I Told You So Ch. 16

This is the final chapter of Ben, Chelsea, and Joe's story.

What started as a flicker of an idea - two friends sharing a woman - somehow became, when I listened to my characters, a love story.

I expect / fear this story took a surprising path for my readers, one that was possibly unwelcome. If you are disappointed, I am sorry, really. When I began I expected it to go a different way, so I get it. I don't know if the characters followed my lead or if I followed theirs, but ultimately it came about organically and I had to stop questioning it. As Chelsea learned, logical or not, explainable or not, it felt right to me and I couldn't ignore that.

I hope you've enjoyed it overall. I can't thank you enough for all the positive comments and votes – all thoroughly unexpected but so appreciated.

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Oh, a p.s.: I've considered writing this same story from Joe's perspective. I don't know if I could do it justice, narrating as a man since I am a woman ;), but I think it could be interesting. I may start it just to see how easily it comes. Pun intended.

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I don't think it was Joe's intention, but the shock of that day - the news of him leaving the country, his words, that kiss - was the beginning of the end of my malaise. It happened so slowly I didn't recognize it until much later. But for the first time since Ben died I was feeling something else along with the anger or rage or sadness or depression that had been constant. Joe had sparked the memory of how it had been between us - all of us - and there was a flicker of life fighting its way out.

My first call was to Mia. She hugged me and handed me tissues, letting me ramble nonsensically about Ben and Joe and how I didn't know what I was supposed to do or even what I wanted. She held my hand while I made an appointment with her therapist, then came with me and played with Josie in the waiting room for the first several sessions.

I went back to work, which was a struggle at first. There had been a restructuring of my department during my leave and I had a new supervisor, Natasha. I don't know if I believe in kismet or fate, but if I did then certainly she was sent my way for a reason. Natasha, I learned, had also been widowed young and was now remarried. She became a mentor to me, professionally and personally, subtly taking me under her wing. We began meeting at the company gym every morning. We spoke little, but I soon discovered that Natasha could say a lot with very few words.

Joe went to Brussels without us speaking again. I got snippets of news of him from Mia and his parents. He offered his condo to Ben's parents, now retired, while he was gone. They moved to town and saw Josie daily, helping me by picking her up from daycare and generally being doting grandparents. Jay and Moira came to town almost every weekend. Between the four of them, Josie and I were surrounded with family and love and support.

Around three months after returning to my job, I found myself telling some co-workers about the funny thing Josie had said that morning. I heard myself laugh and was so startled by the sound that my breath caught and I ended up having a coughing fit. But I had laughed, I thought, astounded. Around this time my therapist suggested we cut back my sessions to twice a month instead of every week. Mia took me shopping and I splurged on some new clothes and shoes.

I watched Ben's video several times, sometimes sobbing and unable to hear him speak, sometimes crying silently, sometimes just looking at his handsome face and only hearing him say he loved me. I redecorated our bedroom slowly, making just enough changes that it became mine but still held memories of him.

Joe had been away for four and a half months when I saw him again. I was picking Josie up at the condo and walked into the kitchen to see her at the table on Charles's lap, having a video chat with Joe. Their backs were to me, and I could tell by watching Joe that the camera hadn't picked me up, so none of them noticed me. I stopped short at the sound of his voice, my vision taking a few moments to clear before I could focus on him. He was reading Josie a story and she was coloring, only half listening.

He was overdue for a haircut. The light brown waves curled around his head and he kept brushing them off his forehead. There were faint shadows under his eyes - I did the math and realized it was late at night for him. His voice was deep and rich; soothing. I closed my eyes briefly and when I opened them, I saw Susan at the other end of the kitchen watching me with concern and curiosity. We exchanged small smiles but didn't speak.

"Mama!"

Josie had seen me and scrambled out of Charles's lap to run to me. I knelt and hugged her, missing whatever Joe's reaction was to the knowledge that I was there. Josie spoke nonstop about her day and by the time I could redirect my attention, the laptop was closed.

I went home in a state of confusion. Just seeing Joe and hearing his voice had brought back the memory of that last kiss. I could feel his lips on mine as if it had been minutes, not months, ago. The familiar longing reemerged. It grew to the point where I was antsy and unsettled, but couldn't reconcile my feelings of guilt. After Josie went to sleep, I put Ben's video in and sprawled on my bed with my eyes closed, just listening to him.

When it ended, I groped around for the remote with no success so I just lay there. I bolted upright when I heard Ben's voice again.

"Chels, I forgot to tell you something."

I launched myself off the bed until I was inches from the TV, leaning forward anxiously. I watched him with wide eyes, my breath coming in shocked gulps. I had never seen this part of the video.

"Babe," he said regretfully. "Look -" He stopped and shook his head in frustration, letting out a sigh. "Babe, you and Joe belong together."

I gasped and clapped both hands over my mouth. "What?" I whispered.

Ben was nodding as if he'd heard my response. "You guys belong together. I've known it for a long time - a long, long time," he added, his smile bittersweet. "Probably since I first introduced you guys."

"Now, I don't doubt how much you love me or your commitment to me, and maybe it doesn't mean that you and I don't belong together too," he was saying. "But, well - if you're watching this, then..." He shrugged.

"Chels, just - give it a chance. I know what it is between you two, and it's a powerful thing, a great thing. Don't deny it, okay? Don't deny yourself that. Honestly, if you're watching this and I'm – gone...then nothing would make me happier. I mean it, babe."

He brushed a tear from his eye and smiled softly. "I love you, Chelsea."

He sat staring at the camera for a long moment, then his face broke into that breathtaking grin.

"And, I told you so." He winked at me.

I sat there, frozen, as the screen went black again, staring at the TV in case there was more that I had missed previously. But the DVD eventually ended and I knew I had finally heard everything he'd meant to tell me.

It was weeks before I could bring myself to speak of it; weeks of me walking around in a daze trying to digest Ben's words. It wasn't the paralyzing stupor of my depression, but it left me similarly withdrawn and pensive. I could see everyone's concern for me and finally arranged for Josie to spend a night with her grandparents so I could talk to Mia about it. She didn't seem surprised at the revelation and I commented on it.

"No, I'm not surprised," she told me, slightly amused. "Why are you?"

I laughed humorlessly. "I don't know. I shouldn't be - it's typical Ben, after all."

She was watching me thoughtfully but didn't speak for a while.

"What do you want to do about it?" she asked gently.

I looked at her, confusion and anxiety battling with hope inside of me.

"Not what you think you're supposed to want, or what you feel guilty about," she said slowly. "What do you want?"

I blinked back tears. "I want - I want -" I took a shuddering breath. "I miss Joe," I whispered. "I don't know if I know what I want, but I miss him. I want to see him."

She nodded and squeezed my hand.

"How is he?" I asked quietly.

Her eyes shifted from mine momentarily and I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat.

"He's okay, I think," she said. "Actually, he mentioned last time we talked that his company gave him the option of staying for a year, maybe longer, instead of just six months, and he was considering it." She studied me closely.

My brow furrowed in surprise.

"Why would he stay -" I stopped as a thought occurred to me and I looked at her fearfully. "Has - has he met someone? Has he, Mia? Did he meet someone there?" I asked urgently, gripping her arm.

"No!" she assured me. "No - at least, not that he's told me and I think he would. No, I don't think there's anyone else."

I chewed on my lower lip nervously. "But you don't know for sure," I said morosely.

"No, I don't," she said carefully. "But I do know that your reaction to the possibility of it is very revealing."

I met her eyes in surprise. She watched me through lowered lashes, smiling fondly. My heart thumped loudly in my chest and I exhaled slowly.

"Huh," I said.

Mia snorted a laugh. I couldn't help a smile at the look on her face. She had her own version of Ben's 'I told you so' expression, but it was just as obvious.

"Shut up," I told her good-naturedly.

We chuckled and fell into silence.

"He'd come home if you asked him," she told me gently.

I shook my head. "I can't ask him to do that - not without knowing why he's staying," I said in a tight voice. "Even if it's not somebody else - it's probably a great opportunity for his career."

"God, you're stubborn," she said affectionately. "You could go see him," she suggested.

My mouth opened to protest but the words died on my lips at the warning look she gave me.

"You can," she said firmly. "And I think you should."

I realized I was chewing on my fingernail, something I hadn't done in years.

"What if he doesn't want to see me?" I said quietly.

Mia's head shot up. "Chelsea," she said sharply. "Don't be an idiot."

I snickered and she grinned.

"Come on," she said, grabbing my laptop. "Let's look up flights."

Between Mia, Susan, and Charles, we had the whole trip arranged in a matter of days. Natasha was supportive about the last minute time off given I hadn't had the chance to accrue much vacation time since I'd been back. The grandparents would be staying with Josie, and Moira was going to take time off to help as well. I waited until everything was finalized before telling Joe. I'm not sure why; possibly I didn't want to give him the chance to say no. I had his phone number but in the end I sent him a short email, one that I rewrote several times.

Joe,

I need to see you. I want to see you. And I hope you still want to see me. I'm coming to Brussels - my flight and hotel info is below. I'll call you when I get in.

I miss you,

C.

It sounded idiotic, but I sent it anyway, trusting he still knew me well enough to understand. He only sent one brief reply: I can't wait.

The next two weeks simultaneously sped by and dragged on. Mia told me that Joe questioned her about my trip but she only told him to wait and see what happened, knowing I still didn't know what was going on in my head. I managed to have a long heart-to-heart with Susan where she assured me that she and Charles both understood my feelings for Joe and that they knew it was what Ben would have wanted. Moira seemed to be tempering her glee about the possibilities with concern for Susan.

Waiting for my departure date was nerve-wracking. My loved ones' attitudes both helped and hindered - their excitement usually made me more nervous, since I wasn't sure what would happen, what I wanted to happen. The weekend before I was due to leave, I took Josie away for a few nights to a hotel with an indoor water park, relishing time away from the other adults and the quality time with my daughter.

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I arrived in Brussels exhausted, stressed, and very late. A delay had made me miss my connection so instead of getting in on Monday night, I didn't arrive until Tuesday afternoon. During my layover I left a message for Joe at the front desk since it was the middle of the night there, which had the added benefit of avoiding having to speak to him. I was more nervous than I remembered being in my life. After checking into my hotel, I showered and dressed carefully in a wrap dress and a pair of slingback heels. I still wore my wedding band and Joe's ring; the only other jewelry I added were the earrings he had given me for my birthday all those years ago.

My hotel was close to the one where his company had set him up in an executive suite and I decided to walk, hoping the light exercise would settle my nerves. Moira had given me his room number so I went straight there, but there was no answer to my knock. Returning to the lobby to check the time, I realized he would probably be at work for another couple of hours. I adjusted my watch to the local time and sat in the hotel cafe on a plush chair with a magazine open in front of me but not reading.

My eyes had been glued to the doors but I was still shocked when he came in. He was wearing a handsome suit, one I'd never seen before. He'd gotten a haircut. He was looking down at his phone, only glancing up briefly to make sure he wasn't about to walk into anyone. A rush of something - affection, longing, a heartache at the same time painful and sweet - swept through me so powerfully I felt dizzy. How could I have let things come this far, let myself come so close to losing him, too?

I stood quickly and jostled the small table next to my chair, bringing my cup and saucer to the tile floor in an alarming clatter. It seemed like all the ambient noise in the lobby immediately silenced. I felt my face flush and looked at the mess. A waiter appeared just as I knelt down to clean my dishes. He brushed off my apologies and assured me he would take care of it. I stood up again, looking around helplessly, and saw Joe less than five feet from me.

I watched as the emotions flashed across his face: surprise, joy, concern, nervousness. I was paralyzed and tried to smile.

"Kitten," he said, stunned. "You're here."

I took a step toward him and knocked my leg against the chair. Wincing and blushing again, I looked down in frustration to see my purse strap had gotten caught in the heel of my shoe. I sighed angrily as I untangled it, embarrassed by what a fool I was making of myself. When I looked up again Joe was an arm's reach away. He looked at me as if I were a ghost.

"I got in late," I said weakly. "Did you get my message?"

He nodded faintly, then raised a hand and touched my hair lightly, as if trying to convince himself I was really there. I closed my eyes in relief and leaned my head into his hand. When I met his eyes, they were full of warmth and affection. My stomach fluttered, my heart beating so loudly in my chest I could almost hear it echoing around the hotel lobby. He moved his thumb to my cheek, stroking it lightly. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I bit my lip.

"Joe -" I started in a whisper.

He stopped me with a hug so powerful I was lifted off the ground. I wound my arms around his neck and pressed my face against him, inhaling deeply.

"Chelsea...Chelsea," he murmured repeatedly, his face buried in my hair.

We might have stayed like that all night if we hadn't heard the polite throat-clearing behind us. Without releasing me, Joe lifted his head and we both turned to see the waiter smiling at us. Before I could speak, Joe asked him to bill his room for my coffee and the waiter gave a precise nod before walking away. Joe looked at me again, still holding me in the air, cupping my cheek with his hand.

"Will you come upstairs?" he asked softly.

I nodded. He surprised me by shifting his arm under my knees and bending down so I could grab my purse, then carrying me to the elevators. I just watched him, mesmerized, not even thinking about what kind of scene we were making. He put me on my feet once in the elevator, wrapping his arms around me so that I was pressed against him securely.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I was terrible to you."

His brow wrinkled in concern. "Chelsea, you don't need to apologize. You've been through hell."

"Yeah, but so have you," I replied. "I shouldn't have pushed you away."

"Well, maybe," he agreed. "But you needed to figure out how to deal with it." He studied my eyes. "Have you -" He shook his head. "I mean -"

He let out a shaky breath, his eyes searching my face apprehensively. He rested his fingers on my cheek, so light it was a whisper of contact but warmth spread over me quickly as if fire were coming out of his fingertips.

"Why did you come?"

I swallowed hard. "I - honestly, I wasn't sure why I was coming, I just knew I had to. I didn't know what - what to hope for..." I pressed my lips together, trying to find the words. "I just knew I missed you and needed to see you. And then when I saw you -" I stopped, blinking rapidly.

My heart was in my throat and my stomach was twisting so much it was making me feel queasy. I didn't know how to put my emotions into words. I was so scared that I had ruined things permanently. Steeling my nerves, I reminded myself that I had flown to another country for this man, and to hold anything back out of fear now would be pointless. Joe was watching me patiently and I tried to smile.

"When I saw you - I knew what an idiot I've been." I took a shuddering breath. "I love you, Joe. And I want to be with you. If that's what you want," I added quickly. "I mean, I understand if I've fucked things up -"

He placed his fingers on my lips to stop me. I looked at him nervously, trying to read his expression. The elevator dinged and the doors opened but I still couldn't tear my eyes from his. He led me into the hall and stopped, pressing my back gently against the wall between the elevators. Resting his hands on the wall on either side of me, he hovered over me, filling my vision with his large frame. I tilted my head back to the wall, soaking him in.

"I understand what you've been through, Chels," he said quietly. "I understand why you acted the way you did...but it tore me up."

I squeezed my eyes shut briefly in pain. "I'm so sorry."

"I know, and so am I," he told me. "I could have handled things better. I'm really sorry."

He swallowed, staring at me regretfully. I nodded.

"I just need to know - Chelsea, I need to know if you're really sure. Because I love you and I want a future with you and if you're not -"

This time I silenced him by covering his mouth. If I hadn't been sure before in the lobby, I was now. The sight of him, the feel of his arms around me...I knew. I felt a flash of annoyance at myself for taking so long to realize it, but now that I had, I didn't want to waste any more time.

"I'm sure," I said firmly. I cupped his face in my hands. "I'm sure. Whatever happens, I want you there with me, by my side for it."

He covered one of my hands with his own, his eyes becoming heated. "Kitten," he whispered. "I do love you..."

I watched as his head lowered to mine, my breath speeding up with the anticipation of feeling his lips again. Just then the elevator dinged loudly and people came into the hall. Joe straightened up and we laughed awkwardly, nodding to the other guests as they passed. He took my hand and looked at the floor before meeting my gaze.

"Would you think I'm just the worst kind of cad if I tell you I can't wait one more second to get you into bed?" A faint blush spread over his cheeks as he spoke.