If You Only Knew

I sat on the edge of the bed and gently took her into my arms, and while tenderly hugging her, I cried, "I'm sorry I was gone for so long, Mom."

"It's okay Bryan, sweetie," she soothingly replied, while gently patting the back of my head, "I know why you thought you had to go away for a while, baby."

"That's not important right now, Mom," I told her, "We can talk about that another time, okay?"

"I don't have much time, Bryan," she said, "So, I want to tell you something; and I want you to listen closely, alright?"

"Okay, Mom," I smiled, as I leaned back to look at her, "I'm listening, now what is so important that it can't wait until later."

"Laura Matthews and I have become very close friends in the past couple of years, she began, "And I want you to know that she told us about everything that happened right before you left. She told me about how jealous she was of that little bitch, Patricia Warner, and she also told me about how much she loves you."

"She's almost seven years older than me, Mom," I replied, "She's always treated me like a kid brother."

"That's because she was your teacher at the time, Bryan," Mom said, "She wasn't about to risk losing you as a student, or her job as your teacher, regardless of how deeply she cared for you, and still does I might add, and besides that, age is just a number once you're an adult."

"I agree with you, Mom," I lied, for the first time ever, "But if she cared so much for me, then why did she betray me?"

Although it didn't hurt, my mother slapped me in the face and angrily replied, "She did it to protect your arrogant little ass. I raised you to be smarter than that, Bryan, what the hell is wrong with you? That girl loves you the same way I love your father, with all my heart. And if you can't see that after what I've just told you, then you God damn well don't deserve her love."

I had never in my life, not even once, ever heard my mother use any kind of foul language or curse word, whatsoever. But after hearing what just came out of her mouth, it let me know that she was very serious, and that she was not about to be placated, or told anything different. All I knew to say was, "Maybe you're right, Mom. I promise that I'll look into it later. Right now I want you to go back to sleep and get some rest. I'll see you in the morning, okay."

~~~~~~

The next morning I awoke to Dad telling me that he was going to take Mom into town to do some shopping.

"Would you like me to drive you and Mom into town?" I asked my father.

"No son, that's okay," he cryptically smiled, "I know you just got home and all, but I want to spend some time alone with her, okay?"

"Sure Dad," I smiled, "I understand."

~~~~~~

I got up and took a shower, then went out to my car to bring my clothes inside. It felt good to be back in my boyhood home, but still, I knew that there were demons I'd yet to face. The first thing I needed to do was call Kyle and Kelly and let them know I was alright, as well as back home. I only hoped that they weren't angry with me for simply walking away with hardly a word to anyone.

As soon as I had changed into some fresh clothes, I fried some sausage patties and scrambled a couple of eggs, and then sat down and ate some breakfast. After cleaning the kitchen up, I put my shoes on and headed out the door to see if the two dearest friends I'd ever had were still where I left them.

~~~~~~

As I drove up the long driveway to what was once my house, it looked a little different but not much. I pulled up to the house and slowly exited my car. I hadn't taken two steps toward the house when I suddenly heard someone screamed, "OH MY GOD, BRYAN!!!" The front door of the house flew open and Kelly came though it a dead run, almost tackling me when she reached me. "Oh, Bryan, Bryan," she cried, as she threw both of her arms tightly around my neck, "Where on earth have you been? We've been so worried about you. Oh my God, I can't believe you're here." She continued to cry, her arms unrelenting in their grip around my neck. I was so happy that she wasn't angry that tears soon began to fill my eyes, and fall down my face.

"Hi Kelly," I wept, "I'm really sorry for leaving you guys the way I did."

"We love you very much, Bry," she cried, "And we've never stopped so; there's nothing to forgive, okay?"

I simply smiled and said, "Okay," as we held onto one another for a few moments more before going into the house.

~~~~~~

As I walked into the house I looked around and saw that nothing had been changed in the almost four years I'd been gone.

"Everything looks like it did before I left," I said, as I looked around the house, "Why?"

"Kyle wouldn't hear of it," Kelly sadly replied, "He said that you would come back some day, and that he wanted you to feel comfortable in your own house." Then she chuckled and added, "Hell, we still sleep in the guest room."

"I gave you guys this house, Kelly, and I want you to...."

"No, Bryan," Kelly firmly interrupted me, "This is your house, and it sits on your land."

"But I..."

"No buts, Bryan," she interrupted again, only more firmly this time, "You heard what I said and that's final. Besides, the deed and title are still in your name and they're going to remain that way. Do you hear me?"

"I don't have any choice in this matter," I smiled, "Do I?"

"You, nor Kyle, have ever won an argument with me," Kelly giggled, "And I'm not about to ruin a perfect record now."

"I love you, silly girl," I laughed, as I pulled her into my arms.

I suddenly heard the front door open, then close, followed by the sound of Kyle's voice coming down the front hall as he asked, "Kelly, whose car is that in the...." and stopping dead in his tracks the second he saw me. "You son-of-a-bitch," he cried, as he ran to hug me. "Where ya been, Bry," he bitterly wept, hanging on to me as if to make sure he wasn't dreaming, "I've missed you so much, bro?"

It was right at that moment that I realized how much I had hurt two of the people that I loved the most, and through this realization, I replied, "I'm home now, brother, and everything is going to be alright, I promise."

~~~~~~

After we had caught each other up on everything that had happened since we last saw each other, Kelly fixed us some lunch and we sat out by the pool and ate.

"Right after you left," Kyle told me, "There were feds everywhere. They were looking for you, but Nathan Brice took care of everything."

"How is Nathan these days?" I asked.

"He's doing fine," Kelly said, "He retired from the F.B.I. last year, and he's at home spending time with his wife."

"That's good news," I replied, "That really good news."

"Aren't you going to ask about Laura?" Kelly asked, looking directly into my eyes."

"Why should I," I spat, "She was the one who betrayed me, or don't you remember?"

"I remember perfectly, Bryan Hendrickson," Kelly pointedly replied, "And she was trying to protect you. Surely you're not too blinded by your own insecurity to see that, are you?"

"Insecure? Me?" I growled, "Just wait a minute now."

"No, you wait a minute," Kelly replied, angry tears now beginning to fill her eyes, "She quit her job at the university right after you left. She crawled into a shell for several months and wouldn't talk to anyone. I finally got her over here for dinner after a year and a half. And you wanna know what she said?"

"What?" I asked.

"She told me that she fell in love with you after she read the very first thing you wrote back when you were in high school," Kelly cried, "She also said that because she was older than you it would never work between the two of you, but I told her that I knew for a fact that you were in love with her, and that was why you left."

"She betrayed me, Kelly," I angrily replied, "Can't you please try to you understand that?"

"My ass, Bryan," she said, tears now pouring like rain down her face, "You still love her, and don't you dare try to deny it."

I knew that she had been right all along, and as everything came pouring in on me at once, the only thing I could do was to place my head in my hands and cry in shame for hurting all of the precious people that God had blessed me with by putting them in my life. All of a sudden I felt two pairs of arms around me, and two of the people that I love the most holding me tightly.

"Don't be ashamed, Bry," Kyle cried, "Tell her how you feel, please. I promise you that you won't be sorry. She loves you so much, and so do we."

~~~~~~

That afternoon as I drove back to Mom and Dad's, I thought about everything Mom, Kelly and Kyle had told me about Laura thus far. I wondered that maybe I had been wrong in the approach I took with her, right before I left almost four years ago. But I was still afraid, and even though I was back at home, I still felt lost."

~~~~~~

As I pulled into my parent's driveway, I saw a familiar car parked behind Dad's car, it belonged to Laura. I shut the engine off, got out of my car, and then headed inside. But before I got to the front door, however, I heard some commotion going on in the back yard. So, as opposed to going through the front door, I walked around the side of the house.

I felt my heart beating wildly in my chest, knowing that in a few seconds, I was going to come face to face with Laura. I prayed that God would give the words to say, as I opened the back gate and stepped around the house to find Mom, Dad, and Laura sitting on the back deck.

"There he is," said Mom, making Laura and Dad turn to look at me. Laura immediately rose from her seat, looking like she'd seen the bloody ghost of Christmas past. I stood still, not moving, only watching as she quickly stepped off of the deck and rushed up to me. God she was so beautiful, and I had missed her so much.

"Hi Laura," I said, hanging my head in shame.

She ever-so-gently took her soft hand and tenderly lifted my face so that she could look into my eyes. And then the last thing I remembered was the sight of her fist as it left my face, and knocked to the ground in a daze.

I lay stunned for a few minutes, my vision drifting in and then fading out, until I felt something cold and wet blasting me right in the face, harshly bringing me back to my senses. The second my vision cleared, I saw Laura standing over me with an angry scowl on her face, as she said, "That was for being a fucking coward." And then after she practically jerked me back to my feet, she threw her arms tightly around my neck, and loudly cried, "I love you, Bryan, and I'm so sorry that you think I lied to you."

"I love you, too, Laura," I wept, finally admitting my feelings to not only her, but to myself, "There's nothing for you to be sorry about. This was my fault for not trusting you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I forgave you a long time ago," she replied, tenderly kissing my lips, "A very long time ago.

"I can't believe it," I said, as I happily returned her kisses. "I just can't believe it."

"Can't believe what, sweetie," she cooed, still holding me tightly.

"I can't believe that you have loved me as long as I've loved you," I cried, knowing that would never again let her go.

"Oh, baby," she purred, "If you only knew."

~~~~~~

Epilogue

Laura and I were married three and a half months later, and Mom died the day after we returned from our honeymoon, and then Dad followed her to heaven a little over a year later. Kyle and Kelly married not too long after Dad died, and I stood up with him as his best man, while Mandy was Kelly's maid of honor.

Kyle and Kelly still live in my old house that I finally got them to accept as a wedding gift, and they have a son named Will, and a daughter named Carly, who are both attending our old alma mater.

Laura and I love one another more each day, and five years after we married, Laura gave me a daughter who we named Jeannie, who is twenty now and head over heels in love with Kyle's son, Will.

Last week I was approached by Will, who asked for my daughter's hand in marriage. And when I asked him if he loved her, and how much; he looked at me with a familiarly stupid grin and said, "Of course I love her, sir. As far as how much, oh, Mister Hendrickson, if you only knew."

The End