If I Needed Someone

"Let me take care of that for you, Paul," whispered Gwen from behind me. I almost fell down! I was surprised and I spun around to see Gwen naked in the shower. I never heard her and she hadn't stepped into the shower with me in years.

"It's okay, Gwen. I was just daydreaming and he wanted to come out to play," I quickly responded as I pulled my hand off my cock.

"Well, let me play with him then, Paul. He wants it and so do I. Majority rules!" she laughed.

During the few seconds it took for Gwen to speak, my cock began to shrink. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist.

"Why are you so cold to me, Paul?" demanded Gwen. "I thought you get over this problem when you went to see that psychiatrist. If any thing, you've gotten worse."

"What are you talking about Gwen? You're the one that's acting different, not me. When was the last time you stepped into the shower with me? When, before the accident, did you try to get me to have sex with you? You never did. You always acted like you were happier to be left alone," I concluded.

"How can you say that, Paul?" questioned Gwen. "I've never refused you sex!"

"That's pure bullshit and you know it! There were many nights when you were too tired, had an upset stomach, or the always popular headache," I retorted. "Just give me the reason, or reasons, why you have decided that you want sex and why I'm suddenly the bad guy for not feeling the same way? Did I ever try to lay guilt trips on you the many times you turned me down cold?"

"I wouldn't say I turned you down cold, Paul. I was just tired or stressed. I didn't know it meant so much to you at the time. You should have told me," Gwen reasoned. "If I had known it meant so much to you, I would have been more than happy to let you make love to me."

"Bingo!" I almost yelled. "You would have 'let me make love to you' like it was a chore for you and an honor for me. Why doesn't that make me feel like jumping on your bones right now, Gwen? I wasn't going to beg for a mercy fuck then and I'm not in the mood to grant one now! Sex used to be a mutual desire, but you've pretty much killed that notion the past few years. Why do you want sex lately, Gwen? Why?"

"I just want to feel loved, Paul. You were hurt so badly I was worried that I'd never feel you in my arms again," cried Gwen. "I thought about what a good husband and father you had been for so many years. The thought of losing you scared me to death. I want to love you and be loved by you. I want you to feel my love and know how much you mean to me."

"So, my near-death experience let you see the light and now you want to have hot monkey sex every day, just to make up for ignoring me the last five years or so? Is that it?" I demanded.

"I didn't ignore you, Paul. I just wasn't as loving and warm as I now know I should have been. I promised myself that if you lived, I would make it up to you," cried Gwen. "I never knew you'd resist so much. You always wanted sex before. What has happened to make you so cold to me, Paul? Why are you like this?"

"Does having sex with someone prove you love them, Gwen?" I asked quietly. "Is that what you said? If we have sex, you'll show me that you love me and you'll know that I love you? Is sex the same as love, Gwen? Do you believe that when you have sex with someone, it means you love them and they love you? If I fucked you, would that mean you loved me and I loved you?"

"No, Paul. Fucking me would prove nothing. I want you to love me and make love to me. We're husband and wife and have been for almost 24 years. A husband makes love to his wife. He doesn't just fuck her, Paul," replied Gwen. "You know that!"

"I'm just a tad bit fuzzy here, Gwen. If a husband makes love to a wife, who gets to fuck her? What does a wife do if she just wants a good old-fashioned fucking? Who does she turn to then?" I demanded.

Gwen sobbed and ran into our bedroom. For some reason, I felt better than I had in a long time. I guess it was asking Gwen some pointed questions and letting her draw her own conclusions. One thing was certain. I wasn't going to settle for Ben Pool's seconds and leftovers! Why would any woman think a husband could accept second fiddle? Sure, a guy doesn't mind playing back up with a woman married to another man. It's free ass. No promises, responsibilities, no bullshit. It's just sex that some other schmuck is paying for emotionally, and financially. I just wasn't willing to pay that tab any longer!

I went straight to the spare bedroom, dropped the towel I had wrapped around my waist and crawled between the sheets. I was asleep in minutes. I woke up in the small hours of the morning to feel Gwen's naked body next to mine. Her hand was holding my cock. I briefly wondered about her renewed interest in the little fellow before sleep swept over me again.

I woke up and saw that the sun was up. It would soon be time to start the day. I glanced at Gwen and saw her watching me.

"Paul, I'm really sorry for not being as understanding and loving a wife as you need and deserve," she began. "I realize now that I was selfish and cold. I just want to make it up and to be a better wife and lover from now on. Will you let me do that?"

"Gwen, things aren't always that simple. I have one of your kidneys in me and I really am very grateful for what you have sacrificed for me," I responded. "Why did you donate your kidney, Gwen? I'm still trying to figure that out."

"Paul! I did it because you're my husband! I love you and I wanted to help you. I did it because you would do anything for me. I know you would. That's the kind of man and husband you are." Gwen looked shocked at my question. "How can you even ask?"

"Now I'm in your debt, Gwen. It's hanging over my head. Was it love, or was it something else that made you do it?" I asked gently.

"It was love, and guilt, Paul!" sobbed Gwen as she began to cry. "I feel so awful. You've no idea how painful things have been for me since that day. Paul, I had an affair! I'm so ashamed of it. I met with a guy and had sex with him four times. The last time was the same day you had the accident!"

Gwen broke down and cried for a few minutes. My heart ached for her, but I couldn't make myself offer her any comfort. Finally, she gained some control and continued her confession.

"I'm wracked with guilt, Paul. You've been a wonderful, understanding husband and a gentle lover. I never realized there was any other type before I got tangled up with that other guy. He was rough and demanding. I thought I could get him to be a gentle lover, but I soon realized he just wanted to fuck me any way he could. He didn't care how I felt or what I wanted. We argued all four times we were together. He called me names and told me I was a frigid bitch because I wouldn't do things he wanted me to do. Paul, I realized that I should do those things with you, and for you, not some miserable asshole that looked at me like a goddamn piece of meat," Gwen sobbed gently.

I was stoic as I listened to my wife of 23 years admit her infidelity. Just hearing her admit how shitty she had treated me made me feel better. I waited for her to continue.

"The last time I was with him was the worst. We argued. I wouldn't do what he wanted and he called me names, but only after he fucked me hard. Then he insisted I do things to get him hard again. You know how I don't do much to get you hard. I always just let you get hard and then please me, if I'm in the mood. I know I was wrong to be that way, Paul. I realized it when that prick kept demeaning me as a lousy lay and a prissy prude. I pretended that I would see him again and promised I'd do everything he wanted the next time so he'd let me go," confessed Gwen.

"I even kissed him good bye in the parking lot. He actually scared me. I was afraid and just wanted to be rid of him. He was the only man I've ever had beside you and believe me, Paul, I've learned my lesson."

"Then a little while later I got the call that you were in the hospital and might die! Imagine my guilt and fear, Paul! I was wrong and I knew it. I insisted they test me to see if I could donate a kidney. It was a chance to make amends to you, to cleanse my soul. It was selfish, too. I know that. I had to do it to feel like I deserved a second chance with the best man I've ever known," sniffled Gwen. "It was more for me than it was for you."

"Why are you telling me this now, Gwen?" I asked. "You kept it inside this long. Why tell me now?"

"Last night, I realized I was losing you, Paul. I was losing you and somehow I knew it had to be because of my infidelity. If I had any chance to keep you, I had to tell you everything and let you decide. If you want to divorce me, I'll understand. My giving you the kidney was never meant to force you to keep me if you didn't want me. I love you far too much to do that. I gave that to you willingly and with love, as partial payment for the wonderful life you have given me to this point. There are no strings attached. I made a horrible mistake. It's up to you to decide what you want to do," concluded Gwen.

"Have you stopped seeing the other man?" I asked.

"I swear I haven't been alone with him since that day and even if you divorce me, I'll never be with him again. He has been suggesting that I sleep with him again, but I've made it very clear that it will never happen."

This was news to me. The prick still wanted to pork my wife after she broke it off? That wasn't very gentlemanly, but it was fairly easy to remedy. I reached over and picked up the phone by the bed.

I punched in the seven digits I had learned by heart, and waited. I watched Gwen try to guess my intentions, but it was obvious she had no inkling.

"Hello, Mrs. Pool? This is Paul Hadley. Fine, thank you. I'm calling to ask you to please persuade your husband to stop harassing my wife. She has no plans of sleeping with him again and if he persists, I'll have to resort to violence. I'm still a little weak, but tell him my trigger finger works fine. Pass that along to him, okay? Bye."

Gwen was stunned. Her face was red and her lips and hands trembled. It took a few seconds for her to find her voice.

"You knew about him? No wonder you aren't interested in me! How did you find out, and when?"

"I saw you at the motel, room 108, the day of the accident. I was going home to throw you out when I was hit by that damn kid. If he had obeyed the speed limit, we'd probably be divorced right now," I admitted.

"I am so sorry, Paul! I deserve whatever you decide. I can't imagine how difficult this has all been for you. When you needed me the most, I added to your troubles! I'm such a miserable bitch! I'll pack and be gone by noon, Paul. I never meant to hurt you, but I certainly did just that. You deserve so much better than I have given you. I'm ashamed, truly ashamed. I'll start getting ready now," Gwen stated dejectedly.

"Gwen, if I did keep you around, do you think you'd be willing to be more adventurous with me, sexually?" I asked.

"Paul. If you'd stay married to me, I'd blow you at the mall if you wanted me to! I swear I'd be the best lover you ever imagined, but only for you! I'd do anything, anything at all," promised Gwen through her tears.

"Give your two week notice at work today, Gwen. I don't want you in the same building with that miserable shit or I'll wind up in jail. Start looking for a new job right away. Part time would be fine. You might need to utilize your free time to think of ways to make this all up to me. I'm not happy about all this, but I'm carrying your kidney and you still seem to have my heart, goddamn it!" I complained. "We'll work on the rest, but the offer for the mall sounds pretty inviting."

I was a late for work that day. Gwen cried and blubbered as she clung to me for a very long time. I still don't know if I did the right thing, but most the time I feel pretty good about it. You have no idea the debt you feel that you owe to someone that saved your life. It took me a long time to completely forgive Gwen, though. She really does keep me satisfied sexually now, and she's always been a wonderful wife otherwise. I just wonder why we have to wade through so much shit in life to finally reach the place where we can be happy.