ma'am!" He grinned and left the room.

I was in the bathroom drying my hair when Joe appeared in the doorway.

"Do you need me to get out?" I asked, turning off the hair dryer.

He shook his head. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," I replied hesitantly.

He closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of the tub. I watched him warily.

"Are we okay?" he asked quietly.

My lips parted in surprise. "What did Ben tell you?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing at first, but I kept bugging him," Joe said sheepishly. "I knew something had upset you. He just said you were a little freaked out that he didn't listen to us, that you were afraid it would seem like you were cheating." He watched me expectantly.

I nodded, twisting the dryer cord in my fingers. "Yeah, a little. That's not really the whole of it, though, I guess."

Joe was silent, letting me gather my thoughts.

I met his eyes. "That - moment," I began. "In the hallway..."

It was as if I were watching the memory flash through his mind. His eyes darkened and I could see the pulse beating in his throat. I looked down, nodding.

"That was one hell of a moment," he said wryly, his voice thick.

"Yeah." I let out a shaky laugh. "I guess it's still hard for me to figure out how to deal with this. I really don't want things to change between Ben and me. But - it's confusing. My feelings for Ben...and my feelings for you -"

He stood abruptly, startling me. "How do you feel about me?" His voice was low.

I looked at him, my eyes wide, my mouth opening to speak but no words came.

"Because I love you, Chelsea," he said softly. "And I love what we have together. What we all have," he added. "And I don't want things to change for you and Ben, either."

I knew my mouth was still open in shock and that I probably looked idiotic but I was too paralyzed to move.

"I don't want you to feel guilty. About any of it." He studied me carefully, his hand rising to stroke my cheek. "Do you think you can do that?"

"M-maybe," I stammered. "I'll try."

He smiled sweetly. "I won't force you to answer my question, that wasn't fair of me. But I did want you to know - I mean, I know you already probably knew. But I wanted to say the words. Because I do love you."

"Joe," I whispered, shutting my eyes.

I felt his lips on mine briefly. I opened my eyes when he pulled away. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around him for a hug. His locked his arms around me, one hand cradling my head.

"I don't want things to change for you and me, either," I said. I rested my chin on his chest and looked up at him. "Any of it," I added heatedly.

He grinned in surprise. "Good."