Identity Ch. 04: Chet's Journal

"Asato? Asato! Asato!"

December 9, 2008

"His condition is now stable. We'll conduct more tests on him to find out more about his condition when he's fully conscious."

"Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much." Misaki Takamura wiped tears away from her eyes, not caring about her smeared mascara. Her husband patted her slim shoulders comfortingly, his distraught-looking face finally relaxing after hearing the news.

I watched them with a sense of impending guilt, but I was more than relieved to hear that he was going to be alright.

"You!" The petite Japanese female whirled on me, barely restrained anger evident in those stormy eyes. "Haven't you done enough? You turned him against our family, turned him into a hom-, like yourtype-" she spat.

"- and now this? Haven't you caused us enough misery and pain? Why aren't you the one lying on that hospital bed? Why is it our son? Why didn't you just die?!"

Her husband pulled her sobbing form into his embrace, calmly soothing her. His eyes met mine, but they were cold and unwelcome.Leave. Don't ever come back. Don't ever come near our son again.

Quietly, I left the hospital. They were right. If it hadn't been for me, Asato would still be safe at home, hanging out with his friends or partying at some club somewhere. I was the one who caused his accident, and I could never forgive myself.

Still, I was worried about him and came to visit him right before closing hours, not that he ever saw me. One night, his doctor did, though.

"Why, hello. I always see you here around this time of day. Don't you want to go in and say hi?" The grey-haired man smiled kindly at me.

Well, he wouldn't smile at me that way if he knew that I was the one who injured my beautiful Asato.

"No, it's fine. I just came to see how he was doing."

The smile didn't fade. "It's good that Asato has someone who cares about him so much."

I shook my head. It wasn't that. It was all my fault. "Yeah. Sorry, I have to go." I turned to hurry away, but was stopped by the old man.

"His parents were very worried about him. They told me not to allow you to see him, that you're bad influence. Are you?" Perceptive hawk-like eyes assessed me coolly.

My voice became a mere whisper. "Yes. Yes, I am." I bowed my head in shame.

His smile widened, showing a dimple at his left cheek. "Well, let's pretend I didn't hear that. I'm not really allowed to reveal his current state to strangers but would you like to know?"

Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "Asato has had a very severe blow to his head. He remembers his parents, but not anything else. Unless you grew up with him as a child, he probably won't remember you."

Stunned, I looked down at my hands; they were trembling. He wouldn't remember. Not anything about us. He wouldn't recall my confession to him, or his answering kiss, nor would he remember the first time he made love to me or the ring he gave me as a Valentine's gift.

I smiled through my tears and nodded. It was really for the best, wasn't it? This was simply God's way of telling me that it was time to let go.

The kindly doctor patted my back and I nodded at him.

"But he'll be okay? He just won't remember his friends, right?"

"That's right. Maybe in time he will, but even if he does, it will be years from now." He shook his head sadly. "Or sometimes, maybe never."

"Thank you very much, doctor." I stood up from the wooden bench and looked back at him. "Thank you. It really means a lot to me, knowing that he'll be okay. Don't tell him about me, please. Some things, and some people, are just better left forgotten."

He opened his mouth to say something, probably to offer advice, but I was already speeding towards the entrance of the hospital.

This ending was better than I expected, and I should be happy for Asato. He'd be able to start over.

Still, there was a niggling voice at the back of mind.But what about you? How will you move on?

I wasn't sure if I could. My only consolation was that pain was going to be my sole companion for a very, very long time. And that was exactly what I deserved.

August 2, 2009

"So you didn't come to visit me again? Just like that, you abandoned me?" Asato shot me an accusing look.

I didn't meet his eyes. "I believed that it was for the best. For you," I whispered quietly.

"Look at me, Chet." He caught my chin and met my gaze. "When I woke up, I felt that something was wrong, and that I should be doing something. My body knew that it should have been looking for you, even if my mind did not. I'm not ashamed of what I am, and I sure as hell am not ashamed of you. You're mine now, and that's all that matters."

Swallowing hard, I wrapped my arms around his waist and breathed in the essence of my lover, and felt him gently stroke my hair.

"Don't blame yourself for my accident. I don't blame you, and from your story, we both know that it was my choice to go after you. Forgive yourself, Chet. Okay, baby?" He tilted my chin up and planted a wet kiss on my lips. "There, forgiven and forgotten. So now, all that's left to ask is the most important question."

"What?"

He scratched at his chin thoughtfully. "If you were the girl last time, then why am I the girl now? Theuké, I mean."

I rolled my eyes at him and scoffed. "All's fair in love and war. It was my turn to top."

He pushed me down to the bed and I landed on my back with a soft whoosh. I caught a challenging glint in his eye. "Says who? The battle for The Top resumes."

I groaned in mock dismay. "Again?"

"Again," he affirmed with a lopsided grin.

Okay, so it became a happy ending, with some very minor flaws. I was certain that he would regain all of his memories in due time, but even if he didn't, it was more than enough just being with him.

But I was going to top from now on. No mistake about that.

Japanese terms:

Arigatou. Thank you.

Oishii yo.It's yummy.

Yamété yo, Chet.Stop, Chet.

Hontou?Really?

Nani koré?What's this?

Sugoi kimochii!It feels really good!

Mou, yamété!Enough, stop!

Kitsui né.It's tight.

Asato, kimochii!Asato, it feels good!

Oré wa iku!I'm cumming!

Oré mo iku! Iku né!I'm cumming, too! I'm cumming!

Gochisousama déshita.It's been a feast. (A phrase the Japanese usually say after a meal.)

Chotto matté yo, Chet.Hold on, Chet.

Aishitéru.I love you.

Uké .The bottom in a gay relationship.