If You Could Do It Again... Ch. 03-04

"Where's dad?" He asked and his family looked at him as if he had two heads.

"At the shop where he always is this time of day." His sister answered as if he were stupid.

"Oh. Right." Dylan felt embarrassed that he hadn't remembered but it had been so many years since this was routine. "I think I'll stop by and see if he needs any help today."

"That would be nice." His mother said. "But I thought you were going swimming with Sarah and your friends today?"

"Well, I'll check and see just in case." His mother nodded.

"If your father doesn't need any help and you still want to go swimming I'll pack you guys a lunch to take up with you."

"Thanks." He said, cleared his dishes and headed out to his father's store.

His father's store sat in the middle of main street and was the only place in thirty miles that you could get groceries, feed, gasoline, crop seed or anything else that you needed. If he didn't have it on the shelves you could either drive the hour and a half to Kingston or order it through his magazines. Most people here, ordered through the magazines rather than waste the eighty cents a gallon to drive so far. The door jingled as Dylan walked in.

"What are you doing up so early? I thought you'd be sleeping in since it's the weekend." His father said with a smile.

"Mom had other thoughts." Dylan said and smiled back at his dad.

The last time he had seen his father, Ron Boch hadn't even known who he was. He had thankfully died before his mother had passed and not been left alone in his last confusing years. Dylan's heart felt light at seeing him here so alive and healthy.

"Yeah, she would. She's from old German stock and they don't take kindly to slackers. I had a successful store, a nice house and a beautiful family and your grandpa Hanz still thought I was a slacker. He called me `the Hippie'." Ron laughed. "Can you imagine? Me? A hippie?"

"Yeah well, grandpa Hanz was always a little weird."

"Don't let your ma hear you say that. She'll wash your mouth out with soap."

"I think she wanted to this morning. I sort of cursed at her when she was waking me up. I apologized to her already. I was just sleepy this morning."

"Well, I'll tell her you told me and that we had a talk about it. I bet you really shocked the shit out of her though." Ron said with a chuckle. Dylan smiled back.

"I thought she was going to take the broom to me."

They both laughed and Dylan grabbed a gumball from a container on the counter.

"What are your plans today?" Ron asked. "Anything special?"

"I thought I'd help you out here at the store." Dylan suggested.

"Really? I don't need much help but if you wanted you could stack the shelves in the back. The boxes are all there." Rob seemed surprised but happy for the help.

"Sure thing." Dylan went to the back and was just about done with his task when he heard the door jingle.

"Hi, Mr. Boch." Came a young girls voice.

"Heya, Sarah. How are the parents?"

"They're fine thanks. Mrs. Boch said that Dylan was here."

"He is, in the back."

A few minutes later and eighteen year old Sarah Tolling stood above Dylan with her hands on her hips. `Jesus!', Dylan thought. `She's so young!' The last he had heard of Sarah was that she had married a lawyer and was living in L.A. until he divorced her and somehow got away with paying her little to no alimony. It was even rumored that she had done a few adult movies to supplement her income.

"Dylan, I thought we were going swimming today?" She asked, irritated.

"We were, but my dad needs some help."

"You're almost done here, Dylan. Why don't you go with your friends." Ron said as he walked into the back room.

"Are you sure, dad?" Dylan asked, not really wanting to leave his father whom he hadn't seen since his funeral. "I could stay and help you stock the freezers."

"No, don't worry about it." Ron said with a wave of his hand. "We'll have time for that later. Go be with your friends."

Dylan didn't want to go but his father insisted and so he finally left for home to grab a bathing suit, towel and the lunch his mother had packed. His friends all met outside his house and they started up the hill together. Looking about the group, Dylan didn't honestly know why he had ever hung out with these people. They had grown up together, ran around town together, been in and out of each others houses and he had once thought that they would be friends forever. He saw none of them back in his adult life and even though some of them had reached out to him, he had never wanted to rekindle the relationships they had when they were young.

It was a hike up to Baker's pond but they were there by ten o'clock. The heat of the day made the water look inviting but when Dylan dipped his toe in he wasn't sure he could take the plunge. It was still the freezing water of spring and though it felt refreshing, it would be something else entirely once he was immersed in it. He sat down on one of the rock's by the pond's edge and sunned himself while his friends sat around and gossiped.

"Hear anything from Duke yet?" Asked Tom Roberts as he sat down next on the rock.

Dylan thought for a moment and remembered he hadn't heard from the college of his choice till days before graduation so it was pretty safe to say he hadn't.

"No, not yet. I'm not worried though. I'm pretty sure I'll get in."

"You sounds pretty confident. How do you know?" Tom asked.

`Sixty thousand dollars in student loans and a degree.' Dylan thought.

"Just a feeling." He said.

"I'm going to go into the army first. See a bit of the world."

`You're going to get kicked out of the army and put in prison for killing a prostitute, you sick fuck.' Dylan thought to himself.

"Sounds like a plan. Just stay away from hookers." Dylan got up and left Tom looking after him with an confused expression on his face. "I'm gonna go in. Who's with me?"

The group eyed the water they knew to be cold with trepidation and some of them outright refused.

"You go in first, Boch." Mark Van White challenged.

"All right. I will." He said and took a deep breath. `This is gonna hurt.' But he ran forward and leaped from the tallest rock to splash into the water.

He came up sputtering and shivering at the shock of the coldness. It did cut the heat of the day but Dylan wondered if it was worth it. After seeing that he had done it and survived, some of the braver members of their little squad entered the water. Dylan climbed out and grabbed hold of the rope that was tied to a branch high above them.

"Come on, losers!! Get in the water!" He said and flew through the air to let go above the pond. He splashed down and swam through the water to climb out on the banks. He laughed at himself and realized he hadn't felt this good in years. Dylan didn't know whether it was the frolicking without a care in the world or being a hale and hearty eighteen year old again but he loved it. He saw Sarah roll her eyes at him and headed toward her.

"Dylan, stay away!" She warned but he didn't.

He grabbed her about her waist and threw her into the pond, laughing as she hit the water. She emerged from the water looking like a drowned poodle.

"Dylan, you asshole! I didn't want to get wet!" She shouted.

"Why did you come then?" Dylan asked in answer. "It's a swimming hole. You're supposed to go swimming."

`Ah well, they're only kids.' He thought to himself. `Wait till they have bills and kids and aches and pains and their heart's been so badly bruised it feels like mush. They wish they had this day to live over.'

"Oh no! Look who it is." Dylan overheard one of the group say and turned to see Paul Stark walking up to them.

Dylan's heart jumped a little at the sight of him and he frowned wondering what that was about. He had always liked Paul, though the town despised him and his family. Paul had always been there to help out whenever he needed it. That meant a lot to Dylan and he never forgot it.

"Hey." Paul said.

"Hey Paul! How's it going?" Dylan said with a smile.

"Good. Just running around. It's hot today." Paul said and Dylan realized he was nervous.

"Uh duh, Einstein." Mark Van White sneered. "It's called a swimming hole. You go there when it's really hot out."

Paul turned to Mark and smiled.

"Hey Mark, why don't you shut the fuck up and let the big people talk, ok? I'd appreciate that, buddy."

"What did you say to me, dirtbag?"

Dylan was as shocked as Mark was. Paul had never spoken to anyone like that. He had been one of the sweetest kids around and Dylan's heart had broken every time he saw him being mistreated, which was often.

"I said, shut the fuck up..." Paul repeated his comment slowly as if talking to an imbecile.

Mark walked forward and stood in Paul's face but Paul didn't back down.

"You want to repeat that, ass wipe?" Mark whispered, threateningly.

"I already said it twice. Are you not hearing it or not understanding it?" Paul smiled back and Dylan knew that if he didn't step in there was going to be a fight.

"Hey, guys. Why don't we all just take a step back and cool off? This pond's big enough for all of us."

"No, Dylan. I don't think it is. Besides, he's trash. I don't swim where trash is." Mark said, turned and left. Most of the group followed him.

"Come on, Dylan. Let's go." Sarah said but stopped when she realized he wasn't coming with her. "I said, let's go."

"I don't want to go. I want to swim." Dylan said and wondered if Sarah had really treated him like a lap dog as she was now. "You head back with the others. I'm gonna stay here with Paul."

"Are you serious?" A look of disgust passed over her face as she glanced over at Paul.

Dylan saw it and got pissed. `Who the fuck does this princess think she is? I actually dated her?'

"Yeah. I'm staying. I walked up here to go swimming and I'm not leaving till I'm ready." He said and they both watched her walk off in a huff.

"Jesus, man! What's gotten into you?" Dylan asked with a bit of a chuckle. "I've never seen you stand up to them like that."

"I just got tired of their shit. Didn't feel like taking it anymore." Paul answered honestly and Dylan was impressed.

"Well be careful around Mark. He's got a short fuse. You don't want to set him off." Dylan warned.

"From the tales I've heard he's got shorter things than fuses." Paul mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Well, are we gonna go swimming or just bullshit?" Dylan said and ran and jumped into the water. Paul smiled and followed him in.

Dylan enjoyed the cool feel of the water and the company as they swam about but he kept glancing at the other man's body. He had never noticed how attractive Paul had been. Thin and undernourished, yes but attractive. He didn't need to wonder why Paul hadn't dated since most of the town thought he was beneath them, but most of the town girls were sluts anyway so it was a surprise that none of them had tried. They swam till their bodies couldn't take the cold anymore and then climbed out to sun themselves on the warm rocks while they talked.

"No, seriously. Erica told me he put it in the wrong hole." Dylan knew he was talking through nerves but he knew that if he stopped than Paul might wonder about it and realize that for some reason he made Dylan uncomfortable today.

Dylan had never thought men attractive before, as an older man in his real life he had acknowledged that some men were definitely better looking than others. He had even caught himself a little excited by the look of man but he had never considered his attraction to men went deeper than that. With Paul sitting on the rock, bare chested in tight shorts with water dripping off him as he dried in the sun, Dylan thought that perhaps it did.

"Dylan, no man `puts it in the wrong hole' accidentally. He either is a total moron, which in Mark's case is actually possible, or he likes doing it up the butt."

"No way! Up the butt? Really? Gross! Why would you want to?" Dylan hoped he sounded like a genuine one hundred percent straight eighteen year old.

"It's just a different way." Paul added.

"Do girls like it?" His wife had flatly refused all twenty two years of their marriage.

"Some do."

"Wow." Dylan frowned. "I've never thought about it."

"Some guys like it too."

Dylan's thought had been caught up in his ruined marriage and he had missed Paul's meaning.

"Some guys like what?"

"Some guys like it up the butt."

"Well, I guess it'd be the same as doing a girl up her chooch but you'd get shit all over your dick."

"No, Dylan. Some guys like taking it up the butt." He finally realized what Paul was saying but wondered why he was mentioning this. `Paul's straight, isn't he?'

"I know that. Fags do. They do each other up the butt. That's just weird." Dylan said, again hoping to sound like a normal eighteen year old from nineteen seventy nine.

"It's not weird, if you think about it. It's just sex. Sometimes it's even more, just like with a man and a woman. Why can't two men love each other just like a man and a woman? Why can't two women love each other for that that matter?"

"So you think it's all right to be gay?" Dylan asked. "What about the bible where it says `thou shalt not lay with a man' and all that stuff. That's gospel."

"That's bullshit. Love can be between two people who see something special in each other. That's all it takes. Love doesn't check to see that one has a dick and the other has a chooch." Dylan watched Paul close his eyes tightly as if hiding emotions that were too strong to deal with in the open.

"Have you ever been in love, Paul?" His eyes opened and Dylan stared into them.

"Yeah. Haven't you been?"

"I thought I had but now I don't know." Dylan said, thinking of his ex-wife. "What does it feel like?"

"It's..... incredible. It's different for each person and it's different for each person with every different person they love." Dylan was struck by Paul's passion. `He's so young to be speaking like that. I'm fifty years old and I'm not sure I even felt a fraction of what he has.'

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"The person you love.... how does it feel with them?"

"I want to be with them all the time. I want to talk with them all the time about everything. When they're not with me I still feel like they are, like I carry them around in my heart. I feel like they're the only person who sees me," Paul spoke while looking into Dylan's eyes. "and I feel like I'm a better person when I'm with them. I want to be a better man for them. I want to be everything they need." Paul took a shaky breath and Dylan realized he needed to adjust his straining hard on from digging into his leg.

"Wow. That's a lot of feeling." Dylan said and felt jealousy that someone so young could feel something he'd been missing his entire life.

"It is but it's the best feeling in the world."

"So who is it?" Dylan asked with a smile on his face.

"Oh no. I'm not telling."

"Come on! We're buddies. Spill it. Who you got the hots for?"

"I can't tell you this one, Dylan."

"I bet I know her. It's not Erica, is it?" He asked and scrunched up his nose. "I mean, she's nice and all but she's a tramp."

"No, it's not Erica."

"Oh you got some new blood, huh? Well, good for you. She better treat you right, especially after all that nice shit you've said about her."

"Yeah, well. Here's hoping."

"Hey, Paul." Dylan wasn't sure how to put this but decided it should be said. "You're life's not been... easy. I don't mean to offend you but I'd say it's been pretty much shit."

"Now THAT's gospel." Paul said agreed.

"I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you found someone to make you happy and I hope to God she does."

"Dylan, I need to tell you something." Paul started but Dylan felt his erection still pressing against it's material confines and decided cold water was need to cool him off.

"Enough with the sappy shit though." Dylan said and stood before leaping into the water again.

They swam for another two hours as the sun made it's way across the sky. It must have been about six o'clock when Dylan finally mentioned heading home. With the spring sun still setting early, he would just be able to make it home before dark. Paul's face shown disappointment which Dylan shared but it was getting dark and Paul would probably head home soon anyway.

"I bet your parents want you home before dark too, huh?" Dylan asked as he picked up his towel and a bag that had been lying next to it.

"No. My pa's been up at his still today. He's going to come home drunk. It's better that I not be there." Paul answered. `Oh fuck, that's right!' Dylan thought. He had forgotten about Paul's dad being an abusive drunk.

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I guess, I'll stay here. It should be warm enough to sleep through the night. I'll make a fire later if I get cold."

"You're going to stay up here alone?" Dylan seemed astonished.

"Yeah. I grew up on this mountain. I think I can handle a night alone by myself."

"Well, shit. I feel bad leaving you." He did, but he also hadn't really wanted to leave Paul to begin with.

"Don't worry about it. Your parents would read you the riot act if you weren't home for dinner. Mine are happy that I'm not going to be home for dinner. More for them." Paul said as he sat down on a rock. "I'll be fine."

"You haven't eaten?" Dylan heard Paul's stomach rumble with hunger.

"I had a little bit of Mrs. Welch's charity earlier. It left a bad taste in my mouth but it was something."

"Yeah, Mrs. Welch can be a nasty bitch, can't she?" Dylan said and sat down next to Paul.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are you still here? You should be heading home."

"Geez, you'd think a man would be a little more grateful for the food and company." Dylan said and tossed the bag he was holding at Paul. It contained eight sandwiches, four apples, half a package of chips ahoy cookies and a couple bottles of Coke.

"Jesus! There's enough to feed.... oh yeah." Dylan knew Paul had realized all the food had been meant for him and his friends who had left.

"Hey, their loss. Give me a ham and cheese sandwich."

They ate in silence as the sun sank lower on the horizon. Just as it began to dip below the trees, Paul spoke.

"I know it's a bit late for this but are you sure you want to stay here? Your parents are going to give you hell tomorrow."

"I know." Dylan said and glanced back at Paul as he took a bite of his sandwich. "I'm sure."

The two smiled at each other and sat eating in a comfortable silence.

They lit a fire at twilight but kept it low enough to just cast light rather than heat. The night had cooled only slightly but brought with it a refreshing breeze to relieve them of the day's sweltering temperature. They shared the cookies and Dylan led the conversation.

"I love Chips Ahoy cookies!" Paul said, shoving one into his mouth.

"You gotta love 'em. They're perfect. Even better than my mom's!" Dylan agreed and sighed as he laid back to look up at the stars.

"So it's gonna be graduation soon. Finally time we're free!" Dylan smiled with false excitement. He had been trying to think of what eighteen year olds would speak about and he wasn't ready to get back into a discussion about sex just yet. He saw Paul shake his head with regret.

"Are you going to graduate?" Dylan asked.

"No. I failed too many classes."

"That's cool, man. School's not for everybody. Maybe you could join the army or something."

"I think I'm going to head to New York. Maybe I can figure out something from there. Get another chance at school."

"New York, huh?" Dylan was impressed and thought, `So that's where he went. I hope he did well.'. "That's cool! I'm hoping to get into Duke University down in North Carolina. I haven't heard from them either way."