I Took A Memory To Lunch.

"I wish Tina and I were, but in the last few years I've got the feeling we've just been going through the motions."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, Tina's been more interested in the children than she is in me."

"Jesus Christ! Sorry, Josh; one of Betty's blasphemies. Of course you have to take a back seat for a few years. But that don't mean that Tina doesn't love you just as much as she always has or anything; it's just how life develops. Give it a few more years and the children will be gone and Tina will still be there for you."

"Oh Christ, Marty, I don't think it's really Tina; it's me. In the last couple of years I've been thinking that I made a big mistake."

"What kind of a mistake? You haven't been playing away, and painted yourself into a corner, have you? Look my friend, having a little fun of the side is all right; not that I've ever been tempted. But it's stupid getting yourself in too deep."

"Hey, shit, no, it's nothing like that! I've just begun to think that I married the wrong woman."

I have no idea why I voiced my innermost concern to Marty. To be honest I hardly knew the guy; except that he was my boss and someone I hadn't talked to in... well, someone I'd never spoken to personally before; I don't think. But he was someone who brought memories of my youth, back to mind.

"I'm sorry, Josh; I don't understand what your problem is."

"I'm not sure that I do either Marty. It's like I've got the seven-year-itch or something. Everything is kind-a mixed up in my head, lately."

Marty placed his elbows on my desk and rested his chin on his hands for a while, obviously thinking.

"I'm not sure what to say to you, Josh. But maybe you should see a... doctor or something."

"A shrink?"

"You said the word, Josh, not me. Look I know a good man; he looked after my sister when she got divorced; straightened her out like greased lightning. If you're feeling as confused about your marriage as you sound then it can't do any harm to have a word or two with him. What'd you say, shall I give the bugger a call." Marty asked, picking the telephone up anyway, before I'd had a chance to answer.

"I don't know, Marty. I don't know that I should have told you about this."

"Well I do. Look, Josh, you were there for me once when I needed you. Now I... and Jetta are going to be here for you... and Tina." Marty was hitting buttons on the phone before he finished speaking.

I sat there in amazement whilst Marty called his sister and got the shrink's number. I noted that he never told her why he wanted the number. Then he called the shrink in question whose name sounded foreign, Jewish and completely unpronounceable; or in other words I have no intention of making a bigger fool of myself by trying to spell it here.

Marty asked me to go and get a couple of coffees whilst he actually spoke to the man. When I returned from the department's small kitchen, I found that Betty had joined Marty in my office. But I was extremely aware that they stopped speaking and Betty turned to leave as I entered.

"I want you to clear Josh's diary for today, Betty, he's having the rest of the day off. Refer anyone who has any objections to me, will you?" Marty said to her before she closed the door.

"Right it's all fixed up, Josh. I want you to head off to town right away; charge a nice lunch to the company and be at the good doctors office at three o'clock sharp."

"But Marty..."

"No buts, Josh! I want our Human Resources manager to worry about our staff not himself or his marriage. You get yourself up town and see what the good doctor makes of your problem. Personally I think you are probably making a mountain out of a molehill. You've got yourself in a rut here in this damned office and you're making the mistake of taking the job home with you."

I wasn't at all sure that Martin had understood my problem at all. But I thought that his motive was good, so I agreed to go meet this shrink he wanted me to see. After we drank the coffee, Marty walked me down to the office's main entrance; possibly to make sure that I actually left the building, I had left a great pile of work on my desk.

As it turned out I never did see the bleeding shrink anyway, although I met him at a party some months later.

I was quite surprised that it was only eleven o'clock when I boarded the train up town. Exactly why I got off the underground at Marble Arch and began to walk the length of Oxford Street - reputedly the longest shopping street in the world -- I have no idea. Perhaps I was subconsciously looking to waste some time; I had over three hours before my appointment.

Anyway I'd probably walked half the roads length, causally looking into shop windows - and wondering whether some bugger was going to try to lift my wallet - when I saw her coming out of a boutique; followed by a young sales assistant carrying several large carrier bags.

I recognised her straight away, Marion Holden looked almost exactly the same as she had the last time I'd seen her some seventeen years before. The same long blond hair and short dress that showed off those shapely legs of hers. The same almost permanent smile pasted onto her face. And she had the same effect on me that she'd always had; my heart skipped a couple of beats.

I'm not sure how long I stood there like a dummy, whilst Marion waited at the curb, in the almost vain hope that an empty cab would come along; but eventually one did.

Marion opened the cab's door. Then - as she turned to take her purchases from the shop assistant - she must have caught sight of the dummy standing there out of the corner of her eye. For just a couple of seconds she looked directly at me.

Losing her composure for almost exactly the same period of time, "Joshua!" she suddenly screamed out, at the same instant as an expression of recognition came over her face. She shouted my name so loudly that everyone within several hundred yards turned to see who was getting murdered.

Then - ignoring the bags the young woman was proffering for her to take and her cab -- she closed the five-yard gap between us and stood before me smiling.

"It is you, isn't it, Joshua? My, it's been so long. What are you doing in town?" She finally asked, in quick succession.

"Hi Marion. I didn't expect to run into you today."

To be honest I had some difficulty in knowing what to say to her. What do you say to the great love of your life when you unexpectedly meet her after so many years?

I'm not sure I can tell you exactly when Marion and I first met. Much like Martin Goldman, it was like she'd always been around somewhere when I'd been a kid. But as we got older and puberty raised its ugly head... Well, let's just say that Marion developed rather suddenly and caught just about every young guy's eye well before most of the other local girls in our peer group did.

What made Marion first tilt her hat in my direction, I have no idea? She was just about the most desirable girl around; but for a long time I had no clue that she was interested in me. But by the time we were about fifteen or sixteen -- or so I've been told -- it was pretty obvious to just about everyone else in the world, except me!

All right, I'll admit it, I was a late developer. I was still into racing model cars and aircraft, or playing footy when most of my mates were enthusiastically -- if-not tentatively -- dating girls. And I don't think their interest in the girls they dated had anything to do with intelligent conversation.

Anyway it was at -- or rather after - a football match that Marion and I first got together. I'd just scored my third goal of a proverbial hat-trick in the match and was undergoing the usual enthusiastic congratulations from the rest of the team. Smacks on the back and -- quite painful - punches on my arms etc; we didn't go in for all that hugging the guys seem to do nowadays.

When suddenly Marion appeared on the pitch, threw her arms around my neck and snogged me like it was going out of style.

Now by then I wasn't as completely inexperienced as you might have assumed - from what I said earlier - with females. I dated a couple of girls, basically just to fit in with the rest of the guys and avert any suggestion that I might sail up wind. Things were different back then and any young guy with reasonable looks, who didn't date girls, could find himself inappropriately labelled.

But standing there on the football pitch that day, I suddenly realised what this dating lark was really about. It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but love -- or maybe lust - at first kiss!

That was the first time a kiss from any girl had instantly got my attention, in more ways than I care to explain here. Rather embarrassing when you're standing in the middle or the pitch, wearing those thin football shorts and surrounded by onlookers.

I walked Marion home that day after the match. Well not exactly straight home we kind-a took a stroll around the park, if you get the idea. I know we both got an ear bashing from her old man because she was a few minutes late for her curfew. That was to become a regular occurrence over the next few years, until we got older and the old sod gave up trying to enforce Marion's curfew.

From that day hence Marion and I were -- what was commonly known as -- an item. The model racing cars stayed in my bedroom cupboard. The radio controlled aircraft hung forlornly from my bedroom ceiling. Even football took a back seat to Marion and being with her.

The only sport that stayed on the agenda was fishing; usually night fishing. And the reason Marion and I went so often, was that I had a dandy little dome tent that I used to keep the rain off. Well, lets be sensible here, you might gather that sod-all in the way of fishing got done, but that dome tent offered Marion and I possibly the best privacy and seclusion that we got for a few years.

Now, I'm not going to claim our relationship was all sweetness and light. Yeah the sex was good and was the usual way we settled our disagreements. Or maybe we couldn't keep our hands off each other when we did get around to settling those stupid and inexplicably too frequent arguments. The cause of which - if I am being honest - had completely escaped my memory over the years. The make-up sex, I remembered, was extremely good though.

Marion and I had been together for about four years when it went sour on us. When I thought back, I could never recall what that last row was all about really. I could remember that we were in a nightclub and Marion was dancing with her girlfriends whilst I propped the bar up with the guys.

It could have been the fact that I'd imbibed too much. Or it might be that the fact that I had knocked back so many is the reason that I can't remember what exactly happened. Anyway late in the evening Marion and I got into a real ding-dong over something. Somehow we blamed each other for the argument and were insisting that the other should apologise.

That's where it ended. For weeks I sat at home waiting for Marion to call, and I've been told since, that she was doing exactly the same thing. The problem apparently was that we were both too stubborn to back down.

Weeks turned into months and as more time passed, the angrier I got that she wouldn't apologise. I couldn't very well back-down and apologies to Marion because... Well, I had no idea what the hell we'd argued about in the first place. You get the idea, like a catch twenty-two question; I had to take into consideration the point that I might have been -- and probably was - in the right. Oh, the logic of youth!

Eventually the rift between us got so wide that we started dating other people. I don't know who dated first, but once the game of making each other jealous got underway. Someone had to be the winner. Since then I've realised that neither of us won anything.

Oh yeah, after a year or so you could say I won Christina. I'd even thought that I loved her for many years. But lately -- in the last year or so -- I'd been dreaming of Marion again.

"Me you neither. have you got time for a coffee or something?" She asked

"Well actually Marion, I was looking for somewhere to have lunch; before I go to an appointment I've got this afternoon."

"Lunch, yes. That's a good idea. We could do lunch and we can tell each other all about what we've been up to since we last saw each other. Where are you going to take me?"

You know, I was in Marion's taxi heading for the Dorchester, before I really knew what was happening. No, we weren't going to eat lunch there; Marion was apparently staying there and wanted to dispose of all that shopping the young assistant had been carrying.

Having dropped her morning's purchases with a bemused looking flunky at the Dorchester's entrance, we headed on to a restaurant down near Victoria somewhere that Marion assured me served the best lunchtime steaks in London.

Marion had obviously remembered my penchant for a good - and very plainly grilled -- steak. She even ordered for me -- with a wink and smile - when we'd seated ourselves, although she left the choice of wine to me.

"See it might be longer than either of us care to remember. But I still know what my Josh likes." She grinned at me after ordering my medium to well done steak, with no added sauces.

As far as I'm concerned, only a fool destroys the flavour of a good Aberdeen Angus, by pouring some sauce the chef has come up with over it. For herself Marion ordered some vegetarian concoction.

"Still a veggie Marion?" I asked.

"In public, Josh. I still enjoy chewing on a nice big sausage in private."

I'm not sure why I ignored the obvious innuendo in Marion's comment about sausages. Possibly I was too busy staring into those gorgeous green eyes and fighting back the tears for what might have been, for it to have registered properly.

I could see that those same wistful tears kept re-appearing in the corner of Marion's eyes as we recalled all the good times we spent together in detail, over our meal.

After the meal, we moved into the restaurant's bar; all thought of my appointment with the doctor discarded by then. I had other things on my mind.

Eventually we got to the point in our mutual recollections of that evening in the nightclub. Neither could recall why we had fought that night. But we both admitted that we'd been too stubborn to call the other and apologise with wry smiles on our faces.

What made me notice Marion's wedding ring at that time I'm not sure. Maybe I was thinking that before very much longer I was convinced we were going to be heading for a bed somewhere. Yeah that's how intimate our conversation had become.

"So how are things with you, still married?" I asked, it couldn't hurt to find out the state of Marion's marital commitment, and it was only gentlemanly for me to point out mine; if she enquired. God knows, I knew too many guys who'd bedded women without spelling out the true situation. If Marion asked then I'd lay it on the line as honestly as I could.

"Well, only just. The divorce becomes final in about three weeks. Took some time because my latest has been so selfish about the finances. I do hate it when these things get messy, don't you?"

"Um, I haven't ever been divorced Marion. And to be honest with you, I only know a couple of people who are."

"Oh this is my third; but William has been really silly and selfish about my settlement. God the man, well his company, is worth a couple of billion and he's been arguing over two million I wanted."

"Tight fisted bugger." I commented somewhat tongue in cheek. Only I don't think Marion picked up on the joke. "How long were you married?"

"Four years; but we only lived together for about eighteen months before I got wind of his antics with some starlet actress. If I'd been a little more patient, I'd have been able to get rid of him sooner. But when I found out, I'd already made the mistake of bedding my personal trainer; I'm sure William put the sod up to it! Anyway, net result, I'm only getting eight-hundred thousand in cash. And forty thousand a year alimony." She added as an afterthought.

"Not very sporting of him, was it?" I commented, once again tongue in cheek; I was having trouble comprehending what Marion was saying to me.

There I was sitting in a plush restaurant with the first woman I ever fell in love with. Marion was that woman I stilled dreamed about; her, the times we spent together and the plans we'd made for our life together.

"Lucky you never had any children with William. That really would have put the cat among the pigeons. Might have got you another few grand though." I kind of threw into the conversation, just for something to say really. I've no idea how, but somehow I knew that there weren't going to be any children; from that marriage anyway.

"Kids, good heavens no, I don't want anymore of them. I had one with my first husband; you'd never believe what it did to my figure. I nearly killed myself getting it back. I think I would have killed myself if I hadn't been able to.

"My wife never seemed to have too much trouble. We have three you know, and she's just as trim in her figure now, as she's ever been." I surprised myself; I was suddenly and inexplicably feeling very proud of my Christina.

"Oh my god, horrible little things," Marion said pulling a contorted face, "all those disgusting nappies to change and that waking you up during the night. I couldn't stomach that; made my first husband hire a nanny; two nannies to be precise; one for days, and one for the nights."

"How old is your child now; what did you have a boy or girl?" I found myself asking.

"Oh god I don't know, ten, twelve or something like that. I haven't seen the little cow since I divorced her father. She was always whining about something." Marion replied with a look of distain on her face.

Very suddenly I felt a complete fool. This was the woman I'd secretly worshipped all those years. And she was the most selfish and contemptuous woman I'd ever met.

What had happened to that lovely young woman who'd been the first I'd ever taken to bed, I was asking myself. Then the realisation struck me. I hadn't taken her to bed; she'd seduced me that night. I had been top dog in my circle of friends and she'd latched on to me.

Then the question of why Marion and I had really broken up entered my mind again. The answer -- long suppressed in my memory - was simple, I'd objected to her selfishness and constant flirting.

Suddenly I was thinking about all those arguments we'd had again, they could all be put down to one of those two things. And if I thought about it, the guys she flirted with, they were guys, either from money or who had more ready cash than I did. I suddenly realised that I'd been nothing more than a stepping-stone to Marion; the same as all of her apparently numerous husbands had turned out to have been.

"Oh my god! Look at the time; I'm late for my appointment." I found myself saying, as I rushed down the last of my drink. "Look, Marion; please excuse me, I must rush or there'll be hell to pay." I said before dashing over to the bar and settling the bill.

"You really have to go?" She asked following me to the till.

"Yeah I'm sorry, work you know. I've got a lot of responsibilities nowadays."

"Will you call me? I'm at the Dorchester for another week."

"Sure thing, Marion; we'll get together again soon when I have more time." I lied. I just wanted to get as far away from this woman as soon as I possibly could.

Outside the restaurant I called Marion a taxi but did not join her in it. I told her that the underground would get me to my appointment quicker. An excuse she appeared to accept. Then I took off as fast as I could run for the nearest station.

From a payphone at the Underground Station, I called the doctor and apologised to his receptionist for missing my appointment.