If You Could Do It Again... Ch. 03-04

"You'll make it." Paul said with certainty. "I'm sure of it."

"Thanks man. I hope so. It's kinda been a dream. I drove down to Onteora High School with my dad to talk to one of their reps who was in the area. The brochure was awesome! My dad's brother went there too and he said he'd write me a letter, you know as an alumni." Dylan had forgotten that trip till just now.

"Alumnus." Paul said.

"What?"

"Alumnus. Alumnus is one former student, alumni are many former students."

"How did you fail your classes?" Dylan asked, again impressed with Paul's new change.

"Being stupid. I didn't pay attention. It was my fault."

"Yeah, well it's a shame. I bet you could have gotten into college easy! Maybe even with a scholarship. As it is, my dad's gonna have to take out loans for me to go."

"What is it that you want to do?" Paul asked.

"I don't know." Dylan laughed.

He hadn't known until half way through his sophomore year when he was working construction as a side job.

"I just know that I want to go to Duke University. Kinda dumb, huh?"

"No. You'll figure it out when you get there." Paul said.

"Hopefully. I'd like to do something where I could make some money. Seeing my parents struggle with bills and stuff hasn't been easy."

"No." Paul agreed.

"Makes me kinda wonder if I'm going to be able to support a wife and kids when I grow up." Dylan said remembering the early years just after college. He and Jessica had put off getting married for years till they felt they could afford it.."You ever gonna get married?"

"No." Paul said and seemed certain..

"Why not?"

"It's just not for me."

"Even with that girl you were talking about before?"

"Dylan, I have to tell you something." Paul took a steadying breath before continuing. "There is no girl."

"Oh, you were just bullshitting me? Dude, you don't have to do that. What, are you a virgin?"

Paul blushed a bit and looked away.

"Yeah, actually I am but that's not what I was talking about. I am in love with someone, very much, just not a girl." Dylan couldn't say anything or even breath. `He's gay.' he thought.

"I'm gay, Dylan."

"Oh shit. Really?" Dylan finally forced out and felt himself thicken in his shorts.

"Yeah."

"Oh wow. Um... ok." Dylan felt very unsure of what to do. He was torn between his own desire, his own uncertainty and the fact that he was basically a fifty year old man and Paul was eighteen. "So you like sex with men?"

"Yeah. I mean, I will. I mean, I don't know yet cause I'm a virgin but I'm sure that when the time comes I will." Paul shook his head.

"That's weird, dude. I never would have thought you were..... gay."

"You say `gay' like it's a bad thing. It's not. It's just a different way." Paul sighed. "Dylan, there will come a time when most people think it's okay to be gay. That it's just another way to be and that it's just another expression of love."

"Is it love?" Dylan asked, truly interested. He hadn't found love with his wife or the women he had been with before or since. Maybe the love of a man was what he needed.

"Oh, seriously?!" Paul sighed. "What's that? More bible shit? Look, the bible was never meant to be taken literally or even seriously. It's a historical document which tells the story of a particular peoples rise into a society. It only tells of their own primitive identity and should not be taken as the word of God. I mean, if you came to know God from the bible you'd have to know him as a sadistic and egotistical megalomaniac with dissociative identity disorder."

There was a pause as Dylan took in what Paul had said. He had never remembered Paul being so eloquent and knew himself to be a reasonably intelligent man, but Paul's psychological evaluation of the Almighty had left him confused.

"What?" He asked.

"The bible is just a story and love can't be defined as something which only happens between a man and a woman. It's bigger than that."

"So, you're in love with a guy." Dylan asked.

"Yeah, I am." Paul answered.

"Who?" Dylan thought he knew who Paul cared for and felt a tingling up his spine as he waited to see if his guess was right.

"Don't ask me that, Dylan." Paul pleaded.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Who are you in love with? Just tell me." Dylan found he needed to know.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because isn't an answer." Dylan said with a bit of strength behind his voice. "What man are you in love with, Paul?"

"I'm in love with you, Dylan." Paul said simply.

Dylan remained silent for a good many minutes as he let what he was just told sink in. Dylan was right and felt a tightening in his stomach.

"How long?" Dylan finally asked.

"Seems like years." Paul answered. "I think the first time I admitted it to myself was today though."

"What do you expect me to do about it?"

"I don't know. I can only tell you how I feel. How do you feel about it?"

"I don't know. Weird, I guess. I've never had a man tell me he loves me before except my dad and that stopped when I was ten." Dylan said, feeling like he was moving into uncharted territory without a map.

"I'm pretty sure your dad meant it in a totally different way than I do." Paul added.

"Yeah."

"Do you-." Paul paused for a moment. "Do you think you could love me back?"

"I guess I love you as a friend. I don't know how I would love a man.... as a man though."

"Do you think you could try?" Paul whispered and Dylan felt his gaze in the flickering fire light. His body was frozen while he thought of what to do.

"How would I try?"

"Can I hold your hand?" Paul asked.

"I guess." Dylan said quietly.

Paul reached out his hand and wrapped it around Dylan's. They clasped fingers and held very still as if both unsure what to do next.

"It's weird. Your hand's different than a girls. It feels more like mine." Dylan felt a charge rush through his hand at Paul's touch. "This isn't so bad but I don't think I love you yet."

Paul chuckled.

"No, I guess not. It's not horrible though, is it?"

"No. It's okay"

"We could do something else." Paul offered.

"What?" Dylan tensed a little.

"We could hug." Paul said and stood, pulling Dylan up with him.

Both stood for a minute, Paul unsure of Dylan's reaction and Dylan unsure if he wanted to let this go any further. But both moved closer and wrapped their arms around each other.

"This isn't so bad either, I guess." Dylan said.

"That's cause you're hugging me like you'd hug an aunt."

"Well, how the hell am I supposed to hug you?"

"Like you'd hug a woman. Put your arms around me just like you'd put your arms around a girl that you like." Paul suggested and Dylan tightened his arms around the man in them.

Suddenly the two young men were chest to chest and stomach to stomach. Paul moaned softly and Dylan felt like moaning too but stubbornly refused to.

"Is this getting to you?" Dylan asked. His voice trembled a bit.

"Yeah. This is getting to me. Is it getting to you?"

"I don't know." Dylan lied. It was getting to him but he wasn't ready to admit it.

Paul moved and Dylan felt his bulge rub against the front of his pants. At the sharp intake of breath, Paul looked into Dylan's eyes and saw that they were wide and nervous. Dylan felt his hard dick rubbing against Paul's own through their clothes. The rapid tempo of their hearts beat against each others and their desperate gulps of air matched each others heightened state of arousal.

`Oh my God!' Dylan thought. `I want him!'

Paul leaned his head in and lightly brushed his lips against Dylan's. He felt Paul's tongue on his own and moaned at the pleasure of it. Paul caught the moan with his mouth and matched it with one of his own. He felt arms tighten around him and tightened his own, he felt his own desire reflected in the man in his arms. Paul broke the kiss to stare into Dylan's eyes. They were no longer nervous but filled with heat and desire.

Dylan needed to taste Paul again and moved his head to capture Paul's mouth with a tentative uncertainty. Paul moaned again as his lover shyly explored his lips and tongue. Dylan drew in a ragged breath as they pulled themselves closer and deepened the kiss. Dylan felt Paul's hand run over his body, and his body tingled everywhere that he touched. Dylan felt Paul grab his ass and pulled it closer mashing their groins together and couldn't help but moan.

"Oh God! That feels good." Dylan said, when they broke for air.

"It can feel perfect when it's with the right person." Paul answered, a little breathlessly.

Paul placed his hand lightly on Dylan's flat stomach which jerked in response at the touch. Paul pressed a little harder and caressed the soft downy hair that led into his bathing suit.

"Oh God, Paul!" Dylan said and placed his forehead against Paul's.

"Are you okay with this Dylan? We can stop whenever you want." Paul asked and Dylan felt that nothing in the world could make him stop now. "Dylan?"

"Don't stop, Paul. Please God, don't stop!"

Paul lowered his hand and slipped it into the front of Dylan's suit to grasp his large erection. Dylan let out a breath which sounded like a cross between a moan and a sigh. He jerked the large cock in his hand until he couldn't wait to see it for himself. He slipped Dylan's shorts down his hips and was rewarded with a full naked view of the man he loved. He was beautiful in every way.

Paul knelt down in front of him and Dylan felt his hot breath on his cock and groin. He knew his dick was leaking precum, he could feel the warmth of it on the head of his dick just as he felt Paul take him slowly into his mouth. Dylan moaned and took hold of Paul's head to guide and stroke his fingers through his hair. Paul bobbed his head into Dylan's crotch tasting his lover and pleasing him. Both of them moaned their pleasure and Dylan felt that he was getting close.

"Dylan, I know this is all new to you but there's something else I'd like to show you, something else I'd like to give you." Paul said, standing and pulling Dylan to him again.

"What's that?" Dylan asked, his voice thick with need.

"My virginity." Paul answered.

"You mean you want to..." Dylan couldn't believe what he was hearing or what he was thinking of doing but his cock pulsed at the thought of slipping into Paul's warm, hot body.

"Yeah." Paul said.

"Yeah. I want it. I want you."

Dylan watched as Paul shucked his own clothes and stood naked and proud in front of him. He let his eyes travel up and down the body that was so different from his usual sex partners and found he was more than pleased. Dylan nervously reached out to touch Paul but stopped and looked for approval. Paul smiled and nodded. Dylan laid his hand on his chest and felt the hard, smooth muscle and skin covered in curly chest hair. He smiled.

"Yeah, this is really different from a woman." `It was better', Dylan thought.

"Different in a good way, I hope?" Paul smiled.

Dylan's hand slowly made it's way down into the curly bush above Paul's own large member and grazed the base of it. Paul drew in a sharp intake of breath.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm perfect." Paul admitted. "You can touch it if you want."

Dylan's hand slid down the length of Paul's penis and grasped it's hard length.

"Wow. I've never touched another man's dick before in my life."

"Well, you're only eighteen." Paul said and noticed an odd look come over Dylan's face.

"Yeah, I guess." Dylan had a moment of guilt over the fact that he was so much older than Paul, but he had long passed the point of walking away.

The heat in his hand surprised Dylan as he gently stroked Paul's uncut cock. He was fascinated by the foreskin, which Paul's head was already pushing it's way out of and kept pulling it back and forth. He was amazed by the feel of it and by the fact that he wasn't freaking out. A small gem of precum appeared on the tip and Dylan licked his lips. He was caught up in wondering what it tasted like. Dylan knelt down in front of Paul as Paul had in front of him.

"Dylan, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I want to." Dylan said, opened his mouth and took Paul's dick inside.

Paul warned Dylan to watch his teeth as he tried to mimic the motions that Paul had used on him and after choking and gagging a few times, found a rhythm which pleased both of them. The taste of Paul was entirely masculine and heady making Dylan want more, but Paul soon pulled away.

"Was I doing it wrong?" Dylan asked.

"No, baby. You were doing it perfectly. I was about to come and didn't think you'd want that. Besides, I want to come with you inside me." Paul said and lowered himself to the ground.

He opened his legs wide and had Dylan kneel in between them before lying back. Dylan looked down at the beautiful man before him and could barely breathe. His dick was so hard it was swollen harder and bigger than it ever had been before.

"We don't have to do this if you're not ready, but I want you so bad."

"I want you too, Paul." Dylan admitted. "What do I do?"

"Put the head of your cock on my asshole and rub against it. Lube it up with your precum."

Dylan did as he was told and Paul moaned at the glorious feel of the large penis head pressing against him. He marveled in the feeling of Paul's soft hole on his dick head.

"Now, push forward. Just like a pussy." Paul added.

"Like a man-pussy?" Dylan smiled and Paul laughed.

"Yeah, like a man-pussy. Just go slow. You're a bit big."

Dylan felt a surge of pride and slowly pushed himself till he was just inside Paul's ass. He saw the man under him grit his teeth against the pain and clenched his fists.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just go slow. I'll be fine." Paul said and Dylan slowly slid his long length into his body.

Dylan stopped when he was fully inserted into Paul and closed his eyes. It was so tight and hot and warm around his cock. Dylan opened his eyes and saw Paul nod that he was ready. He pulled out and slowly pushed back in causing a rush of feeling to build in Paul and rush up his spine.

"Oh God." Paul whispered. "How does it feel?"

"It feels fucking incredible!" Dylan answered as he continued to fuck Paul's ass. "I can't believe I've never done this before."

Dylan knelt in between his legs as he thrust his cock into Paul's body and watched his face with each slam of his hips. He felt their bodies crash into each other only to divide and crash again. The feeling built within him and his balls tingled with every thrust. The expressions on Paul's face drove Dylan into a frenzy as he knew he was causing the pleasure he was witnessing. Dylan's face was sweating with the heat, the exertion and the pleasure of making love.

Dylan gripped Paul's legs and used them as leverage as he pushed forward and pulled back. He looked down to watch his cock slide into and out of Paul's ass.

"Oh God, Dylan I'm going to come soon!" Paul yelled.

"Me too, Paul. I'm gonna come." Dylan said and felt his balls tighten against his groin.

Paul reached up and brought Dylan down to cover his body. They were face to face, staring into each other's eyes with Dylan still pumping furiously.

"I love you, Dylan." Paul said and watched as Dylan's eyes widened and his face wrinkle with his orgasm. Dylan felt that Paul's words had pushed him over the edge and didn't stop fucking as he came. His cock released streams of cum into Paul as Paul's own cock spurted over their bodies. They collapsed together, in each other's arms, still attached by Dylan's slowly softening cock.

They stayed like that for some time as they rode the waves of their recent climax. Dylan caught his breath and laid on Paul's chest as he felt a hand gently stroke his back. Reality started crashing into upon him. He wondered what he had just done and thought of what was at risk. Was this real, was this a dream? Was he supposed to love a man now? An eighteen year old at the beginning of his life, while he was a fifty year old at the end of his? If this was real, what of his life? Would it be gone? Would it just disappear? What of Jessica? What of- No, he decided. He wouldn't let that happen. His heart broke but he would leave. At least he had known love once, even if he did have to sacrifice it for others. He broke their connection, stood and picked up his towel and shorts.

"Dylan? Where are you going?"

"I'm going home."

"Why?" Paul asked, and Dylan's heart ached at the hurt in his voice.

"Because I'm NOT a faggot like you, Paul! I'm not gay!"

"What?" Paul asked, confused.

"Dylan, I'm sorry." Paul said, standing up still trying to come to terms with what happened.

"No, I'm fucking sorry! I'm fucking sorry I ever talked to you!" Dylan said and before Paul could react, he was gone.

Dylan walked away and made his way down the mountain in the dark. He was grateful there was no more light than that of a half moon and no one there to see the tears he shed the entire walk back to town. He snuck into his house and crawled into bed without being seen. Dylan felt like throwing up at the thought that he had finally found love and was leaving it behind. It was hours before his eyes finally drifted closed and sleep claimed him.

Dylan opened his eyes and saw his bedroom as it was before his sojourn to nineteen seventy nine. Apparently nothing had changed in two thousand and eleven. The memory of it came back to him, but was tinted with a good deal of disbelief. `It couldn't possibly have happened.' Dylan thought. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number, praying as it rang.

`Be there! Please God, be there!'

"Hello?" Came a young woman's voice.

"Hey baby."

"Dad! What are you doing calling so early?"

"Is it early? I'm sorry. I had a crazy dream and just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Are YOU all right?" She asked.

"Yeah, I am." He lied.

"Really?" His little girl was getting old enough to know.

"No, but I will be. I'll be fine." He said. "I love you, Robin."

"I love you too, Dad. I'll call you over the weekend."

"All right, baby."

They hung up and Dylan gave a sigh of relief and offered a silent pray that she was safe and that he hadn't fucked things up.

Dylan walked into the bathroom and checked himself in the mirror as he turned on the hot water for his shower. His eyes were bloodshot as if he had been crying lately. He frowned but again chalked it up to a dream. `It was going to be a weird day', he thought and got ready for work.

Over the next couple of days, he couldn't get the memory of his time with Paul out of his head. He even was tempted to do an internet search for him but wasn't certain of what he would do should he find him. He worked longer hours, getting to the office before everyone and not leaving until at least seven. He would watch t.v. until too exhausted to stay awake and even that didn't guarantee that he would fall asleep. One such night found him at midnight, checking some work emails and filing out some needed paperwork when he received an email.

Dylan, Oct. 11, 2011 I hope this is the Dylan Boch from Denniston N.y. that I grew up with. My name is Paul Stark. I don't know if you remember me. I came across your page and thought I'd say hi and ask how you were doing. Would love to hear back from you. Paul P.S. If this isn't the same person, I apologize.

Dylan reread it a number of times before he could finally believe it. This was Paul. Paul Stark and he had found him and written him. What were the odds that he had just dreamed about Paul and here he was. Dylan nervously emailed back and found out that he was only an hour away. Within a few conversations they exchanged cell phone numbers and were planning on meeting for a drink tomorrow. Dylan went to bed and tried desperately to fall asleep but a mixture of anxiety and excitement kept him up.