If Ch. 01

Jessica's thoughts were on motherhood, however. She carelessly flipped through dresses on the rack, her mind obviously elsewhere.

"Of course. Why? Something you're not telling me?"

She looked up at me and then smiled, her dimples deepening. "No, silly. I tell you everything. I'm not knocked up, yet. Just thinking about it."

"Well, does Nick want a kid? You've said in the past that kids were definitely in the future."

Something passed over her face but she was smiling sunnily again before I could put my finger on what it was. "Yeah, I guess. I'm just thinking about how much my mom sucked, and that I could possibly suck just as much. Imagine if I had a mini Jessica running around?"

Jessica's relationship with her mother was a touchy one. Her mother was an alcoholic that only called when feeling sentimental or in need of money. Jess could never be like that. She was a bit flighty when she wanted to be, but her heart was always in the right place.

I put down the dress I'd been eyeing and bumped my body into hers. "A mini Jessica sounds excellent."

Her large gray eyes focused on my face. Her smile softened. "Yeah?"

"Totally. You'd be the cool mom. I can so see it."

I gave her hand a squeeze and went back to searching for a dress. I knew Jessica didn't like dwelling on shit like this, and knowing her she'd really want to change the subject. I was surprised when I felt arms wrapping around me from behind.

"Thank you, Claire."

"Of course."

She let me go and then walked around to face me. Her eyes were shiny. "Nick wants a kid. Badly."

"Well, don't you?"

Her eyes danced around the store before meeting mine. "It's complicated. And it's a huge step."

"Well, yeah."

"Don't you want a baby?"

I thought of the miscarriage I'd had a few months before that only Mike knew about. And the one the year before that mostly everyone knew about because it happened a few months in, and it was fucking awful. She saw me flinch and bit her lip.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay. I guess you'll know you want one when you just... know. I'm taking a break from the whole baby thing. Hopefully it'll just naturally happen that way."

"You guys are in a bit of a dry spell now, though, right?" She watched me warily, afraid she was hurting my feelings.

"Yes. He's not into it. I'm not into it. I'm pretty sure it's just a phase. We love each other. It'll be fine."

She toyed with a dress, pulling the zipper up and down. "Do you ever think that maybe it just has to be with the right person?"

I stepped back. "Of course I do. What do you mean? That Mike isn't the right person? Or that Nick isn't the right one for you?"

"No," she said, but she wasn't looking at me. "I meant it generally. Don't mind me today. I'm just in a mood. I'm bloated and all these dresses look horrendous on me."

Shaking my head, I handed her the dress I thought was outstanding. "Try this on. It's stunning."

"No, you've been holding onto that thing ever since we walked in here!"

"Try it on, asshole!" I laughed. "It'll look better on you."

"You haven't even tried it on, yet," she pointed out.

I pushed her into a dressing room. "I better not try it on now. It'll only make me jealous. Let me know if you need me to zip it for you."

A few minutes later, she stepped out and looked just as I predicted—outstanding. I made her buy it and, a week later, watched her proudly walk into my house with it on.

Nick was looking at her with shining eyes like he was the luckiest guy in the world. I thought that a baby wouldn't be far off, and I meant it when I said a mini Jessica would be priceless. Nick and I both loved Jessica enough to convince her of that.

She walked over to Mike and me.

"You look beautiful," I said. I kissed her cheek.

Mike cleared his throat. He appeared to be blushing. Ha! I'd make fun of him for that later. "Yes. Very."

Jessica smiled sweetly at him and reached over for a big hug. She whispered something in his ear. Then she hugged me.

"Thanks for making me get the dress, Claire."

Many months after I would find out she whispered, "I can't wait to fuck you with this dress on later," into my husband's ear.