tagErotic CouplingsIf It Wasn't for Bad Luck ...

If It Wasn't for Bad Luck ...



Have you ever had one of those days when everything went wrong? I guess we all have. I'm not bragging, but I think my recent span of 24 hours has been worse than any of yours. I'd put money on it! You be the judge and when you learn that I'm right, send me your money. Bitcoin preferred.

P.S. All characters having sex or who saw my penis are over 18. Harry

^^^Friday, March 31st^^^

"That's the last of it. The quarterly report is done," Warren said. The gray-haired, senior accountant saved the file on the computer. He pushed himself away from his desk, took off his thick glasses, and rubbed his tired blue eyes.

"Whew!" Harry exhaled. The thirty-three-year-old, civil servant brought his hand to his thinning hair and ran his fingers through the short, brown hair. "I'm glad that's done. My vacation begins now."

"So you're going to Florida?" the slim older man asked.

"Yes. My family has rented a house near Fort Myers. It has a private beach on the Gulf of Mexico. It's my Grandmother's ninetieth birthday on Saturday. She loves the sun and the beach."

"I guess that gene skipped you," the sixty-year-old man teased his younger, pale co-worker.

"Not really. My girlfriend hates all outdoor activities. Acquiescing to her wishes has given me this ghost-like appearance. It'll be great to be in sunny Florida. Everyone in the family will be there because my grandmother's health is dodgy and we're worried she won't see her next birthday."

"Uh-huh. So she was born on April Fools day? I bet that had to be fun."

"It earned her the named April, and she says no one has pulled off more practical jokes."

"Ha. I bet. Enjoy yourself, Harry."

"Thanks. I will. I'm taking Sue to meet the family."

"Oh?" Warren grunted.

"Yes. Things are getting serious."

"Good luck. I hope mom and dad approve."

"They're pushovers. They want grandkids and will embrace anyone who can pop out a baby. Selling Sue on my family is the chore."

Harry got up, picked up his leather briefcase, and left his boss' office. He looked at his watch. The time was 6:35 p.m. He said to himself as he walked to the parking garage, "That took longer than expected, but I'm okay for time. I'll go home, shower, and finish packing. Then, Sue and I are off to the airport."

He got into his car, inserted the key, and turned it. The car didn't roar to a start. Instead, he heard an anemic "Click. Click. . . . click."

"Oh, no. The battery's dead. I must've left the lights on. How am I going to get home?"

He got out of the car. The garage was empty. "Damn it! Everyone's gone home."

He looked East and West and saw no one. Then, he looked North. Over the short concrete wall of the parking garage, he saw a taxi parked on the street.

"Maybe my luck's changing."

He ran out to the yellow cab. The cabbie was leaning against a dented rear panel smoking an unfiltered cigarette. Harry said, "Are you in service? My car won't start and I really need a ride."

The cabbie said in a gravelly voice, "The cab is out of service because the AC ain't working."

"I don't mind. I have to get home. I have a flight to catch."

"It will be hot as blazes in there. I don't know if I can blame global warming, but today is unusually hot."

"It's a 20-minute drive. I'll pay double."

"All right. Get in," the driver said. He opened the door for Harry.

"Thanks," Harry said. He flashed a smile and slid into the backseat. He gave the driver the address. It was as hot as Hell in the cab. Both men were soon sweating. The trip went fine, at first. However, after they got off the highway, two turns later they hit a traffic jam.

"Sorry, bub. Nothing I can do. All I see is red tail lights."

Harry loosened his tie, wiped the sweat from his brow, and said, "This will do. I can walk the last six blocks."

Harry glanced at the meter, reached for his wallet, and gave the driver some cash and said, "Keep the change."

He grabbed his briefcase, got out of the overheated vehicle, and began walking at a fast pace to his apartment building. He was covered in sweat and his breathing was labored when he arrived at the ornate front door of his building.

He found a shady spot and set his case down on the sidewalk. He put his hands on his knees and sucked in large quantities of air. It took him a minute to compose himself. Once his heart rate and breathing slowed, he said, "Wow! I'm out of shape. I guess having a gym membership isn't enough. You have to actually go and workout."

He went inside and pushed the cracked call button for the elevator. The light didn't come on. He pushed it again. A voice behind him said, "The elevator isn't working." He turned and looked at a short, chubby woman and her cute, little dog. He said sarcastically, "Great! That's the way my day is going."

He went to the stairs and pulled the large metal door open. "After you," he said. The woman replied, "No. You go ahead. Pepper has trouble with steps."

Harry went through the door and held it for the dog and the owner. After they were in the stairwell, Harry climbed the stairs taking them two at a time. By the time he got to the third floor, he was advancing one step at a time. By the time he arrived on the fifth floor, he was pausing to catch his breath every tenth step.

"Mother fucker! What a day!" he cursed under his breath as he got his keys out to open the door to his apartment. He let himself in and headed straight to the galley kitchen. He called out, "Sue. Sue?" There was no response. He put his briefcase on the linoleum floor and said, "I guess my fiancée isn't here."

He opened the refrigerate and grabbed a Yuengling Lager. He twisted the top off and drank deeply. Three swigs drained the bottle. His overheated, dehydrated body required more fluids. He sat at the kitchen table and downed a second.

He burped and then said, "I'll get a shower, finish my packing, and, hopefully by then, she'll be home and we can go."

He went into the bathroom, disrobed, and threw his soiled clothes into the hamper. He had a nice long shower. He rid himself of the sweat and grime he'd accumulated that day and he took the opportunity to do some manscaping. Then, he dried himself, wrapped the towel around his waist, and thought, "I could use another beer."

He headed to his kitchen. His journey took him through the living room where he encountered an old lady. They both screamed, "Ahh!"

Harry recognized the woman as his neighbor, Mrs. MacGillis. She was gobsmacked. Her eyes took in his doughy, pale, half-naked body.

"Mrs. MacGillis! What are you doing here?" he said. He grabbed hold of the towel.

She said, "You told me you were going on vacation and asked me to feed your fish. You gave me a key."

"Yes. I said I was flying out tonight, Friday night. I asked you to come over starting Saturday."

"Oh. Sorry. My mind and memory aren't what they used to be."

The apartment door opened and Sue barked, "Harry, you forget to lock the door again." She walked through to the living room and saw a seventy-year-old woman in a tired, cotton dress with a flower print talking to her half nude boyfriend. She was followed by a short Hispanic man.

"Did I interrupt something?" Sue asked with a smirk.

Harry looked at Sue and said, "No. Mrs. MacGillis will be looking after my fish. She's here a day early. Are you packed and ready to go? Is he here to help with the luggage?"

"This is Maximiliano. I've mentioned him before. Max. My old boyfriend Max."

Harry gave her a confused look. She continued, "You don't complete me. I gave Max another chance. We've been dating for two months. Sex with him is out of this world. I'm breaking up with you and moving out."

It was Harry's turned to be stunned. He said, "You've been living with me and dating someone else for two months? You told me you had to work late and that you were out of town on business."

"I lied."

Harry's face showed that he was reeling. He said, "Didn't you tell me Max was an illegal alien from Mexico who doesn't speak English and only has a six-grade education?"

"Yes. That's why we broke up, but now I see that doesn't matter. I'm learning Spanish." She turned to Max and said, "Te amo mucho."

Max smiled. Sue said, "I told him that I love him very much."

Harry's brown eyes were big and his mouth gaped open. He was dazed and stepped backward. His left leg rubbed against the sofa causing the towel around his waist to fall. He was now naked.

Mrs. MacGillis and everyone in the room saw that he'd shaved off all his pubic hair. His flaccid dick looked like a little gherkin. Max laughed. The old woman said, "How come you don't have any pubic hair? Did you have a bad case of lice or do you have some disease that made it fall out?"

Harry reached for his towel and quickly covered his dick. He was flustered and said, "No. I'm not ill or infested. My girlfriend ..."

"You did that for me!" Sue shrieked and then she laughed. A minute later, she said, "Did you do that because two months ago when I got one of your pubes caught in my throat, I got angry and said that unless you do something with your pubic hair I'd never give you a blowjob again?

"Ha! That was an excuse to stop giving you oral sex because I had decided to give Max a second chance. Why settle for a ho-hum taco when you can have a big, thick, beef burrito?"

"Amen to that, sister," Mrs. MacGillis said.

Sue grabbed Max's hand and said,"I'll be back this weekend while you visit your family and get my things." She turned and the two of them walked out.

Mrs. MacGillis asked, "Is your trip still on? Do you need me to take care of the fish?"


She left the apartment. Harry stood in the living room and he said, "That was awkward and embarrassing."

He skipped the beer, finished packing, and had a cab take him to the airport. He had dinner and three beers there. Then, he caught his flight and landed later that night in warm, tropical Florida.

A cab with a palm tree motif took him to the beach house his family was renting. His mother, June, and his father, Big Al, greeted him when he knocked and entered the large house. She said, "Hello, son."

His dad asked, "Where's your luggage?"

"The airline lost my bag."

His mother asked, "Where's Sue?"

"She's not coming. We broke up."

June came to him, hugged him, and said, "I'm sorry."

"Thanks, Mom."

The three of them spoke for ten minutes and caught up. Then his father said, "Grandmother and Aunt Judy, are sharing a master bedroom on the ground floor. Your mother and I have the other one. The second floor has four rooms with queen size beds. We put the married folk there: your Uncle Tom and Linda, Uncle Paul and Nicole, your Aunt Lorraine and Bill, and we saved the last one for you and Sue. It's the one with a seagull on the door.

"The unmarried kin are split between two dormitory rooms, one for the boys, one for the girls, on the third floor. I think you are the last one to arrive. The beer and liquor are outside. Most people are on the deck or at the beach."

Harry went to the patio. Many members of his family were there. When he stepped through the French doors, Uncle Tom shouted, "Hey! Harry. How's it hanging? Where's Sue?"

"We broke up."

"Ahh, man. Sorry," Tom said. "Ian, get this guy a beer and keep them coming. He needs to forget a woman."

"Right-o. I'll get him blotto," the younger man said. He brought over three bottles. The men sat and drank. Their conversation was sparse. Periodically, others came over. They sensed that Harry wasn't in a partying mood and left after a perfunctory hello.

Around midnight, Harry stumbled inside and went into the hall bathroom. He unzipped his pants, grabbed his dick, and said, "I must be drunk. I'm swaying like a willow in the wind. If I start peeing, I'll make a mess of this room. I better sit down."

He undid his belt, shoved his pants to his ankles, and plopped down on the toilet. He sat and peed and then, fell asleep perched on the commode.

Ten minutes later, his cousin Carla knocked on the door. Not hearing a response she opened the door. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here," she said. She began to close the door and noticed that Harry hadn't responded or reacted. The brunette paused and asked, "Are you okay?"

This time she got a response. He snored. She giggled. Her sister Terry walked by and asked, "What are you laughing at?"

"Uncle Harry's passed out on the toilet."

"What? You're kidding," Terry peeked in and said, "Wow."

"What are you two doing?" asked Ian, their older brother.

"Uncle Harry's asleep on the toilet," Terry said and snickered.

Ian looked into the bathroom and said, "He's had a bad day. His fiancée broke up with him. Give me a hand and let's get the poor man to his bed."

The three of them went inside. Ian and Terry stood beside him. Carla stood in front of Harry. She said, "Uncle! Uncle! Wake up."

He murmured unintelligibly, "Mmmbbaa."

She tried again, "Uncle Harry, stand up. We'll help you get to your bed."

Ian said, "Terry, grab an arm. We can get him upstairs. On the count of three. One. Two. Three."

"Stand up, Harry," Carla ordered as her brother and sister lifted the thirty-three-year-old man to his feet. His pants stayed with his ankles. His naked penis popped into view below his pale, paunchy stomach and above his alabaster white, chicken legs.

Terry cried out, "Carla, pull up his pants. I don't want to see his cock."

Her sister knelt and tugged on his pants. "They're tangled around his ankles." She looked up at everyone and said, "Eew! His dick is in my face. Whatever possessed him to shave his pubes?"

"That's not a good look. The bare patch draws your eyes and rewards you with an unobstructed view of his dick," Terry said.

Ian chipped in his two cents. "It's wrong. Like a hairless cat is an abomination. A man shouldn't shave everything off down there. It's weird and gross."

Ian leaned down and grabbed his uncle's pants. He yanked hard and pulled them up. Carla helped. They got his pants in place and Carla quickly latched them. She burst out laughing and said, "There. Done. The world is a safer place."

As the three of them walked Harry down the hall, he woke. "Huh. Where ... Where are we going?" he slurred.

"We are taking you to bed," Ian said.

"Good idea. I had a lot to drink."

"Really!" Carla said in an exaggerated manner.

The helped him up the stairs and got him to his bed. He sat down heavily and nearly tipped over. He righted himself and started pulling at his tee shirt. The shirt became stuck on his head. Ian tugged on it and it came free. Harry got it off and tossed it on the floor. Then, he started to undo his pants.

"Whoa! This is where I leave," Carla said and walked out of the room. Her brother and sister followed her. Terry teased her and said, "Little sister, afraid you'll see his little white mouse again?"


Ian closed the door as they exited. Harry stripped his clothes off, dropped them on the floor, and got under the sheet. It wasn't long before he was snoring.

His sleep was interrupted a half an hour later. His younger sister, Emma, and her boyfriend, Charles, burst into the room. Charles flipped on the overhead light. She rushed over to her brother, ripped the sheet off him, and shouted, "Harry, wake up!"

"Huh? What?" He rolled over and his denuded privates came into view.

She saw his wiener, giggled and said, "Ugh. I don't need to see that."

Harry came to a fuller consciousness. He wondered why his sister was chortling. He followed her eyes and discovered his penis was uncovered. He reached out and quickly pulled the sheet over his stubby unit.

"What? Why are you here?" he asked. His face was red and not just from the alcohol.

"Mom told me that Sue didn't make the trip. I thought we could switch rooms. Oh, sorry that you broke up."

Harry said, "Thanks." His voice was flat. His eyes showed his pain.

"I have a single and you have a double. You are single and we are a couple. You know how Dad is. Even though Charles and I have been sharing an apartment for a year he doesn't want to acknowledge that we're sleeping together. That would corrupt the kids and ruin the whole social order."

Harry nodded. His parents were old school and preached "Just say no" to drugs and sex before marriage.

"We don't qualify for a room because we aren't married. They were letting you and Sue share a room because you were engaged. Charles and I would be more comfortable here. You'll be fine in a single. Can we switch rooms?"

"Sure. I don't need all this space. I'll be spending most of my time on the beach."

"Great," his sister said with a smile. "Do you need help packing?"

"Nope. The airline lost my luggage. All I have are the clothes I wore today."

His shirt, underwear, and pants were on the floor. His socks were tucked into his loafers. Emma scooped them up and said, "I've got your stuff. Why don't you keep the sheet? The other room is only a few steps away. It's the next one on the right. It has a beach ball on the door."

Charles held the door open. Harry stood, wrapped himself in the sheet, and reached for his meager belongings.

"Thanks a million, brother," Emma said.

Harry left. The door swung closed behind him. He heard his sister giggle, coo and moan. He assumed they had embraced and were kissing. A prelude to making love. He muttered to himself, "No reason for them not to have fun just because I'm miserable."

"What did you say, Harry?" asked his Aunt Linda, Tom's wife. She was walking toward him in the hall.

He looked up at his father's brother's wife. She was hot for a woman of any age. The older woman was tall, fit, and had a great rack. Tonight, she displayed her impressive cleavage in a hot pink halter top.

He said, "Nothing. Just talking to myself."

She said, "I'm sorry that you and Sue didn't work out."

Harry nodded. He was standing outside the seagull room. He began walking quickly toward his new room which was behind her. He hoped he could get inside and avoid any discussion of his breakup. He didn't want to discuss it or be the object of pity.

As he forcefully stepped forward, the sheet covering his body fell away. Part of the sheet had been caught by the closing door. He literally stepped out of the sheet and exposed his pale, naked body and four inches of soft dick to this gorgeous woman.

"Ha." She guffawed when his nude body suddenly came into view. Her eyes were riveted on his tight nutsack and the appendage that sprouted from it. Her hand went to her mouth and she hurried past him hoping to get out of earshot before she burst out laughing.

"Oh, no. Not again," Harry sighed. "I was almost safe."

He took the final few steps, opened the door, and stepped into his new room. He flipped the switch and looked around. He saw a single bed and a small dresser on one side of the room. On the other side was beach stuff: buggy boards, brightly colored plastic buckets and shovels for playing in the sand, beach umbrellas, various balls, and fishing gear.

He climbed into bed, pulled the sheet over his head, and after some tossing and turning, went to sleep.

^^^April 1st^^^

Saturday morning the sun rose. Harry didn't wake to take notice. Some of his cousins were up early. A half dozen eighteen to twenty-two years were up at dawn for a run on the beach followed by a healthy breakfast of muesli cereal, egg white omelets or smoothies.

Evan said, "I have bait. Let's go surf fishing."

"Good idea," Bob said.

Gerri said, "I bet I catch more than you."

"But not more than me," Elizabeth said.

"Or me," Jerry called out.

"Or me!" shouted Bailey.

"Okay. What's the deal?" Evan asked showing off his brilliant smile.

"Boys against the girls. Losers have to clean the fish and fetch the winners drinks for the day," Gerri proposed.

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