I Wish, I Wasn't

I really wish I wasn't so attracted to him. This is the third time this month I've been in this situation. After he broke up with me I found it so bad to still want him even though were not together, yet even though during the day we were not together, when night fell and I became lonely, I found myself in his arms. I guess I've just com to see it as a way of sharing the passion of our relationship, still show our feelings to each other, but not be...together.

He looked so sexy on the couch leaning so his back was arched over the arm...he was sitting up staring at me wearing nothing but his sweats and the bulge underneath them. And me, I was stripped down to my bra and panties, standing by, just waiting.

I flashed back to when we were younger. He was at our other friend's house I came to meet him. Him and Robert had been smokin weed and he had a wine cooler, and soon came down to stairs and joined me on the couch.

"Hey baby."

"Hey," he said calmly.

He sat on the other side, then handed me the bottle

"You high baby?"

"Yeah." he smiled at me, "I'm high enough to feel it, but sober enough to do this..." and he jumped over to me, on top of me.

Spreading my legs with his knees, putting his hands on my waist caressing me. His lips planting kisses on my neck, then soon my lips, and his tongue danced with mine as he took over me.

"Come sit on my lap baby."

And I went to him; he put his hands on my thighs as I lowered myself onto him, my hands were on his chest, I leaned into him and buried my face in his chest. It was so securing. His hands guided themselves down my back and to my ass. "Such a beautiful chocolate ass." he kissed my cheek. "Mine."

"Yes love" I swooned.

His hands traveled back up my back, "So beautiful.." he whispered.

He let his hands unhook my bra and he pulled it off me. "Sexy...chocolate drop nipples." he played with them in his fingers causing me to sit up

"Mm..." he gestured for me to lift myself up, and then lower myself down.

As I did I realized he had aligned his dick with my pussy, so I found myself sliding onto him.

"Ohh..." I quietly moaned.

He made this face; he always did when he was in. It was so curious but at the same time so direct. You could see the pleasure in his face as his eyes opened and his mouth formed an "o". For a moment I didn't move and neither did he we just laid, but then once more he gestured for me to sit up.

"Baby what are you...ooh..." The feeling of his tongue on my nipple silenced me I started grinding on him in response. His tongue turned into his wet warm mouth as he began to suck on my nipples rhymthically with my slow grind. He bit down hard, "Mm..." then stopped "You can lay back down baby" and I did.

"This still all makes me very...nervous" I say between breaths.

"I know...but I'm not ready yet."

"Not ready to love me or not ready to give up the sex?" he moves one of the hands off my waist then sits me up and he tenderly strokes my cheek. "I'll always love you...I'm just not ready for us right now I still need time to myself."

"Mm...then if you restrict yourself from calling me baby, or holding me then why do you do it when we're having sex?"

"I may not be with you...but I still love you, I don't want or need anybody else. And that includes sex."

"I want you back..."

"You mean a lot to me, your so special...your my goddess and deserved to be treated like one...but I'm not ready to be everything you need right now."

"I don't care."

"But I do." our grind was still slow, and I was staring to be disappointed.

I couldn't go long without his touch..his love...I fell in love with him the way he was. He was more caring and devoted to me in the beginning but I knew he was just restless...but I wanted to mean to him now what I meant then.

"I'm still your baby?" I whispered.

He pulls me closer and kisses me "Always." we kissed. "But for now, shh...And let me have you." we picked up our pace, and our breathing became harder.

I was in love with this man, I thought, and he makes me feel so good... and I'm his baby...

Before long he started to out pace me, with my orgasm quickly building, I lost the ability to move with him.

"Lay all the way down baby."

He started panting with heavier breaths, and I was barely breathing at all. He now has his hands on my ass digging his fingers into the flesh as he continued to pleasure me.

"Ohh yes...oh yes baby..." I moan.

"That's it baby...cum all over my dick." that pushed me over the edge and I had my release

"Ooh! Oh god baby...go deeper please baby...deeper."

I felt him cum in me as he followed my direction. We slowed down, out of breath, tired, and still so filled with passion.

"I got mine, you go yours." he smiles.

He strokes my hair as I bury my face in his chest.

"How long are we gonna keep this up?"

He runs his hand over my face, "Until you want me to stop." he kisses my cheek, I kiss his forehead, "Oh baby." then we drift fast asleep.