iCoud and the Iron Corset

Vicky then handed the judge the second picture, Picture B.

"This is a selfie—a picture of my own pussy which my husband has seen hundreds of times. I admit they look alike. But look closely and you will that there is a slight difference: a tattoo on the mound. Adele and John knew that if this picture was studied more closely, their game would be up, and so they deleted the picture from all their devices. But they forgot to delete it from their iCloud photo library."

"Have you conducted a more detailed investigation, perhaps sought scientific evidence to support your defence?" the judge asked.

"No, your honour. That was not necessary. I can, if need be, produce a written statement from the body art studio at which my tattoo was done, confirming that a girl came to the studio and asked for a butterfly tattoo. She showed them some samples, and requested that a temporary version of the one I have be done.

"I tracked down the girl, and found that she is an escort. Her size and hair are similar to mine. She told me that a couple had paid her to have the temporary tattoo done. They provided her with a rental car, and told her to arrive at their flat at six thirty on the evening in question. I have a written statement confirming her story. I think, I have proven that I have not cheated on my husband.

"Could you please grant my husband his wish."

I jumped up from my chair.

"No. Your Honour, I'm sorry, I did not give my wife a chance to say her piece, nor did help her to solve this mystery. I felt totally humiliated. I could not look anyone in the eye, I ran away for my own sanity. I want to tell Vicky that I'm very sorry."

"I love you so much. Please forgive me for doubting you. I should have known better. I should have known that you would not do this to me. I'm so sorry. Please let me be your husband again. I won't ever fail you again."

"Mrs Matheson, any comments? Do you wish to give your husband another chance?" the judge asked.

"No, Your Honour. On good days, my husband is a very nice man to be around. He is excellent at his job. He should have known that something was wrong with the story Adele and John had told him. He knew there was bad blood between John and him, since his recent promotion. But he believed the story. I need a partner with enough backbone to fight though turmoil. Someone who runs and hides is of little use to me."

That she thought me a spineless coward hurt a lot. I had to try again. "Your Honour, could you perhaps order us to get counselling so that we can get through this conflict?"

"Mrs Matheson?"

"That would be waste of time, Your Honour. If we were to recover form this situation, there would have to be a foundation of respect to rebuild our relationship on. Michael's reaction to the accusations proved that he does not respect me."

"Fine, In that case, I have no choice but to grant the divorce. You will have to agree on how to divide your assets."

"Reaching agreement will be difficult," I said. "I have every intention to fight for this marriage, regardless of what Vicky had to say."

"Michael, please note that you are in no position to fight me at this point. For your information, I have arranged for all Adele and John's assets—including their flat—to be attached. I intend suing them for defamation of character. You will play an important role in that process. If you wish to come out of this with a shred of creditability you need to take my advice, and do as requested. If you don't, I will make things very difficult for you. I can promise you that.

"Sign the division of assets agreement. I have no intention of being unfair to you."

"Mr Matheson, I know your wife. She has argued before me on many occasions. I can promise you that she isn't a pussycat in court. She is an excellent lawyer. I will grant the divorce. Your wife is correct, you don't have what she has: sharp claws and a solid backbone. If I were you, I would consider getting myself an iron corset."

The End

Note: Sir Alec Douglas Home became prime minister of the United Kingdom in 1963. Shortly after taking office he said in an interview that he was the only politician who could prove that he had a backbone: In his youth he had contracted spinal tuberculosis and as a result he had to wear an iron corset.