Idle Hands Pt. 01

###

Skylar was swearing as he walked around the corner. Dey followed. "Hey, hey, wait!" she said, running to catch up.

[Hey, Loki, record this, I want to prove to my shrink I've got this,] she said, her hands sliding into her pockets.

I'm not sure he'll buy it, Loki said, sounding wry.

Skylar turned to face Dey. "What? You want to laugh at me too?"

"Nope," Dey said, shaking her head. The sound of laughter had faded, the bar door swinging shut and cutting off the last snickers. "My dad told me stories about the Titanic Two. He called it the classic hubris of the early 21^st century, personified in a single megawealthy boondoggle."

"Well, I call it payday," Skylar said. "A half dozen of the world's most wealthy plutocrats had family on the ship when it went down, and they left behind who knows what valuables. Information. Secrets. Classic data caches. Even if we recover one measly USB that survived, or a single pre-synth diamond..." He waggled his tentacles excitedly in the air.

"Yeah, but you said it went down in the Indian Ocean when an ice berg hit it," Dey said.

"Actually, it hit the ice berg," Skylar said, chuckling softly, the sound a strange combination of loud trilling and a human laugh -- the translation necklace he wore flickering in time with his words. "It's classic human comedy of errors. First, you fuck up your climate enough to break off an ice berg the size of a small state-"

Dey didn't look amused.

"Then you push it out of the major trade routes and let it get blown around willy nilly without even tracking it," Skylar said, laughing.

"I get it!" Dey said, rolling her eyes.

"But no, it gets better. The conspiracy types, they say that the ice berg and the Titanic 2 met on purpose. They say ecoterrorists seeded what was left of the ice beg with powdered wood, to keep it intact long enough that it might hit shipping in the Indian ocean. They say that the Titanic 2's captain was insane and thought he had been possessed by the original captain and recreated the original accident as closely as he could. They say that the first Devil Troopers tore it to pieces and the ice berg was blamed-"

"Wait, Devil Trooper?" Dey asked. "The Titanic 2 sunk in 2022...we hadn't even invented Balder. DV drives were only a few weeks old. How the fuck could there be a Devil Trooper then?"

"Ah, that's what makes the theory so juicy," Skylar said, walking around her in a slow, eager way, his tentacles sketching pictures in the air, his voice making it more evocative than the best holographic display. "They say that DV drives were invented way before people thought. They say that the Apollo mission found them on the moon and they were behind every major invention. Some people say that there's still a Huntress ship in Area-51."

"So, why would a Devil Trooper rip the Titanic 2 apart?" Dey asked, skeptically.

"Because the Titanic 2 had some of the biggest Chinese buisness tycoons on it! Sabotage, mass assassination, maybe even a bid for casus belli!"

That's latin for a cause for war, Loki said, his voice droll. Also, half of these theories are on fucking TruthOuts.

[Why am I not shocked?] Dey muttered, her arms crossed over her chest. At the very least, listening to Skylar's voice was easing her tension about his tentacles. For one thing, he sounded like every conspiracy nut she remembered back in high school, who had gone on lengthy diatribes about how the destruction of the first Charon colony had totally been an inside job. For another thing, he just sounded so excited about it all.

"You do know this is all absurd, right?" Dey asked.

"Totally," Skylar said. "It's just a big boat that sunk in the second most unlikely historical mishap in the history of your species. The first most unlikely historic mishap in the history of your species is that guy who was at Nagasaki, got nuked, then went to Hiroshima, and got nuked. I mean, you only dropped two nukes on cities in your whole history, and he went to both. That's nuts."

Dey felt herself relax fractionally more. "But there's a big problem, bucko, even if you've found the exact location of the Titanic 2. Which isn't necessarily true, remember. Lots of data got screwed up between the 2030s and now, just from copying errors and changes in programming. But you're not even dealing with the fact that the pirates have been raiding ships in the Indian Ocean for the past two decades. The ROI has a standing bounty on them, for god's sake."

"You're right," Syklar said. "I need to hire a ship. A crew. Mercenaries!"

He rubbed his tentacles together.

Dey rubbed her chin.

Dey... Loki spoke, his voice warning.

"Mercenaries, huh?" Dey asked.

Dey, are you sure this is a good idea? Loki asked.

"Yes, they'll need to be skillful. Brave. Deadly," Skylar said. "I'll need to find them cheap too. I only have a few K left in the bank..."

"I'll do it for a split in the profits," Dey said, grinning. "But you need to make sure you get a ship that can get me to the coast in under an hour in case I get recalled unexpectedly. Got it?" She prodded his hexagonal torso. Skylar's beak hung open as he looked at her, tentacles going slack enough that he almost face planted on the ground.

"Seventy five twenty five?" Skylar offered.

"Assuming I get the seventy five since if we get shot at, I'm the one saving the day," Dey said, nodding.

"No!" Skylar exclaimed.

"Then I'm going to have to ask for fifty fifty or you can find some hard bitten mercenaries somewhere in suburban New-Miami. Which is a thing that I'm sure will happen," Dey said. "I mean, I've seen The B-Team, mercs seem to crop up everywhere. You can't take five steps without tripping over them..."

"Sixty forty?" Skylar suggested.

"Hmm," Dey rubbed her chin.

"And!" Skylar thrust his tentacle into the air. "You get first dibs on any data-devices we find!"

"Deal," Dey said.

Skylar held his tentacle out. It hung in the air between the two of them. Dey gulped, looking at it -- and felt the memory of tentacles writhing against her starting to rise. She forced them down. She took the tentacle.

"Deal," Skylar said, cheerily.

###

"This is my ship," Skylar said, gesturing to a part of the pier that led to a series of ropes going underwater.

"It's a sub?" Dey asked, kneeling down.

It's a Cameron 82-9K Solar, Loki said, quietly. Two person seats, but it isn't really made for long distance travel.

"Sure is!" Skylar said. "I take breaks, though. It is a bit cramped if you stay in it for more than a week or two."

"Well, my ship's the Enterprise. It's bigger and it has an actual cabin and a DV locker for food and storage and stuff," Dey said, turning to face the squid. Standing this close felt okay. She could handle this. She smirked. "How about we see if we can couple the two together and set out with both?"

In the end, it took the better part of the day to get the two ships connected. The Enterprise was only semi-modular, but the Cthulu -- as Skylar named his ship in the most comforting name choice in the entire history of the human race -- was made to fit to everything. The fact that Skylar could breathe underwater just as well as he could breathe on land made it a lot easier to handle the changing out of parts.

Skylar was dragging himself out of the ocean, though, while Dey was sending off mental orders through Loki to get supplies from Amazon while undoing the cable that would let the Enterprise cast off. [And the SPAS-12, I think,] she thought. [That should round us off.]

"DESHANE GALLAGHER!"

That booming voice filled the pier, bouncing off the distant buildings thrusting from the ocean that surrounded New Miami. Dey dropped the rope to her feet and turned around.

Walking down the pier in full battle armor, bearing a curved katana in both hands like the most stereotypical anime fan in the world, was a Shockpod. Genetically engineered from an alien species that had once resembled dolphins, Shockpods were already terrifying creatures. Plating them in armor and strength enhancing exoskeletons just made it silly. The stubby arms were in segmented plates that clicked and clacked together, while the broad, bottle-snouted face was contained in an almost conical helmet, like an olden style knight. The shoulders were protected and the chest had a dark red symbol spread across it.

"I have come to finish what you began!" Kuz the Shockpod boomed. "We must do battle."

"Do you know this guy?" Skylar whispered.

"Kinda," Dey said. "I shot him like, ten times."

"That's basically a proposal for a Shockpod."

"Don't you know that's cultural appropriation?" she asked, jerking her chin towards the Shockpod.

Kuz stopped about five meters away. He looked down at the katanas he held, then looked up at her, his face unreadable behind the conical helmet. There wasn't even a vision slit, at least not one that Dey could see.

"These are the finest blades produced by your species according to my research," he said.

Now, Loki said.

Dey nodded. "Well, see-" she snapped her hand out. Space warped between her palm and the katana in his left hand. Her hand closed around his hand at a distance and she jerked the blade from his fingers. Shockpods one main weakness was their weak grip -- a reason why, in normal battle, their weapons were built into their armor. They had been designed by the Yahaag to be their heavy infantry, and the Yahaag had wanted them to be tough, strong and able to withstand almost fifty Gs of acceleration without blacking out.

Grip strength had been a secondary concern.

Dey took the katana in her hand, then brought it slamming down into her thigh. With a bit of help from a focused warp field, she sheered the blade in half.

"B...Bu-" Kuz said. "I, hey!"

His other katana leaped into her hand.

It joined its friend on the ground, making four chunks.

"That's...cheating!" Kuz said, looking at his hands. "That's a Huntress trick!"

"Kuz, I'm charmed, really," Dey said. "But I'm pretty sure you broke half a dozen laws by coming down here in that. Power armor isn't protected by the Second Amendment, you know."

"It has arms!"

"How, uh, did you get down here?" Skylar asked -- his tentacle had drawn out one of his cellphones. The immigration of millions of Squids to Earth had produced a wave of hysteria, acceptance, cultural exchange, tension, and radical advances in waterproofing consumer electronics. He had the 911 numbers inputted, but hadn't put the call in yet. Dey nodded to him, grinning. She liked to see that kind of forward thinking.

"I fell," Kuz said.

"Fell?" Dey arched an eyebrow.

"This suit is rated for a Class-2 drop," Kuz said, rapping his knuckles against the armor. "I hit the ocean, swam ashore, and interrogated one of your..." He paused. "Starbucks. The fighter pilot establishments."

"I...what?" Dey looked confused. "They sell coffee."

"To fighter pilots," Kuz said.

"How do-" Dey shook her head. "Never mind. I don't want to know. So, you found your way to New Miami and found me how?"

"You post on Twitter!" Kuz said.

Dey scowled. [I am going to kill my shrink.]

A healthy social media life is important. Apparently, Loki said, dryly.

Kuz stepped forward, lifting one arm. "I shall duel you in mortal combat. You did not defeat me the last time we fought. I was merely incapacitated by your lover of many orgasms!"

"W..." Dey held up her hand. "How did...did..." She scowled. "Did Marin tell you he fucked me?"

"I interrogated him," Kuz growled. "I needed to learn more about you."

"You dick!" Dey snarled.

Kuz laughed. "That's why he said!"

Dey shook her head. "Kuz, I'm not going to fight you. Because if I fight you, one or both of us are going to die."

Kuz shook his head -- making the gesture as large and exaggerated as possible so it was clear while he wore a helmet. "You will die, certainly."

"I can warp space time with my hands." She paused. And? Loki prodded. "And Loki's help."

Thank you! Loki said, sounding so pleased that she blushed.

Kuz laughed. "Well, I-"

I've located the actuator for the left arm, Loki said. And the right.

Dey lifted her hands, stepped forward, and placed her palms on the Shockpod's shoulders. Micro-scale DV emitters created atom thick cutting blades out of folded space time and she ripped to either side. The actuators came free with a whine and hiss, sparks flaring from the Shockpod's armor. The arms, due to being designed by people who weren't total idiots, dropped to the ground, leaving his bare arms visible in the air. Dey then casually grabbed onto the snout of his helmet while he was shocked and Loki pulsed upwards. A warp field expanded space between her palm and his head and sent him flipping backwards onto the pavement.

Kuz groaned.

"See you later, Kuz," Dey said, stepping onto the Enterprise.

###

The instant the Enterprise entered into international water, Dey got a ping. She had been expecting it, and it still caused her to groan in irritation. For the past few hours, she had been dearly enjoying the isolation of the waves. Sky had moved to the Cthulhu and left her to the deck of the Enterprise. Undisturbed. Unbothered. Nothing but her and the vastness of the ocean and the faint sheen of genetically engineered oxygenerative kelp that ate acid.

"Captain Gallagher," Major Moon Two, her direct superior, appeared before her. It was a neat trick, made possible via both of their AIs and their integrated neural cybernetics. It was a lot less clunky and distracting than a vid-phone, and both AIs were skilled enough to take measurements from Dey's inner ear and her own visual input -- not to mention the computer systems built into the Enterprise herself. All that information was put into the simulation of Moon Two's generally humorless visage, so that he actually moved and rocked with the ship as if he had simply teleported there.

"Major," Dey said, snapping off a salute and coming to attention -- if somewhat sloppily. "What brings you out here?"

"You've left the country without-"

"With respect, I don't need to file paperwork to leave the country," Dey snapped. She already saw that that was a mistake. Moon Two looked irritated. But he forced that irritation away.

"Captain Gallagher, we at the Big Top are aware of what happened last mission and the psyche evaluations are good," he said. "You can return to duty -- and we may need you any day now. But actions like this throw former good evaluations into jeopardy."

Dey sighed. "Sorry, sir. Just. Had a big reminder why putting things on the internet lead right to trouble."

"We are not Twitter, Captain Gallagher," Moon Two said, his arms crossed over his chest. "Though, I suppose you have a point." At her questioning look, he continued. "The ICE aren't quite equipped to dealing with illegal immigrants in power armor."

"Honestly, sir, that actually makes me feel a lot better about the deescalation of police/civilian relationships," Dey said, grinning. "So, that's a reason to stay out of the country if a Shockpod is hunting for me to get his balls back."

Moon Two nodded. "Granted. But irrespective of the alien and his, ahem, goals...the Big Top and most of the other sections have gone on high alert -- why is classified need to know." He said before she could ask. "And we'd prefer if an agent who, within the past few months, saved the entire human race from an ego-maniac didn't go haring off on some Squid's idea of a treasure hunt for the Titanic 2."

Dey crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, when you put it like that, this does seem a mite silly."

Moon Two frowned. Then, sighing. "You're still not on active duty, Gallagher. But stay found. Got it?"

Dey nodded. Moon Two vanished. She shook her head. "I wonder what bug crawled up their butt..." She frowned.

Well, it can't have been something hands on. We're not intelligence. Loki said.

[To be fair,] Dey said, trimming the sails slightly, feeling a shift in the wind on her skin. [We can do intelligence. We're just better at the whole punch face, shoot bad guys thing.] She grinned. [They'll call us in when there's time for that. And if tacking an extra thirty minutes for a scramdrop to swoop down and grab us will doom America, then I don't think us being in Virginia would change much.] She sighed.

Plus, you really want to loot the Titanic, Loki said.

[Well. Yeah.]

The hatch to the front of the Enterprise opened up and Sky pulled himself out with a grunt.

"Say!" he said. "Did you know that we're being followed?"

Dey's brow furrowed. "It's not a Shockpod, is it?"

"No, no, no," Sky said, shaking his head. "The sonar signature I'm picking up on the Cthulhu makes it look like a civilian submarine. But they're going on the same heading, at the same speed and they change heading when you tack."

"Sounds like an autopilot," Dey muttered, rubbing her chin. "Want to go check them out?"

"...no?" Sky asked.

"Aw, you're the one who can swim," Dey said. "And sonar can't pick up people. At least, not civilian ones."

Sky crossed his tentacles before his beak. "I'm pretty sure I hired you and am paying you to do the dangerous stuff so I don't have too."

Dey blew out a sigh. She looked to the side. [Loki, how are we for charge?]

Could stand to get some more, Loki said, sounding concerned.

Dey nodded. She pointed at one of the socketed cables that were sunk into the side of the solar generator on the back of the Enterprise. "Hey, Sky, can you pull that cable out." She turned her back to face her, then reached back, rolling her shirt up, revealing her sports bra. Sky slithered over...and for just a moment, Dey froze. She froze and tensed and her eyes went unfocused as Sky's voice seemed to echo in the distance.

"...oh, I see the plug..."

A tentacle touched her back.

There were downsides to having an artificial intelligence supressing your emotions sometimes.

When they weren't on the switch, the feelings could crash into you. Hard. Tentacles. Touching. Squirming. Writhing. Touching her. Don't. Fucking. TOUCH ME! Her brain screamed at her.

DEY! Loki's bellow slammed into the back of her head like a hammer.

Dey shook her head, blinking as she saw that she had grabbed onto two of Sky's tentacles and twisted them together. Her nose almost touched his beak and she panted softly, her heart hammering She stepped back, shoving her hands away from his tentacles. Sky fell backwards, his eight eyes wide. He slithered backwards to the side of the boat, grabbing onto the railing.

"H-Holy shit, are you okay?" Dey and Sky said at the same time.

Dey blinked.

Sky blinked -- his eyes closing and opening in a rippling pattern.

The boat rocked backwards and forward in the chop, the sails correcting under the direction of the auto-pilot. That made Dey shake herself a bit. She unclenched her hand. Loki caressed her shoulders and she blew out a slow sigh.

"S-Sorry," she said.

"No, seriously, are you okay?" Sky asked. "Listen, the last time a girl reacted that way-"

Dey held up her hand, silencing him.

Sky sighed. "I get it. Okay? No touching your back."

Dey closed her eyes. She shook her head. "Who was she?" she asked, her voice sounding rough.